KURT
Kurt stood in front of Elliott's apartment, guitar bag strapped to his back, and took a deep breath. He hadn't told Mercedes he was going to see Elliott, hadn't rehearsed what he was going to say (much), and he had tried not to overthink his wardrobe. It was going to have to be enough - if Elliott didn't want him when he was tongue-tied and flustered, it wasn't meant to be between them. Kurt had tried to be someone else for Blaine, and as a result had changed more than he wanted to. It hadn't been enough.
"No more acting," he whispered to himself, and knocked.
Elliott opened the door. Kurt noticed he was wearing the short-sleeved patterned shirt they had gotten together on their business make-over shopping day. Fitting, Kurt thought, before berating himself for trying to find another Leitmotiv in his mental screenplay.
"I'm glad you're here," Elliott said with a smile.
Kurt smiled back. "Where else would I be?" He stepped inside and let his guitar bag slide off his shoulder.
Elliott shrugged. "I don't know. With your other, much hotter guitar teacher?" he suggested playfully.
"Nah, he was busy today. Besides, he's too expensive," Kurt quipped, and stuck out his tongue.
Elliott chuckled and walked to the kitchen to get them some coffee. He brought back two large mugs, giving Kurt the one he always used when he came over in the mornings, already cloudy with skimmed milk. Kurt knew without tasting it that it was exactly how he wanted it.
"Before we start," Elliott announced, "I have something to tell you."
"Oh! Me too," Kurt said, taken by surprise. He had just been trying to get himself to start exactly the same way.
"Really? Uh, do you want to go first?" Elliott offered, sounding as surprised as Kurt felt.
"If that's ok?" Kurt asked gratefully. Elliott nodded, and Kurt let out a little breath of relief. If he stalled this moment even longer, he might never do it, so it had to be now.
"Okay," he started, putting down his mug and trapping his hands between his knees, "You know you're my best friend, right?"
"Right," Elliott confirmed, looking a little worried.
"And I don't want that to change by what I have to tell you. No matter what, I want us to still have this-" he nodded at their guitars and their coffee mugs. "Even if what I tell you will completely put you off-"
"Kurt, please just tell me. You're killing me here," Elliott said, now sounding very worried.
"Okay. Um. I'm in love with you," Kurt blurted out, and braced himself.
"What?" Elliott asked.
Kurt immediately went into damage-control mode. "I know that when we first met, we agreed that we could be friends without hooking up, and that was fine while I was engaged-" he explained. "But after I broke up with Blaine I began to realize that I am actually really attracted to you. I tried to get over it, but it was-" Kurt broke off and shook his head a little, "kind of a lost cause."
Elliott stared at him, his lips slightly parted, and Kurt continued quickly before he lost his courage.
"You're the first person I think of in the morning and the last before I go to bed. You're talented, you're funny, you're modest, you're down-to-earth. You know me better than anyone else. You probably don't even know you're doing it, but you're already a better boyfriend to me than Blaine ever was without actually being my boyfriend. You treat me like your equal, or god knows why, sometimes even put me on a pedestal-"
"Hey," Elliott started, but Kurt held up his hand to stop him.
"You like many of the things I like, and don't make fun of the things I like that you don't. You make me smile. You make me feel safe. You're the person I know I can call when things go wrong - and when they go right."
Elliott looked like he was about to interrupt again, but Kurt needed to finish or he might never get through this.
"You're also incredibly sexy, and for the past weeks I've secretly been hoping that you'd catch one of the many hints I was putting out there and just-" Kurt broke off and sighed.
"Just what?" Elliott asked curiously.
Kurt bit his lip. "I don't know. Kiss me? Sweep me off my feet? Throw me onto your bed and make me see stars? I had several scenarios thought out, some more PG than others."
Elliott raised his eyebrows and glanced over his shoulder at his bedroom. "Throw you onto my bed?" he echoed, sounding amazed.
"Well, it doesn't have to be the bed. A lot of my fantasies involved this couch, actually," Kurt joked nervously. His heart was beating rapidly. Please say something, he begged silently.
Elliott's jaw dropped and his eyes widened.
"Oh god, you think I'm a creep, right?" Kurt asked, a little horrified.
Elliott shook his head. "No! No, not at all. I'm just… surprised. I didn't know that was what you wanted."
