A/N A huge thanks to my friend OoJasper'sAngeloO for her beta work, I love you girl. Also to jascat who asked me to write this for her and giving me the idea, she is also my pre-reader. Thanks girl for letting me do this. Now there might be some people who will think that Jasper is a little dense, my beta pointed out that this chapter did seem to make it seem that way. Keep in mind that he's in love with Maria and quiet often love makes us blind and stupid. Not to worry though, by the end of the chapter he knows where he belongs. Hope you enjoy.

I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

Jasper's POV

As I sat here waitin' for the fire to die out I couldn't help but think back on the last eighteen years. Although I have been a vampire for much longer than that, its only been the last eighteen that have affected me the most.

I was turned back in 1863 by Maria. She is my sire and she's one of the most deadliest vampires in the South. She created me to become her second in command. She was buildin' an army to take territory and she knew that I knew how to command as I was a Major in the Confederate Army.

She trained me and I became not only her best fighter, but also her lover. She had me convinced that she and I were mates and that she loved me. I practically worshiped the ground she walked on. I can't believe how stupid I was to believe her, but how in the fuck was I supposed to know what it was really like between mates? I had never been around a truly mated couple.

About fifty years later I found Peter and turned him. I knew he would be a great addition to the army and I was right. He was almost as good as I was and became my right hand man, as well as the only friend I ever had. He could be annoyin' most of the time, but he had a gift that had never steered him wrong. I quickly learned to rely on his gift almost as much as my own and he always had my back.

About twenty years after he had been turned, I added a newborn to our army by the name of Charlotte. She was a tiny lil' thing, but was a fierce fighter. She survived every battle that we fought, but since she had no gift that was useful to our army she was selected to be destroyed after her one year mark.

Turns out her and Peter were mates. I let them go instead of killin' her like I had been ordered to. I had been so overwhelmed by their emotions I just couldn't bring myself to end her. It was the smartest thing I ever did for them.

They came back several times to try to get me to leave. Although I hated what Maria made me do, I thought we were mates and I loved her. I just couldn't do it. If I had really been smart I would have realized that the feelins' that came from Peter and Char were different than the ones that I felt from Maria.

Not too long after the last time, about twenty years ago, something happened that basically made me realize the truth. I found her with another male. Now I have to admit that the only excuse I have is that I must have been thinkin' with the head of my cock and not the head on my shoulders. She gave me the excuse that she was really needin' a quick fix until I got back.

Like an idiot I bought the lie. Then it became a habit, I went to hunt and started coming back to findin' her in bed with a different male each time, but even through that I still loved her. It wasn't until a couple of years later that somethin' changed and I started to hate her.

Actually at first I didn't understand what was happenin' just that I was feelin' more disgusted with her as time went by. I was also feelin' something in my chest. It seemed to be somethin' I had never actually felt before and yet at the same time it seemed to be familiar. It took me a few more years to understand what that feelin' was.

It was actually just a few months ago that I finally knew what was happenin' to me. I had finally just stopped bein' with Maria except in plannin' and shit when it came to fightin'. I could feel that she was beginnin' to worry that I was pullin' away from her and I was, but at the time I couldn't really understand why I was.

I do know that the pain and the pull in my chest became stronger as the years went by. Then one day while I was out huntin' I just happened to run into a mated couple. They were both obviously vampires, but instead of the red eyes they had gold eyes. They lived with four other vampires as a family.

I actually ended up spendin' several days with them and learned that they hunted animals. They were the strangest vampires I had ever met, but somehow they became my friends. They were on another honeymoon if you will. It was durin' those few days that I recognized what I was feelin'. It was the matin' pull.

I hadn't really wanted to leave my new friends as I had never had friends outside of Peter and Char, but if I didn't and Maria found out about them, she would hunt them down and kill them just to spite me.

Right before they left they told me where they were livin' and if I ever got away to come look them up. They even told me that I could live with the family if I was ever interested in changin' my diet. I had shared with them the trouble I had with the diet I was on. I could feel the emotions of those that I killed.

As my desire for Maria had died down, the killin' of vampires and humans alike started to bother me more, but it was when I knew what the pull in my chest was that I finally made the decision to leave Maria. I had no choice really, I had to leave and follow the pull or I would end up dead as the pain became stronger with each passin' day.

It was either leave and follow where the pull was leadin' me or eventually kill myself. It had gotten to the point that I felt repulsed when Maria would touch me and I found myself havin' to keep things hidden. There was no way I could allow her to know that I was feelin' the pull.

The friends had explained about the pull to me. Its kinda like fates way of getting soul mates together if you will. The pain of not followin' it would become unbearable, until the vampire had no choice but to follow or die tryin'.

