Sleeping Beetle

A Beetlejuice fan fiction by Lady Norbert

A/N: It remains to be seen whether or not this will be finished before the end of April. I will be completely off the grid for the first nine days in May.

I don't know why Prince Vince wanted to be the narrative character here, but he did, and as you may have noticed from the existence of Meteor Shower, I'm not good at refusing him.

No, Terricula is not a real magazine. I checked.

Happy birthday to Clockwork Annie, reader turned beta! This chapter is dedicated to you, in honor of your special day.

Chapter Two: The Gracious Whim of Fate

To be sure, as Prince of the Neitherworld, Vince had precious little experience with human celebrations of Halloween. However, he had to admit that this was more entertaining than he had ever imagined.

It had come as quite the surprise when Beetlejuice and Lydia presented the whole idea to him. "So it's to be a charity event, and you wish for myself and several others to come and participate?"

"That's pretty much the size of it, yeah. Figure you'd have a blast playing ol' Dracula and swooping down on the visitors, then you can come home and compose some of that poetry of yours about the experience. Should be a treat for your Tumblr nation, eh?" Beetlejuice was already chuckling, presumably at the mental picture.

"Well... I don't know if I'd really do the legends justice. But certainly it sounds like it might be fun to be a part of all of this. Who were you thinking to bring?"

"We figured mostly our friends - you, Donny, and the Roadhouse neighbors," Lydia clarified. "Speaking of which, I wanted to speak to you about that."

"About... what, exactly?"

"The Roadhouse." She grimaced. "According to the terms of Beej's rental agreement, Mr. Crumb is entitled to triple the rent for each additional relative who moves into the house. And seeing as that now includes me..."

Beetlejuice scowled agreeably, which was not something Vince would have thought was an accurate way to describe a facial expression but there was really nothing else for it. "Lousy conniving landlord. He wants me to shell out triple the old rent for a place I don't even use most of the time! And when I pointed that out to him, he said it was a storage fee and I should be glad he doesn't raise it more!"

"We spend most of our days at the house in the Outerworld," Lydia translated. "So we're thinking it would make the most sense to simply give up the Roadhouse for Jacques and Ginger's usage; possibly Donny would be interested in taking over Beetlejuice's share of the property."

Vince nodded, but wondered why this was something they needed to discuss with him. "Oh," he said, the penny suddenly dropping, "and of course when you do come to the Neitherworld, you would make use of your rooms here?"

"That's what I wanted to confirm with you before we made any final decisions, yes."

"My dear Lydia, I made you the Princess of Beetles because of everything you encountered in New Orleans - but I wouldn't dream of rescinding the title. You are my sister, or as good as, and your rooms here remain just as you left them. They're open to the both of you on every visit."

"I thought that might be your answer," she admitted, "but I didn't want to assume. Thanks, Vince."

"Great, now that's all settled," said Beetlejuice, having resumed his usual expression, "whaddya say we get back to figuring out this haunted house?"

Vince remembered Lydia's father from the wedding. He had noticed that the man never seemed to quite know exactly how to feel at any given moment; his expression was generally some sort of blending of nervousness and cautious pleasantry, which struck the prince as an odd contrast to his confident, cheerful daughter. Having Donny to assist him with concessions seemed to give him some sort of relief, though this was usually shattered any time his wife came in the vicinity.

Lydia's mother - or stepmother, as Beetlejuice had once specified - was a shrill, well-meaning woman who, according to her son-in-law, had a terrible tendency to overrun things. The prince recalled how "BJ" had to escort his bride to the wedding because there was some legitimate concern that, if left to her own devices, she might redecorate their house or something equally intrusive. Whenever she ventured near the concessions stand, he observed, she would shriek some new delight at her husband. "Oh, Charles! The most darling little ghosties and goblins are here!" "Chaaarles! I've just had a wonderful idea for my next art project!" "Charles! I'm so excited! The newspaper sent a photographer and he's looking at my sculptures!" Vince marveled that the man hadn't gone deaf in self-defense; he pitied any dogs who had the misfortune to ever hear the woman speak.

He himself was more or less following Lydia around the premises, admiring the handiwork and - when requested - posing in his Dracula ensemble with visitors. Lydia carried her camera and, for a reasonable fee, the customer could receive printed versions of the photographs in a variety of sizes and even with custom Halloween-themed borders around the edges. Some complicated configuration of electronics were situated in a nearby tent, where the Monster Across the Street stood as vanguard against any prospective thievery, and she would disappear at intervals to generate the requested prints; the images could also be sent to the customer's electronic mail if they preferred. Vince was rather hoping that someone would post some of them on Tumblr at some point, if only so he could reblog them and brag about his talented adoptive sibling.

