Disclaimer: Theirs. Never mine. No profits. Et cetera.
AN: Final updates of last chapters are early again. Just in case I end up too busy to keep my daily post promise. So, thank you for faves, raves, hates, likes, follows, reads, and support. They've been amazing, as have you. Thank you.
Clarifying AN: This is just a random winter town event. I don't name it anything because, well, it's just a winter event where people remember things and talk and stuff. I know I confused and upset people, for which I apologize. The week I uploaded the last several chapters of this story way back when, I was waiting to learn if my mother was going to survive her heart problem, and I reacted poorly to a lot of things. That said, again, I didn't name this any particular winter event simply because this is Stars Hollow. We can invent events for fanfic whenever our plots require. The show did!
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
It seemed strange that, two years ago, Lorelai had been ready to marry the man whose hand she now held as they wandered the winter festival. It was even odder to think of the photograph from many years before that, capturing the magic they had not trusted.
Now, she was quietly overjoyed to hold hands, knowing Luke would not complain and she would not have to feel needy. It was simply a touch, a way to connect, to be together.
Now, she understood so much more about what drove him, and herself, and them. Whatever they had been, this was what they were now, and the lack of giddiness was a relief.
Luke's behavior showed her that he felt the same. He was not flirting or ranting or trying to hide their joined fingers. It was the greatest sign of growing trust she could find, other than the fact he discussed April with her as matter-of-factly as she'd always mentioned Rory.
Gratitude swelled in her chest. Apropos of nothing, everything, she said, "Thanks. For not giving up on me. It's not easy."
"Hey," he scolded gently, "I gave you a lot of reasons to give up, I'm thanking you."
Pensive, Lorelai sang quietly, "Take me as I am, you may have to be a better man…"
"Hey," Luke cut her off. "I hate that song. You're not that word."
"You got a Meredith Brooks reference?" said Lorelai in shock. She and Sookie had sung it as a sort of anthem, back in the day, but it wasn't something she thought Luke would recognize.
"Yes, and you're everything in between, not nothing," said Luke firmly.
Her heart didn't flutter and swell. It glowed. That was far better. "Thank you, and back at ya."
"Uh, thanks." He adjusted his blue ball cap so the bill faced front. "This is weird. Good weird. But weird. Like, old-new but good-new, with the good old, not the bad old. Great, I'm babbling."
"How did you know the song?" asked Lorelai to save him from himself, and because it was normal to ask, to wonder, and, now, to know he'd answer.
"Had a waitress for three months, she sang that damn song under her breath every shift. I couldn't wait to fire her."
"For a song?" queried Lorelai, puzzled.
"Every day. Three months. Then she gave me a perfect excuse." He grinned down at her, and she smiled in return, genuine and natural. "Caught her smoking in the restroom. Six days a week for three months, that damn song. Gah."
They wandered past carolers, and Miss Patty at the punch bowl. Luke squeezed her hand a little when they passed a certain bench, and she lightly squeezed back.
"Lorelai. Can I ask something?"
"Sure," she said, confident that she could answer truthfully, that his freeing his hand meant nothing more than… Luke wanted his hand back for a moment.
He fiddled with his coat zipper. "Uh. Why'd you. Uh. Y'know. I know we both screwed up, but… Okay, why did you forgive me?"
"Shame," she said earnestly, capturing his fidgety hands and holding both in hers, "is something I know a lot about, Luke. A lot. Earned or not. So yeah, once you explained about it being shame, a lot made sense and fell into place. The insecurity thing, too, yeah, but the shame thing especially. Guilt is what you do, shame is about who you are." She gave him a stern look. "And, buddy, when you got your own kid yelling at you about that, in concert with Paris Geller, you never forget the difference."
Luke grinned briefly, warmly. "Yeah, you told me about the Thanksgiving dinner fireworks." The mirth evaporated, replaced by that hangdog, turned-inward look she now recognized for what it was, and not what she'd thought for so many years. "It took me too long to realize. If I'd…"
She dropped his hands, and tapped his hat bill. "Hey. New rules, remember? No putting ourselves down over what-if stuff."
