Nathan washed the blue bowls out, while he washed them, he remembered Brooke buying it for them. Nathan could remember her high rapsy voice, dazling smile and bright hazel eyes. She seemed like a peaceful angel that had fallen from the sky. "Blue for Ravens!...Remember that Nathan?" She said with a slight smirk. Nathan then started to think about the other memories he had of Brooke, when they were in high school. The first time they meet each other, and the last time they talked. Nathan closed his eyes, taking in a gasp of air. He didn't want to think about it, there was so much pain and misery. He blamed himself for not being there for Brooke and not knowing what she was going through. Nathan felt the tears form behind his eyelids, he kept them closed, not wanting to have the tears drop.
"Hey, dad," Jamie casually walked up to him, holding his toy gun. Jamie was only six, he had the pleasure of knowing Brooke for six years. Jamie still didn't understand what was going on but he knew that Brooke was gone. Jamie saw the frustrated and sad look on his face, he had seen that look plenty of times. Nathan cleared his throat, he opened his eyes and a stream of tears came out. Jamie's smile faded, looking curiously at his father. Jamie knew the reason why Nathan was crying, he would always cry when he washed the blue bowls.
"Just give me a minute, Jamie," Nathan mumbled underneath his breath, he turned away so that Jamie wouldn't see him cry. Jamie turned away, trying to think of something that he could say or do. He just wanted his father to be better and be the same dad he used to be but things changed.
"Jamie, honey, what's wrong?" Haley appeared from the long hallway, Jamie ran to his mothers side. Haley bent down, seeing how Jamie wanted to keep it a secret.
"Dad's crying again." Jamie whispered to her. Haley glanced up, she saw Nathan hunched over the kitchen sink with his head hanging low. She knew that this was going to be hard to talk about.
"What don't you go to your room, I'll be there in a second." Haley assured Jamie. Haley patted his back, slowly pushing him towards the hallway.
"Is this because of Aunt Brooke?" Jamie turned around, wanting his answers. He wanted to know how to make this better and be the family they used to be. Haley forced a smile on her face, looking down at her son. Haley didn't know what to say to her child. "Everything's changed since Brooke is died." Jamie said to her, frowning. Haley was surprised that he said the words that everyone was afraid to say.
"She's not dead, Jamie." Haley mumbled, trying to tell herself that as well.
"You keep saying that but it's not true!" Jamie yelled at her, getting angry. Jamie turned around, storming down the hallway to his room. Haley huffed, pushing her hair back with her hands. She was going to deal with another thing. Haley looked back at Nathan, he was still at the kitchen sink with his head hung low.
"Nathan," Haley said sadly.
"I don't want to talk about it, Hales." Nathan told her. Haley was used to Nathan saying that to her.
"You never want to talk about it," Haley walked over to her husband. Nathan didn't want to look into Haley's eyes, he felt like he might break. He closed his eyes and tried to keep his mind off of Brooke.
"I'm going to be fine," Nathan said to her. Haley had a slight smirk.
"You're never fine," Haley said to him. Nathan really didn't want to talk about this, he didn't even want to think about it. If he had a choice, he would be numb for the rest of his life. "Nathan," Haley begged him, wanting him to say something. "Just talk to me." Haley said to him, rubbing his shoulder. It was like his mouth was being forced shut and the words wouldn't come out. He knew that he had to say something.
"It just...hurts so much and I'm so angry." Nathan said to her. "About Brooke being gone. I wonder if there's even a God, because he took Brooke away." Nathan finally looked down at his wife. He saw the tears in her eyes, she was feeling the same way. "I miss her and it sucks." Nathan swallowed. "Jamie is going to turn seven soon, she's going to miss that. She wont see her son grow up...she won't be here because she's gone and never coming back. I have so much hate and grief that I can't think straight. I hate Peyton for what she did. I wish something bad would just happen to her, so that we could be even...I know that screwed up, Hales but that's how I feel. She took Brooke away from Jamie, away from us...away from Lucas and Davis. How is that kid going to grow up without a mother?" Nathan asked her.
"I don't know," Haley cried, covering her face.
"All we have are these memories, and then soon...they're going to turn black and white, and then blurry..." Nathan started to cry. "And then there's not going to be a voice. And then no more Brooke." Nathan said to her.
"You won't." Haley assured him, lying to herself and him.
"Yes we will!" Nathan raised his voice. "Jamie won't even remember her!" Nathan cried, he stopped himself. He didn't want to yell, or scream or shout. This wasn't helping. "I just want to move on." Nathan calmed himself down, whipping the tears from his face.
"But we can." Haley told him.
"You can, Hales...because you have a damn video." Nathan said, showing how jealous he was.
"Is that was this is? It's because you don't have a video?" Haley asked him.
"Even if I did have a video...or a letter. What is she going to say? I was never there for her like I should have. I never checked up on her. I didn't even know she had cancer until..." Nathan whipped his face, it was covered in tears. Nathan was done with the conversation.
"Do you think she didn't love you?" Haley asked him.
"I don't know. I guess I will never know. I don't deserve a letter or video." Nathan walked away into the hallway. Haley stood back, seeing how everything played out in front of her. She didn't realize how Nathan was feeling until now. There must be something that she could do, something that could change his mind.