Having finished with the most recent photography transaction, Lydia took Vince's arm and they walked over to see how BJ was faring at the actual haunted ride. "Hey, Babes! Vince!" He pushed the lever to send the next car lurching forward, its occupants looking enthusiastic. It had barely vanished from sight when another emerged from the tunnel, with its occupants looking a bit disheveled and maybe just faintly green. "Hey, folks, how was it?"

"S-scariest... ever," one of them managed as they extricated themselves from the vehicle.

"That's what we strive for! Be sure to look out for more surprises while you're here on the grounds - you never know what to expect from this outfit!"

"So how many nights will this all be happening?" Vince inquired of Lydia.

"Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night of this week and the next, and then Monday through Friday the week of Halloween," she said. "I hope that's not asking too much of any of you."

"On the contrary, this is such a splendid break in the usual routine! I've never experienced anything quite like it."

"Well, heck - you two should take a spin through the house," BJ said, gesturing at the empty car. "Knowing you, Babes, you haven't had a break yet. Besides, our pal here hasn't seen the inside." He winked.

"Is it scarier than you?" Vince asked.

"Obviously not," BJ replied, looking highly flattered by the question. "But it comes pretty close, if I do say so myself."

That the haunted house was proving to be a success didn't surprise Vince much. He was better acquainted than most with just how talented Lydia was on her own, and when her talent was coupled with her husband's almost limitless magic, it was practically a given that she could accomplish most anything she undertook. They were treated to a glowing review in the local paper, as well as a feature on the regional televised news program. Somewhat more surprising were the number of local dignitaries who came out in support of the fundraiser. That the headmistress of Lydia's old school would put in an appearance was nothing unexpected, given that they were to be the beneficiary of the proceeds; but so too came the mayor of Peaceful Pines, along with a few other elected officials. Lydia was thoroughly gratified by the whole thing.

It was on Halloween itself, however, that the biggest surprise of all arrived, and it was hard to say which among them was the most startled by the visit they could never have predicted.

He and Lydia finished with another group of photos. "I've taken several 'behind the scenes' sorts of pictures," she said. "There's a magazine called Terricula - it's the Latin word for fright - which focuses on scary and horror-themed events throughout the United States. They accept amateur submissions, and I thought I would send them some of the best pictures and a write-up about what we did here. They might publish it, it would be great for my portfolio."

"That would be terribly exciting. You must be sure to get me a copy if they do."

"Of course!"

They made their way over to the ride to check on BJ; Lydia seemed to have some concerns about him not drinking enough water while he was working. Sure enough, he'd been ignoring the bottle she had brought him earlier, and observed her with an amused sort of tolerance as she scolded him on the dangers of dehydration. "All right, all right," he said, holding up his hands in a placating gesture before grabbing the bottle. "I'm drinking, see? Chug-a-lug and all."

"You show wisdom in listening to your wife," said a new voice, and all three of them turned toward the speaker with widening eyes.

"F- er, Godfather?" BJ blurted, just barely remembering not to say the full title lest he be overheard.

"Greetings, children." He inclined his head to Vince, who nodded at him. "I imagine you weren't expecting to see me here."

"Well, no," said Lydia. It belatedly occurred to Vince that, as the Fairy Godfather had the means to allow other ghosts to leave the Neitherworld for short bursts of time, it only made sense that he himself could come and go as he pleased, more or less. "But it's certainly nice to see you again. You've been well, I hope?"

"Thank you, I have. It's always a pleasure to speak with someone who never forgets her manners. I understand this is a charitable function and I came to make my contribution."

"That's very considerate of you."

"Partly. In truth, however, I had another motive - to make another offer you can't refuse." He glanced shrewdly from husband to wife. "I'd like to have an audience with the two of you at your convenience, once Halloween is over and you've finished up here. There is something I haven't told you, and I think it's time you began to understand the truth."

"The truth?" BJ repeated. "About what?"

"It's too much to explain here. Come to my castle in four days' time, and we will speak at length. In the meantime, here is my ticket; allow me to enjoy your delightful undertaking."

As he disappeared into the depths of the ride, Vince looked at his friends and saw his own perplexity mirrored in their pale faces. "What's this all about, Vince? Any idea?" Lydia asked.

"Very little, I'm afraid. The Godfather is a keeper of a vast deal of ancient knowledge," he said thoughtfully. "The truth is, no one in the Neitherworld has any real idea of how old he is or from whence his power comes. He's simply always been there. If he's choosing to explain something to the two of you, there must be some significance to it."

"Ancient knowledge, huh?" BJ looked curious. "Like what?"

"Well, judging by some comments he made when your brother and I visited him prior to your wedding, he has a greater understanding of your curse than I would have expected. Perhaps his request is related to that."

"My curse?" he repeated. "Like how I can't say my own name and stuff?"

"Exactly. He spoke a little of it to Donny and me. Whatever he's about to tell you, there must be a reason he's chosen this time."

"Trick or treat," said Lydia, dryly.