Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel's Agents of SHIELD. I own any characters I come up with in the writing of this story.

A/N: Hello, everyone. It's been awhile and I'm sorry about that. It's been a busy two months for me. If you don't follow me on Tumblr then you don't know that I moved to a new place, so I was busy with that. I only got internet the other day, the provider I use is quite busy and that was the earliest I could get them to come and install. Anyway, I have internet again and I'll be updating more then I have. Even though I was busy with moving, in my down time, I wrote. I have the next chapter written and the one after that half way done. I think you'll like chapter 12, thats all I'll say about the next one.

I actually didn't plan on updating on the day the new season premiere's but I thought it would be nice for you all.

Thats all I have to say, I'll let you enjoy the new chapter.

Oh, the nickname in Russian that Natasha calls Alex in this chapter, I won't be putting the translation at the end like I normally do. I'll relieve the meaning of in a later chapter. If you look it up yourself, I ask you, please, don't write the meaning in the reviews. I want it to be surprise for when I reveal it, as I have a nice conversation between two of the characters.

Alright, enjoy the chapter.

The Hacker, Biochemist and The Beast

Chapter 11

Unsuccessful Conversation

Alex's POV

A jolt of pain in my ribs wakes me from my peaceful sleep. I wait for it to pass before opening my eyes to take in my surroundings. The first thing I see is carpeted floor and come to the quick conclusion that I rolled off of whatever I feel asleep on. Right, Phil's couch. I think, moving into a sitting position on the floor. I'm glad no one else was around because the first few minutes after waking up I forget where I am until I'm fully awake. Clint learned that the hard way a few months ago when he woke me up bright and early after returning from a mission just to give me a gift he had gotten me. Nearly choked to death over a t-shirt. I think, shaking my head at the memory.

I rub the sleep out of my eyes as I get up off the floor and plop down on the couch again. Looking out the small window near by that is the only source of light in the room, I can see that we are in the hanger at HQ. My wolf whimpers at the thought of coming back and being cooped up here. It wasn't much but I had a small amount of freedom. Before I was changed I could spend hours in my room reading, doing my homework and working on little side projects of my own. Now I can't spend more then an hour in the room they have me in at HQ without going stir crazy. It's why I spend most of my time in the training room with Natasha or Clint. I need to be moving and doing something but somedays that doesn't happen and thats where meditation and Tai Chi come in handy. Those are the days when both Clint and Natasha are away or busy with something else. Maria would spar with me but she is far busier then the other two, leaving me with a lot of free time when both of them are away. I'm not sure how I would handle being on the plane all the time the way Phil and his team are but my short time here I liked it. Could even live with Ward being around. I think, spotting my bag on the chair Phil sat in before I fell asleep.

A soft knock on the door to Phil's office draws my attention to it before it opens slowly and a very familiar scent hits me. Natasha. I think with a smile as she comes into my sight. She has the smile she only gives me as she approaches the couch.

"Good morning, shchenok." Natasha greets me once she is sitting next to me on the couch. I smile a little bigger at the nickname she uses for me. Anyone else calls me what it means, I would be very offended but it being in Russian somehow makes it less so. Natasha also says it fondly, usually while running her fingers through my hair.

"Morning, Nat." I greet her back, leaning into her touch when tries to straighten my messy hair from sleeping. "Here to take me back?" I ask even though I already know that she is.

"That and to supervise the detainee transfer." Natasha answers, resting her hand on the back of my neck. "How are you feeling?" She asks, looking at the bandage on my neck.

"Better then I was." I reply with a shrug, itching to get the bandage off because it's starting to bother me. "Yuri is already gone?" I ask her, as I reach up to scratch near the edge of the bandage.

"He was brought to a detainment room ten minutes ago." She answers, reaching out with her other hand to stop me scratching. "Are you sure that your ok? We heard a thud, it's why I came up." Holding my hand to prevent me from scratching the annoying bandage again.

"I rolled off the couch in my sleep, thats all." I reply as if I roll off of things all the time in my sleep. "Can I please take this off?" I ask referring to the bandage on my neck.

"I'll take a look at it later." Natasha replies, letting go of my hand but giving me a stern look. "Maria is waiting for us in her office with breakfast." She says while getting up off the couch and chuckles softly when I perk up at the mention of breakfast.

