ELLIOTT
5 months later
"Okay, everyone, quiet down," Kurt announced as he rose from his chair with a glass of wine in his hand. Elliott, Santana, Dani, Mercedes, Isabelle Wright and Cassandra July all stopped talking. Elliott watched Kurt with a smile. He loved the way Kurt easily demanded - and got - the attention of his friends. He also loved Kurt's rosy cheeks, the elegant way he held his glass, and his understated but incredibly sexy outfit. Okay, admit it, you sap, he thought to himself, you love everything about him. That thought made him smile even more.
They had been living together for a few months now, and the feeling had only grown. They worked well together.
There had hardly been any discussion about the fusion of their households. Elliott's leather couch was definitely a keeper. It matched Kurt's leather car seat chair nicely, and with a few well-placed pillows, both pieces of furniture even managed to look innocently homely, belying the purpose they were mostly put to. They had sold Kurt's bed because Elliott's was slightly bigger and the large, leather-padded backpanel went well with the rest of the furniture, but had kept Kurt's high thread-count sheets and bedding, seeing as he had only recently replaced those because Blaine had demanded so when he moved in. Also, Kurt's standing mirror.
They had combined their workspaces by one of the large living room windows, making most of the natural light for their costuming and designing projects. The niches in the back wall had been turned into open shelves for sewing materials and utensils, and Kurt's mannequin now wore a top hat and steampunk goggles. The floor tended to be covered in glitter and fabric dust, but since that could be from either of them, neither complained and they just took turns cleaning it up.
Elliott's sparse knick-knacks and keepsakes had found their place between Kurt's things, and they had used the open area between the bedrooms to store and display Elliot's instruments. Kurt's guitar had its own stand in the living room, because he'd often pick it up and practise in between band rehearsals as well.
Dani had also profited from their moving in together; after helping Elliott move his things to the loft, she had gone home with Blaine's SodaStream, which he had left in the rush of the break-up and Kurt had never used, on principle alone.
Even Santana, who usually had a thing or two to pick on about everything, had admitted that the place looked great after they had finished plotting their new chi.
Living together took effort after the 'honeymoon phase' feel of the first few weeks, but it had been an effort they were both willing to make. With actual walls separating the bedrooms from the living room, it was easier to give each other space and retreat when one of them needed quiet, and the rest of the time it just took a few honest conversations, some apologies, and altered ways. It probably helped that they had great make-up sex as well, Elliott mused. He shook his head to clear it as everyone at the dinner table quieted down. It would be hard to pay attention to Kurt's speech once his mind went down that road and all he could think about was getting rid of their guests as soon as possible.
"Now, as you know," Kurt said, "the big Move isn't until next month, but since we'll need to start boxing everything up soon, I wanted to invite you all for one last get-together in this place, in all its Starkurt glory-" Kurt gestured around the loft.
"Starkurtana," Santana interrupted. "Some of this stuff is mine and it's staying, alright?"
"Right," Kurt agreed, raising his glass at her. "But still, I felt this was a good moment to reminisce about some of the unforgettable firsts that took place right here at the loft-"
"Wanky," Santana interrupted, and Elliott could feel a blush rising in his cheeks. He was pretty sure the things that had just popped into his mind weren't going to be part of Kurt's speech.
Kurt looked unfazed, used to his friend's insinuations. "This was my first very own apartment. Here," he continued, "I set up base camp to conquer the scary world of internships, landing at Vogue." He nodded at Isabelle, who beamed at him.
"Best intern ever," she added. Kurt continued.
"Here, I first found out I was accepted into NYADA.
"I cooked my first perfect champagne soufflé right here, in this kitchen. Also here: my first Thanksgiving away from home, celebrated with my first, fabulous kiki."
Isabelle hummed cheerfully.
"First Christmas in New York - Ah!" Kurt winced theatrically and rolled his eyes. "First - and hopefully last!- make-out session slash heist by a part-time Santa, part-time burglar…"
"Good times," Santana mumbled, sticking her nose into her glass.
