Calvin and Hobbes
The Imagination War
Chapter 5
2 Weeks summed up in a single Chapter
Calvin and Hobbes is owned By Bill Watterson
I own nothing…except the plot…and the OC Villains and Background Kids, and the Camp
Co-written by WG, who owns a couple minor characters as well
(This Chapter shall be told through Letters sent home to Mom and dad)
This Chapter is Dedicated to the young Kids between ages 5-10 who were killed for no reason at the hands of Adam Lanza, (the world's biggest psychopathic heartless jerkwad) in the Sandy Hill elementary School shooting in Connecticut on Friday December 14th 2012. May God take those Children to heaven to be with Him forever.
Before we start, I will let you know that from now on for this story, I shall be trying to post two or more chapters at a time, this way it will speed up the process a little bit faster. Keep in mind however, this doesn't mean that progress will speed up.
Just to let ya'll know that
And now onto the story
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Letter 1
Friday June 10th
Dear Hobbes, Mom and Dad
Did I ever tell you how much I HATE THIS PLACE!? It's a literal Nightmare here!
SO, in case you are wondering why this is being written on Friday, it is because the camp only allows two letters to be sent each week. SO I have to describe the first three days here. And in case you are wondering…I AM NOT HAVING FUN AT ALL! Half the Counselors look like they have had severe facial lobotomy's and they smile half the time, it is creeping me out!
Anyway, onto what you guys REALLY want to hear…
Each day has a theme. I shall describe the themes to you, just so you have the idea on what kind of TORTURE they put us through!
Day 1: Friendship: They spent an entire HOUR AND A HALF, talking about how we need to ALL make friends with one another so that way the world could live in happy harmony. Belch. Then we split off into teams and had to see if any one of us was combatable for friendship, and then they left the room.
I shall now describe my group.
Burnt Out Star (real name unknown) : 16 years old, Held back 10 times…she needed to be sent here YEARS AGO! Goth, and I am pretty sure emo. Hated me, hated my guts and hated everyone… I think she also threatened to stab the counselors in their smiling faces a few times, too.
Beth: My age, fun outgoing cheerful, happy with everyone, got sent here because her little brother accused her of things she never did like killing the family dog…wears its collar around her neck... I hope that she ate a burger with too much Ketchup that stained it like that.
Moe: Punched my lights out, need I say more?
Day 2: Compassion and Mercy
Not much to say on this one though they did show us a Veggie Tales movie,Jonah. Ah well at least it was a GOOD movie (and kept the counselors from blabbing ). Then they split us into groups again.
MY group was Susie, Moe and Beth, so I know God was getting back at me for something.
Beth Said she would apologize to her brother for cutting his toys apart after tattling on her about the dog… I feel sorry for whoever has to bunk with this girl (Unless it's Susie).
Susie Apologized for Beating me and I apologized for her being a slimy girl. I got my lights punched out.
Moe apologized for punching me and gave me a sandwich- a knuckle sandwich… two of them. I apologized to him for the fact that Susie hits harder… and he gave me a third knuckle sandwich.
Day 3: Violence, about how Violence is the wrong answer, they spent TWO HOURS this time talking about how Violence isn't the answer to ANYTHING, well it helped kill the Nazi's so yeah, it was pretty irrelevant, they used me and Moe as an example. And he punched me once again. This time I was Knocked out for half an Hour, then I was berated by one of the counselors for being lazy and not sleeping right… yes you read that right- we have to sleep a certain way here.
The days Schedule is as follows:
8:00 Wake-up call (Almost like the army, except I doubt no soldiers want to stab a fork in their ears after hearing Barney's voice shout, 'Rise and Shine, boys and girls! Duh ha ha ha!")
9:00 Breakfast, consisting mostly of toast, eggs, bland oatmeal or wheat cereal, so I'm guessing they're slowly trying to kill us.
10:00 SINGING HOUR! IS THERE NO MERCY?!
11:00 Seminar… slept through it.
12:00 Group Activity's on lessons learned (So far I've learned to never trust how parents raise their kids HINT HINT!)
2:00 Lunch, mostly consisting of glop disgusting enough to put yours to shame, Mom.
3:00 Nap time (Seriously- as if sleeping through the seminar isn't enough)
5:00 Dinner …At this point, I'm really starting to miss your cooking, Mom.
