A/N: Greetings from Alaska!
The family and I made it to our new home state, but it will be a couple of weeks before we're out of our hotel and into our new home, so updates may still be a little spotty as we're getting settled. I am writing away though and I promise for anyone reading 'Once Upon a Time' I'm working on that as well. Free just took over my head a little on the trip.
That being said, I was dumb and sat with this for too long. Since we didn't have internet access for a lot of our drive up here, this chapter has been mostly done for a while and so inevitably I've read it and re-read it and re-edited it to the point where I think it's awful. It may very well be, but I'm going to let go and release it so I can be free of fretting over it!
5.
"Sofia," a soft voice whispered. "Sofia it's time to wake up. We've arrived."
"Hmm, no," she mumbled. "I want to stay here."
There was a low, indulgent sounding chuckle and then, despite her sleep fogginess, she was sure she felt a soft caress on the crown of her head… a kiss.
Sofia sighed.
She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so safe or content.
"While I'd have no objection, I rather think your coachman would like to put the carriage away at some point."
Sofia's eyes fluttered open to find she'd fallen asleep with her head on Cedric's shoulder.
She righted herself, ignoring the protest of her now stiff back and trying to appear ladylike as she wiped the corner of her mouth. Staring at the shoulder of Cedric's robe she realized there was probably no point in the attempt. There was a dark, damp bloom covering most of it.
"I'm sorry!" She offered. "I haven't been sleeping well."
"Well you seemed to be making up for it quite enthusiastically."
Cedric's mouth was turned up in a teasing smirk, but Sofia would have sworn the expression didn't reach his eyes. As he disentangled their hands she was sure she saw something wistful there. As though he might have wanted to keep her pressed against him just a little longer. The possibility sent an excited tingle zinging through her body and she had to suppress the shudder it caused.
"Mother," the coach door swung open to reveal the Crown Prince of Freezenberg.
"Freddie!" Sofia's face broke into a wide smile as she stood excitedly and took the hand her son offered.
When she was down from the coach she threw her arms around the young man and marveled at how he seemed to have grown just in the two days she'd been away. He was her height now and she knew it would hardly be a year before he was looking down on her with that partly indulgent partly embarrassed look he always wore when she insisted on behaving so 'rustically' as he liked to put it.
"There's nothing more touching than a son re-uniting with his adoring mother?"
Sofia's head snapped up to see an unexpected figure standing just a few feet away.
"Your Grace," she knew Freddie, being fourteen, would have preferred for his mother to let him go now, but Sofia's first instinct was to pull him protectively closer. "Did you bring Freddie yourself?"
The man bowed.
"As head of Prince Frederick's household, it's my duty to make sure he's safe at all times."
Sofia bristled at his condescending tone but before she could give an answer he straightened to his full, and impressive height, flashing her his most smoldering expression.
"And besides, if I hadn't escorted his Highness I wouldn't have had the chance to see you." He had been moving towards her as he said the last but came up short, stiffening, when Cedric descended the coach and came to stand beside her.
Sofia tried to keep her face neutral as she watched the two men size each other up. But she couldn't help feeling the tiny tingle again as Cedric slid closer to her, till there was barely any space between them.
"Ah, I didn't realize you had other guests." The intruder said, pasting a pleasant look on his face even as his body remained stiff. "Won't you introduce us?"
Sofia bit her tongue to keep the words she truly wanted to say from jumping out.
"I'm sure you both know each other by reputation." She began, feigning pleasantness. "Alexander Esterhausen, Duke of Lentz, I present you Cedric the Sensational, Royal Sorcerer of Enchancia, my mentor, and dearest friend." She turned to Cedric then, laying a hand familiarly on his arm. "Mr. Cedric, the Duke of Lentz is head of Freddie's household and responsible for all things that concern my son."
Where there should have been bows and a courteous exchange of words, both men simply nodded grudgingly.
"Well," Sofia said brusquely. "I thank you for personally assuring Freddie's safe arrival. Now that's done I wouldn't dream of keeping you any longer, Your Grace. I know how valuable your time is."
