It was one of Levi's down days. It's was the 15th of November and Eren had woken early to see not Levi on his bed, but a knife still wet with his blood. He had sighed and picked it up. He wiped it clean on a tissue and put it back on his bed so that it was clean and he reduced the amount of blood that was going on the sheets. While he was holding it, he thought about how easy it would be just to take it away so that Levi couldn't do use it on himself anymore, but Levi would feel hurt and betrayed, he'd get a new blade or turn to other methods to let out his pain... That was not the way to do it, he had to stop himself. Instead of meeting Armin and going down to the canteen that morning, Eren sat on his bed and waited. He wanted to make sure that Levi was alright. When Levi did eventually come back, he looked really depressed and Eren watched him sympathetically as he came through the door. He groaned when he saw Eren and shut the door behind him. "Go away Eren, aren't you meant to be somewhere instead of sitting here ready to piss me off?"
"I-I was just waiting for you so that I could check you were alright..." Eren whispered quietly.
"Yeah well I'm fine, so go." Levi snapped and snatched his blade off his bed. "Why have you been touching my stuff?"
"It was covered in blood, I cleaned it so that it wouldn't mark the sheets too much because I know you hate mess! I was just trying to help..." Eren trailed off and hid behind his long hair.
"Yeah well don't brat, now get out of here." Levi growled angrily, shoving the knife back down onto the bed in frustration. Eren got up off of his bed in silence as quickly as he could but was apparently not fast enough because Levi shoved him in the back to make him move. He stumbled forwards as Levi pushed him. "Go! Move faster you idiot, I want to be left alone!" Eren yelped as Levi pushed him and looked back at him in shock through his hair.
"Ok, ok, I'm going!" Levi grabbed him by the arm and threw open the door, forcing Eren out, his nails digging into the brunette's arm. Eren stumbled and cried out.
"Levi, stop!" He called in shock as he was shoved outside. "Wait, I haven't got my stuff for my lectu-" The door was slammed in Eren's face. "Levi!" He hammered on the door. "You'd better not be doing anything stupid in there, if I come back and you're fucking dead, I'll... I'll kill you!" If this wasn't such a serious situation, Eren would have probably facepalmed and laughed at his own logic. Eren's brain was confused, all logic was out of the window. Levi had locked the door from the inside and Eren yanked at the doorknob. "Levi, please!" He yelled, trying to reach him. Little did he know, both Armin and Mikasa had seen everything and were watching Eren in shock from the other end of the corridor. Eren kept beating on the door until he slowed down and just leant on it with his back and slid down to the floor. "I'm here for you Levi, you can talk to me..." Mikasa started to run towards him.
"Eren! Are you ok?" She yelled as she sprinted down the corridor, swiftly followed by Armin. Eren turned his head in shock and saw the two barrelling towards him.
"Oh no..." He whispered to himself and hurriedly got to his feet just as Mikasa got to him. "Y-yeah, I'm fine! I was just sitting down because I needed to do my shoelace..." Eren lied, his voice trailing off at his terrible fib, hiding behind his hair because he was terrified his face would give everything away.
"Oi Levi!" Mikasa yelled, banging her fist against the wood of the door. "Don't touch my brother! What the hell is wrong with you? Y-"
"Mikasa, stop!" Eren grabbed her arm and pulled her away. "Leave him alone!"
"Why should I? I told you that if he lays a finger on you, I'll kill him!" She struggled in Eren's grip, trying to twist out of his grasp. "Get off of me...!"
"No! He's upset, stop! He needs to be left alone, come away!" Eren said desperately, trying to drag her away. Armin was standing, not knowing quite what to do, looking between Eren, Mikasa and the door. "Armin help me!"
"B-but-"
"No, Armin get Eren off of me!" Mikasa ordered him.
Levi could hear all of this from inside the room and was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. He reached for his now clean knife. This was all too much.
"Eren, get off!"
"No!" Eren managed to forcefully drag her down the corridor and Armin ran after them. Mikasa managed to yank herself free and stood in front of Eren, looking at him in complete disbelief. What was he thinking?
"Eren, he hurt you!"
"He only pushed me, God Mikasa! He's having a bad day, just lay off!" Eren growled, his eyes flashing angrily. "You've probably made it worse! He's locked the bloody door, I don't know what he's doing in there!"
"What do you mean you don't know what he's doing in there?"
"You wouldn't understand! Just leave us alone!" Eren shoved her to the side and ran back to the shut and locked door. Mikasa was about to follow when Armin grabbed her by the arm.
"Mikasa, don't, give him some time, we don't know Levi as well as Eren does, we don't understand. Come away, I don't think Eren is going to come to the lecture... We'll make an excuse for him. Just leave him." He said quietly and Mikasa looked back at her brother over her shoulder as he pressed his ear to the door and spoke softly into the crack between it and the doorframe. She nodded sadly in silence although she was still very angry about what she'd seen.