6:30 ANOTHER SLEEPING HOUR! (I think the counselors just do this to hold Poker tournaments)
7:00 Church Service, where we gather at a chapel, mostly to pray (I keep praying for a way out of here!)
8:00 Bed Time… as if we didn't sleep ENOUGH during the day.
I hate this place and I hope you guys re happy, just remember I WILL BE HOME SOON!
Your Being forced to love you Son
Calvin
P.S Hobbes, KEEP YOUR PAWS OFF MY COMICS!
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Letter 2
Thursday, June 17th
Dear Mom and Dad.
Get. Me. OUT OF HERE! Whatever I did to deserve coming to a camp like this, I'm sorry already! Heck, I was sorry before I even came here! And these last four days at Camp WACK-Job here made me even sorry-ER!
For instance, Day Four. Today's lesson was Love (At this point, I was praying to GOD for a reprieve). The Counselors talked to us for another TWO HOURS about the different kinds of Love: how you love your family, how you love your neighbor, and- I am not kidding- what happens when people fall IN LOVE. The only thing good about it was that Moe got so sick, he ended up having to go to the nurse to take medicine in order to prevent further vomiting. I wish I had gotten in there before him, because by that time it was already full.
I was put into a team with Susie and Beth again, and I looked up to the sky and narrated, 'And then the clouds opened up and God said, 'I hate you Calvin whatever-your-last-name-is!''. Susie talked about how she loved her parents and missed them; Beth talked about how she loved her brother despite he blamed her for the death of her dog and painting 'I Love You' all over his room (this girl is really starting to scare me); and I admitted how my love for you guys is dwindling with every second I have to spend in this shell-hole.
Dinner that evening was quiet- considering everyone was still in the infirmary getting their stomachs pumped from yesterday's 'Spinach Surprise'. Unlike the rest of the idiots here, I dumped mine out the window- so if the raccoon population suddenly decreases at an alarming rate, you can guess what caused it.
Did I mention I have to share a cabin with the creepiest guys on earth? One of them is, of course, Moe… who made it a tradition to clobber me five times before bed, and three times every morning for his 'exercise routine' (it shocks me to realize he actually knows how to use those two words correctly). The other two guys, believe it or not, are even worse!
The first boy is named Derek, he has spikey black hair and draws pictures of knives on his arm. He's 13, and said he was sent here because everyone at Juvenile Hall was scared ****-less of him (on the bright side, he's teaching me some great new vocabulary!); The other boy is Lou, he has poofy blonde hair with pink tips, wears beaded friendship bracelets (he tried to give me one but I told him I was allergic to the material), and enjoys reading girly books- he even brought Twilight! He's only 10 years old… and frankly, from his personality, I think the counselors did a number on him. They've been coming here for three years now.
Day five was no better.
The lesson for that day was sharing, and the counselors spent only half an hour talking about how sharing is better than selfishness. (I had to agree with Derek when he said '**** that'… whatever **** means). They had us watch another Veggietales movie about it, then I was put in a team with a girl named Sally- who is my age, sent here because her parents are rich and don't have time for her (it's her first year here, too), who has blonde hair which she holds back in a pony-tail, and she doesn't talk much (unlike every other girl here)- and Derek.
Derek decided to share one of his nose-piercings, offering to pierce one of our body-parts so we could wear one (I was excited, until one of the counselors dragged him off to the Scoutmaster's office); Sally shared a cookie with me, saying she was diabetic and couldn't have sugar… and I decided to hold back on sharing a booger I picked with her, since she's not slimy like other girls, and shared some carrot-sticks the counselors passed out instead. (NO HOBBES, SHE IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!)
Things got a little creepy at Church Hour, that day (I mean, creepier than they already are). First of all, it was the only time I got to see Derek since our sharing-session, and all his knife-drawings had been washed off his skin, his hair was neatly combed, his piercings were gone, and he actually looked scared for some reason. I wanted to ask him what happened back at our cabin, but Moe knocked me out before I got the chance (I hope YOU GUYS are enjoying yourselves, knowing how much agony I'm going through!)
Day Six: The lesson was about giving hugs… I'm going to skip this one.
At lunch, I sat with Sally (ONLY BECAUSE THE OTHER TABLES WERE FULL, SO STOP LAUGHING HOBBES!). She didn't say much, only listened as I griped about camp, and only replying a couple times. This is how our conversation went:
Me: This place sucks! I can't believe my own parents would be cruel enough to send me here! So I caused a little trouble- it's not like I bombed a city or killed a billion people or voted for Obama!