Sofia didn't miss the dark look that passed over the Duke's face as he took in the sight of her standing between her son and her sorcerer. When he spoke again he spoke to her, but she could see his eyes never left Cedric.
"Not at all. In fact, I find myself with a bit of leisure and I was hoping we might use the time to catch up." The corners of his mouth turned up as he landed his next words like arrows. "It's been too long since we've had a chance to really spend time together, Sophie."
With her hand still on his arm, Sofia couldn't miss the way Cedric flinched at the Duke's intimate shortening of her name. Sofia had to tamp down hard on her own reaction. As much as she'd love to, she knew it would be a foolish and frankly amateur mistake to be openly rude.
With Carl dead and the young prince given to his care, Alexander Esterhausen was a powerful, powerful man. A fact he was well aware of.
Instead she smiled again, if tightly, and nodded her head.
"I'm always interested in hearing all the goings on at court and Your Grace has a most unique perspective on things. If you truly have a bit of free time I'd be honored to have you stay to dinner?"
A self-satisfied smirk blossomed on the Duke's face before he bowed gallantly.
It made Sofia's teeth clench in frustration, but she managed to keep her smile. Tilting her head to the side she beckoned to her steward who stood on the steps with the other senior staff, waiting silently.
"Underhill, would you please make sure Mr. Cedric and Freddie are shown to their apartments. I'll escort his Grace to one of the guest rooms so he can freshen up before dinner."
It wasn't the way she'd wanted the afternoon to go.
She'd hoped to show Cedric around her home, proudly pointing out all the places she knew he'd love. The library she was putting together, the workshop she'd only just finished before she left, the enchanted greenhouse she was building for potion ingredients and magical herbs and flowers.
Then she'd wanted to take him to his rooms.
The 'house' wasn't really a house at all. It was a small country estate, quaint by the standards of those who dwelt in palaces and castles, but large by any others. It had an entire wing of guest apartments which she'd let Underhill furnish expensively and decorate lavishly. But Cedric's place wasn't there. He would never be a 'guest' in her home. She'd given him the rooms across from her own, in the family wing. And she'd decorated them herself, just for him, in deep blues and rich purples with splashes of gold and yellow. She'd lined the walls with copies of some of his favorite books and left space hoping he might want to add more. There were even perches and nests for Wormwood and a fine strong oak just outside the window the aging raven could enjoy.
It was the kind of place he should have been afforded in Enchancia, if her step-father had been more respectful of Cedric's position and talents. Instead he'd been relegated to sleeping in a damp, windowless expanse down a staircase from his workshop, a place she was fairly certain was supposed to be some sort of storage room.
She'd hoped this small gesture would make up for some of the slights he'd suffered. If nothing else she hoped he'd be touched by the material expression of her esteem. Because whether their relationship ever grew into something more or not, he was still the person she loved and admired most in the world.
Then she'd wanted to have dinner with her son and her sorcerer and spend the evening watching contentedly as they picked up with the easy report they'd always enjoyed. She loved the way Freddie adored her friend and how Cedric's manner, so different from anyone else her son knew, always seemed to intrigue the boy, bringing out the very best of his character.
Instead she would have to entertain Alexander.
"Once we're settled what would your Highness say to a magic lesson?" Cedric's voice brought her back from her disappointed thoughts and she watched as Freddie's eyes lit up.
"Thank you Mr. Cedric! I brought my wand just like mother asked me too!" The boy declared excitedly.
As Cedric moved to follow Freddie inside he shot Sofia a look she couldn't quite interpret. But it was dark in a way she'd never seen from him. It pulled at something deep inside her and made her want to run after him. But she couldn't. As much as she wanted to know what that look meant she had to deal with the Duke first.
As if on queue he sidled up next her, offering his arm in gentlemanlike fashion to escort her inside.
"Thank you for inviting me to dinner," the Duke began as they started inside. His voice sounding earnest and confidential. "I've…missed you."
Sofia smiled slightly, hoping he would take the expression for pleasure at his declaration.
