Sleeping Beetle

A Beetlejuice fan fiction by Lady Norbert

A/N: I was pretty sure I might get this done at twenty chapters; I think I still can. Also, Salina Turda is a real place and you should totally look up the pictures online; it looks amazing.

Chapter Nineteen: Here's Your Precious Princess

Halfway down the spiral staircase which was the exit from Vasile's room, the ancient stone literally crumbled beneath Lydia's feet. The castle was either dying a very violent death of its own, or else it was trying to ensure that its master's killers shared his fate.

As she started to fall, Beetlejuice grabbed her upper arms and transformed himself into a striped parachute, gently guiding her to the bottom. Turning back into his regular form with a faint pop, he looked up to see the warlock's magic fire devouring everything above their heads. It seemed to be tearing through wood and stone a lot faster than regular fire probably could, and it was clear that time was running out. "Run, Babes!"

"Run where?" she asked, even as they rushed out into the hallway. "The castle's trying to make sure we don't escape, I think that's pretty obvious."

"Yeah, I may not have completely thought this through," he admitted. "Think we can get to the front door without it catching us?"

Before the wife could articulate a proper response, she gave a shriek as the remnants of the tower came crashing down not far from where they stood. "We need to get out of here, fast!"

"Any ideas?" He immediately shifted to put himself between her and the advancing wall of fire - though considering that it suddenly seemed to be approaching from all sides, that was harder than he'd expected. How in the world did it move that fast? Or was it just his imagination? He glanced around in search of an exit, but nothing seemed like the right answer.

Lydia was coughing; smoke was starting to fill the corridors. She dropped to her knees and began crawling as fast as she could, even as the rapidly expanding fire began to choke the air out of their surroundings. But just as she turned a corner, she abruptly stopped, and Beetlejuice almost crashed into her from behind. "Wait a minute, Beej."

"I don't think we have a minute, Lyds."

"I just realized - we're overthinking things."

"We are? I don't think I've ever been accused of that before."

"I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner, to be honest. All the excitement must have gotten to me." She reached back to grab his hand. "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!"

Outside the castle, the observers were forced to relocate as parts of the building began to fall to the ground in a smoking, smoldering pile of ash and broken stone. The castle itself gave off a strange, piercing cry as it collapsed in on itself, as though screaming at the indignity of its own destruction. Or something like that.

"Good heavens!" Prince Vince was staring at the growing wreckage with a sort of impressed look of horror.

"Your spell was certainly effective, Master Warlock," noted the Godfather. "I would venture to say that you've nearly made amends for your role in Vasile's plot up to this point."

"But where are they?" The prince was all but wringing his hands. "They should be here!"

"You called?"

Beetlejuice was having trouble keeping his amusement to himself as he sauntered out of the trees, hands in his pockets, two paces behind Lydia. She was the picture of royal elegance - the tiara was perched evenly on her head, and she lifted the skirt of her gown as she walked. She almost floated. You'd think she was taking princess lessons her whole life, he thought, though he knew her well enough to recognize that she was fairly entertained beneath that serene appearance.

"Are we fashionably late?" she inquired sweetly, as though to prove him right on that score.

"Lydia! Beetlejuice!" Vince ran to take her hands in his. "Are you all right? When the castle came down, we feared the worst..."

"None the worse for wear, I promise. I used the incantation to send us back to the Outerworld before the collapse," she explained, "and then we came back again just to let you all know we're okay."

"Didn't have much of a choice," Beetlejuice added, somewhat languidly. "Even with the bastard dead, that castle was obeying his orders to keep Lyds inside. We were cut off in all directions."

"I'm so relieved!"

"We were able to watch his destruction onscreen," the Godfather reported, coming over and shaking Beetlejuice's hand. The gesture surprised him a bit, but he decided not to show it. "You handled the matter very well. I expect the people in the villages he was tormenting will be grateful to you, even if they aren't certain exactly what happened or who is responsible."

Feathers, meanwhile, had once again claimed a spot on Lydia's shoulder and was rubbing its beak against her cheek. "I'm happy to see you too," she said. "Vince, do you think Feathers could stay at the castle? We've gotten kind of attached to each other, I think, but there's no way I can risk taking a Neitherworld animal back home with me."

"I daresay I can find room in my castle for a little resident. Besides, any friend of yours is always welcome - and Feathers is a hero, after all, aiding the Princess of Beetles in her hour of need." He smiled.

After sending Monitor and his goons back to the studio where they belonged, Vince led the way back to his castle, where they all convened in the throne room to discuss everything that happened. The prince gave an order to one of his lackeys, who somehow managed to dig up a tiny silk ribbon and an even tinier gold charm. Lydia gently tied it around Feathers' neck as a badge of honor "for services to the crown." Beetlejuice rolled his eyes, but the wife was clearly happy about being able to make the gesture, so he held his tongue.

