Memories

Balance of Power

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She looked up at the stars, her eyes wide and all-seeing.

Once she had a name. Once she had a body. Once she was a mutant woman who had a husband and children and friends. She drank more coffee than was probably healthy unless you had a healing factor, and got annoyed when she ran out of mint and strawberry soap.

Once she has meant something. Once she had laughed at stupid jokes, and gotten exaspherated with her students and moaned at her husband until he'd come over and massage her shoulders until she was too sleepy to do anything but purr.

But she was not that being anymore. At times, she even had trouble remembering the names of the faces that were gradually beginning to blur away from her.

Her body was a swirl of nebula and a smattering of stars. Cosmic dust and little asteroids whizzing around inside. Maybe once she had been a flesh-and-blood being, but that was distant and fuzzy. Once she had existed in only three dimensions, stuck travelling through a fourth with no change in direction or velocity. Now she was… Now she was now. She was everywhere, everything, everytime. She saw everything and so saw nothing at all.

Once she had lived on a little world orbiting a little star on the edge of an insignificant little galaxy. Now she stretched from one side of the universe to the other, a universal constant.

The Dragon spread its wings and existed.

Tora Logan faded just that little more.

"This is why we can't just piggy-back in humans. We swamp them, until nothing is left."

The being who had once been Tora Logan felt the echoing call of one of the Five in her mind. Intrigued at what could possibly rouse Mistress Death from her own realm to result in contacting one of the Life Trinity, all it took was a little bit of extra focus and she was in the Afterlife.

She had always found Death's realm both beautifully calming and incredibly distressing at the same time. Aesthetically, the place was one of the most beautiful of the realms that the cosmic beings had build for themselves. Death had recently discovered soaring architecture and graceful spires and had begun redesigning, although in stark monochrome. But for all its beauty, there was no thrum of life, no bursts of energy as people lived and loved and fought. For a being whose purpose was Life Itself, Death's Domain had always been mildly upsetting.

You have called me, Sister Death.

Death was in one of her favourite forms today, the beautiful black haired woman in the purple robe. At her shoulder, the ever-stoic Malach Hamavet stood, wings alight and hand resting ever so threateningly on the curved blade. Its face was expressionless, and the flames that curled around the face was silver-white with heat. For some reason, it didn't feel happy to see the Dragon.

Death waved a hand languidly.

You have been neglecting your duties, Dragon.

A flash of annoyance-rage-embarrassment rang through her.

I was, and now I have returned to devoting my full attentions to the tasks of-

I do not refer to your duties as Dragon. I refer to your role as a protecter of Earth.

An insignificant minor planet orbiting a small star on the edge of a small galaxy. I do not see-

Have you truly forgotten, Dragon? Have you forgotten what you once were? You were so small and mortal and beautiful. You had mortal passions and fears and you were so much smaller than you are now. And also so much greater.

Dragon recoiled and suddenly couldn't help the flood of memories rushing back in, memories of a human –no, mutant woman.

Screaming for mercy that wouldn't come.

Laughing with friends over the smallest thing.

Dancing through rubble, shielding the child with her body and handing him over to a grateful parent.

Dancing, properly this time, at the last prom the Xavier School would have, Logan's hands slowly wandering lower and his grin when she slapped them away.

Sitting in the warm armchair, a young child wrapped in her arms as she rocked them to sleep.

Something hot was trickling down a face that had not been remembered until just now. Tora looked up at Death and smiled weakly.

"Thank you."

I find you amusing. Do not lose yourself again.

Tora smiled, properly this time, at the silent sentinel at Death's left shoulder.

"Am I forgiven?"

The Malach Hamavet inclined her head slightly and there was a flash of white in the black flames.

You were from the moment you committed the offence.

Feeling freer than she had in… well, time had been immaterial, so feeling freer than she had since her soul had been wrenched from her, Tora left, in balance with herself and her power once more.

"She didn't gain full balance for years though."

"No, Dragon messed up. Again. The reptile always was awful at coping with Tora. They did balance each other well when they finally sorted out their relationship problems."

Kash'kaa ran. It knew running was of no use. Its planet was crumbling under its feet, the world dying around it.

And then an ugly being walked towards it. Its skin was too pink and its hair was the fierce red of the oceans. And it contorted its flat, near featureless face into a crude distortion. Then spoke, in perfect Voric.

"You might want to get back a bit. This'll sting a little."

And its body glowed with a thousand lights and clear liquid swirled into existence around it and it placed what Kash'kaa could only assume were its hands with their too-long, spindly fingers upon the ground and it looked up at it again and suddenly it was beautiful.

Look after this world of yours. It's a beautiful place.

And the tremors stopped and the being –the beautiful, graceful, enigmatic being which had saved Voris was gone, as if it had never been there at all.

"She still wasn't going home."

"Oh, you know how it was. Places to go, civilisations to save, filing to manage."

She observed the supernova on all levels. From the big picture, the beautiful bursts as the star exploded white-hot, down to the most miniscule of levels to the no less beautiful fusion and fission of elements, and even further down where the subatomic particles changed, releasing energy as they did so.

She observed it all and carefully kept track of it and then filed it away in the Library, which, for the first time since the universe began, had a new room added (normally, the rooms were always just big enough to store everything). She liked the little room off the Heart, which had been built for one express purpose –somewhere she could go and just be herself, while Dragon went off to do other things. It was refreshingly unchanging. The rest of the Library could never decide on its appearance, changing as the whim took it. One day, K'Meeri Literature would be stored in a perfect, albeit much larger, replica of the Vault of Seven Souls in D'roka, M'Keer's capital city and the seat of the K'Meeri Emperor. The next, it would be a beautiful facsimile of the Halls of Hallowed Learning on Chandilar, the Shi'ar Throneworld.

But her little room remained constant. It was a copy of her office at the Jean Grey School, which in itself was a copy of her office for the Xavier Institute. The room reminded her of warm days and somehow, Dragon had managed to get the full-length windows to display a full range of weather and outdoor student activity. At the moment, there was an overeager basketball game going on, although Tora did realise she only recognised some of the students. And was that Etana? No, the limbs were slimmer, giving the impression of awkwardness that Etana had grown out of by her early twenties. And then there was the fact that… The Etana look-alike had just punched Evan. Oh, great. Chamber had run in, was splitting them up but the girl –and oh, how she looked like Etana- was already storming off.

Girl. Looked like Etana. About sixteen, give or take a year. Was that Zillah? Oh, it looked so like her. The face was as Etana's had been, before the various bones had been broken, shattered or cracked. So how was…

Tora sighed. She was going to kill the Dragon. She stuck her head out of the door and instantly felt the stupid reptile rush into her head.

Did you link those windows up to the actual office?

I thought you'd appreciate the chance to keep up-to-date with current affairs. Have I offended you?

Tora considered for the briefest moment then shook her head.

Thank you, Big Sibling.

She felt the mental chuckle of amusement run through her mind, as the Dragon pulled away, letting her go back into her room.

Once there, she didn't feel too bad about pulling her chair over to the window and watching in rapt amusement as life at the Jean Grey Institute played out in front of her.

"Awww. For all they fought, the Dragon always was inordinately fond of her."

"Much the same way the Phoenix was of you, Jean. The perfect avatar. The perfect house and friend."