Chapter 5 (Constance's POV)
Something like an anniversary party used to be something I'd list as pretty boring. I can't really say I felt any different now. It wasn't like I didn't get the sentimental meaning and everything, but that wasn't the point… Mostly wedding anniversaries just reminded me that I'd never have one.
Looking across the large reception hall my eyes landed on Kate and Reynie. They both looked about as happy as you could get. That made sense I realized, but I still felt something twist in my stomach. Almost like I'd swallowed a snake. But I just bit it back with a frown. I wasn't about to give into being jealous of my two best friends. considering they might not have even got together if I hadn't of read Reynie's mind and told Kate about. It wasn't like they owed me anything, it was just that I obviously approved of their relationship since I helped form it in the first place. Which was why I wasn't going to let myself be jealous. Not of Kate and Reynie anyway.
Because looking over to the catering table, I saw plenty other reasons to feel jealous. This year Reynie had invited a lot of people from his agency, and with them plus random relatives of Ms. Perumal I didn't know half the guests. Including one young brunette that was busy talking to Sticky. How long had she been standing there, ten minutes already?
I saw him laugh at something she said and I felt the snake in my stomach slither again. I didn't want to be jealous of someone I didn't know either… I didn't want to be jealous of anyone. But why did I get the feeling I was still just a little kid sitting in a corner watching life happen? Just a little kid to him... I was an adult. I was an adult no matter how I felt, or what he thought. I frowned again as I turned away from staring at Sticky and looked in the other direction.
There were other guys I didn't know too you know. Part of me wished I could just go talk to them and forget completely about one George Washington. He didn't care, and chances are he never would. So why should I? That's just the question I was plotting when I heard the chair next to me pull out with a scrape. Turning I saw it was my dad, and he pushed his glasses up the brim of his nose as he smiled at me.
"Lovely party, isn't it?" He asked. But I didn't bother to answer. Not because I wanted to be rude, but because I thought it was ruder to lie about it. And maybe even ruder to be too selfish to just be happy because Kate and Reynie were. I guess that was more or less written on my face, because his smile slowly disappeared. He looked down before glancing toward Sticky and then back at me.
"I suppose it's just nice to think about how far everyone has come…" A hint of a smile suddenly grew on his face. "What I mean dear, is how old it makes me feel to see all of you grown up."
I glanced over at him from the side. His smile widened as he reached to touch the side of my face. "To see you so lovely Constance..."
I just kept looking at him without saying anything. I wanted pretty badly to believe he was right. That I was "lovely" or at least… I looked away as that snake twirled again and dashed away the ridiculous thought I'd had. I loved my dad...but him thinking I looked nice and...and someone else thinking that… Well it was a lot different. Maybe too different…
"Don't you agree?" He asked as his eyebrows raised in a way that made me think he was the one with the telepathy instead of me.
I sighed as I stared down at the table and the bit of decorative glitter littering it. Poking a small heart shape with my index finger I pushed it around without saying anything. I wasn't sure what to say. I knew I didn't want to talk about Sticky, it was bad enough that Kate found out… But even if I didn't say anything I always felt like my feelings were written all over my face. Right there for the whole world to see. Where everyone noticed except Sticky...
"Dear…" He whispered softly. And considering his tone I was worried what he might be about to say. Like maybe he was going to say gently how foolish I was being or how hopeless everything was… I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear that. Even if I knew it was the truth…
"It's okay." I said a little more sharply than I wished I had. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed his mouth open to reply, but before I could hear what he was going to say, I heard Kate's voice instead. It was loud and cheerful as she spoke into a microphone. I heard her thanking us all for being here, and something about how many years her and Reynie had been married now. But I didn't really pay attention to any of it until I heard my name. My name and someone else's…
"Stand on up Connie girl!" Kate said her eyes and everyone else's landed on me. I wanted to freeze, but nudging me dad encouraged me to stand. So hesitantly I did.
"Yep like I was saying, we owe a big thanks to our two best friends. I mean without them we wouldn't have turned out to be the people we are today! So, Connie and Sticky, let's give them a hand!" She looked around at the other guest until everyone more or less followed her lead and an applause rang out.
It was all I could do to stop myself from turning red. I honestly hated all the attention, but I knew Kate must have meant this as a compliment. It just made me feel even more guilty for being jealous of them… When I glanced over at Sticky he looked bashful too, but he was at least smiling. I guess he thought he might have been impressing that brunette…
But you know that's was when something unbelievable happened. It was one of those moments in my life where it seemed like the world stopped, and my heart with it. I'd felt it before when dealing with my no good uncle and his goons. But maybe this time it was even worse.