"First band rehearsal of my own band…"
Dani and Elliott exchanged fond looks and struck hardrock poses, airguitaring and sticking out their tongues.
Kurt paused dramatically and looked down on his glass for a moment before looking up from under his eyelashes with a devious smile. "First post-break up celebratory booty call."
A few of their mutual friends whooped and cheered. Elliott found himself among them, despite knowing he ought to feel jealous.
"Now we're getting somewhere," Santana added.
Kurt shook his head. "I just meant to say: I'll never forget this place. It feels like this where I became an adult. I arrived with a suitcase full of teenage dreams, and I'll be leaving with a box full of life experience. And a more realistic - but still grand! - plan for my future." He turned to face Elliott. "Our future.
"Hear, hear," Dani said, and the others mumbled their agreement.
Elliott felt his face glow. "I'll drink to that," he said. He wasn't sure what else he could say that wouldn't make him sound like a babbling, lovesick fool. He knew he wasn't the only one who'd noticed how much Kurt had changed, and for the better - all the more amazing it was that he was the one now included in Kurt's vision of his future. Whenever he thought about it, Elliott couldn't help but feel proud.
Everyone gave the two of them fond looks and raised their glasses. Everyone but Santana.
"Now, wait a minute," she said, rising from her seat, "we're not done."
Everyone turned to her. Elliott half-expected something rude about Santana's soon to be former roommate, but tried to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Santana glanced at Cassandra. "I have an announcement as well."
Cassandra nodded. Elliott got chills as he realized he knew what Santana was going to say.
"Cassie will be moving in with me," Santana said, and Elliott quietly nodded to himself, pleased for them.
"I've loved this place since I first set foot in it," Cassandra chimed in. "I thought nothing could beat Soho, especially not Bushwick - but…" She trailed off. "The rent is almost nothing compared to what I am paying now, and it's big enough to convert part of the living room into a small studio. Great lights, great floors…All I'd need is a few mirrors and a barre, and my home-office is set up." She smiled. "This loft is incredible. And so is the view." She was looking at Santana, who accepted the compliment with a shrug, as if to say "I know".
Kurt let out a little squeak of delight.
"We've also found a solution for the extra room," Santana said. "We considered finding someone through NYADA, but the chances of ending up with another diva…"
Kurt gave it his best Rachel-does-Celine-Dion-hands impression silently.
"Plus, I have a reputation to uphold," Cassandra added. "We can't have the word spread about my midnight cravings, or my students won't take my threats about their BMI seriously anymore."
Elliott shook his head a little. He never understood the tactics she went by, aiming to be feared rather than respected in the classroom, especially not since getting to know her a little.
"So we've decided to offer it to an organisation that helps homeless LGBTQ youth by placing them in temporary homes with queer volunteers." Santana straightened her shoulders. "Auntie Snix will be giving back a little."
The room was quiet for a moment.
"Santana, that's wonderful," Kurt said. He reached for Elliott's hand and squeezed it softly.
Santana shrugged.
"No, it is," Elliott agreed. "We'll definitely help out, right?"
"Of course," Kurt promised. "Just let us know what we can do."
"Yeah, we'll call if any of them need a make-over," Santana sniped, but Elliott could tell there was no venom in it. He was amazed by their plan, and couldn't help but attribute it to Kurt's influence a little. His friends were better for having met him.
"Can I add something to the toast as well?" Dani asked. "It's going to sound very insignificant and self-centered after all of this, but…I finished my song."
Elliott gasped. "For our band?" He had known she was working on something for One Three Hill but she'd never told him what.
Dani nodded. "If you guys like it. It's a little girly."
"That never stopped me before," Kurt said confidently.
Elliott chuckled. "Me neither."
Dani grinned broadly. She held up her glass. "Okay. A few more of these and I might have the guts to play it for you."
"Ooh! Cheers then!" Kurt said excitedly, bringing his glass to his lips.
