Café Munio
"Damn," Gokudera muttered, "I left my umbrella at school again."
They were gathered in the café, Tsuna standing behind the counter while the other two dragged chairs over to sit.
"It's okay, we can get it tomorrow!" Yamamoto said cheerfully.
"I liked that umbrella," Gokudera said grumpily.
The glass door opened and Tsuna looked up. "Welcome to the-" he began, before freezing.
"Eh, Tsuna-kun? And Yamamoto-kun and Gokudera-kun too!"
"Oh, shit," Gokudera said under his breath.
"The name of the café looked interesting," Kyoko said dismissively, lifting a chair over to sit down.
"Ah… er," Tsuna said, trying to look interesting, but thankfully he didn't need to say any more as there was a loud thunk and a following dull thud.
"I think a bird crashed into the window," Kyoko said, getting up. "I'll go check on it."
"Wait a second..!" Tsuna called, but she was out the door and picking up the raven.
"Oh, it's carrying a letter," she said in surprise, "And it's addressed to you, Tsuna-kun."
"It must be about Haru," Tsuna said unthinkingly.
"What about Haru?" Kyoko asked.
"Why did no one tell me about Haru?!" Kyoko said indignantly. "I could've done something!"
"Ah… we didn't want to worry anyone too much," Tsuna explained.
"What unfailing logic," the girl snorted. "Anyway, why did they kidnap Haru?! They must want something from you, Tsuna-kun."
Gokudera really didn't want to admit that she was proving herself to be more level-headed than they ever were.
"Do you know what they want from you?" Kyoko asked.
Tsuna wanted to scream. "I have no idea," he said instead. "Oh, maybe the letter will tell us something?"
"It says 'Meet us at Namimori School,'" Kyoko informed them.
"Are they stupid? They must be aware that the school is…" Tsuna lowered his voice, "Hibari's territory!"
"What's this about the school?" a voice demanded from behind them.
Gokudera yelped and hurled a shoe in the direction of the voice – and it proceeded to bounce off a prefect's head, knock over a toothpick stand, and scare the raven away.
He swore.
"Don't swear on premises," Hibari ordered, "It's uncouth."
Tsuna couldn't help but wonder how many times that rule had been broken.
Yamamoto hastily cut in to explain. "A friend of ours was kidnapped and the kidnappers instructed us to go to the school."
Hibari narrowed his eyes. "Is the kidnapped one a student in Namimori?"
"Er… no. She does go to – " Tsuna said, but Hibari lost interest.
"Get her and the kidnappers out of the school."
Tsuna and the others waited with bated breath.
"Actually, let me bite the wrongdoers to death for disturbing the peace first."
"I'll come as well." Tsuna nearly let out a scream of shock as Reborn appeared in a nearby chair. "Just for laughs, of course."
"If you're going to come you might as well help us a little!" Tsuna protested.
"You're three hundred years too early to be ordering me around," Reborn said darkly.
"I'm not even going to live that long!"
"That's the point."
Colonello came out from the back room. "Why is there a box of dead ravens in the room?"
"Don't look at me," Reborn said.
The group stopped at Namimori's front gates. "Where are they?" Tsuna wondered.
They stood in the courtyard, looking a little lost.
"I'll go find them!" Kyoko announced, marching forwards and into the school.
"It might be dangerous!" Tsuna called.
Around him, people shifted subtly. Then, at the same moment Yamamoto shouted, "There!" Reborn dragged Tsuna to the side and a shot rang out.
"Well spotted," Colonello said as Yamamoto blinked.
"Eh…? Why did I do that?" Yamamoto wondered.
"Well, you were right," Reborn said. "Apparently the kidnappers are in your classroom."
"How do you know?" Tsuna asked nervously.
Reborn whacked him on the head with a hammer. "The sunlight glints off the gun, of course," he said in a condescending tone. "What a bad sniper," he said disapprovingly. "Who hired him?"
"Well, now we can go get Haru back!" Yamamoto said, walking forward.
"No, Tsuna should go himself," Reborn said. He said something else under his breath but Tsuna couldn't hear it properly.
"E-eh? Why me?" he protested.
"Because you're boss, of course."
"Who appointed me boss?!"
"There's no one here," Tsuna said, pushing the door open.
The classroom was empty, and Tsuna spotted an umbrella in the corner next to a window. "Oh, that's Gokudera-kun's umbrella… Hey, the window's open! I thought the teachers always closed them before they left?"
There was a click behind him. "Boss, he's here."
"Gah!" Tsuna howled, grabbing the umbrella and swinging it with all his strength.
"Oww!" the man screamed, a deep gash appearing on his face. "He has a weapon!"
"Weapon?!" Tsuna shouted in confusion and with rising hysteria. "This is an umbrella!"
"Do you think I'm stupid?! Pretty ingenious, boy, hiding a sword in an umbrella!" the man roared, backing away.
"The heck do you mean, a sword?!" Tsuna yelled, "It's not a sword!" He stabbed it into the ground and froze as the tiles cracked. "A-ah…?"
"Did you forget about your own weapon?" the man laughed maniacally, disappearing out of the doorway.
Tsuna drew the umbrella out of the ground, and paled as he saw its very sharp and very lethal tip. Well… he'll definitely need to ask Gokudera about this later.
Tsuna clomped down the stairs crossed the lobby, meaning to make his way out to the courtyard and to where the rest of his group were waiting, when a shrill scream echoed through the building.
"It must be Haru!" Tsuna said in alarm, spinning around to race back inside.
Before he could take a single step, a cry followed, "What are you doing to the poor baby?!"
Ah…
"Your hands are tied! Why are you talking back at me?!" the man grouched, on the verge of dumping the kidnapped onto the ground and stomping away, Family revenge be damned.
"I'm not going to allow you to mistreat the baby!" Haru shouted back. "Oh, the poor thing! Come over here."
"And what are you going to do?!" the man bellowed, "You've been kidnapped! Stop worrying about some worthless kid!"
"I WANT CANDY!" Lambo bawled from where he was tied up. "This is no fun! Play with me!" he demanded.
"For the eighteenth time I will not play with you!" Why weren't these kids scared?! His mama was right – he should never have gotten involved in this yakuza business.
"Don't treat the baby so poorly!" Haru scolded.
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" the man bawled, throwing down his gun and storming out of the room. "I'm going home!"
There was a moment of absolute silence.
"YAY! Can I play now?!" Lambo rolled over to where Haru was. "Play with me!"
Tsuna was sprinting up the stairs when the sound of hurried footsteps came from the stairs above him.
"E-eh?!" he said, bewildered, as a man rushed past him and dashed for the door, wailing.
"I-I guess they're up there, then," Tsuna said faintly.
They were all crowded in Tsuna's bedroom.
"Haru had lots of fun!" the girl said victoriously. "That man though…" she continued disapprovingly.
Lambo was busy eating the candy Nana gave him ("He was kidnapped? Oh you poor dear, here, you can have some candy," since she caught him eyeing the candy jar) and cackling.
"Oh dear! I have an essay due tomorrow. I must go! Thank you, Tsuna-kun!" Haru waved as she made her way briskly out of the room.
"That girl, she's going to go places, I'm telling you," Colonello said approvingly.
"When did you get here?!"
Hibari never got to bite the wrongdoer to death, and he was secretly very disappointed.
That was a lot more crack than I intended… but this isn't a serious plot kind of fic anyways, so I guess it makes sense.