Memories
Order of Self
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She woke slowly, reaching for her head. There was something… Something she had to remember… Something important… So very important…
"My dear, are you awake now? We thought we'd lost you."
She sat up, clutching her forehead.
"Where am I? And I know that sounds clichéd but quite frankly, everything's sort of fuzzy right now."
"You are safe, my love. For the first time in eight years."
"I… I can't feel my legs…"
"We had to sedate you. Xavier's poison ran deep. You fought us as we tried to save you."
Xavier… The name meant something, something… a man, injured more in spirit than in body, hiding his mistakes as well as he could but knowing that they were all catching up on him.
"Charles…?"
"I'm going to remove your blindfold now, my dear."
Light, sudden, bright, blinding. She winced and felt soft hands shading her eyes.
"There, my dear. Safe at last. Free from his lies and trickery."
"I… I don't remember…"
"No. You wouldn't. Sleep. Regain your strength. And then I will reveal all."
She smiled woozily. The voice promised peace and comfort and safe harbour. And oh, how she longed for peace. Maybe… Maybe once she had slept, her memories would return… Sleep… Sleep…
Her head sank back, her breathing slowed and the man kept his gaze fixated upon her.
Phoenix winced.
"I hate it when stuff like that happens!"
"Tell me about it."
When she woke, the memories were still elusive… dancing on the edge of her conscious, teasing her with their very inaccessibility. She sat and looked around the room, slightly cluttered, beautiful in its warmth. A highly personal room, the room of someone who knew her life, her dreams. And it felt so familiar, so comforting.
"Are you awake?"
She turned to the door. A man stood there, long black hair spilling over his shoulders and eyes the colour of a stormy sky. His long black coat looked pristine and his equally black suit gave him the impression of a crow.
"Where am I? For that matter, who am I?"
"We'll start with the first, shall we? My dear, you are finally home."
"Home?"
He smiled softly.
"The Halls of Knowledge, home to the Order of the Dragon."
She blinked a few times.
"I… I don't… It doesn't remind me of… anything."
"So we will have to answer the second question. You are our Saviour."
"What?"
"You really don't remember anything, do you?"
"I… I don't…"
"You are one of us, the Order. You were found… Searched… We knew that you were Her."
"Who?"
"The Dragon Incarnate. Like all the prophecies said. We grew up together. Best of friends, that was us. Used to get in trouble all the time. You were mainly the one who had the ideas. I just followed through. But I always was the one who got the blame."
He laughed lightly.
"And when you were sixteen, they tested you with the Rite. I didn't want you to do it. Others have tried to go through the Rite before and they were all driven insane. But you… You just smiled at me serenely and told me that you would be fine. And you were. You were more than fine. You walked out of that room with your whole life affirmed. You were the Dragon, you were the Lady of the Waters. You breathed new life into our Order and then… Then, just as you were about to reveal yourself and the true meaning of life –the duty to serve the Dragon and all that she represents… You vanished. We suspected that you were kidnapped, to prevent you bringing enlightenment to all. I… I grieved for you…"
He dropped his eyes.
"Imagine our –my- surprise when you showed up with the X-Men. Fighting alongside them, yet without any of the amazing gifts you displayed in the four years you lead us. We… We tried to contact you. We'd speak to you one day and the next you would not remember us. Then we realised -Xavier, curse his soul to everlasting torment, had messed with your mind –suppressed your power, turned you into his puppet."
She blinked. Memories were spilling back now, memories of a life of warmth and joy, teasing companions, a child in her arms.
"My life… My friends…family…"
"All a lie. Most likely, they too were drawn into Xavier's net. But one almost certainly was not."
"Who?"
"This isn't the best time…"
"WHO!?"
Water slid from her hands, dancing in rivulets around her wrists. Her mind slowed. She could do that? She could make water do what she wanted it to? With such delicate, delicious ease?
"Now is not the time. We need you to remember us… Remember our training, your mission, your purpose."
"And… And what is my purpose?"
He smiled sweetly, reached out and gently touched her cheek.
"To bring knowledge, peace, equality and justice to this world."
Her throat clenched.
"How?"
"By ruling it."
Phoenix sighed.
"It's always the same. Secret sects seize control of immensely powerful beings for their own good and then complain when the being turns on them, fed up of being used."
She was staring at the diary, recognising her own handwriting but not the book. Surely it wouldn't be spying, to read your own diary? Wasn't that what it was for?
She opened it to the first page.
June 12th
Today is the first full day I have spent whilst I am complete. I finally know what was wrong with my life. Before yesterday, I was empty, a vessel waiting for its soul. And now I am complete. The Dragon sings inside me. I am the Dragon and the Dragon is me. So wonderfully perfect, complex and also simple.
The Council made it clear my Voice must be chosen. I understand the need for a Voice. I feel so detached from the rest of humanity –those who haven't seen the Universe live, cannot feel the cosmic heartbeat. The Voice provides a humanising aspect, a way of showing I am not too far gone. But is 'Voice' a good enough word? The Voice is more than my speaker. They are my everything. My friend, advisor, beloved councillor, partner, lover. There is only one who I want for that part but I don't know how he feels. Iain has been my friend since childhood. I think I need to ask him informally, before I request him in Council. I know many of the Council will be disappointed –they would hope for someone older, who could steer me- so there is all the more reason for me to choose one of my age group. The Council's sway shall not be as strong.
June 13th
Iain accepted. I announced the decision in Council and I saw a few knowing glances. Then I went to the Garden and requested Iain joined me for the Quickening.
She frowned. So many details she didn't understand. She'd have to go fish out the tenets of the Order. Her mind was still fogged, memories still elusive. She would have to ask if they had a telepath to help clear the mists.
Closing the book, she rose. Turned around the room once more. And smiled as she saw a book covered in blue leather with silver workings. There!
Jean sighed.
"I assume you have a copy somewhere? Stupid, you have copies of everything, including that ancient Chinese encyclopaedia which only had three copies and you're so proud of."
"It's one of the original three, not just a copy. That's impressive."