Authors note: The manual I'm about to write about is from Optimuspenguin all credit for manual belongs to that person. I take NO CREDIT FOR THE WORK ON THE MANUAL. Anything I write that DOES NOT BELONG TO ME will be in ITALICS or is BOLDED.
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Chapter 2: The song, and the kicking of a tomato
As Alice continued to stare at the names she dreaded, thinking that she must have jinxed herself last night. But she was glad that she didn't get Prussia and France or (god forbid) all three of them at the same time. She sighed and realised that she had to take them out of the boxes, better sooner rather than later. Alice chose to activate Spain first, as he would the least likely choice to try something. She opened the manual for Spain and read it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You've just invested in an ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit! In order to ensure that you, the owner, get the best of your unit while keeping all your extremities, we've taken the liberties of writing this manual, and strongly suggest that you read it before attempting to handle your unit.
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS:
Name: Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. Will also reply to "Spain", "Espana", "Boss", "Captain", "Tony", "Tomato bas-
"Oh come on the last two seem really mean, I mean I get the tomato one is what Romano called him but I'm not that mean…" Alice said.
Age: 25
Place of Manufacture: Barcelona, Spain
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 145 lbs
Length: It's everything you dream of, and then some. (What did you expect? Spain's the country of passion.)
"Wow ok, did not expect them to add that in the manual but ok their choice" she said slightly shocked
Your ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit comes with the following accessories:
One (1) beige army uniform
One (1) pair of black slim cut jeans
One (1) matador uniform
One (1) Fender DG100 acoustic guitar
One (1) TOMATO unit
" Wait, a TOMATO unit...I feel like they're trying to make a joke somewhere here, I just don't see it yet…"
Two (2) tomato-patterned boxers
"I have no words to express how odd that seems, but doesn't in some sense"
Programming:
Your ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit is equipped with the following traits:
Band Member/Solo Performer: You in need of a singer or guitarist? Whether it be for your band or for a solo deal, ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO is the guy for you! We're going to be racist and say that, since your unit is Spanish, he's automatically a great singer and a great guitarist;he can also play drums and keyboard, and has a knack for other instruments as well. He looks great on camera, which is a major up, and he'll rake in the cash from the moment you put him on stage.
"Ok, not going to do that as if he gets stalker fangirls I may be killed or they will invade someone's privacy. And with France here that just add gasoline to the flames, so no"
Preschool Teacher: While not one of the best-paying jobs around, your unit is a natural at this. Years of handling whiny, grumpy kids mellowed him out, for the most part, and children absolutely adore him.
"That might work, I heard that the school nearby needs one,and it is relatively close. So
he could walk home, or I could pick him up from work, ya I think it will work but that is only if he gets accepted. Will they accept him without any certificate? Guess we'll get there when we get there"
Massage Therapist: ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO got sinful hands, after all - what better use for them than at a spa? If you get him a job as a massage therapist, you'll soon have a steady stream of cash from the long, long list of clientele he's sure to accumulate in the first week or two, and your unit will be better-tempered as a result of his calming occupation. Plus, you'll get to see him in tight black clothes more often!*
"That sounds..nice that he'll be better-tempered, I guess I'll just have to ask him. After all, it is going to be his job" she said shrugging to herself.
Bouncer: Believe it or not, your unit's grin can be extremely intimidating. Just set him outside and watch him scare away everyone underage! Please note that ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO is notorious for accepting a bribe; as such, any damage done to underage persons is your responsibility.
ER Surgeon: ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO is one of the few units who looks good in scrubs, and his quick reflexes are ideal for a job like this.
Dance Instructor: Skilled in every kind of dance, ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO can teach a regular class or teach the stars. He's got years of practice and a glorious ass; what more could you ask for?
Football Player: Spain didn't win FIFA for no reason, after all. Your unit is great at football ( soccer ), and quick to change other units. Please note that LUDWIG KALTHERZIG and GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT may hold a grudge against him, and try to bludgeon him with various blunt objects during what you thought to be a fun game.