"Levi, I'm going to wait here until you unlock this door... I don't care how long it will take. I'm not leaving you... Please open the door, you know I'll listen to you, I won't laugh... I promise I won't laugh, I won't make fun of you, I swear..." Eren said quietly to the door, straining his ears to hear what was going on. "I know you have your knife, please put it down... Just stop, please... For me..." Eren whispered, but Levi shook his head from where he was inside. He had gone to the door and was standing with his back pressed against it just in case Eren had tried to force it down. He slid in silence to the floor, his knife clutched in his hand. Eren heard the sound of his back on the door and sat down also. "Lee...?" His voice was sad and broken. Levi's hand shook as he pulled his sleeve down and looked at the many cuts on his wrist. Finding space, he cut into his arm, watching as his blood bubbled slowly to the surface and dripped down his wrist much as the tears in his eyes bubbled up and dripped down his face. He felt the relief only for a split second when he saw the blood coming up and he felt the sharp pain of the knife, but the feeling was gone so quickly. They sat back to back with the door between them, splitting them apart from one another and stopping Eren from seeing Levi's tears. Levi brushed them away angrily. Tears were for the weak. He would not be weak... He mustn't cry. He dug another deep cut into his wrist in punishment for the spilt tears, and 2 others for being in love with Eren. He sliced another three for shoving Eren out so violently and probably injuring him. He still didn't know if he was disgusting for liking him, he wasn't even human, was he? He didn't know whether being gay or bi was evil or good, he'd never been taught about this stuff because he hadn't grown up going to school!
"Put it down Levi..." Eren whispered through the door. "I know you're using it, put the knife down..." Levi shook his head again and slashed more lines down his right arm. They nearly reached his elbow, only a few more and they would. There were dozens in a neat row with barely a millimetre between them. He couldn't believe what he'd done to Eren just a few minutes before, he'd grabbed him, hurt him probably... He regretted that all so much now. He'd slammed the door in his face when all he had been doing was trying to help him because Eren was a caring person that felt strongly about friends and family. About loved ones. Levi sliced more lines, his blood running down his arm and it dripped into his lap and stained the knife red. He reached the crook of his arm as his wrist and forearm were completely filled with cuts. His hand trembled as he put the knife down on the floor and let his arm fall limply at his side. He sniffed and Eren heard it. The sound made his heart ache, Levi never cried.
"Will you open the door and talk to me...?" He said quietly and stuck his fingers under the door, trying to reach Levi. Levi saw them and blood dripped from his bleeding arm onto the fingers. Eren felt the sticky, warm liquid on his hand and quickly withdrew it, looking down at it in shock and upset. "L-Levi, please stop..." He stammered, his voice choked with hurt. "I hate it when you do this, I care about you, I don't want to see you hurting yourself. "Tell me what's wrong... At least through the door, you don't have to open it..." His voice came out as barely a whisper but Levi heard it clearer than the loudest shout. He swallowed the lump in his throat.
"No..." He mumbled, trying to hide the sound of crying that was still in his voice. His eyes were red.
"Please... Please Levi... I won't laugh..."
"Yes you will..." Levi whispered, hanging his head, his hair falling in his eyes. In truth he didn't know what to think. He'd probably laugh at Levi's panic over this, Eren clearly didn't give a shit about the fact he was gay, he had accepted it and Levi didn't know if he'd accepted it as a good thing or as a bad thing.
"I promise... I won't. How will you know if you don't try? Remember what I said about taking a chance...? You came out with me and I was fine, remember? I'm still here." Eren mumbled hopefully, pressing his cheek on the door with a sigh. Levi sniffed and wiped at his eyes angrily, his arm red, dripping and inflamed.
"I-I'm..." Levi whispered, bringing his knees up. He hid his face in his bloodstained hands and had to choke back a sob. Patiently, Eren sat in silence, letting Levi take his time to tell him what had been bothering him so much for so long. After a few minutes, Eren heard Levi's quiet voice again.
"I-I'm bisexual..." He whispered, tears spilling from his eyes as he admitted what he still constantly tried to deny. Eren swallowed, why was he so upset about it?
"So... Why are you upset?" He whispered softly and waited for an answer.
"Because I'm wrong! Every other guy likes girls a-and then there's me, I like both girls and b-boys!" He cried out into his hands and Eren's heart felt in pain as he heard him so upset.
"But I'm gay, does that make me wrong?" Eren whispered, straining his ears. There was silence with the occasional sniff for about a minute.
"I-I don't know! I don't understand..." His voice was pained and frustrated.
"You've never been taught about it, have you, because you never went to school... You're just assuming it's bad because of the people you've heard talk about it." There was silence. "Well it's not wrong Levi, it's perfectly fine... People have different opinions, it's the same as everything else, some people support homosexuality and some don't... You've heard people like that dick Jean talk about it but not anyone who thinks it is positive... Well, it is positive, and you are not wrong or bad. I promise!"
"B-but then why do I see posters saying that it's a sin and have people calling you or I faggots all the time? If it's not bad why is it promoted that way?" Levi cried out angrily into his hands, his salty tears stinging his open cuts.
