A/N: I just posted this on Tumblr, but I'll post it here too. I split it into two parts so I'll be posting the next part right after this. There will be slight Furuya/Haruichi & Ryousuke/Kuramochi in this (more ryoukura than furuharu though).

Edit: Shit, I forgot to add that this has smut btw, for those who don't wish to read that, though a lot of my work has smut just fyi.

Eijun smiled from the couch feeling the urge to go hug Kazuya who had just gotten home from work, despite the fact that it was one o'clock in the morning and he was actually supposed to have left a long time ago. Kazuya, however, was not nearly so chipper. He wore a tired frown, and the first thing he'd done was yawn. "Hey," he said, the frown returning when he finished. "I didn't expect you to still be here…"

Eijun rose slowly, hugging him quite tenderly that Kazuya's lips couldn't help but turn into a small smile at how comforting that was.

"Sorry… I know the usual drill, to leave when you go to work and all but—Sorry. H-How was it?" Eijun asked sounding as apologetic as possible.

Kazuya sighed because this seemed awfully familiar.

'That's what he always says and I always just let it happen.'

"Which part of my day wouldn't bore you to death?" Kazuya shot back, irritated. "I had to take over for Mei because he didn't show up."

Eijun knew better than to offer his help financially because working overtime for someone else—they'd had arguments about it already. He especially hated it when Kazuya would throw the "but you're not my boyfriend" card right at him. It wasn't the night for that. Kazuya seemed really on edge already and Eijun simply wanted to support him.

"Sorry to hear that…"

Kazuya brushed it off and wearily made his way to sit on the couch. He sat there for a moment; head buried in his hands, and said, "Eijun, why?"

Eijun tried to keep himself from frowning, following the other to the couch and sitting beside him, body rigid. Eijun's stomach was doing flip-flops and for a moment he felt queasy thinking about what he'd say. "Kazuya," he said his name as seriously as possible with little strain to his voice. "I care about you."

Kazuya shook his head. "But I don't know if I'll be able to—" his voice had dropped to barely a whisper as he was unable to finish the sentence when he looked directly into the other's expressive eyes. They looked ever so honest and warm and sad. It made him feel shitty because he knew he was the cause of this because the usual Eijun was energetic and happy and obnoxiously annoying. He didn't deserve it, any of it. They had already spoken about their so called "arrangement" that they had going for some time.

"Don't say anything else," Eijun interrupted.

"But—"

Truthfully, Eijun felt choked up on the inside, like he was going to cry but held back his tears because no way in hell was he going to cry in front of Miyuki Kazuya right now. He had done that enough times already. He was going to show him that he was just fine with this and that he would take whatever he could get.

"You don't have to date someone to love them, you know." Eijun spoke those words like they were the undeniable truth, like if he truly believed them and he wasn't in denial, as if it didn't break him little by little knowing that Kazuya would never consider his feelings but he pulled through and put a delicate hand on Kazuya's shoulder. "I honestly do think you're just scared to let people in… And it's fine… take all the time you need and even if you never end up falling in love with me—Just being around you—Being your friend would be enough."

His friend? But Kazuya didn't really see Eijun as his friend. It was an indescribable sort of relationship. Youichi was his friend, probably his only friend, but Eijun called himself his friend, even their friendship was one-sided. Kazuya wanted it all to stop. He didn't like feeling like this, like he was the only one taking. He was used to being selfish, but purposefully hurting someone who was offering him their heart? It was cruel.

"It's fine…? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say Eijun. I don't want to pretend to give you something I can't," Kazuya said with a minor croak in his voice. "I can barely take care of myself. I quit doing what I loved to just get some fast paying job but I'm unhappy. It took me this long to admit that I'm unhappy and now I'm uncertain of what the hell I even want."

Eijun's hand squeezed. "I know but why can't you just let me be there for you?"

"Why the hell do you care so much?" Kazuya asked ignoring the other's question.

Eijun closed his eyes. Under normal circumstances, he would have left this guy a long time ago, but it wasn't exactly a typical situation for him. He had such a strong attraction from the beginning. It was more than mere attraction though. He just felt so drawn to Kazuya, a magnetic pull. Eijun knew of the beauty that lied underneath all those layers of insecurity. He hated how negative Kazuya had become with things. It wasn't the usual Miyuki Kazuya but it was still a part of him nonetheless. There were some old wounds there and Eijun acknowledged this, accepted this. Love, was after all patient, and he learned, Eijun learned for Kazuya because he grew to really feel for this person.

