It wasn't as though Cross actually wanted to buy anything for Mana this brand new November passing but even a cynical man like him saw this as important.
Knowing all too well the pain of losing the one most important to him, he couldn't help but shed some concern on his long time friend's situation. When suffering from such a loss, to still have the memory of that one very special someone fresh in your mind, to still cherish the taste of their name on the tip of your tongue is to be trapped, held down by miserable chains.
Cross knew it was very easy when mourning to fall into a harmful repetition, a mental defense in hopes of keeping oneself in a perpetual denial of the loss it suffered. In a way, it was sort of like a desired groundhog day in which the person rejects change to keep that person's memory alive in hopes that that person may somehow live on.
He had seen it before with some Yokai, he had even experienced it himself, so the Zoologist was fully capable of seeing that his friend, the Onmiyoji Mana was going through the exact same thing.
Luckily for him, though, Cross would be there to perhaps ease him out of this rut as Mana had done the same for him long ago.
That being said, in order to preserve his reputation, he had to make it very clear that he did not actually wish to purchase anything for Mana's birthday, he just simply knew that if he didn't, the man would refuse yet again that any time had passed in his monotonous lifestyle and he fall deeper yet again into the familiar rut he had created.
Honestly, he blamed himself for not seeing it before as that dear dear person Mana mourned still was his own twin brother, the one he shared that birthday with and the one he always celebrated that day with.
Nea.
Nea, like Mana, was an Onmiyoji and a superior one at that. No offense intended, it was just simply that Nea was a genius, mastering every spell and talisman in a quarter of the time it took an average Onmiyoji to even grasp the concept.
He held an amazing mind that even had Cross envious but his personality was absolutely terrible; Cross never quite understood why Mana loved him so much.
But he knew the young Onmiyoji did not deserve to die the way he did.
Cross would never forget that wretched day.
Nea was killed some time ago in the forests outside of the temple. He was attacked by a rather violent creature, a yokai known as a Nue; A very dangerous breed of Chimera that resided only in Japan and feeds on human flesh. At least, that is what is thought about the Nue. No one knows for sure as a Nue has never been captured or studied. They are a bit too rare for that.
Cross came running as fast as he could when he heard the news.
Nue had already died when he got there. There was so much, too much blood. All Cross wanted in those moments was for him to sit up from the grass he lay in and admit that all this was just a distasteful prank, but deep down Cross knew that would never happen.
It took a lot out of him to examine the body. A bite to the neck was what killed him, which was expected as, judging by the records, Nue usually attacked the arteries. The odd part, however, was that there weren't any signs of a struggle.
To this day, it still perplexed Cross that one of the bravest and strongest people he knew would not put up a fight against a Nue.
But in his grief, he went into a sort of numb trance, burying himself in his work in hopes that those golden eyes, still wide with fear even in death, would no longer haunt him so.
That's why it was a shock when Mana, completely pale and soaking wet, thin hands caked in dirt and blood, showed up at his door at midnight that night.
Mana. Of course.
Cross had completely forgotten about Mana. How could he? How could he forget?
The poor man. His eyes were distant, out of focus, red and puffy, bloodshot and bruised. He didn't reply or respond in any way when spoken to. Even a slap to the face wasn't enough to get him out of his stupor.
He must have been there when it happened.
He must have watched his brother die.
He must have held him in his arms as he breathed his last.
The lazy, bratty, perfectionist who never knew when to shut up became nothing more than a silent doll who only rarely found his way to this nearly abandoned facility to the only person he could still claim as a friend.
And, of course, for the memory of the one lost that day and the memory of the one who could still be revived, Cross let Mana stay there for as long as he needed to.
It took a full month for Mana to speak a word again. Cross never thought a single "Hi" would ever sound so good in his life.
Though he started speaking again, the Onmiyoji still remained forever altered. Mana never recovered from the trauma, the grief, the horror. Cross knew that he never would. Losing someone that important right in front of you is not something you can recover from.
Cross knew this, but he also knew that there was a healthy and an unhealthy form of dealing with trauma.
His long time friend was spiralling quite far down the latter.
