Callen stood outside the building and paced, Gibbs leaning against the car watched him, torn between feeling worried or amused. He knew that Callen was planning something, but he didn't know what.
"It isn't gonna bite ya know." He told the young man.
"I know." Callen snapped back, although the smirk in his tone was evident. He wasn't mad at Jethro, he was just trying to prepare himself for the meeting to come. He couldn't let Gibbs know what he was planning, but it had been eating away at him for a while. He needed to do this.
Gibbs smiled, "It's not an undercover assignment you know?" He threw out there and his smile grew wider as Callen stopped and glared at him.
"I know, that I can handle. But this…?" He stopped before he gave too much away and Gibbs stopped him from what he needed to do.
"Grisha." Gibbs grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him to face the older man, "This is ok. It is ok to be you. It is alright to have feelings remember?"
Callen nodded and blew out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding.
"Come on Carter's waiting." Gibbs said not telling him if Marco was there yet or not.
Callen took a deep breath and walked into the building. Gibbs gave him a sidelong glance noticing that Callen had yet again adopted another persona, but for now he let it go.
Callen smiled inwardly, if he was going to do this he would do it undercover and who better for him to be than Tony DiNozzo. He channelled all he knew about DiNozzo and with a cocky grin plastered on his face, he jogged up the stairs to Carter's office.
Marco sat with his back to a large picture window, facing the door and drinking a bottle of water.
Carter sat waiting for Callen and Gibbs to arrive. "Are you sure you are up for this?" He asked.
"I need to apologize, he needs to know that I didn't mean what happened." Marco said as Carter nodded. Marco gave a curt laugh, "It's like a twelve step program and this is my last step. I can't make amends to all of them, but Callen I can."
"Gibbs said that Callen had been reluctant to come to this meeting, did he tell you why he changed his mind?" Carter asked.
Marco shook his head, "I don't know, but hopefully he'll be open to listening to me."
"It goes both ways Marco remember, you have to listen to him as well."
Marco nodded, "I will and thank you for letting us do this here."
They looked up as the door knocked and Callen strode in with a huge smile on his face. "Hey guys!"
Carter smiled and extended his hand, "Callen I'm glad you agreed to this meeting." He looked behind him to the confused face of Gibbs who had no idea about Callen's change of attitude.
Callen was almost vibrating with anticipation, finally… It was nearly here.
"Marco…" Callen smiled and Marco winced at the undercurrent of something dangerous in his voice and stance.
Gibbs moved as Marco stood up, "Callen… I just want to talk." He said.
Callen didn't sit, instead he walked up to the picture window and stared out at the view of Venice Beach.
"So talk." He said, not looking at any of them, his hand moving slowly to his front pocket.
"I know you hate me," Marco started raising a hand and a nod at Gibbs to sit down and relax.
Both Carter and Gibbs did so, Gibbs trusting his ex-SFA's judgement. Callen didn't reply and Marco continued.
"We should have talked during the exit counselling. I know you have a lot that you need to say to me. I need to apologize for my part in your indoctrination into The Calling."
"I don't blame you for that." Callen said still not looking at him, "You were a child. You didn't know."
Marco let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding in.
"You don't?" He asked confused. Something in him, something in the training he had been indoctrinated with still said that Callen was radiating danger towards him.
Finally, slowly Callen turned with a smile that Marco knew very, very well, the fake smile he had used as Tony DiNozzo.
"Of course I don't blame you for that." Callen took a step towards Marco, then in a second his pace increased and before Gibbs or Carter could react Callen had Marco slammed against the wall his arm across his throat restricting his breathing.
"CALLEN!" Gibbs shouted as he noticed the glint of a knife in his other hand.
Marco held his hand up to keep Gibbs back. He wasn't sure how this was going to go, but something in him said to let this play out, for now.
"You killed Alexei, you tried to kill me, you thought I would let that go?"
"Callen you don't need to do this." Carter said, trying to keep his voice steady.
Marco looked Callen straight in the eye. "Roberto was my father. Even if he wasn't genetically, he was all I knew. I was messed up and I made a mistake. If you feel that you need to kill me to get revenge then do so. But it will make you a murderer can you live with that?"
Callen smirked, "You ever heard of Comescu?"
Marco paled, "You worked for them?" The Calling had worked with the Comescu family and even Marco had avoided them where possible, they were, in his opinion worse than any perpetrator he had met during his time as Anthony DiNozzo.
"I killed them. All of them. Romani blood feud, they killed my mother. You killed the man who I thought of as my father. You honestly thought I would let it go?!" He growled.
"Will this bring him back? Did killing the Comescu's bring your mother back?" Carter asked.
Callen winced slightly his hold tightening on Marco's throat. Marco shot the counselor a panicked look hoping that he wouldn't make things worse.
Callen shifted his stance slightly. It hadn't brought his mother back, it hadn't saved his family, but he was Roma, he was a gypsy and the blood that ran through his veins screamed for revenge.
"This isn't the way G." Gibbs said softly.
"He murdered Alexei. He tried to kill me."
"We talked about that, remember Callen?" Carter said, "You know that Alexei wasn't your father."
Callen gave a short, barked laugh, "I'm not crazy Carter, I know that. I've met my father. My point is that Marco killed Alexei to get to me, he would have killed me, then who… Anna? Hetty? How do I know they will be safe with him swanning around L.A. Unpunished for his crimes."
"The district attorney said there was no case to answer, he is as much as victim of The Calling as you are."
"I AM NOT A VICTIM!" Callen snarled.
"I'm sorry." Carter said softly, holding his hands up in supplication. "Not a victim, of course, a survivor of The Calling then."