Clearing her throat Kate smiled over at me. "Normally we'd get the first dance to open up the floor tonight, but I kinda think that's not fair. After all without you two who knows if we'd even be having this party right now? So everybody let's hear it for Constance and Sticky!"
My eyes shot over to Sticky where it was obvious his dark skin had turned a few shades lighter. But the lights had dimmed and a slow song was already playing. I was set on not moving even an inch from my place, but everyone was staring holes in me. It was the same for Sticky, even his wanna be new girlfriend was pushing him toward the dance floor. Kate had built it up to make us sound like the best friends in the world, but if she only knew how selfish I actually was.
"Come on guys, don't leave me hanging." She said again into the microphone as she looked from me to Sticky and then back again. The last thing I remember was her winking at me. I knew she was doing this on purpose. I knew it, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to thank her, or never speak to her again. The next thing I knew, Sticky was standing in front of me with an awkward look. I frowned as I looked to the side. He just smiled a little before he shrugged. It was a look that seemed to basically mean it wasn't going to be any big deal. Sure we both weren't exactly used to dancing, but I guess he found all the stares harder to deal with. I wasn't so sure I agreed.
But when he hesitantly reached for my hands I wasn't sure what to do or think anymore. All I seemed to know just then was what I was feeling. Like a rhyme slipping into a verse, we fell into a slow rhythm and before I could resist we were dancing. And though I tried to just focus somewhere over his shoulder, I found it hard to keep up. The next thing I knew I was look up at him as if I wanted to be here. Be here doing this. Did I?
Of course, I really knew the answer to that question was yes. But it had to be no, it was no to him wasn't it…? I was more than ready to believe that, to accept that I guess... But when he smiled suddenly it was like I lost all my reason. All I was left with was that feeling I have when one verse of poetry fits so perfectly into another. It was like everything was as right as it would ever get. And it was then that I knew I really didn't want to be anywhere else, with anyone else…
He locked his eyes on mine softly and I slowly let my smile unfurl like the sails of a ship. He was making me so unsure of everything all over again. All the things I thought I'd already worked out. Like why we could never work… Like why… Like how…
I felt my thoughts drifting away as just focused on the moment. From the slow rhythm of our steps to the way his hand felt in mine. What was he thinking right now…? What was he feeling…? Did it have anything to do with love. Could it have possibly had anything to do with being in love with me…?
I wanted to know. I wanted to know those things more than anything else. If just to know how broken my heart would be… I shouldn't have, I should have held back, but I didn't… I didn't and it was too late, I reached for his thoughts, his feelings, as easily as I would have the pages of a book. It was as simple as opening a letter… But it would be as hard as seeing the truth with your own eyes…
Like spirals of words and meanings his mind flooded over into mine. At first it was bits and pieces of memories. Simple things, stupid things, just us when we were younger. The times we'd argued and the times we made up for it. The nights I'd flashed morse code messages into his bedroom window, and that one time when he'd given me his ice cream. He was thinking about us. Not the brunette, or his first ex-girlfriend. Pushing through the chaos of his thoughts and emotions mixing into my mine I did my best to focus just on his. I looked for any flicker that even hinted that he could have felt the same way I did.
But as I watched a frown cross his face all I felt from him was confusion. It wasn't love or longing, or any of the words I'd written about. It was just confusion. "C-Constance…" He said suddenly as his bewilderment got even plainer on his face. His glasses slipped down his nose and before I could even respond our rhythm stopped. We just stood there staring at each other in the middle of that dance floor. Why was he just confused when he looked at me? Why couldn't he have ever just been happy?! Could have ever saw me as anything other than a mean little girl?!
Snatching my hands away from his I felt tears building behind my eyes.
"T-Thanks for the dance...George Washington…" I whispered even though my voice trembled. "But my toes are sore enough." I said bitterly. It wasn't the truth, and I hated myself even as I said it. But this truth was much too hard to say. To ever say…
So I pulled away and turned to disappear into the crowd. He didn't follow me, or even say my name. In fact the last look I glanced to give him that night just showed him standing there. He was looking stunned as if he'd just learned a terrible secret. And that's when everything fell into place.
Maybe he had.
It was the reason I hadn't read his thoughts in years. Not just because I was afraid of knowing the truth...but because I was afraid he might figure out how I felt. That my feelings might bleed over into his mind. Had they…? Did he know it all now…? Without me even saying a word…?
I didn't stop to answer my own question, I just kept pushing through the crowd. Even when I heard his voice calling after me I didn't stop. I just kept running until I found the door and I dashed through it.
Only then, when I could stare up at about a million stars overhead did I take the time to wonder.
To wonder if I should ever have fallen in love with my best friend…
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