Hope had spent all the next morning lying in bed, not wanting to get up.
He still had five days in his week left to spend before he had to go back to school, including Saturday and Sunday.
That was a long time.
His phone had rang once, and he hadn't even bothered to turn over and look who it was. Probably Alyssa. Last night was unusual as he beat a hasty retreat after their coupling. He remembered shamefacedly apologizing for the mess he had left all over his former student's back, to which she thought was adorable somehow. He had remembered her giggling and just shrugging. There was a box of Kleenex on her nightstand, and he remembered shuffling over to it, dick still burning in his hand like a red-hot poker of shame, and wiping both of them off. He had crammed himself back into his pants, after tossing the wadded up evidence in the little trash bin that had been next to her desk. The desk that he should have kept sitting at, and should have never gotten up from. Everything after that had been a mistake.
She kept staring at him after, her eyes so familiar, but full of wonder. There was no accusation there, nor was there any longing. Just curiosity. She was either unaware, or uncaring, about her continued state of nakedness. She had just turned herself over and sat cross-legged on the floor, looking up at Hope cleaning up and pacing the room. Her top was still carelessly in a heap behind her, her skirt doing nothing at all to shield herself. Hope remembered thinking that it was kinda disgusting for her bare privates to be just sitting on the nap of the carpet like that, especially after sex. He kept thinking of possible infections from the heat and moisture digging into the carpet, but then again, that was his logical self thinking.
"Why do you act so ashamed? I was fully aware that before anything happened exactly what this would be. You needed to relieve your stress, Hope. I know that this isn't what would have been your perfect first time like you probably would have wanted, but no one's is, Hope. No one's." That last statement would have given Hope pause for consideration, especially the wistful look that flickered in Alyssa's eyes after she said it, had he cared...but he didn't. He was too busy thinking of HIS lost virginity, HIS mess, HIS feelings. His shame, and horror.
"Look, uh..." He realized that he had to say something before he just took off. If she thought she was going to get a promise to call her the next day, she was crazy. "I...thank you? I mean, um, I kinda don't know what to say...I don't know if this helped relieve stress. I think it kinda added to my stress, to be honest. But, um...it was great. I mean, ah, you were great..."
"Look, Hope, I get it. You need some time to process. Maybe some time to be alone and think." Alyssa stood up then, crossed over to him, and he unconsciously backed away a half-step.
Frowning, looking almost...hurt? She slowly bridged the gap between them, and he made himself stand firm against her advance. She took his hands in hers. He felt gross.
"Hey, I'm your friend. Just remember that. If you want, you can call me. Any time you...need to relieve some stress, if you want to call it that, I'm here. For as long as you need me. I understand that this is a temporary setup. I just hope you remember my open-mindedness when she finally gets her head out of her ass and realizes just what an awesome guy she has waiting for her. Cause you still are, Hope. No matter what happened here tonight between us. I felt it. You were so distant. You're still waiting for her, Hope. Don't ever delude yourself into thinking that what happened here in these last few minutes negates what you've been doing. You've waited so long. No one can expect you to remain a virgin for centuries while someone runs around and acts as savior to everyone else, putting their needs above her own..."
"I get it. That's quite enough, thanks." Whether Alyssa was right or not, Hope couldn't stand her tossing Light's name around so cheaply, so carelessly. She didn't have the right to knock Light for her actions, not after Alyssa had tried to personally thwart a lot of the work that Light had tried to do, once upon a time. The two females were indirect enemies, and Hope had been caught in the middle for almost as long as he could remember. What happened between them certainly didn't help matters to further progress. That was his burden to bear, but Alyssa didn't need to bring Light's name into the conversation. His feelings were his own, and she had never been privy to his innermost thoughts, no matter how close she thought they had been. Even in the old world, before he had learned of her betrayal, he had never fully revealed himself to her. He wasn't about to start now.
He had a partner. He had only ever had one partner.