"I've only been away from court a few weeks." Sofia stated matter-of-factly, not bothering to add that she would have to have friends at court to be missed there. With Anna-Grete retired to the country to enjoy her numerous grandchildren she'd thought no one would even notice she was gone.
"Without you there it's as if the sun has set." He replied, his arm slipping from hers so he could grasp her hand.
Sofia stilled in front of the door to the first guest apartment and looked down, trying to hide how unsettled she was by his forwardness.
"Alexander, what's this all about?" She asked, dropping any pretense of disinterested banter.
"I told you Sophie, I miss you. I miss spending time with you. I would have thought I'd made that obvious by now."
Sofia extracted her hand from his.
"It's been years since we've 'spent time together' Your Grace."
There was a clear coolness to her voice which he chose to ignore.
Instead he stepped closer trying to invade her personal space. She matched his movement by taking one to the side, avoiding the frame of the door so he couldn't pin her against it.
"I know. You felt more for me than you could handle with a husband always lurking around the corner." His words were self-assured to the point of arrogance, but his face told a different story. There he wore a boyishly endearing expression, his longish blond hair falling in front of twinkling green eyes, his perfect bow of a mouth quirked up impishly. The look seemed to imply he was only hoping that had been the truth of it.
It sent a shiver down her spine.
A warning frission reminding her how good he was at this particular game. How he wouldn't be half as powerful as he was now if she hadn't been drawn in by his easy deceit.
"I enjoyed our time together for what it was Alexander." She began, cautiously. "But if you think there was anything more, you're mistaken. You're handsome and…skilled, as you're well aware, but you never touched my heart."
Instead of being put off, he just chuckled and took her hand again, drawing her reluctantly forward to press her palm to his chest.
"I must not be skilled enough if you really mean that." He paused letting the smolder make a reappearance. "But we were good together Sophie, you have to admit it. And things are different now for both of us. If you gave me the chance I know I could."
Sofia kept her face neutral, but inside she was sighing. She'd learned the art of diplomacy during her days at royal prep and honed it to a sharp edge here in Freezenberg, but when it came to intimate matters it seemed there was never a diplomatic way to turn down a determined man.
It angered her since she felt, for all her education, this was the arena in which women where most often forced to fight, whether they wanted to or not. To catch the attention of a man at court, no matter how unwittingly, was to be immediately ensnared in a world where your acceptance or rejection had consequences, often far reaching and almost never wholly understood in the moment.
As Princess, Sofia had been inevitably coveted by handsome, bold young men who wished to make their mark on the kingdom. And she'd played the game eagerly, once unwittingly and the other times quite purposefully. But for years now she'd shunned such entanglements, having grown tired of men who talked of love and bargained in passion but actually desired the exchange of power and favors that were the understood benefits of such assignations.
There was only one man she wanted in her bed from now on and he wasn't the one standing before her staring down with the hopeful eyes of a besotted puppy.
Since he wasn't going to let her settle this delicately Sofia opted instead for brevity.
"Please don't call me that." She said, pulling her hand away again and taking two steps back this time. "I have no interest in renewing our previous relationship Alexander."
Again he surprised her with a smile.
"I don't want to renew our 'previous' relationship either." He said, throwing her off.
"But, I thought…." He stepped forward again and Sofia wondered if he intended to shadow her across the entire house.
"I want to marry you."
"Excuse me?"
"I know you don't like sneaking around in dirty corners. You aren't the type of woman who's thrilled by something purely for its improperness. You want love. You want a man you can worship who will worship you right back. That man is me. We would be an unconquerable match together. We could be the kind of family you've always wanted, the kind of family you always wanted for Freddie. I know you Sofia. I know you better than you've ever given me credit for. Give me a chance."
Sofia's heart clenched at his words. If nothing else his assessment of her character was frighteningly accurate.
She realized she'd already been foolish to think he hadn't been paying attention to her all these years. Sizing and summing her up for the moment when he could take full advantage of her and what she could do for him again.