"Kazuya, we've had this conversation before."

"Yeah, and I still don't understand."

Eijun laughed dryly. "Since when did I suddenly become smarter than you?"

Kazuya furrowed his eyebrows clearly annoyed at the remark. "Oi, I resent that. You're still an idiot at everything else."

"You're a bastard."

"Not as much bite as your usual insult." Kazuya smirked at this usual banter.

It was nice to see Kazuya have a more natural reaction. Eijun felt a bit accomplished at that.

"Yeah, I know. You're making this harder. I'm supposed to be the annoying one, remember?" Eijun moved his hand onto Kazuya's thigh.

"You know this is just going to hurt you right?"

"That's your opinion, and besides, it'll probably hurt you more than me." Eijun said with a small smile.

Kazuya chuckled because he knew exactly what Eijun was talking about, and it was not about his emotions.

"I can't give you what you want out of a relationship."

"Also your opinion." Eijun's hand moved up, closer to Kazuya's hip.

"Eijun."

"I love you, Kazuya. That's all I have to say."

"B-But it's not enough."

Eijun forced a bit of a smile. "I'm not asking for anything else but just… I just want to be near you," now both of his hands were on Kazuya's collared shirt, unbuttoning it.

Kazuya was breathing slowly, waiting. He wanted this, he really did, but at the same time it felt like he'd regret it the day after, just like how it happened the first time they let passion run its course. When his shirt was loose enough, Eijun moved to seat himself on Kazuya's lap, pulling it over his head.

Kazuya knew, he noticed when Eijun started showing the signs. Like when he would accidentally stay the night, when he would end up in Kazuya's embrace until the next morning. It was mostly Eijun just wanting to be much closer while Kazuya hesitated the majority of times, like if he accepted all of Eijun's affections it would be too much. He appreciated it when Eijun would make him coffee unexpectedly, just the way he liked it, black with just a hint of milk and then Eijun would complain about how vile it'd taste. When did the idiot start paying attention to detail anyway? He let himself get used to Eijun's presence, his warmth and the random moments of delicacy when talking about the past. It was a dangerous game because why the hell did love have to make things complicated? Why couldn't things just stay the way they were with them having these types of benefits with one another?

He'd come to the conclusion that it wasn't his fault at all, that Eijun was the one at fault for falling in love. What Kazuya didn't want to admit was that he possibly liked the affection he received because god, nobody had ever paid that much attention to him and genuinely gave a crap. As good looking as he was, he was always good at pushing people away or making snide remarks when he didn't need people any longer. Besides, others always used him, whether it be for his good looks or his talent and he didn't need a fake relationship with someone anyway. He wasn't looking for silly friendships; people disliked him too much for that. He figured that out during his early years in middle school.

When Kazuya would have his days off and be bored or lonely, (though he'd never admit that one), he'd text or call Eijun. Sawamura Eijun was that guy. The one who would do anything for the people he considered close and maybe, just maybe, Kazuya liked having him around because Youichi had been too hooked on trying to get this Kominato Ryousuke guy's attention at his job lately. The chicken hadn't asked him out yet but it wasn't like he had other friends either. Friends, that word always made him think twice, made him think of easier days on a baseball field, of the mutual love for something so complex yet simple.

He was surprised Eijun even put up with all of his conditions. Kazuya did wonder about it sometimes. What would happen if the random calls and the random texts; the random kisses and random embraces would suddenly stop? What if Eijun would walk out on him because he would realize he could do much better instead of sticking with someone who couldn't make up his mind? Someone who was a broken shell of what they used to be? It would be back to those cold and lonely mornings—wait, since when did he ever care about being on his own? He was used to it. He'd be fine.