That being said, Cross did not actually want to get him anything for his stupid birthday. He knew so many better things he could spend his very few dollars on, but he would spend what he had on some cincy gift because he knew it was what his friend needed.
He needed something, anything really to acknowledge that time had past.
Cross might have relied on that stupid Tengu for it but he soon found the bird almost made Mana worse in some all too noticeable ways, so he made the decision to take matters into his own hands.
But of course, there were difficulties. Nothing in his life ever came easily.
He soon realized that, despite the vast knowledge stored in the database that was his mind, he actually had no idea what on earth his friend even liked.
Most of their conversations were centered around Yokai or Mana's duties as an Onmiyoji. Heck, he didn't even know what the man's favorite color was, much less what kind of sweater he would prefer.
It wasn't that he didn't care, it just wasn't in his nature to know or bother with these things.
He tried. In a last ditch effort, he went to the Yokai themselves to find some advice but that hardly helped. Most of the Yokai, even those with natural births, were seemingly ageless and cared nothing for birthdays while those who did, came to the same conclusion as him, that though Manas was a good friend, they had absolutely no idea what he liked.
They knew he liked the white one, the little red tengu he had with him often but that was about it.
Having a great deal of opinions and physical belongings was not part of the job as an Onmiyoji, in fact it was quite the opposite which made Cross' job quite a lot more difficult.
Yet despite this, Mana sure loved to use Cross' personal things for various reasons. He might have thought it a good idea to buy Mana some useful utensils of his own but if he did that, he might stop coming over to visit Cross every day and neither one of them needed to be more alone than they already were.
Even the Dodomeki, Wisely, who claimed to know all, was very blatantly stumped on the subject. Cross guessed it was that the request in question required actually genuine affection, which was something he was sure the creature lacked entirely.
Even the Jorogumo, Road Kamelot, was no different. After thoroughly subduing the spiders she sent at him she usually sent whenever he was in view, she proceeded to laugh and laugh, saying crazy things like how he should give the gift of a Nue's decapitated head. She continued to laugh in such a way that Cross knew she was scheming to misbehave but he did his best to ignore her.
But despite this, he knew he at least had to try.
So, a desperate Zoologist settled for a difference. It didn't matter in the end if it was pleasant or utterly miserable, only that something distinguished it from all the horribly mundane days prior.
So, Cross made the decision, albeit quite begrudgingly, to swallow his pride and invite Mana over. He had difficulty enough getting the words out, and he almost chickened out of the whole thing when Mana asked him to repeat himself but somehow, he managed to complete the whole thing. In the end, he thought he might have thrown up in his mouth a little.
But of course Mana smiled and agreed to it. He always did, only this time, Cross was painfully reminded by how strained and forced it truly was.
The white one, or so Mana called him, remained oblivious to the whole ordeal. Cross couldn't expect him to realize being hardly above the mental age of a small child. He knew it wasn't that the little bird child didn't care, he was just ignorant, innocent, and cared far more for the fact that he had grown quite a bit too big for Mana to carry on his shoulder.
In addition, the creature had also been put into quite a few foul moods with the poor man since Mana removed a bleeding feather he found in one of his wings. The brat, when put into foul moods, either wanted to be won over by chocolate cake or would shun his master almost cruelly, like the bleeding feather was Mana's fault.
For the most part, the other tengu in the chambers, the crow tengu and the red tengu, were old enough to remove their own bleeding feathers and Cross had faultily assumed that in letting the white one be around their habitat, they might assist him in such an endeavor, but he soon found himself to be wrong.
Link, the more friendly of the crow tengu he had rescued, had even told Cross himself in his usual blunt manner that the bird child had refused any and all help. He said that with what few words the bird had in his vocabulary, he did his absolute best to betray a meaning that if he did nothing himself, he would never grow into a true white tengu.
Cross didn't think much of the story. He just thought that Mana was telling him children's
The whole wretched ordeal was yet another occurrence the Jorogumo thought was the most hilarious thing she had ever heard. If bleeding feathers weren't a natural occurrence, he would have thought Road caused it in some way.
Once again, this was an issue because the white one was otherwise the only thing Mana had grown to like in this world since Nea's passing and if the creature was going to be so angry that he actually refused to look at his master, than this birthday was actually guaranteed to be miserable.