"Alex, I don't want to say something we'll both regret later, but I won't repeat myself either. When you came to court all those years ago, I thought you were kind and handsome and as miserable in your marriage as I was in mine. And for a time I thought we brought each other a little happiness, but that's all. I've spent the last fifteen years beholden to a man and I have no intention of doing it again any time in the near future, or ever with you. I'm flattered by your offer, but that's my final answer."
With that she turned and stalked determinedly to the end of the hall. When she made it she turned around and pinned him with a hard look.
"You're more than welcome to stay for dinner, but afterwards I expect you to leave."
Then she turned again and began descending the steps without a second look, secretly hoping he would simply disappear before Underhill called everyone.
.o~O*O~o.
After changing for dinner Sofia went in search of Freddie and Cedric and found them outside in the Nettle Blossom garden. The magic lesson appeared to be winding down so instead of interrupting, she chose to settle herself on the balcony of a small sitting room that overlooked the garden. A place where she could watch them unnoticed.
Cedric was showing Freddie how to levitate a few of the flowers and for the most part he seemed to be getting the hang of it, until he tried to float to many at once. The flowers started to swirl in the air uncontrollably flying about until Cedric returned them to their bed.
"That was excellent for a first try," The sorcerer praised, helping the boy see his attempt in a positive light.
"But I keep control!" Freddie sighed heavily, twisting his wand between hands that, like his feet, were just a little too big for his frame. "I never used to have this problem. I always thought I was pretty good at magic. I got straight 'A's in sorcery my last semester at Royal Prep. But now…"
Cedric's hand fell on the young Prince's shoulder.
"You have a great deal of talent. So much I would say it's fairly bursting out of you. I know you've suffered a great loss…" Sofia could tell Cedric was reluctant to openly talk about Carl's death.
But Freddie didn't really need him too.
"But I think there's something else causing you to falter." Her sorcerer's voice was calm and understanding and seemed to hit just the right chord with her son. Letting him puzzle it out for himself where she knew others were all too eager to jump in and tell him how he should feel or what he should think.
"I feel…" Freddie struggled for the right words, "I feel like there's only one of me and I wish there were four or five. One to go back to Royal Prep and be with my friends, and one to deal with all the people who want to help me deal with losing my father, one to help my grandfather, and on and on and on. Does that make sense?"
Cedric's nodded, settling on a bench as Freddie ordered his thoughts in his own time.
"And I'm scared." The young prince admitted after a while, taking the spot next to Cedric.
"That seems perfectly natural."
"But I shouldn't be! I'm supposed to be strong and brave. That's how my dad was, and that's what people expect in their prince. How do I make it stop? Is there some spell I could perform?"
Sofia watched Cedric inhale deeply before replying.
"When I was your age I wanted a spell to make everything better too."
Freddie looked up at the older man surprised. Despite how quickly he'd been asked to grow up, he was still child enough to think the people he looked up to had always existed in their current forms.
"It persisted well into adulthood for me. I knew I was talented, and I certainly had the training. I should have been a magnificent sorcerer, especially because I come from a long line of magnificent sorcerers. But I wasn't. I was always so nervous, so scared, I couldn't accomplish even the simplest things."
"Like what?"
"Once your Grandfather, King Rolland, asked me to turn a statue of a gargoyle into a golden horse. Instead I made it a real flying horse. The thing flew away from the castle, exclaiming over his freedom and dropping turds the whole way."
Freddie laughed at that, as only a teenage boy could. His mirth made Cedric laugh a little as well, and it seemed not entirely deprecatingly.
"It might not have worked out but you did something even more amazing. You gave a statue life!"
Cedric looked at the boy shocked. "I was so mired in my failure I never stopped to look at it that way."
"Well, you're not that way now. You're the most powerful sorcerer in the world!"
Cedric expression brightened proudly.
"Well there you have it. You don't need to be the strongest or the bravest, you just have to put your people first. If you do that they'll think you a hero.
"You're saying if I'm good and kind everyone will think I'm great. But you really did all those things they love you for." The boy clearly seemed confused.