"Pancakes?" I question, remembering that it's Thursday and thats what they serve for breakfast in the cafeteria.

"Pancakes." She confirms with another soft chuckle as she bends down to give me a soft kiss on the forehead. "I'm happy your ok, shchenok." Cupping my cheek and looking into my eyes for a minute before kissing me on the forehead once more. "Get dressed, I'll be waiting downstairs." Straighten up and heading out of the office. I stare at the closed door with a fond smile, feeling very privileged to be one of the very few people that gets to see the softer side of the Black Widow.

Spotting the time on the wall to my left, I sigh at the thought of going back to my regular routine as get up to get to my bag. Fun! I think sarcastically while unzipping my bag to get dressed. I unwrap the bandages that held the ice pack in place and the ones under that, not really needing them anymore. Tossing the ice pack in the garbage and the wraps on Phil's desk for him to deal with later, I put on a grey v-neck t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. I stuff what I slept in last night back into my bag and it's when I notice the jacket Fitz made is there among my other things. I take it out and fold it best I can and place it on Phil's desk beside the wraps. Finding some post-it's on his desk and grabbing a pen, I write a short note. I stick the post-it to the jacket and place it where my bag was on the chair. This way it might take Phil a little while to notice that it's there and neither him or Fitz can try and give it back to me. Don't need it. I think, stuffing my feet the pair of low top Chucks that were in the bottom of the my bag while sling the strap onto my right shoulder.

I slowly make my way down the stairs, trying to waste as much time as I can. Natasha, Phil and May are standing where they do the briefings. I'm a little sad that Skye and Jemma aren't around, hoping to see them one last time before I won't be able too. My access to HQ is very limited and I know they won't be allowed to go where I stay at HQ. Anywhere I go, I'm supervised and I doubt Maria would let me wander around with Skye, Jemma and Fitz. I like spending time with Maria, Natasha and Clint, but it's nice to be around people that are closer to me own age. And two of them act like I'm normal. I think of how Jemma and Skye act around me, not afraid to sit near me or be in a room with me. The others aren't either but that is only because they have the training to take me on.

"Did the transfer go alright?" I ask as I approach the three agents, hoping nothing went wrong while transferring Yuri over.

"He was still sedated, so the transfer went well." May answers my question.

"That's good, though he won't be happy when he wakes up." I comment, especially with the last thing he remembers was fighting me in the warehouse.

"He will only end up hurt himself. The detainment room is the best we have." Natasha informs me and they are, having been in one for a few weeks when I first got here. I didn't try anything, but I did test them a bit out of curiosity more then a will to escape. "Not even Captain America can get out of them." She says and I'm reminded of the cuffs I wear sometimes but not often around HQ.

"Shouldn't you build things to hold something like The Hulk?" I ask, always wondering why they mention Captain America and not the Hulk. To my knowledge he is stronger and can do serious damage if the stories Natasha tells me are true. "You know just in case you come across something just as strong and big." Tilting my head to the side, looking between the three agents.

"Thats a good point, but its harder to get Dr. Banner to help test something like that." Coulson finally speaks up after a minute of silence. I nod my head in understanding, knowing the struggle Dr. Banner has with his alter ego. I still struggle with the animal DNA that was added but I've gotten better with the training Natasha and Clint do with me on a semi regular basis. It's still there, just not as pronounces as before.

"We should go, I guess. Maria doesn't like to be kept waiting." I say to Natasha, turning my focus on something else and not my constant struggle to keep my wolf side at bay. I turn to May and Coulson but I'm not sure what to say to them, not knowing if this is the last time I'll see them before they leave or I'll get to see them before that.

"We'll see you after your 'talk' with Maria." May says sensing my struggle. She reaches out and squeezes my bicep, much like she before I went to fight Yuri. I just nod my head, not sure that is at all possible. Coulson just gives me one of his rare smiles and head nod before I follow Natasha out of the plane.

We pass Ward coming back on the plane from escorting Yuri to the detainment room with the security team. I growl at the look he gives Natasha as we do but a hand on my arm stops me. Natasha just shakes her head and rolls her eyes, use to men looking at her that way. Doesn't mean I have too. I think, glaring at the back of Ward's head over my shoulder.