"You've only heard the negative people because they are louder than the positive, it's the same as racism. On the news you only see news about Muslims doing terrorist attacks, you don't see news about good things they do, so people think that all Muslims are terrorists but they are not! A terrorist could be anyone... You've only heard people shouting about why homosexuality is wrong because that's what they think and that's their opinion so you are automatically thinking that you are bad. Well you're not. I think there are more people in the world that support it than don't! And some religions believe it is bad, yet again, a matter of opinion... Just trust me Levi, it doesn't make you a bad person, there's nothing wrong with you. Basically everyone I know knows that I'm gay and I've known them for years, they treat me like a normal person. Mikasa's parents adopted me and they knew... So it can't be bad, can it?"
"B-but why do some people th-think it's bad then..." Eren sighed, resting his head on the door. He folded his arms and let out a sigh.
"Because some people are arseholes. That's MY opinion and they have their opinion. Some people like rock music, others think it's terrible. Some people like certain foods and others hate them. Some people believe in God and some think it's all a load of rubbish. It's all opinions Levi, you have a right to like who you want." Eren said gently and he heard Levi sniff again as he tried to stop what he had been taught was weakness falling from his eyes. "Who do you like?" Eren whispered, more a thought to himself than a question to Levi but Levi heard him all the same and Eren knew he had. He sat in silence, waiting with his heart thumping nervously for an answer.
"...Y-you..." Levi whispered, pressing his face into his knees in embarrassment, tears still falling. His face was red and blotchy and his eyes were too. He was acting like such a damn child, he was always the strong one so why when Eren was involved was he a complete wreck? Eren swallowed and his heart fluttered in happiness but also in sadness that Levi had been hiding it for so long... Was he the reason he cut his wrists?
"I-I like you too..." Eren muttered with a sigh. "So... it's my fault that you cut then?"
"No of course it's not you stupid brat, it's my fault..."
"How is it your fault? If I wasn't always making you remember that you like me and if I wasn't always getting so close to you, you wouldn't have cut so much! I just wanted you to like me so I forced you to hold my hand and stuff like that... It's all my fault... I should be the one cutting my wrists, not you... This is all my fault..." Eren heard the key in the lock turn in a hurry and the door was flung open. Eren managed to catch himself before he completely fell on his back. He turned around to look at Levi's blood and tear stained face in shock.
"It is NOT your fault Eren Jaeger, and don't you DARE start doing this to yourself because of me!" He yelled and Eren swallowed, turning around to face him. He looked down at Levi's arm that was covered in scars and fresh cuts. Tears fell from his eyes and he met Levi's grey-blue eyes that were red from the unwanted tears that had fallen. He nodded in silence as tears dribbled down his cheeks and dripped from his chin. He let out a sob and threw his arms around Levi's neck, hugging him close. He glared at the offending knife on the floor that he had grown to hate so much. He grabbed it and threw it to the other side of the room.
"N-no more of that, I should have done that sooner!" He sobbed into Levi's shoulder and the ravenette buried his face into Eren's soft, messy hair, his tears making it damp. He took in his scent with shaking breath. "There is nothing wrong with you Levi Ackerman, to me you are perfect in every way and nothing and I mean NOTHING you say can change that you fucker!" Eren lifted his head and faced Levi, their noses just an inch from touching. He plunged forward and kissed Levi on the lips. Levi's lips were hot and salty from his tears, they were softer than he'd thought they would be. Tears streamed from Levi's eyes and he let out a sob against Eren's lips as the teen kissed him.
"I-I've always wanted you to do that..." Levi whispered in admittance.
"Me too..." Eren whispered against his lips before sniffing and hugging his room-mate closely again. He cradled the smaller male in his arms and Levi buried his face into his shoulder, clutching Eren's adorably oversized hoodie in his fists. Eren didn't care about the fact Levi's blood was covering them both, he didn't care one bit. He just wanted to fix Levi... He kissed his head lightly and buried his nose into his sleek black hair, taking in the clean smell. "I love you Levi... W-will you be my wonderful boyfriend, as cheesy as that sounds?" Eren whispered softly in his ear and he heard Levi sniff and felt him nod into his shoulder with a small sob escaping his throat. Eren sobbed too and squeezed him tightly.
"Th-thank you for not laughing Eren..." Levi murmured into his hoodie.
"I would never laugh at your problems Lee, not in a million years..." He was telling the truth. He cared for Levi more than words could describe, and now he was his boyfriend, hopefully he was a step closer to making Levi happy again... He loved him and he had since he first saw him in that library all those months ago... And Eren noticed that he didn't stop him from saying 'Lee'.
(A/N:) Disclaimer: As Eren has already said for me, everyone has their own opinions and the opinions expressed in this chapter about various subjects are my opinions not everyone else's, everyone has a right to their own opinion. :)
Thanks for reading! So we had a depressing chapter that turned out happier in the end... :) It has been so long sine I wrote this because I am about 40 chapters ahead of this and when I reread it to proof read and edit, I gave myself feels XD Thanks for all the reviews and follows! Much more to come, glad you all seem to be enjoying it :) Wow this is the longest chapter I've ever uploaded to either of my stories o.O XD Byeee!