Memories
Recovery
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Her eyes flickered open and she saw pale blue eyes staring at her. She shifted slightly and groaned. It felt like she'd taken a beating from Galactus.
"Lo…gan?"
"Hey."
"Where…are…we?"
"Haleena and Kruun brought us up here after I brought you back. I think we were both pretty weak at that point."
"Have we…stolen their…bed?"
"I think so."
Tora paused for a moment.
"He was…there."
"Who was?"
"Kurt… He was…waiting."
Logan felt his heartbeat slow.
"Tora?"
"He was…waving…waiting for…me…"
He reached out slowly and gently brushed her face.
"Of course he was."
She gazed back.
"You think…I'm confused."
"Tora… You were dead."
"And we…both know…that is not…the end…"
"Tora, don't do this now."
"Something lives on…something has to…"
And then she sighed softly.
"I…I think I…I need to sleep now…"
And her eyes closed slowly and Logan shifted enough to look over her shoulder and see Haleena bringing up warm water.
"How long will we…be like this?"
She shook her head.
"I do not know. You could never recover your strength or you could recover slowly –as Kruun is doing."
He closed his eyes.
"You got in touch with my team?"
"They should be coming to move you later."
He nodded.
"Thank you."
The Breakworlder nodded softly as she sat and then peeled back the covers to clean the blood from Tora's back and arms.
"Love is a powerful thing. She loves all she protects, almost unconditionally."
Logan leant back.
"I know. It's irritating."
Phoenix snorted with laughter.
"See! See! This is why they were so fun to watch!"
To Tora, she wasn't quite sure what was happening.
She opened her eyes. Ororo was leaning over her, smoothing her hair back and telling her that everything was going to be fine.
She opened her eyes. She was strapped to one of the long rows of seats in the Blackbird, Bobby cushioning her head.
She opened her eyes. She was in the Medi-Bay, something over her mouth and nose, obscuring her vision and a being that could be Hank McCoy was walking past only he looked…different.
She opened her eyes. She had to be dead. Because the teenaged girl staring back at her was almost certainly Jean Grey.
"Jean…?"
The girl froze then spoke warily.
"…Hello… Who are you?"
"…'s me…Jean…Tora…have I…died now? Where's…where Kurt…?"
"I…I think you made a mistake. I'm Jean from your past."
Tora paused.
"Oh."
She opened her eyes. Jamie was clambering over the bed.
"Uncle Hank, are you still giving her pure oxygen or have you switched to a nitrogen-oxygen mixture? Can I have some oxygen? I want to see if I can ignite hydrogen. Please, Uncle Hank, please. Wait… UNCLE HANK!"
"Jamie, I can't give you oxygen."
"No! Maman's awake!"
And Tora slowly raised her arms and hugged her son.
Death cooed.
"That's so sweet."
The masked woman closed her uncovered eye.
"Death…"
"Yes?"
"You will never do that again in my presence or so help me I will…"
"I promise."
"Oh, Death, you didn't even let her tell you what she'd do to you!"
"Trust me, I don't think she would want to."
She was still moving slowly. She felt students stare at her. But hey, it was better to be stared at for dying and bringing back four people than for being tried for numerous charges against the state. But irritating to be stuck in one of Charles' old wheelchairs –the mechanised one though, thank goodness- and unable to train. She was certain that she was losing some of the muscle definition. Logan was walking around –albiet warily- and Hank had managed to –after long talks with Hareena and Kruun about Breakworld tech and a long explanation to Tora about: a) his new appearance and b) why the original X-Men were gallivanting around the school- explain this imbalance.
Basically, the gist of it was that while Logan had only given enough of his life to just bring back one person; Tora had given everything she had –and some she hadn't- to resurrect four healthy teenagers, as well as giving them enough strength to be able to walk out –even if they'd been resting up for a week or two. As such, she was in a lot worse shape.
She heard low whispers and turned to face the very nervous looking X-Men-from-the-past.
"Hello."
They edged nervously and then Jean –who appeared to have been appointed leader- spoke.
"They said you were important."
"Who did? Lots of people say lots of things about me –admittedly, not many of them are nice things, but still."
"The other X-Men. They…they said you could stop wars with a word and change the past with a wave of your hand."
Tora sighed.