Sofia couldn't help but feel that was the fault of the men around and in charge of him. Selfish men who never challenged him to think of his role as one of duty to others.
"I'm saying that if you rule in a way which helps your people than you'll be acting as a strong and brave Prince and they will give you their love for it. But you know that's not a path you have to travel alone. I had your mother. When she was a girl, before she married your father, she was always right beside me, wand in hand. And if I'm 'the most powerful sorcerer in the world' than that would be because of her. She believed in me when no one else did. She helped me become stronger and better." Cedric paused for a moment, making sure he had the young Prince's full attention. "If you let her she could be that person for you too."
"I can't do that." Any gentleness or vulnerability disappeared from her son's voice as he jumped up from his seat.
It made Sofia's throat constrict, to hear him so set against her even when she wasn't there. He would never let her in it seemed.
"She loves you, Frederick." Cedric ventured cautiously.
The boy's shoulders began to shake and suddenly his wand snapped in two.
"I know that!"
Cedric stood too, and instead of being cowed by Freddie's somewhat unpredictable temper he stepped up to the boy and stared straight down at him, every bit the dark and intimidating sorcerer she knew he was still capable of being.
"Then let her help you!"
The boy's façade of anger crumpled.
"I can't, Mr. Cedric. I can't. I have to protect her." The last was said so quietly, Sofia wasn't sure she'd even heard him correctly.
"From what?"
Freddie looked around them now as though he expected someone to come jumping out of the trees. Though thankfully he didn't look up.
"Duke Lentz."
"The Duke?"
"He wants things he shouldn't." Frustration began to take her son again, or perhaps it was really helplessness.
"What kinds of things?"
"He's the one who suggested to my Grandfather I should take on my father's duties. But it's because he wants to make my decisions for me. He thinks I'm just a weak boy and he can have my role as prince," Freddie paused, looking up at Cedric pointedly, "and my mother."
Cedric seemed momentarily lost for words.
"Who your mother chooses to…have is none of our concern."
Freddie sighed, frustration having moved to exasperation.
"I just told you, he's a scheming, over ambitious peacock. She deserves better don't you think?"
Sofia tensed. Afraid of the odd direction the conversation had suddenly taken.
"Your mother deserves the sun, the moon, and the stars." Cedric answered. There was a quality to it she'd never heard before. "But if we care for her than we owe it to her to let her choose for herself. She's had enough of her decisions taken away."
"She's not interested in him anyway." The Prince sounded as though he were ready to drop the whole thing until…. "She's in love with someone else. She always has been, for as long as I can remember."
"How do you know that?" Cedric's voice rose shrilly till his last word was in a completely different register.
"Because I have two eyes."
Sofia sent a prayer of thanks to every god and goddess she knew when she heard Underhill's voice break into the horse wreck happening below.
"Your Highness, Mr. Cedric, dinner is served."
Without another word her son turned from the sorcerer and walked away, leaving Cedric gaping at his back. Her only solace was that he didn't look up before slowly following Freddie back into the house.
Dinner was as uncomfortable an affair as Sofia had ever sat to.
The Duke seemed eager to make pleasant conversation, but all she could feel when she looked at him was anger. It galled her to know he had no issue attempting to woo her while making her son's life so miserable.
Staring at his handsome, smiling face she became convinced she needed to remove Freddie from his care. If Alexander wanted more money, more lands and titles, more offices and influence he could find another way to get them.
To make matters worse, whenever he wasn't talking, the Duke seemed strangely fixated on Cedric.
Her sorcerer barely noticed though. Instead he sat wordlessly at her left, seeming completely lost in his thoughts and oblivious to the dictates of polite social behavior. Normally that wouldn't have bothered her. She'd meant it when she said she didn't look to him for that sort of pretense. But she couldn't help fearing his taciturn mood meant he now understood the extent of her feelings and was secretly planning his flight back to Enchancia at the first opportunity.
Finally the whole thing was over and she and Freddie walked the Duke to his coach.
