okaii i don't know how often my updates will be as ive hurt my wrist again! but ill try my best!
Maura could feel her heart beat in the palms of her hands. Her fists clenched her steering wheel as she turned towards the path that led to Dorchester park.
She wouldn't have told you that if she didn't want you. Maura kept hearing Jane's words in her ear over and over again. Her hands clutched tighter, as if she was holding onto Jane. God, cool down, Maura. You don't want to leave bruises on the girl. She loosened her grip on the leather wheel.
The parking lot was nearly empty, only two lonely cars sat on opposite ends of the park. The sun was starting to shine a little brighter with the promise of a fruitful spring. Spring was Maura's favorite season. New beginnings were good.
Maura pulled her thin clothed coat closer to her slender frame as she began walking to the gazebo.
As she entered the gazebo, she saw Jane's long black hair cascading over a book. She chuckled when she noticed that it was for her class.
Jane looked up upon hearing Maura's footsteps. Her cheeks were a slight tinted pink from the chilly air.
Maura stepped closer to Jane, taking in the picturesque vision of her sitting in the beautiful wooden gazebo with the trees behind her. The remaining fall colors that were once covered with snow could be seen surrounding the trees that were beginning to grow their leaves again.
"I wish I could have spent Christmas with you." Maura blurted out. Jane placed her book back into her bag, slinging it over her shoulder as she stood up. She looked at the older woman before her with incredible admiration.
"You're a real softy, aren't you?" Jane teased as she began walking past Maura, toward the parking lot. She let her fingers graze Maura's as she passed. "We have Valentine's, if you're into that." Maura smirked and entangled their fingers together, pulling Jane back to her. She pulled the younger girl flush against her, sure that no one could see.
Maura kissed jane, softly but with purpose. "I'm impressed that you told me." She whispered into Jane's lips once they pulled apart slightly. "That took guts, kid."
Jane smiled, finally feeling more at ease with the situation.
Maura nodded, "Alright, let's go." She began to lead Jane back to her car.
On the way to Maura's place:
Maura's car was oddly silent. There was the background noise of the radio but neither woman was talking. Jane couldn't help but feel a little awkward. She had just told Maura something very revealing. Five minutes passed. Then another five.
Finally, Jane reached for the radio dial to turn down the volume.
Maura glanced at her then directly at the road.
"Don't like this station?" Maura chuckled as she got into the passing lane.
"No, not that." Jane replied. She was opening her mouth to speak when she felt her phone vibrating. She saw that her mother was calling. She slid the touch screen icon to answer. "Hey, mom."
"Honey, I wanted to let you know that my appointment got switched so you'll be on your own for dinner tonight."
"Okay, that's fine." Jane replied.
"Sorry, hun. Is there anything you need while I'm in the city?"
"No, I'm fine."
"Okay. So what are you up to tonight?"
Jane glanced at Maura. Maura could hear everything that Jane's mother was saying because of the loud ear speaker. "Just hanging out with a friend."
"Oh, Matilda?"
"No," Jane's voice trailed on into her next lie. "Frost, actually. I don't know when I'll be home."
"That's fine. Just be safe, sweetheart."
"I will." Jane reassured her. "Bye, love you."
Jane set down her phone on her lap and let out a sigh.
"I'm sorry you had to do that." Maura said after seeing the obvious guilt on Jane's face.
"I know that lying comes with the territory. It's just hard when it's my Ma." She replied while rolling her phone anxiously in her hands.
"Have I met your mom?"
"Probably at a parent-teacher-conference or something." Jane looked out the window, noticing now how familiar this ride was getting.
Maura winced slightly before turning the radio back up.
Jane threw her bag in the corner by Maura's coat rack. She was feeling exceedingly more comfortable in this place.
Maura's hands glided over Jane's hips as she came up behind the young brunette.
"Want to pop in a movie?" Maura asked.
Jane turned around in Maura's arms. "Kiss me." The younger brunette murmured, as she pulled a little tighter on Maura's coat that still wasn't off of her body.
Maura smirked and turned her head to capture Jane's lips in her own. This time she knew for a fact that no one was watching them.
Jane reached to pull off Maura's coat which she let fall to the marble floor.
Maura pressed her body into Jane's, possibly the most aggressive thing she has ever done to the girl.
