BTW: VERY LONG CHAPTER AHEAD

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Week 5

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Cas had always dreamed of seeing Italy, but he never thought that dream would become a reality. The nine remaining bachelors plus Atara and Chris Harrison had all packed up their stuff after the rose ceremony to fly to Tuscany.

Pretty soon after they had all settled in, the date card came.

And it was for Cas.

"Cas… will you be my somebody to lean on?"

All eyes turned to Cas and he shrugged. "I don't know what it means."

A few other men laughed and then started talking about various cheesy date cards, and how they always seemed so obvious afterwards.

Cas stole a glance in Dean's direction, but the green-eyed man wasn't paying him any attention. His eyes were focused out the window, though Cas wondered whether that was just a way to avoid eye contact with him. They hadn't really spoken since their kiss. Cas still wasn't entirely sure what was going on, why Dean had kissed back and then so quickly turned around and left him. If he had no feelings for Cas, why would he have kissed back? And if he did have feelings for Cas, why had he left so suddenly, why was he avoiding Cas now? Perhaps Dean wasn't even sure himself.

He'd decided to give it one last shot with Atara. She clearly saw something in him that she liked, and he wanted to explore his own feelings more. However, if it was a one-on-one date, he supposed it wouldn't really be his decision. She would either offer him the rose or she wouldn't. And if she did offer him the rose, he would take it. It would be horrible to go on a date and then leave right after, and he still felt like they could have something.

Cas got up plenty early the next morning to get ready. He showered and put on nice but versatile clothes. He stared in the mirror for a little while, wondering whether he should do something about his stubble. In the end, he just evened it out, but didn't get rid of it altogether. He kind of liked it.

Most of the other men had gotten up by the time Atara came to get him. She smiled and said a cheerful hello to each of them, and Cas made a mental note of how kind and considerate she was. It was a trait he admired.

"Ready to go?" she asked him.

He nodded mutely, but managed an accompanying grin.

The two of them left the hotel and got into the SUV waiting for them. It took them to…

"Is that a helicopter?"

"Yep. You won't believe where we're going."

They got out of the car and, after being fit with helmets and familiarized with the safety precautions, secured themselves inside the 'copter.

"It's beautiful," Cas murmured as they flew over the city.

"I can't believe this is real," Atara said. "I mean, less than two weeks ago we were just hanging out in the good ol' US of A. This feels like a whole different planet."

Cas raised an eyebrow at Atara and she corrected herself, "Well, not literally. It's just different. I live in Georgia. Not much excitement there."

"Illinois."

"What?"

"I live in Illinois. Other than Chicago, it's a pretty dull place. But it's home."

They landed not too long after that, and Cas could see an unmistakable shape in the background.

"The Leaning Tower of Pisa? We get to see the Leaning Tower of Pisa?"

"Ta-da!" Atara exclaimed happily. "Isn't this awesome?"

They walked together to see the building closer-up. On the way, Cas and Atara discussed various topics. First up came favorite TV shows and movies. Atara hadn't seen Game of Thrones, but she said she was interested in it and would gladly watch some with Cas. He found out she, surprisingly, liked documentaries. She said there was something charming about seeing something real, though she still greatly enjoyed fictional things. Cas also found out that Atara loved to knit, and had ever since her grandma taught her how as a little kid. He replied that, though he wasn't particularly artsy, he did like to cook.

When they got to the building, they just stared for a few minutes. It was so much stranger and more amazing in person than pictures could ever communicate.

Atara suggested they take a bunch of cheesy tourist pictures by it and produced a disposable camera from her bag. It wasn't the sort of thing Cas would usually do, but he ended up having fun posing as if he was propping his foot up on the giant structure, like he was pushing it down, and like he was holding it up. Atara posed for pictures too, and then they took some together.

They strolled around for a bit longer, just chatting. Atara saw a Chocolate Lab and let out an uncharacteristic "squee", asking if she could pet him. The dog's owner said she could, and that the dog's name was Garth.

She told Cas afterward that, as a total dog person, she couldn't help it. She wasn't allowed to have a dog in her apartment, but really wanted one. Cas replied that he'd always wanted a guinea pig.