I'm thankful that it's still fairly early in the morning, so there aren't that many people walking around HQ. Large groups of people aren't my favourite thing. All the noises and the mixture of scents are too much for my heighten senses. I've been working on tuning that noise out and not focus on the scents but it's still a work in progress. When I was free, I tried to avoid large populated cities and towns. Maria knows of this and is why she tries to have me moved when there is the least amount of people around. It doesn't happen often but the brief time I do have too helps me practice.

Our walk to Maria's office is silent and it unnerves me a little. Usually when Natasha escorts me somewhere, when she has the time, we talk about little things. Lately she has been helping me with learning Russian. She will often speak to me and randomly ask me what a word is. It's nice to have my own personal teacher that speaks the language fluently. Natasha has told me several times how impressed she at how quickly I'm picking it up. It helps that I have an eidetic memory, so that helps when I want to learn something new. I have no idea why I started to learn other languages but I think it was a way to past the time when I'm not doing something else. I have a lot of that. I think as I see Maria's office come into view.

Natasha just walks right in, as she often does. Perks of dating the Assistant Director of S.H.I.E.L.D., I guess. I think as I follow behind her into Maria's office. I'm very familiar with her office, coming here a few times a week. It's one of the four places I spend most of my time here at HQ. The room they have me in here being on the top. I like spending time in her office because of the great view it has from the large floor to ceiling window to the right as you enter. She sometimes lets me sit on her couch that faces it and just look out. I don't get out much. I think as I follow Natasha with my eyes as she makes her way over to Maria in a heated discussion with someone. She perches herself on the desk just out of camera range to offer silent comfort as the conversation seems to be getting more heated.

I set my bag down beside one of the chairs beside the couch and plop down in it to patiently wait for Maria to be done. Must be nice. I think as Natasha gives Maria a fond smile. My gaze drifts to the window and nice view outside, even better at this time of day. Maria and Natasha tried to hide the fact they were together from me when they both started taking an interest in me. It wasn't hard for me to deduce but I kept the fact I knew from them and waited for them to tell me, if they wanted too. They told me a few months after we started whatever this is and were surprised when I casually told them I already knew. I quickly assured them that it wasn't obvious and they did a good job of remaining professional around others and myself. They asked how I knew and I told them that their scents were faintly on the other. I told them I didn't have a problem with them being together and that I wouldn't tell anyone. Not that anyone would believe me anyway. I think, following a bird flying by until it disappears. Sometimes I get a little jealous of them. Not them specifically, their relationship. I've never had someone look at me the way Maria and Natasha look at each other. Lately the jealousy has morphed into sadness when I see them together and see the type of relationship they have. My heart clenches with the knowledge that I'll never be able to have that, not with what I am. More alone then I was before. I think sadly as I continue to gaze out the window.

A loud, frustrated sigh draws my attention away from the window and to Maria. I'm not sure what her conversation was about, tuning it out because its probably not meant for my ears, but it doesn't seem like it ended very well. Feeling my eyes on her, Maria looks over in my direction and frown turns into the smile she only gives me and Natasha. A knock on her office door interrupts what ever she was going to say. I already know who, actually what, is on the other side of the door. Breakfast. I think excitedly, my somber mood lifting a little at the prospect of one of my favourites. The door opens after Maria calls to 'come in' and the smell of pancakes and bacon hit when the doors open. They set the three trays on the coffee table as Maria directed them too before quickly making an exit out of the office.

"The one with the apple juice is yours." Maria says as she walks over from her desk with Natasha to join me. I quickly check the three trays for the one with the apple juice and of course it's the one furtherest from me. "It should have extra of everything, June wasn't on shift this morning." She continues, mentioning the head of the cafeteria staff that took a shining to me from our first meeting. In her words I was too skinny, which got a laugh out of me.

"Her son is getting married this weekend." I mention as I get up to get my tray of food. "She took today and Friday off so she can get there early and spend time with family." Sitting back down in the chair with the tray in my lap. I hum in approval when I notice they did give me extra of everything.

"How do you know that?" Maria asks as she fixes her coffee to her liking.

"She told me." I say in a 'duh' tone of voice with my mouth full of bacon. "Hey." I say indignantly when a sugar packet hits me in the head.