Luke's smile flashed relaxed, his eyes easing. "Whatever you say, crazy lady."
Lorelai digested the old nickname. She couldn't bring herself to call him Burger Boy, and settled for, "But good-crazy, right, Butch?"
"Good," he confirmed, and for some reason he blushed. Lorelai peered at him, uncomprehending, until he said, "Just good to hear you call me that again."
She nodded, then commented on Rory's upcoming holiday visit, and what April wanted for Christmas. "Other than peace on earth, or at least in Woodbridge," amended Lorelai. "Realistically, is it okay for me to get her something? We did pretty good with lunch the other day, and when you let me come shopping with the two of you…"
She bit back the rest of the sentence, regretting the way she'd phrased it.
Luke didn't take offense, his eyes showing that he understood her worries, and didn't share them. "I asked you to come, I'm hopeless at the mall, and yeah, get her something. Small, though, or Anna'll flip out. I'm stuck, got advice?"
"Maybe, no promises it's good," replied Lorelai, astonished anew at how easily they spoke of his daughter. "You can't buy her NASA, they're not for sale."
Luke laughed, but with a grimace. "Close. There's a school trip, optional, to the big air and space museum in DC, it'd be about five hundred bucks to cover…"
"Good one!" cheered Lorelai.
"Or pay for a home nurse for her grandmother for a week, so she and Anna can go on vacation, just the two of them, get away from all that."
She hugged him, tears in her eyes.
"Home nurse wins?" he squawked. "Ribcage. Need that."
"That is beyond amazing wonderful and thoughtful," gushed Lorelai, nuzzling a little to absorb the smell of him, minus Anna-vanilla. He only dropped April off at the Nardini house, avoiding the shop and Anna. He had never said as much to her. April had mentioned it was making life easier for her, since she could then spend time right away with her grandma, and avoid squabbles with Anna for a few more hours. They'd been at the mall, not even holding hands, and he had said simply that he didn't like all that vanilla smell on him. When he offered his hand to her, as they rose from the food court table, he hadn't released it. She'd considered, then curled her fingers around his in return. April had sniggered, which in the old days meant Luke would have dropped her hand. That day he told April archly that linked hands were like very safe sex, in public, and his frog-dissecting daughter had turned green. Lorelai still felt her face grow hot at his description.
She dropped back from the bear hug, and resumed walking quickly, before anyone could fuss, herself included.
"Yeah, well, it's on her list," Luke admitted. "She misses the days it was her and Anna, and it made me think of you and Rory, and I figured you'd know which was better. So, I pay for some home nurse and they go have mom-kid time?"
"Perfect!" enthused Lorelai, and bumped him with her hip. "Look at you, being all gift-giving and checking lists and stuff."
"What's Rory want?" he asked, casually re-taking her hand.
"I'm getting her one of those little travel-size comfort-neck-whatevers," said Lorelai, describing a horseshoe shape in the air with her free hand. "And a two-cup-size travel coffeemaker. You could maybe supply the coffee?"
He nodded, eyes wrapping her in a hug. "Yeah. I can do that."
"Thank you, she'll…" Lorelai came to an abrupt halt. Her smile broadened. "Listen!"
"To what? Kirk selling egg nog?" He glanced around the square, at the tables and vendors and bonfire, in confusion.
"Smell," she whispered, and inhaled deep. "It's gonna snow."
"I'd tell you about the weather forecast but I'd be wasting my breath."
"Yep. It's gonna snow, Luke. On Firelight Festival." She bounced giddily in place. She felt something in her singing a note of sheer delight. "My nose knows! Snow!"
Lorelai lifted her head, drawing the cold air into her, smiling. She wanted to hug the world.
Luke kissed her.
Moonlight and lightning combined, she thought whimsically when the kiss ended. It had been well over a year since they'd last kissed, and much longer than that since she felt at ease with him enough to not wonder was that okay? Yet the silver-soft dazzle-heat remained, without being at all mundane.
