ELLIOTT

"And so there he was, with three school choirs at his back, giving some kind of grand speech about us being soul mates, and all I could do was stare at that hideous suit. Suddenly all I could think about was that hotdog commercial that they used to show at the open air cinema in Lima when we were kids, you know, the one with the singing and dancing conditiments? I actually missed my own proposal because I kept hearing that hotdog song in my head!"

Santana, whose grin had grown ever bigger during Kurt's tirade, now nearly laughed herself breathless. "Mr Mustard!" she wheezed, "Oh my god!"

"We make your – hot dog – taste deli – cious!" Kurt and Santana yelled more or less melodiously over the loud music of the club, and then cracked up and high-fived.

Dani was looking at the both of them skeptically, and was obviously not familiar with the song.

Elliott didn't know it either, but a laughing Kurt - be it inebriated - was definitely better than the silent, pale ghost of a man he had picked up at the loft a few hours ago.

"It's not your fault."

"Yeah. Yeah, I know."

Head down, brow furrowed, teeth biting down on his bottom lip. It was very clear to Elliott that Kurt was just telling him what he thought Elliott wanted to hear. Kurt did blame himself; for not being interesting enough to keep Blaine from straying, maybe for failing to apply all '12 tips on how to keep your man'. Elliott'd give anything to chase those thoughts out of his mind.

It was unusual to see Kurt drunk. He usually joined Elliott in sobriety when they hit the clubs. Kurt didn't need alcohol to go all out on the dance floor, and with his busy schedule he also couldn't afford to be hung over the next morning. But tonight wasn't (just) about dancing, it was about making a fresh start into a new life phase- and like a ship on its maiden voyage, it needed to be christened. At least, that was the excuse they were using tonight to cheer Kurt up. If nothing else, it did allow for a hearty array of sailor puns.

And after the fifth shot or so, Kurt had arrived at that oh-so-natural state of a bad break-up: sharing embarrassing anecdotes about the ex. Elliott thought he already knew the most of it, but clearly Kurt had kept some of the worst stories to himself. Out of loyalty, perhaps? The more Elliott heard, the happier he was that Kurt had thrown Blaine out the door.

"- I know it sounds hilarious, but the guy was actually fired," Kurt finished telling his GAP story (that one, Elliott did know, but Dani hadn't). "Blaine basically outed him."

"Shut up," Dani swore, "that's so wrong."

"Yeah," Santana added, clearly lost in her own thoughts.

Inebriated as he was, Kurt seemed to pick up on that and a sad expression briefly flitted across his face. "Well, some people learn. Others don't," he offered. Santana nodded, and tried to be circumspect about wiping at her eyes.

Elliott realized once again that there was a definite depth to their relationship, usually hidden by insults and quips. Every once in awhile it showed, and as soon as it did, one of them would quickly make a joke or leave with an excuse, lest someone think they might actually care.

As if on cue, Kurt excused himself with a jaunty salute to 'hit the head'. Elliott watched him wind his way through the dancing crowd, shimming his shoulders a little to the music. As Elliott turned back to their table, his two companions were engaged in a lively discussion.

"Two weeks," Dani said.

Santana scrunched up her nose.

"Or ten days?" Dani added. "Ten to fourteen days."

Santana shook her head. "Nah. That's way too long. Five days, tops. He's gotta consider the competition."

"Um, what are we talking about?" Elliott asked.

The two women turned to face him slowly and grinned. They couldn't look more like a pair of scheming cats if they had whiskers.

"Why, the perfect time for you to make your move, of course," Santana said sweetly.

"My move?" Elliott asked, looking from one to the other.

"Your move on Kurt," Dani explained. "We narrowed it down to the next two weeks-"

"Next week," Santana corrected, and nodded firmly as if it was decided.

"Sometime between next week and the week after that," Dani agreed.

"Wha- what? Woah- no. I'm not making a move on Kurt!" Elliott protested. "I'm-! He's-! We're just friends!"

"Well, yeah, right now you are," Dani said. "Because you're a decent guy and he was engaged. But now he's not…so you can totally go for it. But not tonight. Tonight's too soon." She pointed her finger at Elliott for emphasis.

Elliott shook his head. "I don't know where you're getting your information, but…"

"You can't fool us, Starchild," Santana said, crossing her arms over her chest. "You've been flirting with him since day one. You practically threw yourself at him during your audition and then begged to be in his band-"

"Only you meant his bed," Dani added cheekily.

"And it's always been Kurt this and Kurt that, Kurt's the leader of our band, he should decide," Santana continued. "You totally have the hots for him."