It had been that way since he could first remember, but he had to admit it would be rough when someone was by your side day in and day out despite you turning them down with insults that they were completely oblivious towards. Someone who stubbornly and persistently chased after you asking for a few minutes of your time which eventually turned into hours. Someone who simply did not give up. Someone who said they would definitely make you like them while boldly or idiotically confessing. Someone who always smiled and followed you asking for friendship first and foremost, that person was Sawamura Eijun. The person who ruined Miyuki Kazuya's life although he could possibly argue that his life was already ruined even before the other came in and made it more confusing. He was like that illuminating and annoying sun that you wanted to stay down for another good few hours so you could get more sleep, but Eijun just seemed to go at his own pace.

"So how was work?"

Kazuya took a deep breath and began to relax, leaning back onto the couch. Maybe he just did need to let go and not think for once, it seemed to work for Eijun a lot. "I had to take the extra shift at the office. A lot of people were trying to finish up before the deadline. I was up on my feet for twelve hours or maybe thirteen, can't even remember. Some new guy joined the company today so I had to show him around. Of course I'll be bargaining for a promotion after this."

"You deserve it," Eijun said, peppering kisses on Kazuya jaw line, stopping here and there to suck gently. Damn Eijun needed to stop that, but Kazuya couldn't muster up the force to say it, it was just what he needed. His shoulders slumped.

"Ei-jun…" Kazuya gasped the last syllable.

Eijun's teeth were grazing the skin on his neck and Kazuya wondered when the heck he got so good at that.

"Kazuya," Eijun murmured against the other's skin, leaning his body back so that he could suck harshly below Kazuya's collarbone. He didn't want to make any visible marks this time around seeing as he got scolded for it the other time. Kazuya's hands had encircled him; one hand was gripping Eijun's thigh tightly as small shivers coursed through him and the other was impatiently tracing shapes on his back.

"I..." Kazuya was panting a bit. "Eijun," he said suddenly, voice clear, "I—"

"Just let me show you how much you mean to me. Don't think. You're ruining the moment now," Eijun purred softly into the Kazuya's ear. He licked the lobe gently and then kissed him on the cheek in an attempt to chase the doubts away.

"You're too much."

"I know," Eijun whispered in response.

"I don't know if we can keep doing this."

'I always say that.'

"Think about it later." Eijun said automatically.

"Why are you okay with this…?"

"Because I want you." Eijun kissed Kazuya's lips, trying to slide into a deeper embrace but Kazuya pulled away.

"Just kiss me… please," Eijun said much quieter. And Kazuya did because his voice— he felt at that moment Eijun was much more vulnerable than he'd ever heard him. He'd done that, he was breaking this beautiful person. Screw the doubts; screw whatever consequences would come from this. Screw his loneliness. Someone was there for him regardless of him being indecisive and broken. Maybe for once he'd just not think about it. He could feel guilty later and not push Eijun away again. Kazuya quickly dominated the kiss, tongue softly probing at Eijun's lips, cupping Eijun's face as he did so, moaning just so as their lips moved against each others', but Eijun retaliated by pushing Kazuya's head back against the couch. He wanted to take Kazuya's breath away not let himself get swept away. He wanted to make him forget about the harshness he always faced at the office, along with any other personal troubles clouding his mind.

"Eijun," Kazuya said, but it came out as a moan, and he fell back into the kiss letting the other dominate him because it was always amazing at how much enthusiasm and determination showed on Eijun's face when he wanted to please. It was eye opening at how honest one person could be. Eijun was an open book. He could clearly see the hurt, the yearning for affection to be reciprocated, the need to let out his tears and it honestly stung. But the attention and pleasure he was receiving— maybe this time, maybe this time Kazuya would actually take a look at the other's true self and see what he'd be missing out on.

Eijun's hands went straight to Kazuya's sides, sliding up and down the edges of his chest, gripping and pulling tightly on skin. When he pulled away from the kiss to start undoing Kazuya's pants, he whispered, his voice husky, "I love you."

"I-I, I know" Kazuya muttered, kissing the side of Eijun's neck.

"Let me show you," he said, standing up straight to allow Kazuya the opportunity to take off his pants. Meanwhile, Eijun removed his own shirt and laid it on the back of the couch. Kazuya shook his head as he pulled off his own pants, tossing them aside and pulling Eijun to him by the arm, closer, to kiss him again. He wanted him. He didn't admit to himself earlier how much he wanted him at that moment.

