The deafening smash of breaking glass resounded through Levi's ears as he threw his empty bottle at the wall. "Why does everything have to be this way? I'm so fed up with everything and everyone!" He yelled in anger down the empty, deserted street, his voice echoing off of the walls and ringing in his ears. His chest heaved as he bellowed in anger and the cold wind blew through his ebony hair. "Nothing I try works!" He kicked at the brickwork and didn't care when his foot started to hurt painfully from the impact. Leaning his hands on the wall, he hung his head. "Why am I even bothering?" He whispered to himself. "It would be so easy just to finish this all now, so what's stopping me? Am I too weak? Or is it Eren...?" He sighed, closing his eyes as the harsh breeze stung at his already freezing red cheeks. His head was pounding from lack of sleep. He was so fed up with everything, even though Eren had insisted that being bi was ok, Levi had still been having fights with himself over it, one half of him was on Eren's side, saying that there was nothing wrong with liking guys and girls, but the other more powerful half of him was beating him down, telling him that he was disgusting. The guilt of what happened to Isabel and Farlan was always strong in winter, especially in December because that's when they died. Levi was still haunted by it and hated the fact that he could have stopped it. He also thought about how he could have saved so many other people while he was on the streets as a kid, so many people... He knew he wasn't a weak fighter and he'd been brought up to be strong, but over the last days Levi had felt like he was the weakest person on Earth, incapable of anything. He felt guilty for his smoking, he felt guilty for his drinking, he felt guilty for his cutting, but the more he felt guilty, the more he did it... And so, the cycle circled in a continuous loop, getting worse and worse each time it went around. The amount of cigarettes he smoked a day increased, the drinks he drank a week, the amount of cuts he sliced into his already scarred wrists. He'd thrown up numerous times in the street over that past horrific week from smoking and drinking too much, he'd almost been hit by a car, he'd been losing touch with reality more and more. Levi knew that this couldn't continue but he didn't know how to stop now, it had gone too far... And he didn't want to – but at the same time, he did. He wanted to stop, for Eren. Eren was the only thing he really cared about anymore. The ravenette loved the feeling of relief every time he let out his pain with a cut of his knife, but it only ever lasted for a moment before dissipating again. He savoured the way when he smoked he felt like he was getting rid of his problems, but that too didn't last long. Levi liked the way that drinking made him forget for a while, but afterwards the pain would be back, more intense and painful than ever... He didn't know how to stop. It was the only way out he knew of. Levi had never hated himself as such, he'd never really thought about it until he was about 15, he was just another boy left on the streets, having to fight for his life... But as he got older, he found more and more things that seemed to be wrong with him that separated him from everyone else, and he made bad decisions that haunted him forever. All the people he could have saved, all the things he could have done. Now what was he? He had been a thug, a smoker and a thief back then... So what was he now? Well, he was a smoker again, that was for sure. He was an alcoholic too and a self harmer that sneaked off to alley ways in the night to try and get rid of his pitiful problems. In other words, he was a Nothing. He wanted to be someone. He wanted nothing more than to stop all of these stupid habits and stay with Eren forever or at least for as long as he could... But how could he do that when he couldn't speak to him because he felt so guilty for what he was doing? The brunette was obviously being just as badly affected as Levi was from his actions, just in a different way. Levi needed Eren's help, but he wasn't sure if the teen would be willing to give it anymore... No, he didn't need help, he could do it himself! Getting help was for the weak, as well as crying. That's what he'd been brought up to think... But he didn't know if he could stay on that path any longer. He needed Eren and he knew deep inside that Eren needed him. He just didn't know how to ask for help. "Help me Eren... I need you." He whispered to himself.
(A/N:) Hey! Thanks for reading, I am doing my best to upload consistently still :) I may not be able to update every day from now on as 1. I am running out of chapters, and 2. I haven't got much time to do so... So I will try and upload at LEAST once a week for you :) I hope you are enjoying the story and thanks for reading, your reviews mean a lot to me :) Byee!