AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi everyone! It feels so good to be writing again. Just a quick little suggestion; I recommend listening to "In the Sun" by Joseph Arthur (on repeat) while reading this chapter. I did while writing it, and I felt like it added a lot of emotion. I apologize in advance bc the song definitely gives the vibe of being a bit religious, but something about the music and most of the lyrics seem to fit here perfectly. Anyway, please enjoy! I really felt like there needed to be a heavy ChihiroxHaku chapter since there hasn't been one in a while. Oh, and don't be shy; let me know what you like or don't like!
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Sen stood, frozen in place outside of Haku's room. What was wrong with her today? Something inside her mind was screaming, begging her to turn around and just go back downstairs before it was too late. But… too late for what? Something clawed at her subconscious viciously, warning her that this was a mistake.
She found herself smirking in disbelief at her own thoughts: Haku, a mistake? Even during their thirteen year separation, she never once thought of him as a mistake. If anything, Haku was a blessing, a beam of light in her shockingly dark subconscious lately. He would never, could never, be a mistake to her.
Sen took a deep breath before gently knocking on the shojis before her.
"Mmmm," called a soft voice from the other side of the door.
Furrowing her brow at the unusual response, Sen slid the doors open as gently as she could and entered the room. Upon shutting the door and putting down Haku's tray, Sen looked up and immediately began to feel her heart race. Haku was laying haphazardly on his bedroll with one arm hanging off the side and his face turned toward the half-open shoji next to him. His long sea-foam green hair was a disorderly mass on his pillows, giving his ghostly pale skin an almost ethereal glow. Sen felt a deep blush creep into her cheeks; she had never seen him like this before… so vulnerable, so normal. After setting his food tray next to the door, she made her way to the bed. Sen cleared her throat gently as she brushed away a stray lock of hair from his eyes. Almost instantaneously, Haku mumbled incoherently and turned his face into her hand.
She smiled, stroking her thumb softly against the satin-smooth skin of his cheek. It was then that she noticed just how warm his skin was. Looking closer at the cheek beneath her hand, Sen also realized that there was a slight flush in his skin. So spirits really could get sick; who knew?
Luckily, Sen was able to find a small washcloth in Haku's bathroom so she put a tiny, round bath token onto the string above the sink and gave it a yank. Seconds later, a smaller version of the aqueducts that filled the large baths downstairs began to pour cold water onto the cloth. After it was doused, Sen folded it and placed it onto Haku's forehead.
It could be so easy. You could cut his throat right here and he would never wake up.
Sen froze, the unfamiliar voice in her head sending piercing waves of fear throughout her body.
No one would ever suspect you. You could kill him so easily, Sen.
Why in the world would she ever think such a thing? She loved this man and that was something she felt to the deepest depths of her soul. She could never hurt Haku.
But something in her mind just told her to kill him.
Haku grumbled something else, bringing her out of her horrified paralysis. He furrowed his brows, turning his head from side to side. "Chihiro…"
She held the cloth to his face so it wouldn't fall off, "Shh, Haku it's alright. I'm right here."
His breathing quickened, "Chihiro… so dark… come back…"
Her gut twisted uncomfortably. Sen grabbed Haku's hand and held it to her face, "I'm right here, Haku. I'm not going anywhere."
Haku started to hyperventilate and she could feel his pulse start to race. He started thrashing wildly, "I have to… find her! Chihiro!"
Unable to stand seeing Haku frightened, Sen shook his shoulders, "Haku! Haku, wake up! You're just dreaming, I'm right here!"
Haku gasped as his eyes snapped open and he bolted upright. It took him a moment to adjust before he realized that she was there. Through uneven, desperate breaths, he found her face and managed one word, "Chihiro."
When he said her name with such relief, such love, she couldn't help but throw herself into his arms and wrap hers around his torso protectively. Sen felt his breathing start to slow as he embraced her. "You were having a nightmare. Are you okay?"
"I will be," he murmured, kissing the top of her head. "Just give me a moment with you like this."
"You can have as long as you need. I'm not going anywhere."
She could hear the soft smile in his voice, "Good."
They stayed like that for a while, just holding each other in silence. As the minutes ticked by, Sen heard Haku's heartbeat and breathing return to normal. Even so, he didn't let her go. Instead, Haku simply rested his face on the top of her head and ran his hands up and down her back.
After what seemed like an eternity, he spoke quietly, "What happened?"
Sen pulled away to look at his face, "Something must have really scared you. At first you just mumbled my name a few times, but then… you were asking me not to go. After that… it was like you couldn't find me. Do you remember what you dreamt about?"