"Me neither, until I did," Kurt replied, a little embarrassed. "I'm sorry if this is too much. Like I said, I really don't want to our friendship to change. I just wanted you to know that I'd- I'd-" he struggled a little to get the words out. He had never really said the words - never had to. With Blaine, they were just suddenly a couple after the kiss without ever talking about it, and with Adam, everything was already over before it had really begun.
"That I'd be your boyfriend, if you want me to be," Kurt finally managed to say. "Just… think about it. You don't have to tell me now." He let out a deep breath and smiled. "Okay. That was it. What did you want to tell me?"
"I'm in love with you, too," Elliott said.
"Huh?" Kurt blinked rapidly a few times.
Elliott pressed his lips together and nodded. "I had a longer speech prepared, but you kind of stole my thunder."
"I don't get it."
"Well, like you, I thought I was fine with being your, uh- platonic friend when you were with Blaine, but once you were single, our mutual friends made me see that I may have just been kidding myself with that. You're...really kind of hard to resist."
Kurt frowned. "So why did you?"
"Because! You're my best friend, Kurt. I know what you've been through, or at least the parts you told me about, and I was afraid-"
Kurt's heart sank. Elliott had stopped himself because of Kurt's history? "You think I'm damaged goods?" he concluded, unable to stop his voice from wavering.
"No!" Elliott replied immediately, but the guilty expression that briefly flew over his features made Kurt's wards come up.
"You do, don't you?" he demanded. It was one thing for himself to sometimes feel that way, but he hadn't survived this long to be pitied by others.
"I don't!" Elliott said firmly. "I just meant I was afraid that letting you know how I felt while you were still getting over Blaine would put pressure on you, and you might do something you'd regret later."
Kurt scoffed. "So, what? You thought you were protecting me, from myself? I am not some delicate flower, Elliott. I don't need protection. I have been fending for myself since I was eight years old." He crossed his arms over his chest and raised his chin defiantly.
Elliott looked very contrite. "I know that. I'm sorry. I got it wrong, okay?" He ran his fingers over the pattern on his shirt by the chest pocket, smiling crookedly as he thought of something Kurt wasn't privy to. "I went to see a friend last night after the showcase," he said. "That helped me understand a lot. All this time, I thought I was doing the right thing, but as it turns out, I was just being a patronising jerk."
Kurt melt his anger melt a little. "Maybe not a jerk. How about a patronising friend?"
Elliott offered him a small smile. "That does sound a lot better."
Kurt sighed. "I know you had good intentions. But I need to make my own mistakes. Like taking Blaine back after he cheated. That was a mistake and I dealt with it. Eventually. And I think I'm a better person because of it."
Elliott nodded. "I guess I was also a bit afraid I'd end up being your rebound if I asked you out too soon," he admitted. "So I was waiting for you to make the first move."
Kurt shook his head incredulously. "I was waiting for you to make the first move." He smiled wryly. "After constantly being told to stop being 'predatory' when I was a teenage boy just trying to figure out how to approach the guys I was interested in, I kind of stopped trying altogether. Waiting and pining was safer, for everyone involved."
It was a tactic he had kept up in New York as well. He hadn't asked Adam out until he was very sure the other man had been flirting with him (asking Rachel and Mercedes for advice just to be sure he wasn't imagining it), and he wouldn't have hooked up with Tim, Nicholas or Walter if they hadn't given him their number first.
Elliott nodded a few times, biting his lower lip. "Pining, huh?"
Kurt rolled his eyes. "You have no idea."
"I think I do," Elliott replied. The corners of his lips curled up a little and he gave Kurt a shy smile. They looked at each other for a moment. Then Elliott spoke again.
"So that song last night, was that…?"
Kurt sighed. "That was me trying to make the magic happen. It was supposed to be our Come What May." He shook his head. "It was childish."
"Naw. It was romantic. I was just about to tell you so, when Adam showed up. And then you told your teacher it was all part of the act..."
Kurt frowned. "Of course I did. What was I supposed to tell her? That I had just used her PR prestige platform to serenade my crush?"
Elliott smirked. "I guess not."
"I am a little disappointed you didn't see through that," Kurt said, sharing in the smile. "After all the love songs I asked you to teach me on the guitar, all the late nights I spent here on your couch hoping you'd ask me to stay…"
"I guess we both need to work on our communication skills," Elliott said.