He remembers leaving her then, taking his hands from her light grip and saying good-night to her, and then picking up his jacket and scarf and closing the door. He stood outside her apartment hallway, and only then he had wound the long scarf around his throat and pulled his jacket on. He hadn't wanted to do it standing in the middle of her bedroom. He didn't care if she was on the other side of the door, watching him dress for the cold in the middle of the hallway. Without a backwards glance, he had taken off.
He went right home, and dreamt of a beautiful rose-haired woman, so familiar to him now, but seeming farther away. He remembered running after many long hallways looking for her, hallways that eerily resembled the sad, dark little hallway right outside of Alyssa's apartment door. In the dream, he couldn't find the rose haired woman with the red cape billowing behind her.
Lying in his bed awake now, recollecting the previous eve, he has the impression left on him that he's some sort of big, bad wolf...wanting the Little Red in the cape, but settling for the Granny in bed instead.
A knock at his bedroom door.
"I'm dead!" Hope yells at the person on the other side, hoping they'd take the hint. His mother's reassuring voice responds.
"I've made breakfast. Your father says the eggs are extra delicious. Won't you come try them?" Nora persuades, horribly. Hope groans and flounces back on the bed, throwing a pillow over his eyes.
Oh, right. That's the other problem on his plate. His dear old dad. That's why he had agreed to go to the movies with Alyssa-and instead, had played perfectly into her plans, the movie being ditched altogether for a night of sex in her apartment. God, he had been an idiot.
He had to get out of here.
"Okay, be right down!" He calls, so cheerful that he doesn't understand how anyone else could take the tone as genuine. Apparently, his mother chooses to believe sincerity out of the sing-song voice.
"Perfect! We'll be waiting!" Her voice trails off thinly as Hope hears Nora's feet shuffling back down the hallway toward the stairs.
Fuck.
Well, there were a couple of things he had wanted to knock off his agenda during this week, and hadn't gotten to any of them yet. Today was a day to be productive, maybe to take his mind off his own problems. He had wanted to schedule a rendevous with Fang and Vanille. Maybe today he could stop by there, and see some of his other old friends. Vanille and Fang were enjoying their time off together as well, but surely they could spare an afternoon this week to catch up with Hope.
First hurdle, though-breakfast. He decides to show his displeasure in every subliminal way possible during the meal-starting with his appearance. He kicks off the covers, and with forced athleticism, propels himself off the bed with his heels, springing up to stand. A little bit of recent exercise has its benefits, after all. He glances at himself in his mirror before forcing himself to sit with his father-perfect. His hair looks like a rooster's tail, he's still in his flannel pajama pants and his sweater is three times too big-with the collar flipped up.
Good. First hurdle commencing shortly. Next up-the Oerba's.
"It's about TIME you showed up to visit somebody. I was getting worried." This is Vanille talking, and she's absolutely as genuine and as sunny as ever he remembered.
She doesn't wait to invite him in, but instead, launches out over the threshold, grabbing Hope tightly around the shoulders.
Laughing, Hope has no choice but to return the embrace, and after a while of not letting go, he decides to pick her up around the waist and carry them both inside. The little woman weighs practically nothing, and he doesn't think she cares that he picks her up and carries her inside the door. Her head is buried in his shoulder. Hope is still laughing as he kicks the door closed behind him.
After a moment or two, he pokes Vanille in a shoulder. "Alright, you can let go now. I'm not leaving for the day. I thought maybe we could catch up."
With a speed that Hope didn't think was possible, Vanille launches out of his shoulder and spins around in a loop. "Alright, partner, whaddya wanna go do?"
Hope pauses for a moment at the moniker of 'partner,' thinking instead of the REAL partner that he has had in these lives. Vanille and him were very close-out of all of them, the closest besides he and Light. But Light only ever called him her partner. When he hears the term, it still sets off a chain of unforgettable memories in his head.
He snaps himself back to the present.
"I think you can help me with something. Something that's right up your alley. Kind of like...a project of mine."
