[Meanwhile, Ted regains consciousness and realizes he's upside-down and stuck to the icy ceiling of the cave. He begins to look around and sees bones everywhere and spots the wampa gnawing on his tauntaun. He then spots his lightsaber stuck in the snow below him, and he begins to concentrate and use the Force, and little by little the lightsaber begins to move. The wampa spots this and begins to head towards him. Ted then is able to grab the lightsaber and cuts himself free, and while the wampa approaches him, Ted slices its arm off and it screams in pain. Ted then runs out of the icy cave into the blizzardy night and falls to the ground in exhaustion. As he slowly lifts his head, he sees the blue ghost of Bernie Sanders appear before him].

Ted: Am I starting to imagine things now?

Bernie: Ted… Ted…

Ted: Bernie, is that you? Did you come back to haunt me as a ghost now?

Bernie: No, no, I'm here to aid you, but I admit this is pretty cool that I'm a blue ghost. Also, I can no longer continue my campaign against Secretary Clinton because apparently the FEC categorizes ghost money as soft money since they can't see the donations. Anyways, I'm gonna make this short cause other people want to use the ghost projector. You're gonna go to the Dagobah system.

Ted: The what now?

Bernie: The Dagobah system. There you will learn from what one of the greatest conservatives who ever lived, President Ronald Reagan.

Ted: Wait, Reagan's dead, he should be a ghost like you.

Bernie: Eh, turns out Fox News was right when they've been saying he's alive and went into hiding. Trust me, this is gonna be hooooge for you, you're gonna learn a lot. Now, I gotta go, if you need to call me, send me a letter, because that what's the middle-class people do, and I am a middle-class person!

Ted: The middle-class people use SMS texting and Facebook messenger to keep in touch…

[Bernie's ghost vanishes right when Marco and his tauntaun arrive out of nowhere].

Marco: Ted, hey, buddy, guess what! You came in second in the primary! Congrats! Just remember this little incident of me saving you when you want to choose a VP, okay?

[Marco helps Ted, who is slowly losing consciousness. He then sees his tauntaun fall over and die, and then grabs Ted's lightsaber to open up the tauntaun's belly, it's guts spilling out.

Marco: Oh, man, that's nasty.

Ted: Dagobah… Ronald Reagan…

Marco: What about Reagan? [grunts] Okay, here you go, it's not the best mansion in Texas, but it's warm. [stuffs Ted inside the tauntaun]. Man, and I thought Harry Reid smelled bad on the outside.

[The next day, a couple of snowspeeders head out and scout the horizon].

Pilot: Commander Cruz, Captain Rubio, do you copy? Hello, anyone there? Please, someone answer, please, I don't want John Kasich to be the only one running against Donald Trump.

Marco: Read you loud and clear, pilot. We're over here.

[The pilots all sigh relief and then head over to where Marco and Ted are located. The speeders pick them up and transport them back to the base, where Ted is put into a bacta tank and is wearing a diaper. Present are Marco, Clinton, Kasich, and the drone].

[Hillary pulls out her cell phone to take a picture and laughs, and Marco looks over].

Marco: Hey, what do you think you're doing?

Hillary: I'm gonna save this picture just in case I run against Ted in the general elections. How does this caption sound: "Cruz: Acts like a baby and looks like one too." [laughs loudly]

Marco: Hey, look, I just stuffed this guy into a bunch of tauntaun guts that smelled like Harry Reid, give him a break.

Hillary: Oh, I like that. "Ted: Desperately looking for guts." Get it, cause Ted doesn't have guts, haha. I really am funny and that's what makes me such a likeable person.

Marco: Don't you already have enough problems with your cell phone?

[Later on, Ted fully recovers and is sitting in the recuperating room, where Kasich and the drone enter].

Kasich: There's our second place winner, haha. Congrats again Ted, I'm proud of you.

[Marco and Newt walk in]

Marco: Best of all, kid, is that Obamacare has no jurisdiction in this part of the galaxy, so you're getting covered by privatized insurance.

Ted: [takes a deep breath] Oh, thank the Lord.

Marco: [whispers] Hey, just remember, when you're looking for a VP, hook me up.

[Princess Clinton enters the room and Marco looks smugly at her].

Marco: Well, Ted, you might want to check your Twitter feed in a few days, don't be surprised when you get a lot of mentions.

Hillary: Har, har, aren't you just a scream?

Marco: It seems like your little ploy to keep me here has worked. Am I just that irresistible?

Hillary: Sure, in your dreams, laser brain.

[Newt begins to giggle]

Marco: Laugh it up, fuzzball.

Hillary: Hey, that's not very nice.

Marco: And why don't you bark it up, fuzzball, like you did in Reno?

Hillary: Still using that against me, huh? I was just imitating what every Republican sounds like to me.

Marco: Ted, you should've seen this bimbo, trying to prevent me from leaving so I might come out and support her presidency.

Hillary: What, why, you, you... Stuck up, racist, sexist, bigot, homophobe, scruffy-looking, nerf-herder!

Marco: Hey, I do not herd nerfs, nor do I even know what a nerf is! I hope that's not some sort of Cuban joke. But you see, Ted, when the Ds have nowhere else to go, they go to the name calling.

Ted: By Ds do you mean Donald Trump?

Marco: Ted, I just saved your life, the least you can do is support me here.

Hillary: I guess you don't much about Democrats then, do you?

[Hillary walks over to Ted and then kisses him, and the whole room turns silent, and Ted grins and puts his hands behind his head, and Hillary walks up].

Marco: Hey, buddy, look, your brain still might have some ice chunks on it, but Hillary Clinton just kissed you.

Ted: Oh, G-d! [spits and wipes his mouth]