Sleeping Beetle

A Beetlejuice fan fiction by Lady Norbert

A/N: This is turning out to be a bit more complicated than I anticipated, to be honest. It's entirely possible that I won't be able to finish it by the end of the month as I was hoping, in which case I apologize.

Charles inventing his own reality about Lydia's travel plans is partly a joke based on the fact that I myself live in Pennsylvania. It amused me too much not to throw it in there.

Also, these two have definitely developed minds of their own.

Chapter Six: You're Living in the Past

Christmas came and went with all of its usual lavish celebration. Lydia and BJ again spent the day with her parents, although most of the afternoon was occupied in hauling her new telescope back to the farmhouse and setting it up on the observatory deck BJ had built for the purpose. "Guess I'm gonna need to set up some kind of cover," he remarked thoughtfully to Charles. "Didn't think about the snow."

As the sun went down and the stars emerged in the clear winter night, they took turns looking through the scope and exclaiming over what they saw. Delia, in particular, was in ecstasies. "Oh, I'm inspired to do a whole new series of paintings! 'Nighttime skyscapes'! Charles, we should get one of these telescopes too!"

"Uh... sure, honey, we can see about that."

For BJ, Lydia had picked out a gold pocketwatch at the Neitherworld Shocking Mall, and had the jeweler modify it; it had tiny gemstone beetles in place of numbers at the 3, 6, 9 and 12 spots, the same four colors as the jeweled beetles on her Princess of Beetles tiara. At the time she'd congratulated herself on the cleverness of the design. It not only related to his real name, but it was easy to explain in the Outerworld by his occupation. To complete the gift, she'd had words engraved inside the watch as well. For my favorite pest.

While her parents were diverted by the telescope, she put the small box into his gloved hands and watched him open it. "I still have the watch you gave me a while ago," she remarked, quietly, "and I thought it was time you had one too." She chuckled. "It's not as impressive as the telescope, by a long shot... but I thought you'd like it."

"Aw, Lyds," he said, pressing the button to examine the inside of the watch. "Heh, this is great. Of course I'm your favorite pest! And now I'll never be late for dinner again."

"If there's one thing you're never late for, Beej, it's meals."

"True. But with your cooking, who would be?"

"Sweet talker." She laughed.

A fine, soft snow blanketed the state on New Year's Day, and Lydia was oustide almost as soon as it finished falling. She was as attached to the local wildlife as she had ever been growing up, and there were many feeders and water troughs on the farm property which required her attention. BJ trailed behind her, watching with a lazy sort of affectionate tolerance, now and then lending a hand.

"Never quite got the deal with you and these guys," he remarked. "You're nice to everything. It'd be sickening if it were anybody else."

"They appreciate what I do for them," she protested mildly.

"How can you tell?"

She paused, the sack of wild bird food in her hands. "You know, I'm not sure," she admitted. "I just kind of know it, even if I don't know how I know it."

As if to support her claim, a brilliant red cardinal fluttered down to help himself to her offerings. "Hi there," she greeted him with a smile. "I'll bet you're hungry, huh? It's hard to find food in these storms, isn't it?"

A series of emphatic chirps answered her. "Exactly," Lydia replied, as though the cardinal's 'remarks' made perfect sense. In a way, they sort of did. She might not have known quite what the bird was trying to express, but she felt as though they understood one another. Setting aside the bag of food, she pulled out her camera to get a picture of her new little friend.

"You're a regular Doctor Zoolittle, Lyds," BJ commented.

"Thanks, I think."

It wasn't until they went back inside that Lydia really thought anything of it. She went up to the spare room, the one which served as her little photography and sewing studio, and started reviewing the photos in her camera. The cardinal had shortly been joined by a small cluster of sparrows and a couple of squirrels, and she had laughed as they chattered amongst themselves while she photographed them.

As she reached a particularly good picture of one of the squirrels, she paused. The creature had been remarkably cooperative, sitting placidly on the snowbank, her cheek pouches stuffed with sunflower seeds and a peanut clutched in her tiny front paws. Only when Lydia had taken the picture, and thanked the squirrel for her patience, did the little rodent run off to her nest.

The weight of realization was almost too heavy to bear.

"Beetlejuice!"

After a few seconds, he popped into view, looking faintly alarmed. "Babes? What's spookin' ya? I mean, besides your resident spook."

"I was just - I was looking at my pictures. And I was realizing... the animals..."

"...what about them?"

"BJ, they listen to me. They communicate with me."

"Well, yeah." He scratched his head. "They always did. Remember that baby skunk you fished out of a thunderstorm?"

"The skeletons in your closet. Yes, I remember. And there was the family of blue jays at my parents' house - I built a little birdhouse for them and they seemed to talk to me, and we had to deal with the hunters who hurt the mother." She shook her head at the memory. "It's always been like this, hasn't it?"

"Sure has, Babes."