Midday. In the passing hours, the white one made himself so scarce, which was unusual. The nuisance was normally quite noisy and vibrant even in the worst of times. It was almost as though he were trying to get a reaction out of Mana, which he more than succeeded in doing.
The Onmiyoji looked as pale as the day he performed his first exorcism, which was as white as a sheet and shaken as a leaf in the wind. When he would call for the white one, his voice kept raising on unnecessary pitches and he kept cutting himself off as though he were just barely holding in a scream.
Even Link and the rest of his family hardly knew where the brat even was. It was odd because even Cross who wore prescribed glasses that a vibrant pink bird would be easy to spot.
The Kitsune Lavi hardly had a clue, either which was more or less concerning as the last place he could hide outside of Lavi's range of smell would be in the vents on the ceiling and Cross was not about to pay another grand or two for some team to go up there and clear the vents, even if some of the Yokai would get sick from the pollution. He just didn't think the headache was worth it.
Of course the ever keen Yuu would pick up on the hint. The odd thing was however, instead of genuinely worrying about the others health, he started using Alma's fragile state as an excuse, to hide behind an alternative meaning. Cross always knew when he was being lied to, be it man or beast. What, did this cold hearted Yuki Onna suddenly become soft for the brat without Cross' knowledge? What was this nearly abandoned facility coming to?
But Mana could hardly sit still, insisting that he look everywhere, anywhere to know that he was at least alright.
Cross tried to calm him down, saying that he could be anywhere, safe and sound, and would probably forgive Mana for pulling his bleeding feather when he got lonely and his chocolate cravings returned.
It really was not a big deal to him but Mana was acting ridiculous.
But this was hardly the first time he had behaved this way, and he doubted it would be the last. He noticed this mental illness, this instability, this madness long before, how he seemed to cling to the white one like a lifeline, beyond natural human attachment almost as though it were less than that.
More like, almost as though there were something more to it.
Perhaps that's what truly bothered him all along about their relationship, how it almost seemed too much, how something seemed to be strained in order to keep that imperfect mask together.
Perhaps it was that all he had ever done was spend his time working his life away and try his best to be the best friend he could in respect for the dead but he never quite saw the sentiment returned.
Perhaps what truly made his blood boil was how selfish Mana was sometimes, how he seemed to forget that Cross still mourned, that the memory was still painfully vivid in his mind, that he loved Nea, to.
Perhaps it just bothered the Zoologist to no end that he had tried quite hard to make things a bit easier for the other, when all he received in return was resistance and that same distant smile.
Perhaps it just bothered Mana just how weak he could be.
Honestly, he had already seen that face on a corpse once and it hurt him far deeper than he was comfortable in admitting to see it again.
It bothered Cross how his friend seemingly clung to a fairytale, losing nearly all his heart to an obsession with a white tengu, like such a thing could ever exist.
If he didn't know better, he might say it was the only reason he clung to that tengu so much.
But what was so important about the white tengu, he wondered.
Why did his long this friend chant that single wish so fervently, for the tenghu to turn white like it would suddenly become reality at his pleading?
Why would a creature about as real as Santa Claus be so important to Mana, he wondered.
He certainly was never this obsessed with the creature before, when they were children and read about it in story books. In fact, he was more times than one the first to disagree with the myth, so what changed?
Why the hell was the white tengu so important to him?
Reciting the summary of the myth in his head, he thought back on the tale.
The white tengu was thought to be the most powerful and beautiful tengu of them all. It was incredibly rare like a unicorn, so much so that it was said only one came around every century or so.
But it was sought out so fervently by so many because of its unique abilities.
Its voice was said to be able to make even the trees dance, it's feathers pure enough to make even the most filthy water clean. It's meet was said to guarantee immortality while its tears were able to grant a single wish.
But how was that even relevant? Why did that matter? What could all that possibly have to do with……
…..Oh.
And with that single thought, the truth suddenly hit Cross. He didn't expect it to, but with one simple answer suddenly everything made almost too much sense.
Months of odd behavior and bipolarity were sides explained in a blink of an eye and Cross was actually ashamed he had not the thought to see through the illusion.
