Death: I apologize for the wait. First semester of college and was just adjusting and would've have finished this sooner if it weren't for my english class. I worked on a very good essay, one that took four weeks. And I got an A on it! My first A on an essay.

Wanna know the best part? The subject was about epidemics, and mine was about Death Note. Yes, Death Note. It was very fun writing it.

Disclaimer: I think it's obvious that I do not own Death Note. That right is solely on Ohba-sama and Obata-sama.

Chapter 5 – Behind Those Eyes

=3=

Change, Light had realized, is the major factor of life. Some change can be good but others not so much. Light learned a harsh lesson about change; change can't always be prevented.

This shock of reality changed his views as well as his values. Light no longer saw himself as a prodigy compared to when he was in school. His pride as a prodigy was still intact, but his values were no longer about himself. In fact the first few weeks at Whammy's Light didn't have any idea what his values were.

Until he met L.

L opened a whole new world to Light, giving him a different view of life. Light's values shifted from himself to the people around him, the people who were closest to him. L and Mu were the two main catalysts of Light's change of values and views of life.

L had been the first catalyst, with his ability to wiggle his way into Light's head and interpret what's going on. His ability to do so helped L have some understanding of the child that held so much promise. L didn't know the full details of the horrors the boy had seen, and he didn't need to, for the screams and blood Light had willingly informed him was enough.

Although L helped Light out of his shell, he couldn't remain at the orphanage forever. Light understood, L's work is very demanding and he rarely takes breaks to begin with. The boy was selfish when it came down to knowing L as L, but not when it comes down to the elder boy's work. He respected L enough not to be too selfish. But when L left, this was when Mu came into the picture.

Mu was the second catalyst because of his persistence to remain by his roommate's side. Even some of Mu's values have been borrowed into Light's own world. He didn't have the hero complex Mu had, but he did share some of the same sentiments to the weak. L changed the boy's views while Mu changed his values.

All of this wasn't intentional, just to note. Light's family, especially his father, was his world. Therefore, Light shared the same values and thoughts as his father, Soichiro Yagami. He shared the same sense of justice, the same views of the world, and the same values of work. However for some odd reason Soichiro Yagami's values of his family did not, in fact, become part of Light's world until after he was taken into Whammy's House.

It wasn't that his father neglected such values. Light knew his father loved his family very much. But it was the examples Soichiro had been expressing unknowingly to his son. Light only saw his father late in the afternoon or dinner time during the week. There were times when his father wasn't home for the weekend, or didn't even come home for long periods of time when he worked heavily on an important case. From the eyes of a child, Light only saw that perhaps, to Soichiro, work was more important. To be more bizarre, Light's understanding wasn't negative as most children would have reacted.

But it was all the facts Light put together himself. He made an assumption, which by this age he didn't understand that not all assumptions are correct. He didn't understand the values of family until after he lost his own. Vengeance reared its ugly head, and although it had been unfortunate that it happened to a brilliant child with a loving family, Light would have never learned that such values of his family were important in life.

Somehow L understood this, and he found it incredibly sad and ironic. He gently worked around Light's ideas of the world, getting to know what was going on inside the boy's head. At first he may have been slightly manipulative, but once he actually got to know the boy, he started to see a friend in Light. And when L was removed from the picture, Light turned to Mu as his source of comfort, which L knew it could very well happen. Mu unknowingly took L's place as the start of Light's recovery process.

Looking back, Light realized that L had been very sneaky. He had been sculpting the boy towards perfection, nudging him to the right direction. And it all happened because L had been simply curious of the boy. Watari had spoken well of the boy, he told L that the newest addition had incredible potential. And because of his curiosity, L found himself a friend.

And now Mu had left. Light knew it would happen at some point, but what really bothered him was the fact he was labeled as a possible successor to L. He was the runner up, the first of the three children at Whammy's that were competing to become L's choice, L's backup, and L's successor.