Hope hadn't had a lot of friends growing up. Between his reclusive nature, his skepticism of this world, his constant dreams and memories interfering with social activities, and his nightly routine of being alone on the beach, he didn't have much leisure time. After all, since he was so old, whether he realized it at the time or not, he couldn't quite figure out why he knew so much more than people his own age, and could never relate to their problems. It made him seem cold, aloof, unforgiving. This was all well and good to Hope, because it just cleared the way for him to be able to think and brood and imagine.
One of the things Hope does well at-well, besides school-is working with his hands on things. He ha a penchant for taking old spare parts of junk and making things out of them. His parents kept a spare garage just so it could fuel his tinkering heart. Hope knew that after breakfast, Bartholomew would no longer feel obligated to stick around if Hope had plans for the day, so the house would be clear from his father's looming presence. Without telling Vanille where they were going or what they were doing (he knew Vanille wouldn't mind-she'd see it as an 'adventure'), he drives back to his house, and takes Vanille out to his little "shop." They'd be out of Nora's way, there, and it was a private enough spot for them both to focus on a task while talking.
"C'mon, Vanille, I want to show you something." Hope has her by the hand, and is leading Vanille through the backyard.
"Oh, wow, Hope, this is your house?" She giggles. It's weird, before a few months ago, they hadn't had any contact at all. They all know so much about each other, but the truth remains that what they know, they retain from another world. Hope was told these people he feels so deeply about didn't exist this time last year. Now she, and the others, are his reality-the environment around him is a fabrication.
Speaking of fabrications, he wrestles out a key from his key ring, and flips open the padlock to the backyard shed.
"Ooh, I'm excited!" Vanille is saying next to him, in her trademark hands-clenched style. Hope laughs again and swings the door inward, hitting the switch to flip on the fluorescents.
"Here ya go, then. This is it. Whaddya think?" Hope stands back proudly, hands on hips. Vanille gasps as she enters the room, birdlike fingers pressed over her open mouth in profoundment.
"Oh, my. Hope, is this what I think it is?"
"Yep. This was my refuge, aside from books. Whenever I could, I tried to come out here, growing up. It helped me when I was having flashbacks of the past-which was all the time, by the way." He pauses here, allowing the girl to walk around the place, taking in the scrap and little machines laid out over the interior in various states of being. There's so much, but everything he needs is neatly organized and tagged. "Kinda like my home away from home. I was thinking...now that I know your memories were real, that you're a real person...I can share this with you specifically, Vanille. I remember how you showed us your place in Oerba. How good you were with gadgets. We could work out here on different things, alone or together. There is a saying on this planet. 'Mi casa su casa.' It means my home is your home. I couldn't think of anyone I'd be happier sharing this place with."
"Hope." Vanille has made her trip to the back of the room, by the main workstation with a drafting table. She's come to the spot where Hope has worked the most in his life, and her hair glows under the direct beam of light hitting the aluminum alloy desk.
He walks over to her, stepping over piles of metal and tin, sprockets and gears. He grins, knowing that she has found out his secret before his eyes can confirm the papers she is holding up in her hands.
"Is this...is this what I think it is?" She asks, voice quivering. Her hands are gesturing to the latest design specs Hope had been working on, before the past-and the army-called him away.
"Yep." Hope scratches his head, and places a hand on one hip. He holds a sheet of vellum up to the light, squinting at the barely discernable hatchmarks. "I was thinking...you know, you'd be the best person to tell me if my memory has served me correctly, recalling the little tidbits from another world and two lifetimes ago. I mean, after all, you're the one who built him originally. I'm just trying to copy from the master here."
A tear springs from Vanille's cheek and slowly glistens, unchecked, down her face. Hope stifles the urge to wipe it away. She is trembling, the papers in her hands shaking like leaves.
"Y-yes. I'll gladly help you with your project. This is why you have all of this, isn't it?" She flimsily gestures with a ream of paper. "All this metal. This shed. This whole project." After looking out over the sea of discarded scrap, she upturns her face once more to look at her friend. Hope nods. "Wow. This means so much. Yes, I'll help you rebuild Bhakti."