The kiss was deeper, more urgent; Kazuya's tongue made its way into his mouth and left no opening. Eijun's knees began to feel weak and it was his turn to pull Kazuya's arm, now, leading him into his own bedroom and seating himself on the edge of the bed. Eijun pulled off his boxers and tossed them aside, like the rest of their clothes.

Not a word was spoken between them as Eijun eagerly slipped into the covers of Kazuya's bed as said owner of the bed climbed in next to him. For a moment, they laid there, neither moving. Both stared up at the ceiling, contemplating exactly how they felt about the other, about the situation. It was strange, maybe the transition from couch to bed was a bad idea because Eijun clearly kept telling Kazuya not to think but— Eijun stirred first, turning to face Kazuya and leaned on his chest, his breathing became slow but easy. He hugged Kazuya close and kissed his chest. Kazuya took a moment longer, gaze lingering on nothing before he turned as well, arms closing around Eijun in return and planting a kiss on his forehead and Eijun couldn't help but widen his eyes at the return of simple affection.

Kazuya opened his mouth as though he wanted to say something but he couldn't and instead he closed it as he took off his glasses and placed them on top of the nearby drawer. He slid down into the blankets afterwards and pushed his lips onto Eijun's for another kiss. Kazuya's eyes were always gorgeous. There was so much hidden in those deep amber brown eyes, similar in color to his own but less lively recently. They were so full of bottled up emotion. They had a deep sadness to them. He wondered what happened to those vibrant eyes that always had fiery passion on them, along with his usual spark of childish mischief. While he was very cynical and blunt, Eijun knew Kazuya could also be good person, that he was a good person. He admired that confidence that shone on him, not just when he played, but when he spoke of things he was passionate about. Eijun also liked it when Kazuya would take off his glasses from time to time. He liked taking a deeper look at the real Miyuki Kazuya, and he was very beautiful.

He wanted to get to know the real him, but of course he wouldn't want to just say something like that and make things worse. Things were already strained. It was already difficult saying 'I love you' to the guy without him feeling sorry. Was it really so wrong to be honest with feelings? One thing Eijun would love more than anything else to see again would be for his almost lover to smile. Those smiles that would randomly appear while he laughed at something Eijun would do. He missed that smile and laughter and playfulness. It apparently only lasted for a while. Love wasn't supposed to be like that. He had read countless amounts of shoujo manga but the main girl always got her happy ending. Why did it turn out this way for him? Maybe he just wasn't the main protagonist to this story.

Eijun latched on as though it was the last kiss they would ever share. Whether or not it would be, however, was a matter for them to see later. Kazuya's lips were warm and inviting and Eijun felt his concerns for Kazuya melt away as they held each other. It was strange because now he was the one internally freaking out. He wondered if Kazuya really did take his advice on not over thinking. Kazuya's hands wouldn't stay still. They were everywhere; clasping his shoulders, grasping his wrists, feeling his fingers, his hair, caressing his chest, cupping his crotch. It made Eijun melt. It made him truly glad that Kazuya seemed to be feeling better.

Kazuya pulled away from their kiss, moving to position himself on top of Eijun. He was breathing hard, lips puffy and red from the contact. "Why are we not together…?" Kazuya asked and waited a moment for things to process.

'Because of me. Stupid.'

His breaths sounded loudly in between but then he asked once more, "Should we be together? Eijun, I-"

"No," Eijun bluntly stated, leaning up to roughly kiss the other on the lips. "Kazuya, just-just shut up." Kazuya nodded numbly. That wasn't the response he was expecting at all. He was expecting Eijun to eagerly jump at the idea. Why did he feel slightly disappointed?

'Of course, I was the one who didn't want to get closer. I was the one who didn't want a relationship.'

Maybe it was just the heat of the moment for him. Kazuya wasn't sure and he put it at the back of his mind as he continued on because the person in front of him needed some attention. Eijun was gasping, leaning back into the pillows and gripping the sheets with two fingers inside of him. He tried his best not to moan, but it seemed futile.

"Ah, Ka-Kazuya..." He finally relented, voice fading to more breaths as he spoke.