Not only did Light feel incredibly pressured from all sides, he was frustrated by the fact Roger didn't consult him if he even wanted to become a competitor to become L's heir. And to add salt to the wound, his new roommate was a mere child, one of the other two competitors. Light would be watched by a competitor, when he felt calm and relaxed when he was in his room. He felt his privacy was going to be invaded and he had no say in the matter.

Change could be a good thing. However, this change in his life, Light absolutely loathed. It was as if he didn't have a voice, when in fact Whammy's House was perfecting him to have a voice, a powerful voice that should be used. What was the point to be perfected, when he couldn't even use his voice at Whammy's? It was as if he was mute, as if time decided to turn back to the days he rarely talked.

It was time he decided, to put the abilities they helped him polish into use.

=3=

Both Roger and the boy, Near, stared at the teen in shock. It was safe to say that neither expected Light to refuse what the orphanage was raising brilliant children for. Many children couldn't handle the pressure, but none have ever, ever blatantly refused. No child especially ever said no to the offer at Roger's face.

But Light held his ground. His intense gaze met Roger's confused and surprised expression. The teen was silently setting his point on the table, and boldly challenging the head of the orphanage to do something about it. And they both knew that Roger could do very little in this situation, Watari and L had warned the elder man about Light's sensitivity and high amount of pride.

"Well, then, I'm sorry to disappoint. It is L's decision, he has the last say as to who could be his successor. He told me specifically that you came first, followed by Near and then Mello. I cannot allow you–"

"Then let me ask you something. How long did you know that I was L's first choice on the list?" Light interrupted, eyes blazing with anger.

Roger gulped.

Out of all of the questions, the old man dreaded that one the most.

"About a week."

Light raised a brow. "How convenient, for if memory serves me right, that's about the same time Mu was given the opportunity to leave Whammy's early for a special plan. So why didn't you consult me about this decision a week ago?"

"…"

"So, what, you sent Mu off so I had no choice but to become this boy's roommate? Is that it? Without Mu, you thought I'd be a lost puppy, am I right?"

Near tilted his head up for a better view of the teen before him. Roger vaguely noticed this, act of interest. As of yet the boy had never shown any interest in other children. He wasn't a mute Kin had been, Near would speak only when spoken to. The boy spoke softly, answering questions from teachers and if he was in the mood, the nagging questions of other children. But he never spoke his own opinions. If anyone asked what he thought, Near would clam up.

'At least there is some hope that this could be the right decision.' Roger thought.

"However it may seem to you, that is not the case."

Light narrowed his eyes, a dangerous glint in those eyes sent shivers through Roger's body. Just what exactly had he gotten himself into? Before the old man could ponder over the situation further, the teen turned and left. Even as the door closed behind him, the room felt about ten degrees colder than it should.

Long moments of silence passed, both still in shock over what had just happened. Near was the first to recover.

"Well that turned out just splendidly, Roger."

The old man only gulped.

=3=

Word spread quickly of Kin's refusal. Many were shocked that someone would even carry out such an action. Some of the children tried to ruffle the teen's feathers, but one look and his reputation to be violent put an immediate stop to the confrontations. That didn't stop the whispers in the hallways, or in the classrooms just before class.

Everywhere Light went, he'd catch whispers of disappointment. They all thought he was a freak, and treated him as such. No one would speak to him. When he happened to sit down at a table or some patch of grass outside the others would move away. It happened even in the classrooms, which made group work frustrating.

It got so bad Light decided to just skip all of his classes. In a way he'd kill two birds with one stone. He'd avoid the stares, the whispers, and the awkward behaviors of the other students while at the same time he carried out his plan of rebelling. But just to be on the safe side Light would show up on test days. To the professors who kept an eye over him were amazed he passed the tests even though he didn't show up in class.

He didn't mind about the social status change, either. He was used to such treatment. He can tolerate being alone, Light preferred it that way. It still hurt his pride about the social change, but he can survive without it.

And despite his refusal, Roger wouldn't cave. Light was immediately moved into the same room as Near. Their bedroom was on the first floor near the kitchen, with better furniture and actually made for two people. There were even two beds on either side of the room with a bedside table between them.