Elliott was reeling a little. The loud music of the club pulsed through his veins in a fast beat, sending his brain into overdrive. Was it true? Of course he hadn't failed to notice how hot Kurt was (because, hello, he wasn't blind), but Kurt had been off-limits from the start so Elliott had honestly never given it more thought. In a way, it made their friendship a lot easier. There was no pressure to impress, to send subtle messages, to keep a secret agenda. He could unwind and be himself around Kurt, and that had made it work from the start. But apparently, he had been broadcasting not-so-secret messages for their friends to pick up without even knowing it. Had Kurt noticed, too?

Elliott shook his head a little. "Okay, well, even if that were true," he said, and Santana and Dani exchanged knowing glances, "that doesn't mean Kurt feels the same way."

"Oh, he does," Santana said. "Believe me. When you walked into that audition, I could literally smell the pheromones flood the room. There was a solid reason he didn't get up and applaud you after your song, and it had nothing to do with not liking your performance, and everything to do with his designer shorts."

Elliott shook his head in denial. He felt weird and slightly grossed out by Santana talking about his friend like that, and at the same time is was oddly… flattering? Still, it couldn't be true. If anything, Kurt had probably gotten a little…over-excited by his potential to add Elliott's vocals to his band. Elliott knew his voice was his best asset.

"That doesn't make sense. I'm not even his type!" Elliott protested. "I mean, look at Blaine. I'm honestly a little insulted that you'd think we have anything in common-"

Santana waved her hand dismissively. "Blaine never was Kurt's type," she said. "He was just the only openly gay guy Kurt knew back at school. And likewise for Blaine. Two little blazer-gays looking to update their facebook status."

"How convenient," Dani added.

"Now, let me show you Kurt's type," Santana said with a sparkle in her eyes, and took out her phone. She put it down on the table for Elliott and Dani to see.

"Wow," Dani said. "You know I don't drive stick, but hot damn."

"Hmm-hmm," Santana agreed.

Elliott swallowed hard. "Who is that?" he croaked.

"Mr Martinez," Santana said, letting the name roll off her tongue with relish. "A substitute Spanish teacher at McKinley. Now this guy had duende."

"He looks a bit like Ricky Martin," Elliott said, squinting at the picture. "And he was gay?"

Santana nodded. "Definitely. We did a super-sexy dance number together in Glee club and he never even so much as copped a feel."

Dani smirked. "Totally gay," she confirmed, as if Santana's womanly curves were a universally accepted standard test for sexual attraction. She was probably right.

"So did he and Kurt-?" Elliott couldn't help but feel a little intimidated as he looked at the man.

Santana shook her head. "I bet he wanted to. Kurt was showing off everything he had for the guy. I'm serious, you could have checked for mumps in those skinny jeans, and his little dance moves were anything but subtle." She raised jazz hands and shook her shoulders a little for emphasis. "But Mr Martinez would have gotten fired, and Kurt was already with Blaine by then, so I guess he wouldn't have really done it. But it was clear Kurt was tempted, too."

Elliott tried to process this information, but his mind seemed to get stuck on the description of Kurt's jeans.

"Focus," Dani said, snapping her fingers in front of Elliott's face. "Now what do you and Mr Martinez have in common?"

"Uh…"

Santana rolled her eyes and tapped a well-manicured finger on her phone's display. "You're both tall. You have super-gorgeous, thick hair-"

Elliott smiled a little to himself, remembering Kurt's little sigh as he had casually mentioned how much he loved his hair.

"Sexy tats," Dani added. "An actual fitting wardrobe."

"You can both wear that five-o-clock shadow without looking like a hobo-" Santana continued. "And Mr Martinez was totally ripped." She gave Elliott a quick glance-over. "Well, you can work on that."

"Hey," Elliott let out, subconsciously sucking in his stomach.

"Be nice," Dani said to Santana, and then turned to Elliott. "Look, I don't know this Spanish teacher, but you are everything Blaine is not, in a good way. And not just in appearance. I can see how Kurt is around you, you're good for each other."

"Thanks," Elliott mumbled. Before he could say anything else, Kurt was coming back through the crowd. Santana saw him too and pocketed her phone.

"Think about it," she said.

Dani gave him a fat wink and then, right on time, both of the women's faces were innocent blanks.

"Anyone want to dance?" Kurt asked as he reached their table.

"Yeah, Elliott," Santana said. "Us girls have to go powder our noses."

Kurt turned to him, looking happily intoxicated and none the wiser about their conversation. "Elliott?" he asked.

"Uh… sure. Yeah," Elliott replied, and let himself be lead onto the dance floor. He definitely had something to think about.