I still do own Calvin and Hobbes!
On the upside peoples I do in fact have good news, HObBES IS FINALLY APPEARING AGAIN!
*Everyone party's*
Hobbes: *Sniff* I feel so loved
Calvin: Yeah yeah whatever, just get back to the story. You have two other fics that need to made Lifeline and
*Smacks hand over Calvin's mouth* That one is SECRET!
CAlvin: YOU ALREADY TOLD *Duct tapes his mouth*
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Hobbes lay on Calvin's bed, his body leaning to the side and his tail drooped over the edge. It had been boring recently, and especially because he hadn't been in the story proper for several chapters -
"Hey, Narrator, I'm trying to sleep here!" Hobbes said before pulling a pillow over his head, followed by the blankets as it was freezing cold outside.
"Did someone tick off the chick from Frozen?" Hobbes thought to himself as he shivered under the covers a bit. "it's freezing here!"
Hobbes then heard the phone ring and he shut his eyes as he heard Mom pick it up, and he checked the time. 12:15, time for Calvin's Lunch at school.
Hobbes sighed. "3,2,1" He counted down as he waited for Mom to scream.
"What do you mean he brought the food to life!?" Mom snapped into the phone, causing Hobbes to jump into the air.
In a flash Hobbes had raced down the stairs and into the kitchen where Mom was talking on the phone.
"Mrs. Wormwood, I know that at times Calvin can be a bit wild, but that sounds extremely far fetched!" Mom said, and she saw Hobbes and covered the speaker.
"I think that's she's gone crazy." She whispered to Hobbes.
"I Think Calvin says that she drinks Maalox straight from the bottle and smokes two packs a day..unfiltered."
Mom blinked. "Mrs. Wormwood are you completely sure that the "food is alive?"" Mom asked and backed away as yelled her response and about how her car is now a wreck because of a fire extinguisher.
"I really doubt that Calvin is at fault for that." Mom said, wrapping the cord around her finger. Hobbes rolled his eyes and he then turned when he saw someone walk toward the door, he walked over and opened it, revealing Tracer with little to no hair, an arm locked in a giant mouse trap, wearing a tiara that was broken on his head, wearing only his boxers, covered in scratches and scars and had a bear trap trailing behind him.
Tracer grinned loopily, revealing that his teeth were now made of diamonds.
Hobbes stared at Tracer with saucer like eyes and the detective held out his hand. "Greenbacks...up and front..please place your order.."
"Good lord what happened to you!?" Hobbes asked as Tracker stumbled it, leaving the Mouse and Bear Traps on the rug like shoes.
"I will tellya Sebboh, I haz discovered the Cheezburger mine and how Mcpoopy's wants our Marmaduke Calvin to mine the cheezburger's for their Ultra Masih goal of flooding the supermarket with diamond bear traps! We need to stop them before Foodfight 2! Otherwise Brand X will make us all eat diamond livers that taste like elmo!, and the ghost guy is wearing a robot Calvin's skin flesh!"
"Uhhhh…" Hobbes said as mom walked in.
"Hobbes, I'm going to the school before Mrs. Wormwood has a heart attack or something along those lines, would you like to…
"Pancakes will kill Waffles and Rule the world with their pants! Take them off and burn them before the Soviets come to steal our biscuits!" Tracer exclaimed.
"Tracer's minds' gone bye bye." Hobbes said.
"I'm not crazy, My mother had me tested!"
"And now we're stealing from ATF's jokes!"
"TURN THE GAS OFF!"
Mom slapped her forehead. "What happened to him?"
Hobbes shrugged. "We sent him to look into P.O.O.P.Y and he comes back looking like this, they either did something really terrible to him...or he got himself drunk during the months it took to make this chapter."
"I'm telling you all right now, We need to stop the penguins from destroying the world, if you do not help me, you can join them in their exile to jupiter!"
Mom gently picked up Tracer and laid him gently on the couch. "Tracer, why don't you get some sleep while me and hobbes go out."
Tracker opened his mouth and then passed out asleep. Mom covered him in a blanket.
"I guess Detective work is hard stuff." She said as she and hobbes walked out to the car.
"I have my suspicions though that not all of that was from "solving the mystery." Hobbes explained as they hopped into their purple car.
"Well that's mystery that we need to solve alter, we already have the fact that Calvin is in trouble for something I doubt he could do."
"Acting like food's alive he can do...make it come to life I doubt that even he could do that, even with the Transmorgifer gun." Hobbes said as they drove, still in the Back of Hobbes mind he was still wondering about Tracer, and the Ghost guy part, that one sounded a bit less crazy than the other stuff. That and he had said Calvin Robot…..