Light found the albino kid even more infuriating than the other children. The boy never spoke, and when he did he spoke softly with a stoic expression. His round eyes always followed him whenever he was within the vicinity. Those eyes unnerved Light the most.

They were too much like L's.

But there was one major flaw between Near and L. Unlike L, Near's eyes were expressionless, vague. L had an intense determination in his panda eyes while the boy's were blank. Although they were the same shape and color Light didn't see Near as L. He didn't fall for the trap.

Light couldn't stand those eyes. He didn't like how they followed him when they were in the same room. He didn't like how they remained solely on him, never straying. So the teen made a goal to avoid Near as much as possible until curfew. After a month this goal had easily grown into a routine.

When he caught even a glimpse of white hair and pale clothes Light would immediately walk back the way he came from. In a way the teen had become paranoid of the sight of the boy, yes, a simple boy – Light had no idea what had become of his mind.

At the time Light questioned what was wrong with him a strange event occurred. He happened to walk by an empty study room, on his way towards the library. The door was slightly ajar, and just as he walked passed he heard strange noise. Curious the teen paused and discreetly peered inside.

Honey brown eyes widened at the sight of Near on the floor. A blond girl was pulling at the white hair, and Near tried to squirm away for enough distance for a kick at the girl's stomach. But the girl was almost twice his size. The best Near can do was scratch at his attacker's face, which has done nothing to phase the bully.

Before Light could even debate whether or not to help he pushed through the door and tackled the blond to the floor with a loud thud. The kid shrieked in surprise. But her reflexes were quick as she tried to claw at his face. The two rolled on the floor as they tried to gain the upper hand on the other.

Light didn't know what was going on. They were just a mess of limbs and a failed attempt of wrestling. The kid swore colorful words that would give Roger a heart attack if he heard them. At some point the blond sent a flying kick that missed. Instead the foot connected with a bookshelf which in turn knocked down a vase.

At the sound of shattered glass the pair froze. The three strained for any sign of running footsteps. Distant voices from down the hall were heard. Quickly Light and the girl pushed each other away, disgusted. Their eyes met, silently agreeing that this will have to be continued later.

The blond was the first to get up and scram. Light limped to the door, grabbing Near's tiny wrist and dragging the boy out of the study room. The brunette wasn't quite sure where he wanted to go. He just knew they had to get away from the study room with the broken vase.

When they finally stopped Light realized they somehow made it to their bedroom without any witnesses. His leg was hurt after all. It would be suspicious if he was seen limping about the same time the vase broke. And he was sure everyone heard their fight, which probably wouldn't help in their case either.

Once they stopped to catch their breath the teen let go of Near's wrist to sit down on the edge of his bed. That was when Light thought over the even that had just happened.

'What the hell was I thinking? I don't like this, this – this boy! Why did I do that? Damn it, Mu rubbed off on me more than I thought.' Light resisted the urge to smack himself.

With a sigh the brunette laid down on his bed. What's done was done, and there was nothing he could do about it. And what's more he has an injured leg, probably a bad bruise, and that he couldn't defeat a little girl.

That hurt the most.

"I don't know what to think of you. I find you annoying, and yet I had the impulse of coming to your aid. You're so puny. Unless you have some kind of weapon I can't see you pull off any defense techniques. If you don't want to be bullied then I suggest you have at least one friend. Someone who will jump in and put a stop to the bullying, it's best for children here are safer in numbers." Light spoke, not caring if Near heard him or not.

"Trust me, I've been there. I used to be like you. But I took it to the next level and never spoke a word. I may have spoken a few times to my roommate and maybe Roger too, but overall I wanted nothing to do with this place. I still don't, actually. But I've come to bear it and move on."

'What am I doing? Why am I even telling him any of this?'

"Now that I've been named as a possible replacement I feel that I've been tricked, used, and betrayed. It's as if they're only using us as lab rats to replace L if anything ever happened. When I came out of my shell I thought that I can shape my own future. Instead I've been walking straight into their hands, like a puppet."

