Sleeping Beetle

A Beetlejuice fan fiction by Lady Norbert

A/N: I did something particularly dumb while working on this chapter. I grew concerned that I wasn't keeping the Fairy Godfather in character, so I decided to watch an episode of the cartoon with him in it so I could get a fresh feel for his perspective. I don't think I need to explain why that didn't work...

Speaking of the Godfather, I'm sort of blown away by how much you all seem to like him. I've gotten more private messages about his awesomeness than anyone else in the whole series. I wasn't expecting that. I'm really pleased though!

Chapter Fifteen: Beloved By All Who Know Her

Exactly when Beetlejuice reached his castle, the Fairy Godfather didn't know. But he knew, of course, that he was coming.

"How did we deal with a crisis before the internet existed?" he wondered idly, closing Tumblr. "Things are certainly becoming difficult." He voiced his thoughts, in case the poltergeist was already on the premises. "We can't sit back idly, but I question what the better part of wisdom is for the planning. If we were to lead an outright attack on the castle, it could prove dangerous for Lydia. On the other hand, we can hardly in good conscience allow her to stay there and starve herself indefinitely as a means of holding off the strigoi, either."

He rose from his chair and paced a little, slowly, in circles around the room. "With Beetlejuice trapped in his forced sleep, I don't think she can send herself home by chanting his name. Otherwise I suspect she'd have done so by now." He rubbed his chin, trying to think. "The most immediate concern, of course, is that the young lady needs food. Then she needs to find a way to counteract the castle's magic so she can get into the tower in order to release Beetlejuice from his spell. Getting her up there is the only real challenge - as long as she can find him, she can certainly revive him. She's the only one who can."

Still pondering the whole thing, the Fairy Godfather shook his head. "I must confer with Prince Vince," he decided. "I should have done so long since, but I had hopes that things would iron themselves out without my interference. As I have said to Delphine, one must try to avoid the appearance of favoritism. But I can remain neutral in this situation no longer; it's truly a matter of life and death, both literally and metaphorically."

He went to the door of his study and looked out into the hall. "Sonny - order the carriage, please. I'm afraid I must be going out." Glancing back into the room behind him, he added, "If you're here, Beetlejuice, try not to worry too much. We're going to figure this out somehow."

Upon arrival at the prince's castle, the Godfather was shown not into the throne room, as he anticipated, but upstairs into a handsomely fitted suite. It took only a few glances around the little apartment for him to realize that these must be Lydia's rooms when she was in residence in the Neitherworld; the framed portrait of herself and her husband which adorned one wall was proof enough of that.

Prince Vince was seated on the bench at the foot of her bed, conversing earnestly with her full-length mirror. No, wait, with the person in the mirror - Beetlejuice's younger brother Donny, in his human guise. "Pardon the intrusion, Your Highness," said the Godfather genially.

"Not at all, Godfather. I'm glad you're here. I was just acquainting Donny with the latest developments; I'm assuming that's the reason for your visit as well?"

"Indeed. I can't be sure, but it's entirely possible that Beetlejuice's essence has accompanied me here. Unfortunately, in his current condition, he has no way of communicating with us." The Godfather shook his head. "However, the latest update stated that he was planning to visit me and attempt to get my attention. Any efforts he may have made in that direction have regrettably failed, but I've been speaking as though he can hear me - just in case."

"Were you able to visit the library, Donny?" the prince inquired.

"Yes, but not for long. There was another snowfall and the librarian closed things down earlier than I expected. Just as well, really, I didn't want to make Doomie drive around in bad weather." Donny's human face bore a rueful expression. "I didn't get to read nearly as much as I'd hoped, although what I did find was fascinating! In a dark and horrible sort of way, of course."

"Did you learn anything that might help us?"

"Not a whole lot, I'm afraid. There are apparently very few ways to deal with a strigoi mort." He brandished a piece of paper scrawled with notes. "A lot of the traditional methods unfortunately would need us to get hold of what's-his-name's mortal body."

"That's not going to work," Vince said with a frown. "He's been dead for ages; even if we knew where he had been buried, there's likely nothing left of him to find."

"I know. The most promising option," said Donny, grimly, "would be to burn down the castle where it stands. Start the fire in the room where he sleeps, then destroy the whole thing."

"That too will be a challenge," Prince Vince noted. "From what the updates report, the castle isn't letting Lydia find either Vasile or Beetlejuice - and we certainly would need to get the both of them out before we could set a fire."