The goodbyes were polite and short, but when he was gone Sofia found she couldn't calm down. Instead she floundered under the frustration she always felt when a day had been full of problems but ended without any of them being resolved.
"I'm tired," Freddie declared once the coach was out of sight. "I'm going to retire for the night."
"That's probably a good idea." She smiled down on her son and brushed a few strands of thick black hair out of his eyes affectionately.
Freddie's response was to swat her hand out of the way, but there was a smile on his face as he did it.
"You asked Mr. Cedric here to help me with my…problem, didn't you?" He said suddenly, surprising her.
Sofia took a deep breath, choosing her words carefully. Her son wasn't quite a man yet, but she often found him more receptive if she treated him like an adult.
"I know you don't want to hear what to do or how to do it from your mother…."
"So you brought someone you thought I'd be more open to." Freddie seemed calm but Sofia was still cautious in her response.
"You have a tutor for everything else. I think it would be good to have one for magic as well and there's no one more gifted than Mr. Cedric."
They were through the entry way of the house then and he stopped and looked at her. It seemed as though he wanted to say something difficult.
"Thanks mom." Came out quietly before he turned and took off for his room, leaving her standing there astonished.
Sofia began to follow after when she saw a sliver of light peeking out from under the library door. Taking a steadying breath she turned towards it knowing she had best face him tonight….
Sofia had been waiting by the window for over an hour now, thankful her apartments faced southward so she could see the approach of the flying coach before she was summoned to the roof to meet its occupants.
She'd been using this time to rehearse what she would say to him. First and foremost, she owed Cedric an apology.
She'd tried to bare the whole of her heart in the letter she sent him.
She'd written it over and over but everything after "I'm sorry" just wouldn't come. How she felt for him, how hurt she'd been he couldn't return her feelings, none of it excused how she'd treated him, but he still deserved to hear it.
Instead all her attempts had ended up in the fire.
What she'd ended up sending was short, stiff, and formal. Praising his skills and begging his help, but offering no apology and certainly not presuming on the basis of their long friendship. Until she'd explained herself and been forgiven she didn't feel she had any right to play that card with him.
So she'd been practicing. Saying the words over and over again.
"Cedric, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I acted like a child and took out my hurt on you. But none of this was ever your fault and I know that. Please forgive me and give me another chance to prove how much you mean to me. Because you're everything to me. You're my teacher, and my friend, and I love you. I always have."
It still felt paltry.
And a part of her was very much afraid that after this long he wouldn't care no matter what she said.
He was coming because, despite the strife between them and despite his irascible exterior, he'd never abandoned anyone when they asked him for help.
Still she held out hope.
Thanks to her mother's regular and detailed letters she knew he'd been despondent since returning home from the wedding. It broke her heart and caused her no end of worry to hear he was eating poorly and sleeping little again, just as he'd done in her first years at the castle, before giving up his schemes for the throne and embracing their odd but deep friendship.
Her mother had noticed how bad things were between them in Freezenberg and asked Sofia in one of her first letters how they'd fallen out. Sofia had been thankful that the very nature of letter writing allowed her to ignore uncomfortable inquiries, but she'd begged her mother to try and help her sorcerer.
Knowing how dearly Sofia cared for the man Miranda had begun summoning Cedric down from his tower for tea several times a week. Apparently he was desperately uncomfortable in the Queen's presence but he sat and tried to make amiable conversation just the same.
Sofia had thanked her mother profusely for her efforts. Writing her a long list of Cedric's favorite teas and cookie flavors and finger sandwich preferences. Hoping they might tempt him to eat more. And though Miranda probably already suspected, Sofia assured her mother if Cedric was trying to be less taciturn it meant he was touched by her kindness.
Miranda took every opportunity, she wrote, to sprinkle the conversation with mentions of Sofia. And though he never directly asked, her mother felt sure he really did want to know. So Sofia thought there was reason to hope things could still be mended between them.
"They've been spotted through the glass." Anna-Grete informed, peaking her head through the bedroom door.