Kazuya's eyes were on Eijun's face, smiling with some devilish satisfaction as Eijun began to open up a bit. When he removed his fingers, they came out slick and thinly coated already, much to his surprise. When Kazuya kissed him again, his lips parted for a sharp intake of breath and Kazuya pushed into him. Inside of Eijun now, he began with a low growl, "E-Eijun…You're t-tight." The end of his sentence faded away into something softer, giving way to the pleasure Eijun knew he was feeling.

Eijun could only smile in response as he said nothing more. Kazuya slowly began to move back and forth inside of him, trying to keep himself quiet and not completely lose himself in the throes of sensation. The two of them were beginning to sweat now, and although the blanket on top of them wasn't helping, Eijun, for some god forsaken reason wanted to keep it there. He apparently liked it when Kazuya's hair stuck to his face. It was long, slick, and sexy and Eijun knew that Kazuya was only his for but a second, but he wanted to enjoy it as much as he could. So when Kazuya tried to throw the comforter away from them, Eijun whined at him for that brief moment as they kept going once the other got the other message.

Kazuya's movements were slowly pulling sounds from Eijun, the heated friction between them too good for them to leave unvoiced. Eijun moaned "yes," over and over and over again until it became a chant of some sort with Kazuya's low growls in the undertone. Eijun lifted his hips time and time again to meet Kazuya's, each faster than the next. Suddenly, Kazuya gave a loud whimper, almost falling on top of Eijun, clumsily pushing their lips together for just a moment before nuzzling Eijun's neck.

"You don't know how good you feel," Kazuya said quietly, planting soft, wet kisses in the same spot, his pace slowing.

When Kazuya settled himself and began to stroke him, slowly, Eijun completely forgot whatever was on his mind, which was probably how hot the other sounded every time he spoke. Kazuya's fingers weren't nimble, necessarily, but they knew Eijun head-to-toe as they knew his own body, and soon enough he was trailing nails expertly along sensitive flesh. They'd done this before a few times already, but this time, this time seemed—a bit different from the others. He felt much more sensuality from it. Kazuya wasn't exactly sure why or what the heck he even meant by different. Eijun was gasping now, hands clutching at Kazuya's back as his thrusts pounded deeper, on target with that spot inside of him that made him deaf, blind, mute, and just utterly euphoric all together. Both bodies were writhing almost uncontrollably as they worked toward release, movements quick, urgent, needy.

They both came at the same time, to Eijun's surprise. Kazuya didn't seem to care about the up spurt of hot cum that had landed on his chest, but it became the cement that glued their bodies together when Kazuya fell onto Eijun after his own orgasm, heaving breaths in and out of his body, eyes closed and legs shuddering. Eijun didn't even bother complaining about the other's weight on him because he was much too exhausted and pleased to fight him off. He wanted to smile again, he really did, but he just couldn't find it in him to as he regained his senses and looked over at his partner who slid off of him and laid beside him instead. Despite being able to elicit such a response from him, Eijun couldn't smile.

There were a million things on his mind to say. He wanted to tell Kazuya that things could work between them, he wanted to hope, but knew it wasn't wise because when Kazuya asked him for a relationship, it didn't count. It was the heat of the moment, Eijun knew, so of course Kazuya would let the lust within him speak up, pressure him into thinking a relationship would be the answer to everything. He wanted to ask Kazuya if he really loved him, but knew he didn't. He wanted to tell Kazuya that he would stop being selfish despite his love being unrequited, but he wouldn't.

He wanted to yell and ask Kazuya why he wouldn't let him in. He wanted to call him a scared bastard for not even trying but the words were stuck in his throat. He wanted to ask if maybe at some point there was already someone else, but knew that it was none of his business and even if there were, he doubted Kazuya would tell him. It would only further push him away. Eijun took a deep breath to steady and calm himself.

"Eijun...?" Kazuya called several moments later as he looked over at the pensive expression on the other. But there was a question there, underneath both of them. Underneath all of their left over clothes, moans, thrusts, pushing and pulling. Somewhere beneath the cum, sweat and writhing, somewhere between thinking and Kazuya's guilt along with Eijun's sense of self, there was a simple question.

Eijun held back his sorrow and said, "We'll talk later".

He moved closer and laid his head over Kazuya's chest. He caressed the soft skin until Kazuya went to sleep.

When Kazuya awoke, Eijun was no longer there anymore.