Unaware, Near was sitting on the floor twirling his hair. His eyes studied the teen as he listened, soaking up each word and storing them into a nearly empty "Kinship Cabinet" in his head. All this time Near could only gather that Kin was Asian with a very high amount of ego. His behaviors, likes, dislikes, interests, etc. are almost unknown to the boy.

But in this revelation Near came to a new understanding of his roommate.

"You feel trapped, and so you're secretly planning how you can use your abilities to your advantage and make them realize you're serious. For the past month I've been puzzling over why you would refuse to become L's heir, especially when you're his first choice. You hold a lot of pride, so it couldn't be because you're afraid or shy. But now I believe I have found the answer to the puzzle." The boy spoke in a flat tone.

For once Near wasn't speaking softly. Blinking several times Light sat up to meet the boy's calculating gaze.

"In the past you met L. I assume you met him in person and not through the monitor checkups he has every month or two. You hold a lot of respect for L but at the same time you see him not as a goal, or a phantom you can never grasp, but as an equal. He took an interest in you and in return you met him in the flesh. L is who brought you out of your shell. Is that why you feel betrayed? That you made your first friend, who may have guided you like a puppet master just so you can be the perfect puppet?" Near asked, staring unblinking at the teen.

The brunette tensed at the chosen words. Near not only struck a chord that pulled at his chest, but he actually hit the mark. For a moment Light thought the boy was taunting him. But the way he questioned the teen seemed to be out of curiosity, not mockery.

At the realization Light relaxed his muscles. His honey brown eyes narrowed, darkening into a brown as he tilted his head.

"You're trying to analyze me. That's why you've been watching my every move. You're trying to figure out my habits, my behaviors, and how my mind works. I'm sorry, but you've only breached the tip of the iceberg. If you want to understand me then we have to trust each other. I'll be willing if you are, but if you're not then I'm afraid you'll have to carry on without finishing this puzzle. And this will be the only chance I'll give."

For a few moments they stared in silence. Light found it hard to keep eye contact with the boy's cold gaze. His stubbornness helped him stand his ground, not to succumb in the urges of looking away.

"Very well, I agree on your terms. But I would like to add a few of my own. We learn to trust each other on our own pace. We are both stubborn and sensitive, not the best combination between the two of us." Near twirled a strand of his hair between his fingers, his voice a softer tone once again.

"That works for me." Light shrugged.

"Then the first thing I'd like to tell you is that we'll probably be questioned about the fight earlier."

The brunette blinked. "What makes you think that?"

"I left my unfinished puzzle on the floor. And Mello is often the culprit of bullying me."

Light's eyebrow twitched.

'Just my luck. I help a kid and in turn I'm going to be a person of interest.'

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Death: Soooo...anyone caught immediately that the blond Light mistook as a girl was actually Mello? I thought it was clever xD Even I mistook him as a girl when I first read the manga in what seemed like long ago x3 Then I read how they referred Mello as male. That was a shocker. I blame his hair and thin body.

Yes, Near actually has a sense of humor. I think that under all of that blunt child-like act, he has some humor about him. Plus, he's a child in this time period, not 15 when he's first introduced in the manga/anime. I thought that he'd probably be a little more open if he knew someone personally and thus trusted them more, or if someone like Light caught his interest. I hope he's somehat in character though, I have trouble with Near and sometimes Mello. Matt is easy, he just sits there smoking or playing on a DS or PSP. Which is stupid in my opinion, the character least known about and he's the easiest to write compared to the two runner ups as L's successors. And I even have trouble with L sometimes.

Oh, and the title of this chapter is named after a name of a song. It's Behind Blue Eyes by 3 Doors Down. Good song, and I didn't have any idea what the title of this chapter should be so maybe in the future I'll use title of songs that suit the chapter well. Heck, the title of this story was named after a song anyway. I thought I should start turning it into a theme.

Anyway, I hope you like. And I hope this was worth the wait, school comes first even if I wished it were not so. So without further ado, please click the lovely review button!