And they never did find out what happened to the Calvin Robot….
oooooooooooooooo
Mr. Spittles office
"-An Outrage, that's what it is, a complete and total outrage!" Mrs. Wormwood yelled as behind her, Calvin and Sally sat, Sally looking down in fear, while Calvin rolled his eyes.
"My car is destroyed, the cafeteria is a wreck, and worst of all, I found him with a pill!" She exclaimed and Mr Spittle cocked an eyebrow and looked at Calvin who shrugged.
"And where is this pill?" Mr. Spittle asked as he straightened his glasses.
Mrs. Wormwood opened her hand, revealing the crushed beyond recognition pill, Mr. Spittle stared at it and then looked at Mrs. Wormwood. "are you sure that it's a pill?"
"I saw it. I know that it was a pill!"
"Mrs. Wormwood I think you may need to lay down.." Calvin began but snapped around to face him. "Don't take that tone with me young man, or else it's detention for a year!"
Calvin smirked. "I'm not your student anymore."
"He is correct ," Mr. Spittle began. ",Calvin left your class and is now in Belle's care as a student
"Well then get Belle down here!" snapped. "He is not going to go unpunished I will see to that!"
"mrs. Wormwood please, calm down and we will figure this out.." Mr Spittle asked and took a few deep breaths.
"Nice work Mr Spittle, any more anger and she might have burst." Calvin commented and Mrs. Wormwood clenched her fists.
"Calvin you will hold your tongue, until your mother gets here, you're not out of the woods yet." mr Spittle said. "Before the whole, whatever, happened in the cafeteria you and Sally were both acting like your food was alive."
"It was funny, well for us, besides it wasn't harming anyone!" Calvin said.
"Maybe it was funny but it wasn't funny when everyone else began acting like their food came to life."
"Why are we talking in past tense, I think the whole fight's still going on." Sally said as from the office they heard a kid running past while screaming, "get it off!"
"Right now, I do not care if it is still ongoing, that doesn't pertain to the matter at hand." Mr. Spittle says
"I thought the food coming to life WAS the matter with this conversation." Calvin pointed out.
"It is...sort of?" Mr. Spittle asked and she blinked, her face becoming a frown. "This whole "conversation" is about how Calvin has continued to be the bane of my existence and he's not even in my class!, that stupid camp was supposed to help, but It couldn't change him at all!"
Calvin sneered. "So that was your idea, while I admit, that I did meet one of the few girls I enjoy being around besides my mom," He began and Sally hid a blush, ", and Hobbes was brought to life along with my egos, the camp was controlled by a psychotic who-"
Mrs. Wormwood cut him off, "Calvin this is not storytime!"
"What stroy? Do you honestly think that I managed to rope an entire camp into fulfilling my fantasies?, and that would include Moe, Susie, Sally, and my parents!" Calvin pointed out, and then he saw turn to glare toward Sally.
"I find it very odd though why a young girl as quiet and timid as Sally here would be hanging around with someone like you." She asiad, doubt appearing in her voice.
Before it could go any further, Mom walked in, Hobbes stood outside the door. "I'm sorry, I came here as fast as I could."
"You're just in Time, please sit down." Mr. Spittle said and Mom stared at the room. "Okay, but then I may have to sit on the floor." She said
mr. Spittle sighed, growled and Calvin laughed.
Hobbes took a look around the office and then at Mr. Spittle. "You know, I really think that you need a bigger office, especially if things like this happen more often."
"I know, but apparently the school wants to put more into the "food" we serve at the cafeteria."
Hobbes rolled his eyes. "That's the educational system putting crap in front of the good stuff."
"I agree with what your meaning is but not the wording."
Mom turned back toward Hobbes. "Hobbes, why don't you wait till we're done here, I have a strong feeling that I'll be taking Calvin and Sally home after this anyway."
"That sweet girl shouldn't be associated with Calvin!" Mrs. Wormwood could be heard snapping, as Mom shut the door.
Hobbes sighed and looked around, the secretary was too busy to actually notice him with a shrug, the Tiger poked his head out the doorway, and then held his hands over his ears as the sound of screaming was echoing throughout the halls.
"Gah!" Hobbes said as he stuck his head back inside, "That screaming could wake the dead!"
"Ear Plugs?" The Secretary asked, holding out a pair toward the tiger, still not paying much attention.
"Thanks" Hobbes said as he placed them in his ears and then he proceeded to walk into the hallway.
Then, Filthy Rich Ran up, being chased by Roland, who was trying to spray the food that was attached to his back with water, but the food instead hissed and then grabbed a bulletin board and hurled it at Roland.