"Didn't you ever think that was... I don't know, weird?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Uh... no offense, Lyds, but... it's not exactly the weirdest thing you've done in the last ten years." Smirking, he added, "Pretty sure that's me."

Lydia gave him a look. "You're missing my point, BJ. Most people don't interact with animals that way." He looked faintly confused, so she added, "Animals. Living things."

"Living..." His brow furrowed, and she thought at first he wasn't getting it. But then his eyes widened almost comically. "Oh. So that's what the Avatar of Life does!"

She nodded. "That's what I'm thinking. It's kind of a passive ability, but if that's part of being the Avatar of Life, then it explains why I don't really know how it works."

"Makes sense, I guess. You think maybe it's something you can kinda learn to harness?" he wondered. "Like, actually understand what they're saying? That could come in handy."

"Maybe. I'll ask the Fairy Godfather next time we talk to him, he might know." She glanced at the camera, and snorted. "Oh, brother. I guess that makes me 'actual Disney princess Lydia Deetz-Beetleman'."

Beetlejuice cackled. "Well, you are a princess, thanks to Vince. But what does that make me, then?" he teased.

"Something out of a Tim Burton film, obviously."

New England winters being what they are, it wasn't until February that they were able to make plans for their trip to Romania. By that time the storms had eased up sufficiently for a flight to Europe, and they were able to arrange for a house sitter whom they could agree would be perfectly trustworthy.

"Now, don't worry about a thing," said Donny in his relentlessly cheerful way. "Your little house and your friendly cars will all be just fine until you get back!"

"It was very nice of the Fairy Godfather to set it up that you could be here," Lydia remarked. Thanks to the Godfather's assistance, Donny was once again in the guise of 'Donald Beetleman,' younger brother of BJ, and by all appearances was a living, breathing specimen. "I really didn't want to leave the place empty all these weeks; you never know what my mother might take it into her head to do when I'm not here."

"Speaking of your parents," he said, "Beetlejuice tells me that they're a little confused about your destination."

She laughed. "Yeah. In my defense, I told Dad the truth - that we're going to Transylvania," she said. "But his poor nerves wouldn't let him process it, I guess, so he's telling everyone we're going to be in Pennsylvania. I just don't have the heart to correct him; I somehow don't think he'd hear me even if I did."

"I'm sure it'll be fine. You do love spooky, and what's spookier than a haunted castle in Dracula's neck of the woods?"

Lydia eyed him. "Donny, that pun was so bad, I'm surprised Beetlejuice didn't make it."

"I did!" her husband groused, entering the kitchen. "Quit swiping my jokes, Donny."

"Sorry, brother. That one just tickled my funny bone so much!"

"All right, you two," said Lydia, amused. "Let's just finish going over all of this. My parents' number is there by the phone if you have any problems that they could help with, but I don't think you will. There's plenty of firewood stacked by the back door for the wood stove and the fireplace. You can eat anything you want in the fridge, and if you can just check the feeders every couple of days to make sure my woodland friends aren't starving, I'd appreciate it. If any calls come in for the exterminator business, just tell them that the owner is on an extended vacation and won't be back until next month. Or if you want, just ignore the phone if it rings and let it go to voicemail, the outgoing message will tell them the same thing."

"That might be easier," he allowed.

She buttoned up her coat, knowing that it was almost time to leave. "The mailbox is out at the end of the driveway, so you'll have to walk out every day to get it - it usually comes around three. Just stack whatever we get in that little basket on the counter. If you start feeling stir-crazy, you're welcome to take Doomie out for an airing; he knows the roads around here pretty well." She smiled. "Basically, make yourself at home.

"It's such a peaceful little farm," he noted admiringly. "I've never seen so much snow in my afterlife. I'm sure it'll be a nice relaxing stay."

There came the sound of a car horn. "Oh, there's Dad," said Lydia. "He's taking us to the airport. Beej, can you get the suitcases out there?"

"Right, Babes." He started for the door.

"Wait! You have to change first!"

"Whoa! Almost gave Chuckie an eyeful, didn't I?" He snorted, morphing into his BJ form. "Don't know what he'd think if he knew what his son-in-law really looks like."

"Let's not find out," said his wife dryly. BJ merely smirked, fluttering his eyelashes at her, before turning to wrestle their suitcases out to the car.

"Do you think Beetlejuice ever gets tired of leading a double life?" Donny wondered. His expression was just the smallest bit concerned. "You know, having to change forms and everything?"

"Between you and me, I used to worry about the same thing, back in the beginning," she admitted. "But I think once he got used to it, he started to really enjoy it."

"You think so?"

Lydia nodded. "In a way, it's like he's playing a prank on everybody in the entire Outerworld, and you just know that appeals to him."

"Oh, I get it... it's like he's tricking everyone he meets into thinking he's just another fella, huh?"

"Exactly." Smiling, she added, "And that's one thing that you and I both know he definitely isn't."

"Too true, sister." Donny chuckled, walking her to the door. "But he's ours."

"Oh, yes."