"I could. But… If I did, how human would I be? If I impose my will on others, I am a tyrant. I cannot do that in good conscience. I could make this world a safe haven. And in doing so, I would damn myself. You should remember that, Jean."
"Why did you direct that at me?"
Tora turned herself around.
"Because we are mirror images."
And then she wheeled herself away before she had to explain everything to Jean. Because frankly, she didn't have the time.
"I look so young!"
"Jean, you were the sweetest little teenager I have every met. Oh, and Kitty ended up hugging you a lot."
"Watch it."
Tora closed her eyes. She wondered why Logan had to drag her back. In many ways, it would have been better for them all. She could find peace from the screaming in her head, the never-ending music that was trying to tell her something; he could feel secure in the knowledge that she died giving life, not taking it as she may end up doing. He could live, knowing that he could do nothing and that she, stubborn to the end, had made a choice to do what was right. But was it really right? Should she have really entered that circle hoping she wouldn't be strong enough to save them all? Hoping she would have to give all her strength? Because wasn't that just selfishness?
She moved slightly in the chair and started the long journey back to her rooms. And then she heard running footsteps and now Jean was walking beside her.
"What do you want?"
It came out harsher than intended, mainly because Tora was so mad with herself. Jean recoiled slightly.
"I…I've looked through some old photos. Can… Can you explain this one?"
It was Tora and Jean, dressed in their almost-matching Phoenix and Dragon costumes, leaning on each other and grinning widely. It had been taken… It had been taken shortly before Scott had decided to get everyone dressed up in the leather. When the world was so much better. She shook her head.
"It's just a photo."
"Why are you dressed the same?"
"We're not. Look. She's in green and gold. I'm in blue and silver. She has a bird on her chest. I have a dragon."
"You're clutching at straws. Why don't you want to talk about me –her –whoever!?"
Tora closed her eyes and Jean automatically grabbed the wheelchair and began steering her towards her office.
"I failed her. She died and I wasn't there. I could have saved her. If I knew what I know now –how to heal and how to shape reality, I could have saved her."
"Why weren't you there?"
Tora didn't answer.
"Why weren't you there?"
"I was…indisposed."
"Meaning?"
"It's complicated."
"We have time."
Tora sighed.
"I was unavailable due to being somewhere around the point of reconstructing my left lung atom by atom."
"What?"
"I'd been reduced to my component atoms and if you've ever tried an Escher jigsaw –like the one we spend six weeks on once before giving up- you will only begin to have an idea of how boring that is. I spent about six hours –not that time has meaning where I was- trying to place a single carbon atom into a complex lattice to prevent me from being poisoned."
There was a pause and then…
"How did you survive that?"
"I didn't."
Another long pause.
"So you're kicking yourself about being unable to stop someone dying when you were, in fact, yourself dead?"
Tora touched her face, wishing that something would stop this interrogation.
"It was my own fault. And when the last memory your friend has of you is of you going insane and trying to kill her before you snap back to your senses long enough to take yourself out, you feel bitter about it."
Jean stopped pushing the wheelchair. Tora engaged the motor. Escape! Only not, because someone had put the brakes on.
"Explain."
And Tora lowered her head, defeated.
"I want to do this eye to eye."
Jean moved and crouched down. Tora sighed.
"There is something…something… I can't call it "evil"… "inhuman" might be better… there is something inhuman inside of me. Something that is ancient and twisted, but not evil. There are no morals for a thing like that. It is not good or evil –to it, those are just words. There is only…what is. What was. What shall be. And if it is let out, it just does what it is meant to. Heal. Heal without any form of thought or pattern. Simply…return things to the way they was before. And when that gets let out… I can and would kill any and all who dared to stand in my way."
She closed her eyes.
"They don't like to talk about it. If they do, they always like to point out that the only one I ended up killing was myself, but that's not much of a consolation when you threw your friend into a black hole then dragged her out again."
Jean stared at her in silence. Tora shook her head.
"I can't remember what happened, okay? My memories either can't contain it or some weird stuff happened. It's…difficult, to say the least."
And Jean nodded.
"I'll…I'll see you later."
Tora nodded and moved off.
"That I shall."
Jean whistled through her teeth.
"Young me was so irritating."
"Phoenix dear, you are always irritating."
"Shut up."