She glanced at him, frowning when she saw the tongue gripped lightly between his thumb and forefinger. "Put that back in your mouth."

Oscar, in light of his flipped loyalties, was allowed to return to his coven in the mountains without further official reprimand. "But this is your only 'get out of jail free' card, as it were," Vince warned him. "Make an unscrupulous alliance like that again, and there will be no further second chances."

"Yes, sire. Thank you."

"Did you make a Monopoly reference on purpose, Your Highness?" the Godfather inquired, once the sniveling sorcerer had made good his escape.

"Honestly, I didn't think much about it. Why?"

"Merely curious. It reminds me - I promised Lady Delphine a rematch once the Avatars were out of peril. I suppose I should make good on that promise. She's so determined to win." He started for the door. "I'll be sure to give her all your regards; that will please her."

"That's something I've always wanted to ask you, Godfather," said Lydia. "How did you and Lady Delphine meet in the first place, and why did you play Monopoly with her?"

"Well, Princess, those are good questions," he replied, not slowing his gait. "I might even answer them one day. Goodbye, children, do try to stay out of trouble for a bit."

"Whaaaat?" Beetlejuice gaped after him. "After everything we went through and all the stuff he's already told us, he's not gonna answer your simple question? Are you kidding?"

"Maybe my question wasn't as simple as we think," Lydia mused. "There must be a good reason why he and Delphine both keep this a secret, you know? Maybe it's something deep and complex, like the prophecy."

"Or maybe it's just a really stupid story and he doesn't want to embarrass himself," Beetlejuice countered.

"Or maybe it's something painful and they don't like to talk about it," Vince offered. "As you say, Lydia, there must be a reason."

"I wonder if we'll ever find out what it is," she remarked. "Well, probably not at any point when we have an audience, anyway."

"And let's face it," Beetlejuice added, "we usually do."

It was hard - harder than he suspected Lydia thought it would be - to explain to the people in the Outerworld that they didn't have to be afraid of Owl Castle or the strigoi mort anymore. At least the old woman who had given them the directions seemed to understand (though how accurately their words were translated for her was anyone's guess).

"She says," someone interpreted, "that she suspected you two wouldn't just let the whole thing go. We always have to be wary of the strigoi - he wasn't the first and he won't be the last - but we can sleep a bit easier now because of you."

"They're overwhelming me with their gratitude," BJ muttered to Lydia over a bowl of soup, once the conversation had ended.

"Well, we know what really happened. And I know what a hero you were," she added in her most placating voice. "Let's just be satisfied with that."

"Speaking of us knowing what happened, what are you gonna tell the magazine? That's gonna be one creative lie you'll have to dream up, and you don't lie well."

"I know." She grimaced. "It pains me to do it, but I think I'm going to have to take your suggestion from a few days ago - tell them the castle burned down and there's nothing left. I did take pictures of the ruins in the woods, so I can offer that as proof. Maybe I'll write up something about the rumors of the strigoi mort as a consolation prize of sorts."

"Better than nothing. So are we ready to go home?"

"Well, as long as we're here..." She opened her Romanian tour book. "I think we should just take one more day to run down to Transylvania. There's this underground amusement park..."

"Amusement park? Underground?"

"Salina Turda. It's built in an old salt mine. When are we ever going to have the chance to see something like that again?"

"Well, it's no Insectarium, but I think I could be persuaded." He waggled his eyebrows playfully.

Chuck was there to meet them when they got off the plane a few days later. "How was Pennsylvania, pumpkin?"

"It was pretty nice," Lydia replied, stifling a laugh. BJ had a harder time keeping his own under wraps. "Cold, of course, but spring's on its way. Did we miss any excitement here?"

"Just a lot of snow. I went out to your house one afternoon and had lunch with your brother, BJ - I was afraid he might go a little stir-crazy with all that quiet. It even gets to me once in a while! Or it would, if I didn't live with Delia," he added in a quieter voice. BJ was really struggling not to guffaw, and Lydia elbowed him. "Did you get the pictures you needed for the assignment?"

"Unfortunately, not the ones they were hoping I'd get. The place they wanted me to photograph burned down," she replied. Well, that much was true. "But I learned a lot by talking with the people who live around there, so I think I can write an article about that and maybe it'll satisfy them."

"Well, even if not, at least they know about you and it might lead to more work in the future," Charles pointed out pleasantly. "But as long as you had a good time, that's the most important thing."

"Of course, Dad. We always have a good time. You had fun, didn't you, BJ?"

"Seeing the sights with you, Lyds? You know I love it. And I can honestly say I've never slept so well in my life." She turned to give him a mock glare, and by way of response, he let his tongue - his real green and purple striped tongue - slither briefly out of the corner of his mouth.