Removal of your ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO from Packaging:
Your unit is, simply put, a morning person. You can't jolt him into a locked mode, and he won't try and kill you when you wake him up. The only problem with ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO is that it's extremely difficult to wake him up; in order to avoid any drama, we've attached the following list of failsafe ways to get your unit up and going and ready to reprogram
" finally we get to how to wake him up! Ok after looking at this, I'm going to move on to France. If I need to know anything else I'll look at the manual later"
Cook Spanish or Mexican food
Get an LOVINO VARGAS unit to come and shout for him to get his lazy ass up.
Activate the TOMATO unit, and immediately drop-kick it out the window.
" I can't for the life of me cook food, I still find it a miracle I haven't died yet," she said exasperated " ok I don't think any LOVINO unit will come help me, so kicking the tomato it is then"
Alice then grabbed the said TOMATO unit, opened her sliding door that led to the back yard and promptly kicked it, watching as it sailed into her tomato plants….oh the irony. Suddenly she heard a cry and the sound of breaking wood. Alice slowly peaked her head around the corner, and saw that the unit was awake and out of the box. 'Antonio' was looking around, and soon saw Alice. " Hola chica, are you my owner?" he asked with a smile. " I guess?" Alice said slightly startled, "ok since you're up, I guess I move on to...France" she said slightly groaning. At that comment Antonio perked up, "France is here too?" he asked excitedly. "Ya, now I just have to wake him up" she said dreading even looking at the ways to wake him up. " I'm just going to look at the removal and look at the other information later. If and when It deems itself necessary" She said, while grabbing the other manual. " ok let's see 1. Play 'La Marseillaise', ok not bad. French food...nope all of those nopes. 3. Play Johnny Hallyday, Edith Piaf or Yelle….I have no idea who those people are so no. 4. Play a porno, loudly...I have no words of how disgusted I am just from reading that short paragraph...so first one it is then!" she said throwing the manual in an unknown direction to her, while wiping her hands on her pant leg of her pajamas. Alice then ran up to her room, grabbed her laptop and pulled up youtube and begun her short look for the French anthem. Which she soon found, clicked on,and turned the volume.
Allons enfants de la Patrie,
Le jour de gloire est arrivé!
Contre nous de la tyrannie,
L'étendard sanglant est levé, (bis)
Entendez-vous dans les campagnes
Mugir ces féroces soldats?
Ils viennent jusque dans vos bras
Égorger vos fils, vos compagnes!
Aux armes, citoyens,
Formez vos bataillons,
Marchons, marchons!
Qu'un sang impur
Abreuve nos sillons!
Just the first verse of the anthem deemed results as Alice soon heard humming even the soft singing from the box containing the Frenchman. Alice soon grabbed the crowbar she kept under the couch at all times, grabbed a chair from the kitchen, stood on said chair and proceeded to rip the top of the box off. Though that did not produce the results that were needed, also know as her impatience kicking in. She then got off the chair and produced with hit the side of the box in front her repeatedly, letting her rage take over in an attempt to open the cursed thing. Though while hitting it she heard yelps of fear coming from the box, so she used plan C. which in retrospect should have been plan B. jab the crowbar in the side and slowly pry the box apart. After five or so minutes of struggling on her part, and the snickers of Antonio, who was then threatened with a crowbar up his ass. She was able to free the french man from the box, and soon regretted it. "Je Suis Francis, pouvez-vous me dire votre nom belle?" ( I am Francis, can you tell me your name beautiful?) France asked while grabbing Alice's hand, giving it a slight kiss, all the while giving her a flirtatious smile. Alice then replied back in French, with a bored tone."Mon nom est Alice, maintenant vous pouvez laisser aller de ma main s'il vous plaît?" (My name is Alice, now you can let go of my hand if you please?). France or Francis as it had said in the manual looked surprised that Alice had known what he was saying, and was unaffected by his flirting. Alice not waiting for them started walking to her room laptop in arms, yelling at them to find a room of their own. Leaving the two had not been the best idea to do in her mind, but she was tired it was too early to deal with people in general. As she went her room, she locked the door, set the laptop on her desk started playing music from it, and jumped into her bed and fell right back to sleep.