"There is some good news, however," the Fairy Godfather interjected. "I think it's not unreasonable to surmise that Lydia once again has most if not all of Beetlejuice's power at her disposal."

Both of the younger ghosts looked at him in surprise. "What makes you say that?" inquired the prince.

"It's a theory, mostly," he admitted. "Based on how his magic behaved during the New Orleans incident, I've come to suspect that Beetlejuice subconsciously transferred his powers to Lydia just before her unexpected banishment. It was partly a means by which to keep the magic itself out of reach, but mostly I believe it was intended to protect her. Certainly it helped to keep her from being killed outright. If I don't miss my guess, he's probably done something similar this time too."

"I could see my brother doing that," Donny agreed. "Even if he doesn't know he's doing it."

"It would explain a few things," said Prince Vince, nodding.

"Added to her own awakening powers as the Avatar of Life, I would say that Lydia has more than sufficient ability to engineer her own escape," the Godfather continued. "The major difficulty I foresee is her health. She must eat."

"Agreed, but who knows what Vasile is trying to feed her?"

"Oh, no argument. She needs to continue to avoid his offerings - but the question is, how long can she manage to do so? We saw for ourselves that he's smart enough to know she can't hold out indefinitely. Sooner or later, she'll be forced to yield to her own hunger, and then he'll spring a trap of some sort." He shook his head. "This cannot be allowed to happen. Life would lose its avatar, and we would lose our princess. No, my good gentlemen, we must find a way to get food to her, and quickly."

"Well, she does have that one little bird helping her out," said Donny, dubiously. "I mean, it's not much, but it's a start. Can't we find more animals to deliver the food? Or parachute some out of a plane? I think you did that once, Vince."

"Yes... it's worth a try, certainly," the prince mused. "It feels a bit deus ex machina to do it again, but under the circumstances, I don't think we can risk putting off intervention just for the sake of avoiding cliché. The risk to our friends is too serious."

"I'm sure your Tumblr followers will forgive the matter," said the Fairy Godfather, sagely. "It's a small thing compared to the safety of our dear Avatars, after all. Perhaps once they're out of danger, you can make amends for the abuse of the trope with a new poem."

Within the hour, Prince Vince had composed a brief note to Lydia, advising her that she needed to find a way to access the towers. "Let's hope that the castle doesn't try to block her efforts to keep the window open," he remarked, sealing the envelope and adding it to the parcel of food.

"Should I come back?" Donny offered. "I could deliver the stuff personally, like I did that other time."

"No, I think you're better off staying where you are. If Vasile were to somehow spot you, or that sentient castle cottoned on to your presence, it could go very badly." Vince half-smiled. "I'd just as soon not have to tell Beetlejuice that I managed to help his brother get into a terrible mess while he was indisposed."

"I doubt he'd mind all that much."

"I'm sure he'd mind more than you think. And I know Lydia would mind, as would I. No, stay in the Outerworld and try not to worry too much. I'm sure things will resolve themselves satisfactorily before very much longer."

Donny sighed. "My poor brother and sister. They were trying so hard to do the right thing - and look what happened. Beetlejuice'll swear off being a hero forever after this."

"Oh, I don't know about that," said the Godfather, who had been listening quietly. He half suspected the other two had almost forgotten he was there; the way they both jumped slightly when he spoke suggested that he was right. "It's more in his nature than he may wish to acknowledge. Granted, it's taken a long time for that side of him to manifest... but as long as Lydia's around, he can't deny it."

"Which is just one more reason why we've got to help her," Prince Vince added. "Not that we needed another reason, but still. I've put together the best care package I can; I don't want to further tax her system by having her eat anything too heavy, but the options were somewhat limited."

"How are we sending this stuff, though? Do we even know where this castle is?" Donny wondered.

"We didn't at first, but since Mr. Monitor's got his crew inside, it wasn't too difficult to make him give me the directions," the prince assured him. "Naturally, the television workers will need to evacuate the premises before it's destroyed, but I'm sure Lydia and Beetlejuice will see to that."

"First things first," admonished the Godfather. "She's got to find him and wake him up, then they can mastermind the grand escape for everyone involved."

"Of course. At least by this point, I imagine that she's heard the reminders about the magic kiss often enough that she'll know what to do - it's just getting her into the tower which is the sticking point."

"So kissing a princess - I mean, getting kissed by a princess - saves the day again?" asked Donny. "Or is it true love's kiss this time?"

"If you can figure out what the difference is between the two, I might be able to better answer the question."

"...is there a difference?"

"For most people, yes. In this particular instance, not in the least."