"Actually, if this is announcement night-" Mercedes cut in.
Santana groaned and tried to sneak a sip of her drink anyway, but Cassandra cupped a hand over her glass.
Mercedes ignored Santana's antics serenely, but then a shy smile crept onto her face.
"My announcement is…that Shane and I are back together."
"Awww…" Kurt said, tilting his head to the side.
Elliott had no idea who that was. Dani and Isabelle were looking confused as well. Santana had filled her cheeks with air and mimed Shane's circumference with her arms to Cassandra. Apparently he was a big guy.
Mercedes explained. "We were together for a while in high school, before Sam and I. He was always very supportive of me, and my future career. I loved him, but I got…distracted, I guess. I always knew our paths would cross again, and now they have. We have the same agent." Her eyes twinkled.
"Wait, Sam was the underwear model, right?" Elliott heard Cassandra whisper to Santana. She nodded, and replied something that made Cassandra snort. Elliott wasn't sure what she'd said, but he instantly liked Mercedes just a little more for seeing past a pretty face.
"Can we finally drink now?" Santana asked. She gave Isabelle a warning look. Isabelle assured her nothing would be coming from her by pretending to lock her lips. They all raised their glasses again.
At that exact moment, the loft door slid open.
"Sorry I am late!" Rachel announced dramatically. "Something very important happened today."
"You invited Rachel?" Santana hissed at Kurt.
Kurt shrugged. "I didn't think she'd come," he replied quietly. "I felt bad leaving her out."
"Who's next? Blaine?" Santana let out, rolling her eyes.
Before Elliott could speak up and say, no, he definitely would have vetoedthat invite (not that there was any chance of Kurt considering inviting Blaine), Kurt shut Santana down with a few words.
"Blaine moved back to Ohio, remember?" he said. "The last I heard, he got fired from Dalton Academy after having been appointed as choir teacher only two weeks prior. Something about inappropriate conduct and faked credentials. I didn't ask for details, because I didn't care."
Mercedes snorted softly, though she hid it politely behind her hand.
Rachel sighed deeply, affronted that no one was asking her to come in, and barged in anyway to tell everyone her news, whether they were interested or not.
"I left Fanny," she announced. "I couldn't do it anymore. I've been singing those songs for as long as I can speak, and I've had enough."
"What?!" all of them let out, more or less in unison.
"That is insane," Kurt added.
"No, it's not!" Rachel protested. "The show was suffocating me!"
"Opening night was only a few weeks ago!" Elliott countered. Even though they had drifted apart since Rachel had moved out, Kurt and Elliott had gone to see her in her first week. It had taken a large bite out of their monthly budget, from which they were only now recovering.
"Weeks of agony," Rachel said dramatically. "My talent was-"
"Your 'talent' needs to shut the fuck up and clock up the flight hours," Cassandra cut her off. "You can't quit after a few weeks!"
Rachel opened her mouth to protest, but something about Cassandra's look made her cower.
"You need to put in the work before you can diva out! Haven't I taught you anything?"
"I have been working all of my-"
"Oh, don't give me that crap," Cassandra cut her off. "You never had to work for anything in your life.
Cassandra continued, going into lecture mode as if she was standing in front of her students, cane in hand.
"At NYADA, you wanted everything to be about you. It wasn't enough for you to be one of twenty students hand-picked from thousands of applicants. You quit because we wouldn't cater to your needs, move tests to times that suited you - give you special little breaks in class to hydrate," Cassandra sneered, "And now, even getting the lead in a Broadway show isn't enough for you? Do you even know what's in the contract that you signed? The entire production depends on you. Hundreds of jobs depend on you. But hey, if you only care about yourself, I can also tell you this:
"Recruiters and potential investors for other productions need to see that you have the stamina and the training to pull off a full run. Why else would they cast you? They need to know if you can sing for more than 2 weeks without growing nodes, dance 8 shows a week without twisting kneecaps or straining your back."