Finally, night came, and they sat down to dinner. The conversation was more serious, and they started talking about what they wanted in a relationship. Atara talked a little about her relationships before the Bachelor, and why she thought it ultimately didn't work out with her season's Bachelor, Joel. When she'd finished, Cas started to tell her about his dating experience.

"I was a shy kid, you know that. I didn't start dating until college, and I didn't have a serious relationship until my last year. Her name was Meg. She was into the partying scene, and I wasn't, but I kind of liked that she "took me out of my comfort zone". I had some experiences with her that I would never have had otherwise. We dated for a year or so and we thought about moving in together, but then she… well, she died."

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry," Atara said sympathetically.

Cas sighed. His memories of Meg were a mixture of happy and sad. He missed her sometimes, her little quirks and her silly nicknames for him.

"So, what about after Meg?" Atara was asking. "I mean, are you… still in love with her?"

"No. I've moved on. It took me a while though. I went on a lot of blind dates, had some casual relationships. But there was one…" Cas hesitated. He wasn't sure whether he should say anything about being bi.

"One what?" Atara prompted.

Finally, he realized how damaging it could be to keep secrets, and he decided to tell her.

"I guess I should pause the story briefly to explain. I'm… well I'm bisexual."

"Really?" Atara asked, eyebrows raised slightly.

"Yes. I guess I figured it out in high school."

"Was it hard?"

Cas shrugged. "Not really. I mean, it was a strange thing to understand, but there wasn't really anyone to judge me for it. I didn't feel the need to tell anyone then because they weren't exactly family and I didn't want to cause problems. I told Balthazar a little while after I moved in with him, and he doesn't have a problem with it. He's the only real family I have right now. I've told a few friends that I trust."

"I'm glad you told me," Atara said with a slight smile. "Not because it changes things- because it doesn't- but because it means you trust me."

Cas smiled at that.

"So- what you were saying before- you dated a guy after Meg?"

"Yes. The only serious relationship I've had since her was with a man named Corbett. But he was still in love with his friend Ed. And even though he knew it would never happen, he couldn't get over it. So it didn't end up working out between us. I've been on a few dates since then, but no relationship has lasted more than a few weeks."

"I know the feeling," Atara said with a sigh.

Instinctively, Cas took her hand, and she looked up at him. He held out his champagne glass and said semi-sarcastically, "To being unlucky in love."

She laughed and picked up her own glass, clinking it against his. "To being unlucky in love."

They each took a drink from their respective glasses. Then, once they'd set them down, they got caught up in each other's eyes and leaned into a kiss, pressing their lips together.

It was a good kiss- a great kiss. Atara's lips were soft against Cas' and when he put his hand on her cheek, it was smooth.

And yet his fingers longed to brush along a stubbly jawline and slide into short ash blonde hair. He wanted something else. Someone else.

Cas pulled away from Atara and she smiled. He smiled back, but his stomach sank. He felt like a fraud sitting there with her. Sure he liked her. But would he ever long for her the way he longed for Dean?

…

As much as he didn't want to think about the blue-eyed man, Dean couldn't get Cas out of his head. He kept dreaming about those lips, those eyes, what it would feel like to thread his fingers into Cas's messy dark hair.

Those were not heterosexual thoughts.

But he couldn't do anything to stop them. He stopped being around Cas, hoping that would help, but it only made him want Cas more.

When he heard that Cas got the one-on-one, he was jealous. But he wasn't sure who he was more jealous of- Atara or Cas.

What the hell was going on with him?

Dean had always dated women, always lusted after women. How could he be anything but straight?

Except… maybe that wasn't true. During the week between his kiss with Cas and his next date with Atara, he started remembering things he hadn't really thought about before.

For instance, that time he gave this girl advice on how to flirt with a guy. He'd thought he was just telling her what would work on him but what if…?

And when Dean was drunk, he flirted with both girls and guys. He'd always thought he was just a "flirty drunk", but what if…?

And he admittedly had a sort of gay crush on Dr. Sexy. He'd always written it off as an "if I had to bang a dude" thing but what if…?

And he pretended to date his guy friend Ash in college on a dare. It went on for over a month, and they kissed quite a bit, and not exactly innocently. He said it was all for that $50 but what if…?

What if he'd just been making excuses this whole time?

What if…

What if Dean was bisexual?

He considered this before the group date, and then for a while he forgot, as he was too busy enjoying being with Atara. Then, the second he got back to his room, those thoughts came flooding back, along with the image of Cas's face when he said he had feelings for him.