Hobbes cringed as a crash was heard. "i know that some people call Michelle Obama's food evil but I didn't think it actually WAS evil."
Roland stood up, and brushed himself off, and was about to speak...and then he got a good look at Hobbes.
"AUGH!, Tiger! Tiger in the school!" he screamed and began running away. "TIGER TIGER, AUGH!, MOMMY!" he said.
Dang and we were so close on not breaking out the caps lock too.
As Hobbes began to move toward the source, he saw Susie talking with a strange woman, he couldn't hear what they were saying due to his ear plugs *Some durable things there* but he ignored it, probably her mom, who he never really saw or someone who worked at the school.
The woman however, had taken notice of him, and she looked at Susie. "Excuse me for a second, I need to call someone." She said.
"Oh, Okay." Susie said.
Ariel nodded and then brought up a phone to her ear and pressed the speed dial button. She taped in the name and then placed it to her ear..
ooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Inside the cafeteria, things were still a mad house, people were screaming, crying, wailing, doing Irish jigs, and trying to fight off the hordes of evil food that was coming after them.
A group of Students upended a table onto the lunch counter to try and squash some of the food, however it was instantly thrown off and out a window.
Good gosh this food is strong!
Hobbes walked into the chaos, and then dove behind a table as several bits of food splattered against the side of the table.
"Well, this looks like an interesting situation." He commented simply, and then he looked around to see several terrified students staring at him.
"Ummn" Hobbes siad as the students stared at him. "Hi, name's Hobbes." He said simply.
Cadence gaped. "Y-y-you're a real tiger?"
"Last time I checked….yes." Hobbes said. 'So...anyone got a plan in place to fight these things?"
Everyone stared at him.
"Are you serious?" Filthy Rich asked. "We find out you're alive and the first thing you ask is not, Yeah this happened to me, or this, or that we've just not been looking at you correctly and the only way we could is by getting the crap scared out of ourselves!?"
Hobbes paused. "'Good point, well you see, it all started when i-"
Then the Door to the cafeteria exploded, sending shards of wood everywhere. The Kids all screamed and Ducked down to avoid getting splintered.
The Kids and Hobbes all started as a large metallic figure appeared, looking like a mix of Ultron and Galvatron from Age of Extinction, the robot looked around and then set it's eyes on Hobbes.
"Hello Hobbes." The figure said in a deep metallic voice, that sounded distinctly familiar to Hobbes.
The Robots Arm shifted into a cannon. "and goodbye."
"I don't even know who you are!" Hobbes exclaimed, right as he was blasted and sent sailing through a wall. The Tiger slammed into the grass in the Baseball field. As Hobbes spat out some dirt that entered his mouth, the Robot appeared again, having caused even more property damage to the school.
What is with this guy and property destruction!?
"Hey, I have only destroyed part of a roof, so it's not a habit!"
Just wait till the end of the chapter.
Anyway, as Hobbes got up, the Robot raced forward and prepared to send a punch toward Hobbes, and the Tiger responded by running at a speed akin to a cheetah, Hobbes ran into some netting, as the school was too cheap to afford chain link, and Hobbes ricocheted back into the Robot.
The Robot stumbled back as Hobbes brought out his claws and slashed it across the face, he then took a look and realized..his claws had been reduced to stubs.
"My claws!" Hobbes exclaimed, as the Robot sent him flying into the dug out.
'My back." Hobbes moaned and the Robot flew forward and sent him smashing through the dug out and onto the bleachers.
"My everything." Hobbes wheezed and then rolled out of the wall as the Robot smashed down into the Bleachers, sending them falling atop it. As the Robot's head burst from the pile, Hobbes slammed a metal Baseball bat into it's skull. The Bat however rebounded and bopped Hobbes in the nose.
"AUGH!"Hobbes screamed and threw the bat, into the Robots chest knocking it Robot stumbled to it's feet and then was shocked to see Hobbes flying toward him, hiss claws out in an attempt to pounce him. The Robot raised it's fist and then with a cry, Hobbes slammed into it, his claws stretching out and then retracting back to normal as he fell to the ground.
Hobbes groaned as the Robot chuckled. "Now then, time to do something I've always wanted to do." It's arm became a flame thrower and he pointed it toward Hobbes head.
"Enjoy Oblivion"
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Yeah I'll just leave it on that Cliffhanger
Hobbes: Do you just like leaving Cliffhangers where I might die!?
Me: Well you might but unlike in the last story, you have an advantage
Hobbes: And that is?
ME: I'll tell ya next chapter.
Hobbes: *eye roll*
READ AND REVIEW!