"No coffee taste anymore," he said very softly, "but still you."
Lorelai touched her fingertips to his lips, and pointed. "Look."
He looked up, as directed.
Little white bits of fluff were falling.
She whispered, forehead pressed to his, "Magic happens when it snows."
They breathed in each other's air. There were still words, and important ones, but she knew they would be said, and that was what mattered.
GG GG GG
Rory squealed like a little girl again, warming Richard's heart. "It's a Kindle! Oh my God, you got me a Kindle! They sold out! Before I knew they were on sale! Grandpa!" She flung herself at him, in a huge hug that he happily accepted. "I have to get books! And download them! And read the instructions! I can take as many books as I want and it won't weigh a hundred pounds!"
When she let him breathe, Richard boomed out a laughing, "You're welcome, and there is a gift card…"
Rory whooped and pounced on the tiny packet.
"…And they claim to have over 50,000 books ready for download," Richard concluded.
"Portable. Library." Rory cradled her new toy, crooning. "Oh, books without smell, sad! Books without bulk, happy!"
"And she's in Rory-Land," chortled Lorelai, smiling at her father. "Thanks, on her behalf, Dad. Let me guess, she can buy a hundred books?"
"Or thereabouts, yes," agreed Richard amiably. "Now, open your gift, April."
He had not been surprised that Luke would join them at Lorelai's little home for a few presents and a Sookie-made lunch to be delivered at one o'clock. What he hadn't expected, and nor had Lorelai, was that Luke's daughter would appear. When Lorelai phoned him that morning, whispering in shock that Luke called to ask about April spending the day with him because she had a week with her mother, Richard had simply decided to act as if he'd been prepared. It was how it was done.
Also, he was quite fortunate in that he'd had a gift he wasn't certain was right for either Lorelai or Rory, and he'd only needed to scribble April's name on the tag, bring it along.
"You really didn't," said Luke and April in chorus.
Richard and Lorelai grinned identically.
April reddened. "I'm completely intruding, they had to get me things," she muttered. "I can stay alone. I'm gonna be fifteen in a few months."
"Alone on Christmas?!" gasped Lorelai, feigning a partial faint. "Never! Go on, open it!"
Squirming, April opened the small box from Richard. Her eyes rounded, and her mouth dropped open. "Oh," she breathed. "Thank you, Mr. Gilmore!"
It was a rather silly little thing, in Richard's opinion, a set of pens that glowed different colors in the dark. He'd bought it on a whim. Glowing in the dark said Lorelai, but pens said Rory, after all.
"Finally," said Luke, as only a parent could. "No more losing the damn things!"
"So cool! I wonder if they used phosphorescence?" Immediately April began squinting at the back of the box. "Thank you! Wow, Mom couldn't find these!"
"Santa Gilmore knows the best elves," said Lorelai fondly, and tapped her ears. "Snowflake earrings. I've only wanted a set since, oh, forever."
"Yes, yes, that's enough," flustered Richard, embarrassed. "Luke, I was told you prefer pragmatic gifts."
Luke studied the box he'd unwrapped. His shoulders shook. He snorted air in, out, and finally handed the item to Lorelai, and hid his face in his hands, making odd noises.
"If all else fails," drawled Richard sagely, fingertips forming a steeple, "you always have a means of communication."
Lorelai's face had turned scarlet as her shutters. Her white Christmas sweater with its sparkling silver threads made a striking contrast. She held up, for April and Rory to see, a boxed set of notecards. The fronts bore four different sayings. One stack read, I'm Sorry. Another read, Will flowers help? The third said, You're right, but I won't admit it yet. The fourth said, I'm right, just admit it.
Luke's suppressed laughter left Richard immune to Lorelai's glittering, angry glare. It was, he reflected, basically a guy thing. Really, what else did anyone have to say in any argument?
"Your gift is in the fridge," said Lorelai, looking remarkably Trix-like for a moment. "He made you a boysenberry pie."