Sofia turned back to the window and caught sight of the tiny speck. It was no bigger than the stars surrounding it but moved swiftly where the other lights remained still.
Taking a deep breath she stood from her seat and smoothed down the thick plum velvet of her dress.
Anna-Grete came forward then and straightened the black pearl tiara she wore on her head. Her demeanor was very proper, all stiff backed grace and demure clipped gestures, but her eyes were soft.
"There, you're a vision." The older woman declared.
Sofia was beginning to realize that much like her sorcerer, her principle lady-in-waiting was much more than met the eye.
When she'd returned to her room after speaking with the King there had been no reprimand for her outburst, or the atrocious rudeness of throwing everyone out of her apartments. There hadn't even been a lecture about sneaking out of the castle or consorting with peasants.
Instead the duchess had helped her change out of her terribly inappropriate dress, hung it as though it were one of her exorbitantly expensive court gowns, and sat Sofia down to brush the tangles out of her hair with a gentle hand.
The next half hour had passed in complete silence, the both of them ignoring the other women who moved about turning down the bed, laying out her night clothes and tidying the room (though it was never really untidy). When they were alone again the older woman laid down the brush and helped her into her night clothes, staring at her the whole time.
"I'm sorry if your highness has felt overwhelmed or alone." She offered, the sudden words abrupt to Sofia.
"No," Sofia felt caught off guard and scrambled for words she hoped would appease her lady. "I'm very well taken care of and I know you and the other ladies put a great deal of effort into that. I've been remiss in not thanking you more often."
Sofia hoped that would be the end of it, but the duchess shook her head slightly and looked down at her with eyes that were actually warm.
"When I first became duchess I felt alone too. My husband was much older than me and our marriage was solely political. I did grow to like him…very much actually, but in the beginning I felt lost and alone and there was no one who really cared I felt that way. I had many years to ground myself though before there were children."
Sofia had felt her gut twist at the mention of her possible pregnancy and it left her unable to make any answer.
"I know you hate him. And I know you're scared. But I won't let you fail at this, I promise!"
Now her lady stood before her waiting to escort her to meet her friends and Sofia was sure, even if she didn't say anything, she had long been feeling Sofia's apprehension.
Sofia wanted to admit why she was so scared, but she knew to do so would be a rash mistake no matter how much the duchess had seemed to warm to her in the last month or so. And she was fearful of ruining their tentative friendship because Sofia knew she was going to need all the comfort and strength a real friend could give in the coming year.
It had been four weeks since her collapse at Helgaburg and there could be no doubt now she was in fact pregnant. Perhaps only six weeks or slightly less along, but unless something happened in the next unpredictable six weeks she would be giving birth to a child just a scant two months before her twenty-first birthday.
"Are you ready?" The duchess asked, sweeping her appearance one more time and giving her a last nod of approval.
"Yes, I think so."
With that the duchess turned and proceeded her out of her rooms and up the winding steps to the castles roof.
The coach had just touched the landing strip, guided by the lit lanterns on either side when they arrived. There was a great deal of ice on the roof, despite the many efforts of the castle staff to remove it, and Sofia felt a moment of real fear when one of the horses seemed to slip out. But the coachman was able to keep control and the carriage stopped just a few feet from the usual spot.
The doors opened a moment later and Cedric stepped out. He was bundled against the frigid temperature, looking cold and raw cheeked, and blowing breath into his cupped hands. But she could still see that he'd lost a great deal of weight and was paler than usual.
It didn't stop her heart from racing at the sight of him though.
She wanted to run to him, to throw her arms around him and kiss his cheeks warm. And despite the utter lack of decorum that would have shown she might have done it. Except when he looked down at her, squinting threw the darkness to find her face, she froze.
There was an ice in his eyes that rivaled the Freezenberger winter and Sofia felt all the fear and nervousness in her coalesce and become a hard lump in her stomach.
Bowing with a courtly flourish he spoke stiffly.
"You're Highness, you commanded my presence."
He may have been once, but he wasn't her sorcerer anymore.