Of course. The everything, especially the tears would have so much to do with someone trapped in mourning. A single wish. Of course. A single wish to revive the one lost so long ago.
Cross felt disgusted. He felt sick to his stomach, and he felt unbearably angry with Mana, that stupid common red tengu, but more specifically, he felt angry with himself.
Rage built up inside him when he realized that this suddenly explained everything.
This stupid stupid man turned to a fairytale because he couldn't take the reality of things.
Cross may not have liked the tengu. Cross may have disliked the stupid bird child with his entire being but that did not mean he thought it deserved to be used this way, to be trapped on the receiving end of a lie, by a lie, for a lie.
He was nothing more than a child, after all, and Cross could not believe he actually thought Mana was better than this.
This was cruel to that tengu, it was cruel to Cross but more than anything, it was like spitting on Nea's grave.
How did Mana actually think this was a good idea? Had he truly completely lost his mind?
He no longer felt a single ounce of pity. He no longer saw that Onmiyoji soaked in the rain, going to his facility for even the slightest bit of comfort. Instead, all he saw was red.
And just like that, he snapped.
He struck him across the face and told him exactly what he thought of him in those moments.
It was too easy, almost. The words slipped off his tongue like butter, like he were singing.
"Has this…" He gasped incredulously, "Has this really been what all this has been about?!"
But by the Mana averted his normally so genuine eyes, he could see clearer than anything that he had hit the nail right on the head.
He didn't even put up an effort to deny it.
What, did he not see anything wrong with what he was doing? Was he truly that proud of what he had done?
"Nea is gone, Mana! He died in that forest, killed by a Nue far too soon and he's never coming back!"
"All the begging and pleading in the world won't suddenly give you the desired result!"
"Some fairytale is not just suddenly going to fix that, you absolute idiot!"
"What, did you think he would want this?! Did you think he would want you clinging to an empty memory till you destroyed yourself?! Are you really that stupid that you think he would want his only brother to do this in his memory!?"
"But more than anything, why did you just use that poor bird when he did nothing but love you this whole time?! Did he truly mean nothing to you all along?!"
"Face it, Mana! White tengu don't exist and you need to let go!"
But Cross suddenly became aware that he was being watched. It only made sense he would be as he was laying a hand on Mana. So trusting, he thought as the most bitter of scowls grew upon his features like a mold.
With his fingers clawed into the collar of his silk robe, Cross pulled him closer to whisper coldly and sadistically into his ear, fully aware of the audience they had, "Well now I am played the fool. For a second, I actually believed you liked that tengu at all….."
And that was it.
Fully aware of what was going on, Cross released the man and let him fall limply to his knees like a rag doll.
Shock was the only readable feeling upon Mana's features as he turned his head so very slowly to the far right.
Perched upon a lower branch of an oak tree just a few yards away, though silhouetted by golden sunlight, was the recognizable and familiar pink form of none other than that tengu he searched so long and desperately for.
Silence consumed his entire being when the bird just stared at him emptily, quietly, no longer so very chipper and overjoyed simply to lay eyes on him once again another day.
The bond that once rang true and strong between the two individuals, unbreakable like iron, suddenly shattered like brittle pastry at his feet at the mirror look at the hurt and betrayal that consumed the creature's once childlike and innocent eyes.
For once, he had absolutely no idea what to say.
He knew full well that he had wronged him, but for reasons he was not quite sure of, it didn't matter to him until now, now that he looked the creature in its empty black eyes, almost as though his own stone cold heart were reflected in them.
In a mere second,this carefully crafted plan fell apart.
In a mere second, he was consumed with guilt.
Just as he reached out to beckon the creature forward, in a desperate attempt to perhaps create some sort of peace, the bird child, dear, sweet and innocent in heart, pushed off from his roost and took off into the opposite direction, flying straight into the veil of the distant fog.
"No!" He cried out, his wet eyes wide with desperation, "No, wait! Come back!"
But it was too late.
The only one that loved him anymore was gone.
Once again, Mana had ruined everything.
(Happy birthday Allen and Tyki. Merry Christmas and happy late birthday to me. I truly apologize for this awful chapter and thank you once again for all your support.)