Sally: …
Me: I can't imagine why ANY parent would do this- it's like a prison, only the guards have smiles glued to their faces and making us wear these cheesy uniforms and trying to brainwash us… What do you think, Sally?
Sally: I think they really are trying to brainwash us, considering what happened to Derek- here comes a counselor, better eat your Liverwurst Casserole before they hear you griping.
To tell the truth, she reminds me of Hobbes (No offense for comparing you to a girl, buddy). Quiet, using few words, and no one else realizes she's alive.
Day seven was really weird. The lesson that day was inner-beauty, and the counselors went on and ON about how 'you can't judge a book by its' cover', 'beauty is only skin-deep', and stuff like that. One counselor, Steve, told us that despite half of us were ugly little weasels, he believed there was some hope we were better on the inside (He was sent to the Scout Master after some kids cried). The rest of the counselors then made us do the most horrible thing imaginable.
They made all us boys compliment a girl they paired us with! I was hoping for Sally so I could tell her it was great that she was so quiet, or even Beth so I could say the chain that her collar attached to must be lovely… but instead, I was paired with Susie. …To tell the truth, neither of us had any compliments to give. She started off with 'Your face looks less ugly today', and I replied with 'They'll have to invent a new term for 'ugly' to describe you.' …When a counselor checked on us, we both lied about insulting each other (I bet anything that's what EVERYONE did).
With it being Sunday, we had Church Hour at 10 AM and again at 7 PM. I saw the counselor that had to go see the Scout Master, and- like Derek- he seemed different too. Almost… robotic. He kept smiling constantly like all the other Botox-injected weirdoes here, and every movement he made was stiff, and he hardly blinked. It was creepy.
Well, I have to wrap up this letter before Moe comes in to punch my lights out (hopefully he does it before Lou decides to tell me about the next chapter of Twilight).
Sincerely, your formerly-sane son, Calvin
PS, Hobbes, STOP LAUGHING ABOUT ME AND SALLY!
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Letter 3
Tuesday, June 22
Dear Mom and Dad.
I hate you both!
On Friday they announced that we would have a camping trip that would last until Tuesday, so we packed up and went into the mountains, we hiked 100 MILES, Sally and I both kept track, until we reached our camping spot . Then, we set up tents, I was with Sally, (HOBBES STOP LAUGHING OR I'LL PUNCH YOU!)
I shall not bore you with ALL the details, just so I can annoy dad (HA HA!)
But, here was our schedule:
5:00 Wake up REALLY!?
6:00 Morning hike… kill me now.
10:00 Breakfast, (Why wake us up at five then?)
11:00: Fishing, BORING!
2:00 Hiking (50 MILES EVERYDAY COME ON!)
5:00 Dinner (no lunch as to save Food supplies)
6:00 TWO AND A HALF HOURS OF SONG!
8:30 Spooky Campfire Stories… though we're not allowed to include any blood or gore. LAMEST STORIES EVER!
9:00 Bed time REALLY!?
Anyway the days were fine (yeah right) But the nights were terrifying.
1st Night: Heard Weapons fire in the distance, then two Consolers came back to camp, looking VERY pleased. When asked what all the firing was about last night, they just said some hunters were just hunting deer, and advised us not to wander off at night so not to get shot by accident. (I was willing to take the risk if it would get me away from these nut-jobs).
2nd Night: Saw a 15 year old boy walked through the camp, dressed in leather jacket, jeans, black Shirt, and brown Hair, had sunglasses, muttering about some stupid kids and a dog…no comment, though he did seem veeeeerrrrryyyy familiar.
3rd Night: Saw a white Doe, with a boy with HUGE glasses following him, followed by a red haired boy, later both came running back with a sword… Where have I seen that before?
4th Night: Heard someone singing 'Never had a friend like me'…then saw a flying carpet… okay, I think there are some drugs in the food they are giving us.
5th and Finale Night:…..I kid you not…CHOCALTE RAIN…CHOCALATE RAIN! LITTERALY IT RAINED CHOCALATE! OH THANK YOU HEAVENLY FATHER, FOR THIS MERCIFUL GIFT! …sucked when we woke up and it was gone, and the counselors said we must have been dreaming. (Tell that to Lou, who still had chocolate all over his face).