"Now there's an understatement," Kurt replied drily. Then he thought a bit more about what Elliott had said.
"So...this friend you talked to. What did they say, exactly?"
Elliott shook his head. "He told me, in no unclear terms, to pull my head out of my ass and talk to you already."
Kurt snorted. "Nice. Tough love, huh?"
"Yeah," Elliott agreed, chuckling. "But I think I needed to hear that."
Kurt smiled. "Mercedes more or less told me the same thing. She was just a little gentler about it."
"You don't want to know what Santana and Dani had to say about it," Elliott said. "I eventually got them to drop the constant hints because it was really distracting me during our rehearsals."
"So that's what that was?" Kurt replied. "I never did understand why Santana kept asking me about my love life. I thought she was just doing it to make me uncomfortable."
"I'm really sorry about that."
Kurt shook his head. "It's fine. She's done worse. I guess, in her way, she was trying to help."
Elliott shook his head. "I'm not sure I'll ever understand how your friendship works."
"Me neither," Kurt shrugged.
Elliott looked at him for a moment in silence. Then, he seemed to make up his mind.
"Kurt, can I kiss you?"
For a moment, Kurt was confused. No one had ever asked him that. Kisses happened. Hadn't he just told Elliott he was in love with him? Wasn't his consent implicit? Then again, after all the missed cues and bad communication, maybe asking was a good thing, even if it sounded awkward. Elliott was taking no chances.
"Yes," Kurt said clearly.
Elliott beamed and leaned forward. He looked so genuinely pleased that Kurt couldn't help but grin back, like they were both sharing a funny joke. Then their lips touched and Kurt closed his eyes. Elliott's kiss was soft and a little careful, like he was testing for a response.
Finally assured that his feelings were really being reciprocated, Kurt let go of his inhibitions and kissed back eagerly, scooting closer on the couch. He ran his hand through the hair on the back of Elliott's head - oh, that gorgeous, product-free hair! - and held him close, opening his lips invitingly. He felt Elliott's arms wind around him and he wanted more; much, much more of that. Kurt tightened his hand in Elliott's hair and grabbed Elliott's bicep with his other hand to pull him along as he leaned back to lie down on the couch - only to have Elliott break the kiss with a pained grunt and pull away.
"What did I do?" Kurt asked anxiously. "Was it too much? Am I-"
Elliott shook his head quickly. "No, no, it's not you." He pushed up his sleeve and showed Kurt his tattoo, skin shiny with some kind of lotion. "I had my tattoo refreshed last night. It's still a little tender."
"Last night?" Kurt frowned. "After the showcase?" He paused for a moment. "Wait. Luis was the friend you talked to about us?"
Elliott smiled shyly. "Yeah. I hope you don't mind. I didn't tell him anything personal about you."
Kurt wasn't sure what to think. In the end, he was glad that Elliott had received some good advice, but it did feel a bit weird knowing it come from someone who'd tattooed him. "He doesn't seem like the type," Kurt finally said.
"Oh, he's not," Elliott agreed. "But he's a good friend."
"So now I owe him two thank-you cards," Kurt said.
Elliott grinned. "I'm sure he'd appreciate it far more if you went to him for your next tatt."
"Oh, I'm complete," Kurt said quickly. "One is enough."
Elliott lowered his head and gave him a lidded look. "You say that now, but you'll be back. One is never enough. Once you get started…"
"You make it sound like a drug," Kurt replied.
"It kinda is," Elliott agreed. "It's definitely addictive."
"We'll see," Kurt said noncommittally. If he was completely honest to himself, the whole process of getting a tattoo- once he got over his nerves- had been very sexy. But was that because of the ink, or because Elliott had been with him? His presence (especially looking at Kurt like he had) was certainly addictive. Kurt decided to steer them to a more neutral topic to take some of the tension off. Since this wasn't one of his hook-ups, they had more than one date to get to all the things he'd fantasized about.
"So, how about my guitar lesson, then?" he suggested coyly.
Elliott smiled. "I know just the song."
When Elliott picked up his guitar and launched into an acoustic version of Queen's I Was Born to Love You, Kurt just smiled and left his guitar in his case. After years of Glee club, he knew a serenade when he heard one. And here, in the privacy of Elliott's apartment, he could enjoy it without having to worry about having the appropriate facial expressions or emotions to please his audience.