"Bedroom." Jane breathed out between kisses.
Maura smiled against Jane's lips. "Don't tease me, Rizzoli." She nearly growled.
Jane pushed Maura away enough so that she could see her entire face. "What do you think you were just doing to me?" She replied cheekily. "I think I'm ready."
Maura pushed a stray hair behind Jane's left ear. "You weren't yesterday."
"But last night I obviously was." Jane argued- confused as to why she had to argue with Maura about this.
At that comment, Maura gently pulled away from the girl. She picked up her coat to hang it up.
"Jay," Maura said as she turned to face the younger girl. In her black heels she stood at the same height as Jane. "Touching yourself in your bed all alone isn't the same as letting someone else do it."
"Why are you doing this?" Jane was beginning to get angry.
"I'm afraid, okay?" Maura replied, folding her arms over her chest. Jane responded with a questioning look. "Look, Jay," She took Jane's hands in her own. "I'm afraid that we'll get started, and you won't want to continue when things get heated." Maura looked up at the ceiling for a second. "I don't completely trust myself to stop."
"I'm not going to ask you to. Maur, I've wanted you for such a long time." Jane stepped even closer to her, again her lips to Maura's ear. "It's your turn to trust me."
Maura distanced herself again, this time walking towards the kitchen. Jane gazed at her, watching her get further and further from her personal space.
"Maura?" Jane almost whined as she followed her.
"Jane," Maura spun around once she was behind the island in her kitchen. "There's also the fact that you're seventeen."
"That has never bothered you before. Don't pull this bullshit," Jane was growing angrier and she could feel a heat rising in the back of her eyes.
Maura looked down, not wanting to meet Jane's eyes directly. "Look, Jane." She swallowed. "If anyone found out about us, I would easily get fired. You being a minor also makes it that much harder. I could get arrested. I'm sorry, Jane, but I can't risk it."
Jane practically charged the older woman. "Why are you so scared?!" She yelled. "Why don't you trust me?! I'm not going to tell anyone! I've fucking lied for you so many time-"
"Jane, I just can't risk it again!" Immediately, Maura regretted her words, hoped to God that in Jane's anger, she didn't hear her exactly.
The younger brunette stopped yelling. She looked on silently at Maura. "Again?" Jane appeared as though she was calculating a long arithmetic problem in her mind, her eyes distant.
Maura just stood there, biting on the inside of her cheek. She waited for the few dragging seconds that it took Jane to speak again.
"You've done this before." It wasn't a question. It was a pointed statement. Jane continued, staring Maura down like prime prey. "You have been in a relationship with another girl, haven't you? Another student."
"It was a long time ago, Jay. I was barely into my first year at the school." Maura tried, but all of the words coming out of her mouth felt weak and pathetic. She palms were growing sweaty, her eyes chasing each expression on Jane's face, anxiously waiting for the next move, the next play. Jane held all of the cards in her hand. For someone who normally didn't give up any control, Maura was an awaiting puppy dog at the younger girl's feet.
If Jane's tears hadn't come out yet, they were definitely there now. She wiped that was beginning to trail down her cheek. "Who was it?"
Maura opened her mouth to answer but Jane cut her off.
"It was Charlie, wasn't it? God, now I know why she told me to be careful." Jane began to make her way to the door, refusing to sob in front of Maura. "I should have fucking listened."
"Why are you so mad? Why, why, because I-I-I had another girlfriend years ago?" Maura practically chased her, her speech becoming cracked with every terrified emotion ripping through her. She couldn't let Jane leave through her door, not like this.
Jane whipped herself around to face Maura. She suddenly felt taller than the older woman. "No, Maura." She paused, trying to memorize all of the colors that appeared in Maura's irises when she cried. "Because I thought I was special. Fuck, Maura- after what I told you? I feel so dumb for even saying that, for even giving you that much power over me."
"What do you want me to do, Jane?!" It was now Maura's turn to shout. "You keep me up so high on a fucking pedestal! I can't be your perfect ideal of what a girlfriend should be, or-or what a role model should be. I'm not perfect, Jane!"
Jane picked up her bag from the floor, squeezing her teary eyes shut. When she stood up, she felt almost like a new woman. "Obviously."
Then, Jane left Maura's House.