If Maria had any idea that I was feelin' it she would either try to find my mate and kill her or kill me to keep me from leavin' her. She would much rather see me dead than to lose her best fighter and lover to someone else.

I still underestimated her though. I think she must have become suspicious because when I finally left she apparently had been waitin' and sent a small group of her best fighters after me. I was followin' the pull and realized that it was leadin' me right to where the family was livin' right now.

It was my intention to lead them around until I had a chance to call my friends and tell them to meet me somewhere and let them know that I had a group of fighters with me that I needed help in destroyin'. Although I could have easily just turned and fought them off.

It wasn't until I was really close to where the pull was takin' me that they really showed themselves. I realized then that they were too close to my mate and I needed to make sure they never found her. I attacked them and while it took me awhile to finally destroy them all I had managed to kill them.

Unfortunately I lost my left hand and my leg that was ripped off at the hip. Even with that I was able to use my gift on the last three and rip them apart and burn them. Although it took a while to get the fire started and even longer to get all of the body parts into it. I had to crawl around on my stomach.

I had decided that I would rest for a bit before tryin' to get my leg and reattachin' it. Of course at this point I had no clue as to where either my leg or my hand was at. I would have to crawl around to find them. Its now that I wished I had a cell phone. I knew about them, but Maria never allowed us the luxuries of modern technology.

The pain from the loss of both my hand and leg was excruciating and I felt weaker than I have ever felt except when Maria would starve me. I finally dragged myself to a tree and used it to support my body while I rested.

I hadn't realized until a few minutes had passed that the pull in my chest had gotten much stronger. It was almost an urgency to run in a certain direction. Of course that was impossible for me at the moment, so I just sat back and hoped like hell I could find my leg quickly and get the hell away from here and back to followin' the pull.

I was just about to start the hunt for my leg when I not only felt, but heard and then smelled that someone was comin' towards me. The person was human and that meant that they were in extreme danger from me. I needed blood badly and whoever it was wouldn't stand a chance of survivin' if they came any closer. I knew it was probably the fire that drew them here.

I could tell by their emotions that that they were worried. I'm guessin' that they were either worried about the fire, or they were wonderin' if someone needed help. While I did need help, if they came too close I don't think I could stop myself from killin' them. The thought of someone dyin' because they wanted to make sure no one was needin' help bothered me somethin' fierce.

It wasn't very long that I decided that I needed to get them away from me before they got here. I mustered up the last of my strength and sent them extreme fear. It always works and they would end up runnin' away. I didn't want to kill someone that was only tryin' to be helpful. What happened next shocked the fuck out of me.

I knew that they were still comin' and looked up just in time to see the prettiest lil' gal I have ever laid eyes on come through the last of the trees. I couldn't look away, but I knew that I could kill her in a second and for some reason that thought caused an intense pain in my chest.

When she started to walk closer I couldn't speak. I needed her to get away from here. I just shook my head no hopin' to let her know to stay away. Then she spoke up and asked me if I was hurt. Her voice was soothin' to me in a way that I had never felt before. I wanted, no, I needed to hear her speak again.

I tried to send her fear again, but it didn't seem to have an affect on her at all. She kept comin' closer and I was truly fearful for her life. I had never seen any human that I was truly fearful of killin' ever, but there was somethin' about her that made my chest hurt every time I thought of drainin' her.

Once she was closer and realized my injuries she felt sick and yet I could tell that she was wantin' to help. She also seemed to recognize me although I knew I had never seen her before. Then it dawned on me that maybe she knew what I was. Of course that was stupid, there's no fuckin' way she could know.

She was at my side now and had realized what my injuries were. When she touched my arm, it felt like live wires startin' at the point of contact and then flowed all through my body. It felt as if electricity was goin' from her into me and it was wakin' up parts of me that I thought were long dead. My heart bein' the main thing.

I begged her to leave, but she shocked me even more when she told me that she not only knew what I was, but that I wasn't the only vampire around here. I could only hazard a guess that she knew my friends. Unless of course there were others around here besides them.

As she looked at me I finally realized that the pull was gone. For the first time in eighteen years, it was gone. Then I realized that her bein' so close didn't make my throat burn. I also felt a peace that I had never ever felt before. I also realized somethin' else. I couldn't go to my friends for their help. Maria would be able to track me to them and they would all be killed just because they helped me. I was at the mercy of this lil' human gal that now owned me. She is my mate. . .

A/N Please tell me what you think. Next chapter we find out just how far Bella will go to help him. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and added this story to their favorites and alerts love you guys.