"This isn't about that." Callen snapped, "He killed Alexei!"
"You cared about him a great deal didn't you?" Carter said nothing as Callen hand wavered slightly uncertain at his words.
"Sit down, I know Marco isn't going anywhere, none of us will. We talked about this Callen, I was assured that you held no ill will to Marco."
Callen laughed sourly, "I lied, you aren't the first therapist I've seen Doc. I know how the dance goes."
"You're still enamoured by The Calling? You still think they are right?" Carter asked surprised.
Callen shook his head sharply inadvertently stepping back from Marco, whose hand moved to his neck to quickly check the damage.
"Of course I don't think they are right!" Callen snapped.
"So why attack Marco?" Carter asked, his voice still level and calm.
"I never killed his father, but he killed Alexei." Callen said, glaring in hatred of a man he had once called friend.
"The man who ran The Calling in Los Angeles? He was special to you?" Carter asked. During the whole of their time counselling Callen hadn't mentioned his feelings to Alexei. They had tried to get him to talk, but eventually he had convinced them that he had thought of the couple only as foster parents nothing more. Carter was beginning to think he had made a mistake.
Callen shook his head, "No… just another foster parent that is all."
"You would try and kill someone over a foster parent, you felt nothing for?"
"Alexei was ill, but he didn't deserve that."
"So you think he would attack two innocent women? Anna and Hetty?"
Callen shook his head, "I don't know, maybe… I mean he is out to destroy those I care about because he thought I killed his father."
"Roberto was not my father Callen, but I did care for him like one. I was upset when he died, but I know now that what I thought and felt about him and The Calling were wrong. I am truly sorry about Alexei. I did what I was trained to do, what you would have done in my situation. What I thought you had done."
Callen wouldn't look at them. "Alexei was just…"
"He was not just another foster parent G. They might believe you, but I saw you two together." Marco argued, "He was your father, you cared about him!"
Callen shook his head, "I don't care about him, he was just…"
"Just the first adult to treat you like a human being? Like you mattered and now he's gone and you hurt right?"
Callen looked down, Marco was right, but if he admitted it…
"It's ok G." Gibbs told him, "No one here will think you weak or think any less of you."
"He was a criminal, I shouldn't care." Callen's voice was cracked, full of pain. "I didn't care… I don't… I did my job… but…" He couldn't continue as he turned away to hide the tears that were threatening to spill. "He was dying anyway. I knew that. But… damn… he still cared about me, as if we had never been separated. He reminded me of Sam when he sees Aiden during vacation, he cared like, I suppose a father does. He did that for me! No one has ever done that for me… Why Gibbs? Why did he do that? Why did he care so much? Why did he have to die?"
Gibbs wanted to go over and wrap his arms around his distraught friend, but he knew that Callen needed to get this out of his system, for him and also so he wouldn't go attacking Marco again.
"Why does everyone who ever cares about me die?" Callen got up and turned away. "I'm sorry Marco." He said quietly and looked over at the door wanting nothing more than to leave. "I can't blame you for this, it's my fault I should have stayed away from them."
"Them?" Carter asked, confused.
"Dom, Hunter, My mother, Alexei… all of them. I just get people killed."
Carter nodded to Gibbs, who gently guided Callen back to the couch as Marco headed off to the kitchen to give the three men some space.
"Did you kill them?" Carter asked.
Callen sighed, "It's my fault I got too close. Dom… he was only a kid, new at the job and I didn't train him properly, didn't warn him about alternate routes. Hunter… I started to like her… Janvier killed her because I liked her, My mother… she was trying to save me and she died. Alexei… He was my… my foster parent and he was killed because Marco thought I had killed his father, you see! It is all my fault!"
For a moment Carter resisted the urge to smile, now he understood why Hetty had given him all the extra information on Callen that she had. This wasn't all about The Calling, this was him. The things he kept hidden in the dark all flooding to the surface in an eruption of pain. He had read how Nate Getz had tried to get Callen to open up on these subject, but Callen had sidestepped him all the time. Now, with Marco being the catalyst Callen couldn't stop it.
He sat there staring at his hands, not even noticing that now both Marco and Gibbs had left the room leaving him alone with the exit counselor.
Marco looked guilty as he leaned against the counter in the kitchen, drinking from a bottle of water.
"I'm sorry Gibbs." He said.
Gibbs looked at Marco confused, "What for?" He asked.
"Callen. He's your friend and I did this to him. He's right to hate me." He took a drink and sighed, "I wanted to cause him pain when I thought that he was going to hurt The Calling, but the water wasn't targeted at Alexei or anyone, there wasn't enough in there to kill anyone, just make them ill."
"Alexei was already ill, Cancer." Gibbs said, "His immune system was compromised."
"I was hurting and Callen is right to blame me. If I hadn't dosed the water, he wouldn't have died."
"You don't know that for a fact." Gibbs argued.
"Don't I?" Marco turned to look at Gibbs. "I wanted Callen to hurt like I was hurting, I never realized that he had been hurting all along. I thought that by introducing him to The Calling I was helping him. I didn't know Jethro. I wanted him to feel some of the safety and comfort I felt with Senior… Roberto."
Gibbs smiled and patted Marco on the shoulder. "You both went through a lot with them. I know one thing about you, you have a kind heart. After all those years working with me, I do know that. Whether as Tony DiNozzo or Marco Marsino your heart was always the same."
"I wanted Callen to know. I know now that what I thought was true wasn't. I know that he didn't kill Roberto. I know that the Calling wasn't true. But I didn't know that then. Jethro? Do you think he'll ever forgive me?"
Gibbs could see the pain on Marco's face as he asked the question, but at that moment he truly didn't know the answer.