"Oh, that is a good gift!" boomed Richard. "I thank you very much! Now, what on earth is your dog doing in the corner?"
"I bought him a rawhide chew toy, and he's scared of it," sighed his daughter, with a resigned little grimace. "He won't come out from behind the tree. I moved the toy to the porch, but he's not budging."
"I'll get him out. We read about animal behavior in biology class," said April, and promptly sprawled on the floor, not far from where Rory was still making love noises at the Kindle.
Richard took the chance, rumbling with authority, "This time, you are comfortable. It's good to see." He put up a hand, silencing them both before either could finish drawing in breath. "Yes, yes, the mistakes, now let's move along to the fact you have plans, I'm sure."
"Keep talking, keep listening," said Lorelai and Luke, slightly out of sync.
"For the future?" persisted Richard with a pointed look at their joined hands.
"Don't let go," said Luke promptly, beating Lorelai by a few heartbeats.
"Good, good. On a more practical level? As in living arrangements, and so forth?"
Luke looked to Lorelai, dipped his head slightly. Lorelai turned to Richard, and said, "Dad, we'll take it as it comes, but I think, with all we've figured out about each other and what we're worth to each other… Well, y'know, we'll, uh, get there."
Richard nodded thoughtfully, and studied their interlinked fingers. The casual intimacy of it, the relaxation it brought them, reassured him more than their words. "Well, good, good."
He remembered days when Emily's hand was in his, that way. United against the world. Owned, owning, and partnered all in the same gesture. It was intensely lonely, to know he'd lost it, but relieving to see his daughter had found it. He didn't remember their hands being that gently and naturally and constantly entwined, nor the calmness between them in presence of others. Whatever their issues, they'd found ways forward, and it gratified him, for their sake.
"Dad?"
"Oh, reminiscing," he said, as if he'd not wanted to wipe at a few tears. "This reminds me a little of a few holidays with my mother, in hotels, when Trix let her hair down."
"I can't imagine that," giggled Lorelai. Her phone rang, and he saw her fingertips brush over Luke's as she stood. "And my phone is in the kitchen. Back in a sec."
He heard her talking, and leaned forward, pinning Luke in place with a glower. "Everything I see indicates that you've finally realized my daughter loves you and can be trusted. Well?"
Luke flushed, mumbling, "Uh. I, y'know. She's it. She has been for a long time, but, uh, y'know. I love her. She's my best friend." His eyes tracked Lorelai, Richard presumed, ticking back and forth in time to the patter of Lorelai's reindeer slippers on the kitchen floor. "I'm hers. That's first. The rest of it comes after. I didn't get that, before. And…" He rubbed the back of his neck, met Richard's stare squarely. "I'd have rather been together, but we got it worked out, her stuff, my stuff, our stuff, and now…" He glanced at April, giggling as the dog licked her hand, then back at Richard. "I hope we have forty years together."
Richard leaned back, just as Lorelai hurried in, saying, "Great, Anthony's sick, Sookie's freaking out, we have no lunch, what do we do? I mean, I have food, but it's not Christmas dinner food."
"We're eating it on Christmas," said Luke, getting to his feet. "That makes it Christmas dinner. Show me what ya got."
Lorelai gave him a come-hither look ruined by a sharp, "Who said you're cooking?"
"Who cooks for a living?"
"You, but…"
Richard smiled in satisfaction. If they weren't married in six months, then he'd buy a hat solely to eat it.
AN: Meredith Brooks song titled "Bitch" is misquoted. It's "stronger man". The refrain includes a line "I'm your hell/I'm your dream/I'm nothing in between", to which Luke refers.
The first Kindle from Amazon came out in fall 2007 and sold out very quickly. I still have mine, though I had to wait till they were restocked in 2008 to get it.
The notecards existed, at least briefly, as a "gag" gift for grooms back in my day. The set for brides came in pink, and instead of the one about flowers, it was about sex. Figures, doesn't it?
GG GG GG