His beautiful jade eyes darkened, "Something was wrong. My river couldn't get to you last night. When I reached for you, you just kept slipping into darkness. I could see you in the dark, but I couldn't touch you. I called your name, but it was like you couldn't hear me."
"You saw me in the dark?" Sen shivered. Something about being in the dark tugged at the edges of her memories and filled her with dread. "That sounds so familiar."
"Did you dream of being in the dark last night? Or did you dream of me?"
She thought for a moment, "I… I don't really remember anything specific. I know I wasn't with you like I usually am. Something was wrong for me, too."
Haku frowned, "I don't like this. Yubaba must be messing with your dreams to scare you."
Sen bit her lip anxiously, "That's what I was afraid of."
He cupped her face, "Hey, look at me."
She looked up at his glorious face without a moment's hesitation.
"Chihiro, I want you to listen to me," Haku held her gaze. "You are the only thing that matters to me, the only thing in this world I will ever need or want. I will never let Yubaba hurt you, no matter what tricks she tries to pull. You found your way back to me even after all the pain I put you through, and I will never let anyone or anything take you away ever again. As long as you want me, I will be here. Anyone who wants to harm you will have to make it past me first, and I guarantee I will not give in easily. You're safe with me, Chihiro. I swear it."
Tears threatened to make an unwelcome appearance in the corner of her eyes. She wanted to believe that he could protect her, but something inside of her was already gnawing away, leaving nothing but devastation in its wake. Whatever Yubaba had planned was already happening and there was nothing Haku could do about it. She was already beyond his protection, she could just feel it.
But telling him that would only cause him pain, something Sen never wanted to do.
So instead, she gave him a shaky smile and changed the subject, "You have no idea how much I love you."
Haku welcomed the change, letting out a tender chuckle as he leaned toward her, "You know, I will never get tired of hearing that, no matter how long I live."
The unfamiliar voice swirled angrily in her mind again. Enjoy it while you can. He won't be here much longer.
Despite the unrelenting terror that accompanied the voice in her head, Sen instead found herself caught up in Haku, like always. She couldn't help but be consumed by him, he was all she thought of for thirteen years, and now he was in front of her, "That may be a very long time. Are you sure it won't get annoying?"
He stopped, millimeters away from her mouth, "I'm not sure. Say it again."
She blushed furiously and her voice was small, "I love you, Kohaku."
Haku pressed his lips to the corner of her mouth, "Hm… I'm still not sure. Once more?"
Sen found herself wrapping her arms around his neck, "I love you, Haku. I'm yours."
He smiled against her mouth, "It feels like I've waited a lifetime to hear those words. No matter how many times you say them, I will always want more."
Her heart pounded violently, like it always did, when he came close enough to kiss her. The moment his god-like lips touched hers, she could feel all of the seemingly irrational fears melt away; Yubaba didn't matter, the darkness inside her mind didn't matter, the thing that attacked her didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was that she belonged to Haku, and he belonged to her, and Sen was ready to take every part of him that he intended to give.
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How he ever survived without her, Haku wasn't sure. Chihiro was everything; the sun and moon in the sky, the water he was born of, the air he breathed. This woman had once been just a friend, just a small child that he wanted to help get home to her parents. Now she consumed him. In the thirteen years that she was gone, Haku had been nothing but a shell—drifting through the days simply because there was nothing else to do until he could see her at night. At first he'd convinced himself that he just wanted to check up on her, to make sure she was doing alright after leaving his world. But after spending night after night with her, watching her grow up and become so beautiful, he knew his intentions were no longer platonic. Over thirteen years, Haku had fallen deeply in love with her. Yet, he never once imagined he would ever actually see her in person again.
And now that she had finally come back to him, Yubaba wanted to take her away.
Haku's could not even stomach the thought of Chihiro leaving again, not after she admitted that she loved him too.
I love you, Haku. I'm yours.
I'm yours.
Yours.
Her words, words he never imagined he would ever hear, rang throughout his mind over and over. His. The thought made his inner dragon roar with triumph. Dragons were notorious for being possessive of their mates, and just the thought of staking a claim on her had always made him feel primal and animalistic, like a full dragon.
She was his mate and she acknowledged that, out loud, without fear or hesitation. She was everything he had ever dreamed of.
Haku pulled away from her for a moment, "Stay with me."
Still dazed from the kiss, Chihiro opened her eyes slightly and crinkled her brow, "What?"
"Every month, Yubaba shuts down the bath house for a day so everyone can have a day off. Most travel to see their families. Tomorrow is the day, so stay with me."
She was more alert now, "You mean… stay here, in your room, with you?"