SO yeah, the next Day, we went home me and Sally talked on the Way back. As it turns out she lives a couple of blocks from us, even had a friend like Hobbes. She's a white tiger and her name is Althea. (BETCHA WISH YOU NEVER LAUGHED AT ME NOW HOBBES!)
Anyway, I hope that you guys are still having fun without me.
Your, still being forced to love you, even though I hate you guys right now and want to send you to wherever the lobotomized guys at the camp go when they die, Son
Calvin
P.S here is a picture of Althea… try not to kiss it too much, Hobbes! XD
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Letter Four
June 29th, Wednesday
Dear Mom and Dad whom I'm deeply despising,
I hope you get brained by a cinder block! This place has gotten even more worse than last week! As if the Camping Trip Torture wasn't enough, it began to rain- and none of it was chocolate! (**** it… Derek taught me that phrase :D). We were forced to stay in our cabins all week… almost like our first camping trip, except none of us had to eat spam. We were only allowed out to go eat or attend church.
Here's all that had happened during that time:
First day of rain: Moe decided to pass the time by treating me like a punching bag… though lately he's been beating up Lou more than me, probably because he keeps talking whenever he reads, as if complaining about the characters or wooing over Jacob or Edward (I am seriously thinking something is wrong with Lou- Don't boys normally go crazy over girls? Hobbes, you're an expert on that, so you tell me). Derek has been quiet, mostly scribbling in his journal, which he keeps hidden in his underwear… wow, he must have a lot of personal secrets. (If his hiding spot wasn't so unsanitary, I'd probably want to steal the journal and read it).
Moe had dragged Lou outside to dunk his head in a puddle for giggling nonstop about how eager he is to see Breaking Dawn Part Two once he gets back home. I decided to hide under the bed just in case he still had the urge to beat something else up. Burned Out Star walked into the cabin with Derek, and they began to whisper about something, both looking worried. I hadn't noticed that Burned Out Star looked a lot less emo since I first saw her… Anyway, their conversation was cut short when Moe dragged a drenched Lou back in, and Derek said he'd talk to her later. (Wish I had super-hearing so I'd know what they were talking about).
Rain, rain, go away- to my house and strike my parents with lightening while you're at it! It had gotten so boring, even Moe didn't feel like beating anyone up! Lou got tired of reading his books and wished he had brought his crochet equipment with him (?). Derek started drawing pictures in his notebook, and I managed to get a peek, seeing he was drawing a picture of a black wolf with a silver collar and green eyes, standing beside a little boy with black hair. He caught me watching and put it away, telling me to mind my own ****-ing business. I then asked him what **** meant… he only rolled his eyes and ignored me. Jerk.
Day Two of Rain: I got tired of sitting around the cabin, so I snuck out and went over to the cafeteria to snag some cookies- the only edible food this camp gives out. When I got there, I noticed I wasn't the only one who got the idea, since Burned Out Star managed to bust in. She told me that if I even breathed a word, she'd strangle me with my own intestines- I told her to just hand me some cookies and I'd leave. She tossed me a couple and shoved me out… and I swear I thought her eyes were glowing red.
I decided to eat my cookies in the small chapel we have our church hour in, figuring no one else would be in there. I was wrong when I saw Sally there, sitting in a back row, her head bowed as if in prayer. I was told it was rude to interrupt someone during a prayer, so I went on my way. I then noticed the Bibles, seeing that none of them had been touched… which was weird, considering the counselor who ran the place always had one and kept making references to scriptures. Sally snuck up on me and pulled me under one of the pews (One comment Hobbes, and I'll knock the stripes off ya!) She shushed me and pointed over, and I noticed a couple counselors had walked in without making a sound. We snuck back out and ran back to our cabins.
So, as you can probably tell, this camp isn't helping me- actually, it's making me feel worse. And if THAT isn't enough to convince you to bring me home, then I can only say you're minds have shut down and your hearts turned into cement!
Signed, Your Soon to be Seceding for a second time Son, Calvin.
PS, Hobbes, I really wish you were here so you could eat the counselors and free us all!
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WG wrote Letters 2and 4 and I wrote 1 and 3
Hope you people like this Trifecta Update day because it only goes downhill for Calvin EVEN MORE!
Remember folks READ AND REVIEW…or I'll eat your Dinner!
P;