Memories

Lost and Found

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Mozart's Requiem played loudly from the door. Curt tapped on the door. The music increased in volume. He knocked again. The blast of sound caused Poison to twitch in discomfort.

"MAMAN!"

The music lowered in volume but she opened the door.

"Yes?"

"I'm going to meet Jubes."

"Where?"

"New York. It's easier for her to get here than me to get there."

Tora nodded sharply, closed the door and the music was soon back up to volume. Curt knew why she was listening to that. Kurt's collection of music had contained a rather substantial classical compilation. One of Curt's happiest memories was hiding in the shadows, watching his mother and Kurt sitting on the sofa, backs together, reading and listening to Mozart. There was such a sense of peace and companionship bleeding off them that the whole room felt warm and snug. All the scene had needed was a fire.

When times were bad –and they almost always were nowadays- then all Curt had to do was remember the room and the Mozart and the sense of calm. And everything was alright.

The music echoed around the room. Phoenix smiled at her friend.

"That doesn't sound the same."

The masked woman nodded.

"It's actually a borrowed telepathic version of how he planned for it to sound. Before he died. It means a great deal to me."

"Of course it does."

Logan wasn't quite certain what he wanted to do. One part of him wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her. Another wanted to try and talk her out of the stupor she seemed to live in now. Another wanted just to hold her close and wait for her to cry. But none of the parts seemed to have a majority so he did nothing.

He did nothing and lay in their bed with a huge rift between them, knowing that if something didn't stop this soon, then whatever scraps of their marriage that were left would be beyond salvaging. She was drifting away from him, from everyone, gradually, at glacial speed. But glaciers still moved. And when they did, nothing was the same.

At times he even wondered where the Tora he had married was. Because she hadn't been listless, empty or lost. The three main words that people used to describe Tora nowadays. Three words that would have never been used six years ago. This Tora… Her eyes were dark. No spark of joy. No hint of sarcasm in her tone that used to saturate everything she said. She was distancing herself from everyone. Logan knew she was preparing to die, trying to make it easier for her friends to move on but she was causing as much pain now as she would when she finally gave up. Xix had opened up some more. She would die in one of two ways. The more common way would be to have an 'accident'. There were few things capable of killing Tora and Logan knew she wouldn't leave the kids. Not like that. So what would happen instead would be a slow, degenerative wasting away. She'd just keep on trying to ignore the 'Call' and in the end she'd die. Of bitterness, or loneliness, or just final acceptance. Logan dreaded the morning he would wake up and her eyes would be staring up, cold and empty, towards the ceiling. He wouldn't even know. She recoiled from him. More than once…

More than once he'd taken out a vial, rolled it in his fingers. It would be so easy, when they were practising. State he'd gone to fight someone with a healing factor earlier and forgotten to clean it off. It would be easier for her. A simple 'accident' and she'd be happy. At peace. But the selfish part of him refused. He was the one who married her, not Kurt. That was the part that screamed. Why was Kurt her Makrsst? Why not him? Had she been lying to him, had they both been lying to him? But the rational part of him pushed those thoughts away. Because it was plain to see the love between Tora and Kurt had simply been that between two souls so alike they had to find each other. Because Tora had once admitted something to him.

"I don't always find you. But I always find Kurt. And he… Logan, he is my best friend, confident, and the best man I ever meet."

He reached out softly and moved her hair from her face. She twitched then settled back. It may be selfish, but he wasn't going to let her go just yet.

"I can feel the angst."

"Death…"

"Sorry. But you know I can't resist."

Fingers darted across the keyboard. The codes shot across the screen and Tora continued to type, bypassing the security like it was of no interest to her. You'd think SHIELD would have more impressive firewalls. She was going back, trying to find… There!

Weapon X-ii.

The details… All of it… Funding, men in charge, plans. And finally the most brutal of all. A signing of agreement from the Director. Nick… Nick had known… He had known and done nothing! Tora stood up, eyes flashing. A confrontation was in order. No. Not now. She sat back, continued. Downloaded everything, then severed the connection before it could be noticed. She read the files and then got up, walked to the door, grabbed a coat and marched to Logan's office. He wasn't there. Frowning, Tora went to Kitty's. She was there.

"Where's Logan?"

"I don't know. He's vanished. I think he took Curt somewhere. Something about Warren… I'm not sure… He was very vague."

Tora nodded.

"Fine. I'm just going to see Nick Fury about…"

"No, you aren't. We're too many staff down as it is. You are staying here until Logan gets back."

Tora raised an eyebrow but Kitty grinned.

"I'm your boss now, remember? And I'm loving being able to order you about."

Phoenix smiled at Tora's exasperated rolling of the eyes.

"Only two people I knew could make such a point with so little effort. Tora and Etana."

"Well, Etana learnt it from Tora and Tora learnt it from Etana so there's no real surprise."

Silence for a while. Then…

"My head hurts just thinking about that…"