Haku nodded.
Chihiro blushed, "I… I don't know, Haku. Are you sure we should push Yubaba right now?"
"Chihiro," he held her face gingerly, knowing exactly what her real fears were. "We both know this is not about Yubaba. Do you really believe I would take advantage of you?"
She bit her lip but remained silent.
This made him angry. He got up from his shikibuton and paced across the room, "You really think of me that way, Chihiro? You think I would force myself on you? I have loved you for so long; how could you even think that I would do something like that you?"
"No!" She jumped up and ran over to him, throwing herself in his arms to hide her tears. "I didn't mean that it was you I didn't trust!"
Haku stopped and looked down at the tiny creature in his arms in disbelief. She was afraid of herself.
When she looked up at him, tears were spilling over the rims of her eyes, "Please, don't misunderstand Haku. It's not you I don't trust. I'm just so scared of Yubaba and what she might try to do that I'm afraid of being impulsive. I'm afraid I might…" Chihiro shook her head and looked away for a moment before allowing her beautiful chocolate eyes to find his again. "I don't want it to happen like that, out of fear. I don't want it to happen because of Yubaba. She may own my name, but she doesn't own us."
Haku felt himself melt with every word she spoke. Did she have any idea what she did to him? He kissed her forehead, "I won't let that happen, I promise. Just stay with me. I have spent thirteen years waiting for you to come home, Chihiro."
She smiled up at him, "I am home, aren't I?"
He managed to murmur a delicate "Yes" before capturing her mouth again.
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"How are you feeling?" Sen asked anxiously between mouthfuls of rice.
Haku smiled at her from across his small table, "Much better than I was this morning, thank you."
This made her happy; seeing the love of her life, a strong dragon spirit, terrified and sickened by a nightmare was not something she ever hoped to see again. Trying to put that out of her mind, she finished her rather large portion of dried fish quickly, all the while eyeing Haku to make sure he was eating, too. Once he finished all the food she had gotten from the kitchen for him, Haku lied back onto the tatami mats and sighed contentedly.
"What do you usually do after dinner?" Sen asked, flustered. She wasn't used to spending this much time with Haku, it made her jittery and worried; like maybe he would discover she was boring or something.
His eyes were closed and he answered nonchalantly, "I usually take a hot bath after dinner. And after this morning, I definitely feel like I need one."
Sen gathered their empty dishes and put them on the silver tray by the door, "Should I start your water?"
Haku sat up, his face slightly red, "You don't have to do that, Chihiro. You are not an employee here and I am certainly not your boss."
She smiled, enjoying that thought and the implications that came with it, "I don't mind. I'm just thrilled that you're feeling okay now. And if you think a bath would help even more, I don't mind helping at all."
He cracked a smile, "Then I would greatly appreciate it."
Sen went into the bathroom and found a good herbal soak token in Haku's token bucket next to the tub. Once she attached it to the cord and yanked, a long aqueduct descended from the wall and began to fill the black tub. As soon as the large basin was filled with the fragrant, cloudy water, she called for Haku.
Poison the water, Sen.
Drown him, Sen.
No one will ever know it was you, Sen.
The terrifying voice in her head was back, goading her to hurt the man she loved. Sen gripped her head with one hand and gripped the rim of the tub with the other. The voice was growing louder, making her skull feel like it was going to split in two.
"No," she whispered to herself. "No, no, no. Go away."
He's too powerful, Sen. Haku is dangerous.
"He's not. Not to me."
The voice tried a different approach. He doesn't love you, Sen. He's lying.
Sen shook her head, "He has no reason to lie. Nothing to gain."
Are you so sure?
"Chihiro?" Haku's voice wrapped around her like a protective ribbon. "What's the matter? Are you feeling alright?"
She felt his strong hand on her shoulder and the sinister voice instantly dissipated. Sen straightened herself and gave him a halfhearted smile, "I've just had a headache all day, but I'm fine. Your water is ready."
He wasn't buying it. His deep jade eyes assessed her for a moment, "I think you need this bath more than I do. I'll give you a moment to get in. Call for me when you're ready."
Sen's eyes grew wide as he left the bathroom, "…Ready for what?" She asked quietly, more to herself than him.
Of course he heard her. From the other side of the shoji, Haku answered, "I was not well this morning, and you took care of me. Now, you need someone to take care of you, Chihiro."
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yayy! Finally time for some ChihiroxHaku bonding time! Before all the really horrible stuff starts to happen, I think it's important for them to have some time alone. Then again, I'm a sucker for character/relationship development. Enjoy the sweet romance while you can folks; Yubaba's ready to make some waves.