Maybe he should talk to Cas.

He knew where Cas's room was here. He'd passed it once while Cas was coming out.

The night before the cocktail party and rose ceremony, he finally got up the nerve to do it, though he still wasn't positive what he'd say.

Standing outside Cas's door, heart pounding, he wondered whether he should knock. It would be the polite thing to do, but he didn't want to alert any camera crew. He ended up just tapping lightly on the door a few times and then he let himself in.

Cas's head jerked up when his door opened, and his eyes widened. "Dean?"

"Hey," Dean said simply, shutting the door carefully behind him. He hesitated there, wondering if it would be okay to sit next to Cas on the bed.

"Can I…?" he asked, gesturing to the spot.

Cas looked next to him and back at Dean.

"Oh. Sure, you can sit."

"Thanks," Dean said, and then he moved to join Cas.

They stared at each other for a moment, and Dean, having lost some of his nerve, commented, "Atara gave you a rose."

"She did."

"So… do you feel… differently? I mean… you know…?"

Cas shook his head. "I still don't feel a particularly strong romantic connection with her, if that's what you mean. I'm going to give it one more week. I'm not sure exactly what's missing, and I do enjoy being with her, so perhaps we just need time."

"What about…" Dean swallowed thickly, "What about what you said last week? About… about… me?"

Dean could see the pain in Cas's eyes.

"That hasn't changed either."

"Oh." Dean paused. "Cas… I… I'm sorry. For what I did last week. The… the running out and not explaining thing, not the…" he bit his lip. "Well… you know."

Cas tilted his head curiously.

"I've been… thinking… this past week. A lot," Dean continued clumsily. "And I… I…"

He drew in a deep, frustrated breath at his lack of words. Then he opened his mouth again, but no words came. Suddenly, all he could see was Cas's lips. His very kissable lips.

Without warning, he lurched forward, grabbing Cas's head and pulling them together in an uncoordinated kiss. His heart was beating furiously as their lips crashed together, as Cas instantly melted into him, as he felt the blue-eyed man's hands wrap around him. He let the tip of his tongue slide across Cas's bottom lip and their lips parted together. Cas's tongue slipped into Dean's mouth and Dean's tongue slipped into Cas's.

Dean felt like he was going to explode… from what, he wasn't sure. The combined excitement and relief of finally kissing Cas again after dreaming about it for a week was making it hard to think or even breathe. He finally pulled away because his head was spinning so much, and because he needed oxygen.

"Dean," Cas gasped. "What…?"

"I think I'm bisexual," Dean panted. And, just like that, it was out.

Cas's eyes widened considerably and he asked quietly, "Are you sure?"

"I've been thinking about it all week. And… given…" Dean waved his hand between the two of them, "…this, I would say I'm pretty sure."

"And you have feelings for me?" Cas asked, and Dean could hear the hope in his voice. He wondered if Cas thought Dean was just using him to experiment or something.

"Yeah, Cas. I have… feelings… for you. I do. But…" Dean frowned. "I… have them for Atara too. I don't know which feelings are stronger right now… this is all so new and confusing and I wish I could tell you something more… I don't even know… Damnit, my head hurts."

Cas put a hand on Dean's shoulder. "It's okay. I don't expect you to have it all figured out right now. Just… please let me know when you do."

Dean could tell Cas was scared that Dean would choose not to be with him. And Dean was scared too- scared that he'd end up making a mistake he'd regret later. His heart was telling him it was Cas, of course it was Cas, but his mind wasn't as sure. Maybe it was just the heat of the moment making his feelings extreme, blowing them out of proportion.

He supposed he'd follow Cas's example.

One week.

He'd give his feelings one week to settle, and then he would choose. He only hoped he'd choose right.

…

Nine bachelors attended the Rose Ceremony that week, and two of them left at the end of it, leaving seven men to try and win Atara Kemmiam's heart.

Those remaining were:

Benji Columbus

Castiel Novak

Dean Winchester

Dustin Total

Edmund Jonathan

Keith Grace

Paul Sanders

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REVIEW!

Apologies for the super long chapter. I just couldn't stop writing- there was so much to be said. The next chapter will probably also be pretty long. Hopefully you guys don't mind all that much.