Rachel made a face as if the very idea was ludicrous, but she didn't interrupt. Elliott raised his eyebrows. He had never witnessed Rachel Berry being silenced by anyone.
"If you quit this show, your Broadway career is over. No one's gonna put their money on a fickle horse."
Elliott knew Cassandra wasn't wrong. She could have been kinder about it, but there wasn't much kindness in the industry. She of all people would know.
"It doesn't matter," Rachel replied nonchalantly. "Broadway was my dream, but now I've woken up. New York was yesterday. I'm going to LA. They're doing a tv show based on my life! Mine, Rachel Berry's. It's going to be calledThat's So Rachel and they already gave me some drafts based on my autobiographic blog. It's so funny! Casting starts next week -"
"Am I really hearing this?" Santana asked out loud. "Or did I just fall asleep during Kurt's boring speech and this is a nightmare?" She pinched herself and winced.
"Rachel," Elliott intervened before Kurt could start on Santana, "Are you sure this is a good idea? Who's making this tv show? Are they even serious? I mean, a tv show based on your life… They usually don't do that unless someone's really famous. What…what are they going to show? Glee club?"
"Elliott is right," Kurt agreed. "What if it's a hoax?"
"Or just a bad idea," Mercedes added.
Rachel glared at them. "You're all just jealous. I came here hoping to celebrate my good news-"
"I invited you to celebrate me and Elliott moving out, so if that's not why you are here -" Kurt said flatly, leaving his threat open.
Elliott could tell by his tone Kurt was holding back a lot of anger.
"I can't believe you guys," Rachel said indignantly. She looked at Kurt. "I was actually going to offer you an audition slot to play my best friend."
"Thanks, but I'm not interested in that part anymore," Kurt replied coolly.
Elliott flinched. He knew how much Kurt still hurt about losing her; he was the one who insisted they go see her show, and invite her, as if he was somehow unable to let go. But even he had his limits. Elliott watched Rachel's face as she realized it too.
Rachel's eyes wandered from Kurt to the others, clearly looking for some support, but finding none. "Fine," she snapped. "Be that way. But don't come crawling back when I made it in Hollywood." With that, she turned and stalked towards the door.
Kurt remained quiet. Santana gave Rachel a sarcastic little wave.
"Was she always like that?" Dani whispered.
"Uh-uh," Mercedes confirmed. "But she used to have her redeeming moments."
Kurt shook his head. "Not since New York," he mumbled. "And it only got worse after we lost Finn."
Everyone was quiet at the table.
Elliott looked for something to distract Kurt from his gloomy thoughts. "How about some music?" he suggested. "Dani?"
Dani nodded straight away, and rose from her seat. The grateful look Kurt shot them both told Elliott he had made the right call. He quickly grabbed a guitar in case Dani needed back-up, and mentally went over a few songs he could play after Dani had played them her new song, so they could keep the music going.
"You really saved our party back there," Kurt mumbled against Elliott's chest after crawling under the covers that night.
"Nah. I just helped a little," Elliott said, brushing it off. "Dani's song is amazing." He kissed Kurt's temple. "And so are you. I had fun tonight."
"Me too," Kurt replied, then sighed heavily. "I'm really gonna miss this place."
Elliott wrapped his arm around Kurt. "Are you having second thoughts?"
"You know me. I'm having twenty-fifth thoughts, at least." Kurt paused. "But I'll be okay. It's just always a little scary to start something new. It's like unrolling a bolt of fabric and seeing it spread out it front of you. You know you can turn it into a fantastic faux-designer piece, but making that first cut…"
Elliott grinned. "I bet real designers feel the same way when they start a new collection," he said.
"Hmm. Isabelle says she does, yes," Kurt agreed, "though most of them don't actually cut and sew their own creations. They have a team."
"You have a team, too," Elliott reminded him. "You've got me, and Dani, Mercedes, Santana…"
"You had me at having you," Kurt whispered in a low voice that made Elliott shiver.
