My Dear Mr. Bates,
Haven't you learned anything since we met? Am I not just as strong as Lady Sybil or as stubborn as you? I know you mean well, but your act of valience to release me won't work. I'm sorry but it won't. I told you before that I refuse to be sidelined and watch while you face this alone without any right to be informed. Must I remind you that I'm your wife now? Which means that you'll be stuck with me for as long as we both shall live, so you better get used to it; for I've not had my entire way with you quite yet.
You ask me how I truly fair; well, I'm afraid to say I've lost all faith in both the law and human compassion and am not fairing so much as coping since the trial. In fact, such a disaster was I the first night that Lady Mary relieved me of my duties early - so I suppose she can dress herself? But I manage by keeping myself busy. You tell me not to worry but of course I worry. You advised me to prepare for the worst when it came and so I tried but I can only tell you from experience that nothing in the world could possibly prepare you for the loss of the man you love. You ask me to think of myself and to move on but what you forget is that, without you, there's nothing on earth left to live for. I know what real love is and there aren't many who can say that. I'm one of the lucky ones, which is something I neither regret nor apologize for.
The affairs of Downton is something I just can't think about right now. But if you really must know, everyone is mostly under the shadow of the case, (well, that is, everyone who cares). But so far even Thomas and Miss O'Brian seem to care enough to refrain from stirring up trouble. Although I can't imagine how she didn't already satisfy herself with her testimonial against you. I don't know how I'll ever face her again, let alone Mrs. Hughes - whom I've tried to avoid, not out of spite, but because I'm forced to relive the whole trial when I see her face.
In other news, preparations for the servants' ball keeps everyone on their toes. It'll be a full house come next week what with the Dowager Countess and the Crawleys already here and Lady Rosamund coming in from London, (and rumours of a possible beau along with her), as well as Sir Richard, whom Lady Mary dreads facing when she renounces the engagement. I probably shouldn't be telling you this - it's not very ladylike after all and I'm sure it violates the oath of silence of a ladiesmaid. But I'm neither a lady nor a ladiesmaid and I don't pretend to be.
Speaking of Lady Mary... She's told me she's planned a trip to America and I asked if I could tag along, (that is, if things go badly for us), to which she had no objection. I've always wanted to see America and who knows how much longer I'll be allowed to remain at Downton for? I'll keep the story of your conviction alive as soon as it hits the papers, and I can't stay at the Abbey. Not if you won't be there anymore. So at least I've got a plan. But this doesn't mean I've given up yet, not while there's still breath in my body.
I've recieved premission from both Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Carson for the afternoon off on Thursday, so I'll see you then.
Yours truly with love,
Anna
Thank you to Kuri333 and Jamesluver for their reviews and to LovesLit for the favorite. To Jamesluver; I'm glad you appreciated my attempt at a little comic relief there, (I wasn't sure if anyone would even pick up on it).
Plently more letters to come. Please favorite, follow, and review in the meantime:)
-birdywings