[Inside the rebel base, Princess Hillary is debriefing the pilots in the hangar].

Hillary: So we're gonna have the big ships with all the important stuff on them go past the Trump Destroyers with escort by some little ships that will provide support. Can I make that any simpler?

Pilot: Wow, wow, two small ships against a Trump Destroyer? Are you high again, Hillary?

Hillary: [weird laugh] No, I'm not, nor have I ever been, except when the marijuana PACs endorse me, then yes, yes I have. Our ion cannon will bang bang a few of those ships and you should be good to go. Any questions? Already, let's kick some Donald ass.

[All the pilots scurry to the snowspeeders and fire them up. Outside the base, troops rush to the trenches and ready the cannons and their rifles. Inside the command center, General Carper and Princess Hillary are watching the battle unfold. One of the rebel carriers along with two X-Wings depart from the hangar and fly into space, where the Imperial fleet is waiting].

Controller: Sir, rebel ships incoming.

Captain: Good, our first catch of the day.

Controller: Wait, but sir, there's no license on those vehicles. Shouldn't we report them as being stolen?

Captain: Shut up and shoot the ships.

[The ion cannon fires from the ground and hits the Trump Destroyer, and the carrier and two X-Wings are able to pass it and escape. Inside the hangar, rebels begin to cheer. Ted runs into one of the snowspeeders with his co-pilot and gunner, Rick Santorum].

Rick: Hey, Ted, how the elections going?

Ted: Going good as usual. How are the elections going for… oh, yeah, my bad.

Rick: Why do you think I joined the rebellion? To get away from guys like you, but now you come back and ruin it all.

Ted: Hey, can't help it when you look like LBJ.

[The speeders take off from the hangars, and the troops outside spot approaching AT-AT walkers. The walkers begin to fire at the rebels, who return the fire but have no effect. The snowspeeders then fly over the horizon and head towards the giant tanks].

Ted: Alright, boys, you know what to do.

Rick: What are we supposed to do?

Ted: The attack formation, Rick, weren't you paying attention to any of the instructions?

Rick: Nah, I was just thinking about the roses again.

Ted: The roses?

[The speeders loop around the gigantic tanks as they attempt to fire at the ships. The speeders then all begin to turn around and fire at the tanks but to no avail].

Ted: Wow, Donald, you actually put your money to good use for once.

[Ted pilots the speeder in front of the lead AT-AT and then dives underneath its belly].

Ted: Hobbie, you still with me?

Hobbie: Rogue Three to Teddy Bear, I'm still with ya.

Ted: I want you fellas to use your harpoons and tow cables. No laser blasts will take down these things. Do you copy, Rick?

Rick: What? Oh, yeah, sorry, I was just preparing my campaign slogan for 2020: "Rick, the People's Pick."

Ted: Yeah, well, if you don't shoot those cables there ain't gonna be a 2020, ya hear? And as a side note, maybe "Rick: The People's Prick."

[Ted turns the speeder around towards the legs of one of the AT-ATs].

Rick: Wait a sec, Ted, the harpoon ain't working!

[All of a sudden, there's an explosion in the back that electrocutes Rick].

Ted: Rick? Rick? Well, that's one less guy we got to worry about in the 2020 primaries.

[Inside the lead AT-AT, General Graham is observing the battle and talking to a hologram of Darth Trump].

General Graham: Yes, Lord Trump, I've reached the main power generator. The shield will be down in moments. You may prepare the landing party.

Trump: This is great, this is absolutely great. This is fantastic. Keep pushing on your assault, Lindsey.

[Meanwhile, in the ensuing chaos, Ted relays a message to another snowspeeder piloted by House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy].

Ted: Kevin, I lost Rick. I leave the shot up to you. I'll cover you.

Kevin: Oh, good, I hated that guy. Other units, prepare for defense maneuver HR 1773.

[Kevin pilots his snowspeeder until one of the legs of the AT-AT and comes around. His co-pilot fires the harpoon and it attaches to one of the legs of the AT-AT].

Co-pilot: Alright, I got a shot!

Kevin: Alright, gotta make a circle…

[Kevin steers the snowspeeder around the legs of the AT-AT numerous times until the cable is wrapped around its ginormous legs].

Kevin: Let 'er go!

[The cable detaches and when the AT-AT takes another step it trips and falls flat onto the ground. The rebel soldiers in the trenches cheer as Kevin comes back around and shoots the AT-AT's neck].

[Meanwhile, inside the command center]

General Carper: We can't send two carriers at once, that's risky.

Hillary: We don't have much of a choice, we gotta get out of here before the gun lobbyists arrive.

[Inside the hangar]

Marco: Jesus, Newt, we gotta get out of here now! Hurry up with those repairs!

Newt: I'm telling ya, we made a mistake not signing up with that auto insurance company.

Kasich: You take care now, Drone, and take care of Master Ted, too, he's the only good chance the Republicans have got of winning the election.

[General Graham looks through his scopes at the power generator straight ahead]

General Graham: Concentrate all firepower on the main generator. Let's show these rebels scum what true global warming looks like.

[Ted pilots his speeder around the AT-ATs, making large loops. All of a sudden, one of the AT-ATs shoots the back of his speeder, and the speeder begins to malfunction and sparks fly all over the place. He then steers his speeder straight into the ground and it glides along the ice].

Ted: I should've listened to that medical robot about the privatized insurance.

[Meanwhile, Marco rushes to the command center, which is beginning to cave in].

Marco: Hillary, my G-d, you're still alive!

Hillary: [dusting off debris] Well of course, I'm the only chance the Democrats have of winning the election. Didn't you already leave?

Marco: Obviously I haven't if I'm still here. Now come on, we gotta get you to a ship.

Hillary: I am a very capable woman, thank you very much, I don't need your misogynist help.

Marco: Well if you're very capable then you would've left. Now let's go.

Intercom: Imperial troops have stormed the base, I repeat, Imperial troops have stormed the base.

Marco: Well, Princess-Secretary, let's see that woman power of yours.

Kasich: Oh, dear, we must get onto a transport immediately before we're forced to succumb to the immigration policies of Mr. Trump!