"So…" Elliott trailed off. "Sleep?" He hoped it was clear from his voice that he'd rather not go to sleep right away.
"I don't think so," Kurt replied. "How about we take a look at our list?"
Definite tingles went down Elliott's spine.
Unlike Kurt's old bucket list, that consisted mostly of the ambitious dreams of a smalltown high school kid, this list was one they had compiled together. They jokingly called it the "sexy bucket list", and it had their private fantasies on it. Both of them had added things to the list, and afterwards, had gone through the other's items with the right to veto them off. Most of their fantasies had made the list (Kurt had vetoed 'getting intimate piercings' and Elliott had crossed off 'Twilight cosplay'). Every now and then, they'd take it out and picked something. It always made for a very interesting adventure.
"Okay," Kurt mumbled, scrolling through his phone, "we can forget everything that's marked 'outside', because I'm not leaving the loft anymore tonight. And we don't have any strawberries in the fridge , so…" He scrolled on.
Elliott craned his neck to see the little screen in Kurt's palm. "How about number forty?" he suggested.
Kurt stopped scrolling. "Hmmm. 'Light roleplay'? Is that one of yours or one of mine?"
"I think we both wrote something similar down," Elliott replied.
Kurt chewed his lip. Then his eyes lit up. "Oooh! I have an idea! I'll need my Spotlight uniform, and you need your glasses!"
"Huh?"
Kurt grinned. "Do you remember after your audition, when you came to the diner? You said you came to New York to be in my band…"
Elliott narrowed his eyes and bit the corners of his lips to stop himself from grinning too eagerly. "Yes, and I meant that," he replied. "I still do."
"Then let's revisit that memory and pretend I needed a bit more…persuasionto let you join my band." Kurt waggled his eyebrows.
"Alright," Elliott replied, his voice low. That little scenario interested him very much. "Safe-words as always?"
"Yes," Kurt said, a brief hard look crossing his features. His personal safe-word was Blaine; a definite buzzkill for them both and certain never to be uttered by Kurt during sex unless he really wanted to stop. Elliott's was much more random ("frogs!") but no less important. Agreeing to them had become part of their ritual when picking something off the list.
Kurt kissed Elliott's cheek and went to put on his uniform shirt over his briefs. Elliott quickly scrambled for his glasses and jammed them onto his face. He sat up in their bed and smiled as Kurt returned.
"Hello, my name is Kurt and I'll be your chorus boy waiter for today. Would you like to hear our specials?" Kurt asked playfully, resting one foot on the bed, displaying a naked leg. He had conveniently left his uniform pants off.
Elliott pretend to look at a menu in his lap and then looked up. "First, can I ask you something? Is this toned down enough?" He took off his glasses.
"Starchild?" Kurt asked in mock-amazement.
"It's Elliott Gilbert, actually. Do you have a minute to talk?"
KURT
For the first time in his life, Kurt had more than he had ever dreamed of.
-The End-
A/N: Here it is, the final chapter of Suddenly I See. It took me weeks to write, because I was looking for something epic as a grande finale - but as deliriumbubbles and chocoholicannanymous reminded me, not everything needs to be epic, and sometimes a chapter about a solid, loving relationship is better than adding something flashy. Kurt and Elliott are in a good place, which is where we wanted them.
It took me 10 months to write this fic. It was only ever going to be 15-20 K, and ended up 50K. I wrote for it exclusively, with no WIPs on the side, in every spare moment I had (which isn't much, considering I have 2 children under 3 who haven't yet mastered sleeping through the night). At first, my dedication came from the commission, but when that fell through, it wasYOU who helped me finish the story, motivating me with feedback and encouragement. I'm very proud of this work and I have you to thank for it :)
PS : To those of you who haven't watched season 5/6: yes, Rachel *really* quits Broadway after a few weeks to try her luck in LA with a tv show based on her life called 'That's So Rachel'. You can't make this shit up.