"Don't talk with food in your mouth." Natasha scolds me and get another sugar packet in the head for rolling my eyes at her. She raise her eyebrow in challenge, daring me to do something and I just hold my hands up in surrender. I resist the urge to roll my eyes again when she smiles triumphantly at me and just toss the two sugar packs on the coffee.

We mostly eat in silence but sometimes Natasha and Maria will talk about little things. I'm not up for conversation, getting prepared for the scolding after we are done eating. They tell me that Clint should be back from his mission in a few days if all goes well. He has been gone for almost two weeks but that is nothing unusual. Clint likes to go on long missions more then Natasha does. Natasha has a reason to be close to HQ but I get the feeling Clint wants to be away and doing something. He is more restless then I am but I have a good reason too, though I'm sure he does too. I've never asked him about it, figuring if he wanted me to know he'll tell me. It's probably none of my business anyway.

"How long did you know Yuri before you escaped?" Maria asks, breaking me out of my thoughts. I swallow the mouthful of pancake I have in my mouth before answering, throwing a look at Natasha after I do.

"Not long, a few months maybe." I answer, cutting into whats left of my pancakes. "It was hard to tell in the Facility, seeing as there was no windows." I add, putting a forkful of pancake into my mouth.

"Do you think he has been there this whole time?" Natasha asks, holding out her plate for me to take the two slices of bacon still on it.

"He could have been. You'll have to ask him." I answer, happily taking the bacon off her plate. "I escaped from there three years ago. A lot could have happened since I've been gone." I add before taking a bite out my newly acquired bacon.

"You've never said how you managed to escape." Maria points out, setting her finished tray on the coffee table. "It couldn't have been easy to do." Leaning back into the couch with her coffee cup.

"I would like to point out that you've never asked how I did." I say, giving her a pointed look before finishing the last of my pancakes. "It's a long story and yes, it wasn't an easy thing to do. Took a great deal of patience and time to pull off. I think you'll both be impressed though." Smiling at them, which Natasha only returns.

"I hope it was better plan then the one to capture Yuri." Maria says sternly, internally smacking myself for walking into that one. Though it looks like Natasha had no idea.

"Not really, I knew the plan to capture Yuri would work." I say, setting my finished tray on the table with the others. "There was a very slim chance that my escape plan would work. Still surprised I made it out, to be honest." I say, shaking my head at how close I came to not making it out.

"There wasn't a chance of you getting seriously injured escaping." Maria says, setting down her cup on the coffee table and moving to the edge of the couch. "A few seconds longer and he could have choked you to death, Alex. It was reckless to go in there on you own." She scolds, giving me the look she once gave Natasha when she did something stupid on a mission.

"Not a chance of getting seriously injured escaping." I repeat her words, tone turning icy. "No, I just would've been tazered, dragged back to the cell they kept me in and once I came around from that, would probably be put in the arena to get the shit beat out of me until I was unconscious. Yeah, no chance of getting seriously injured there." I scoff, crossing my arms. "I was protecting Coulson's team." I tell them.

"At the risk of your own life." Maria snaps at me, standing up from the couch so she is looking down at me. "He killed all those people without thought and he would have done the same with you. Did you not think of that?" She asks me, putting her hands on her hips.

"Of course I did." I answer as if I'm being asked about the weather. "If it wasn't for the people at the Facility I would have been a long time ago. That's how badly I've been beaten while fighting in the arena. I can handle a few bruised ribs and cuts on my neck. It's not the worst injury I've had, you both should know." I say, referring to the extensive medical exam I was given a few weeks after I was brought in. "You should also know I heal a little quicker then others. What would normal take you weeks to recover from is half it would take me." Motioning to my already healing wounds. "Also, while my ribs were only bruised, anyone else and they would have been broken for sure. I was protecting Coulson's team, my life is not worth more then theirs. I wasn't going to risk any of theirs to capture an out of control me. It wasn't and isn't worth it." I tell her as calmly as I can, not wanting this to escalate to much.

"Your life is worth the same as any agent of S.H.I.E.L.D." Natasha says with conviction.

"Just because you say it is, doesn't make it true." I say back, a little bite to my words. "I'm not an agent. I'm not an asset either. I'm just something to puzzle together and when you do, I'll be shipped off to one of your secret detainment facilities. I've been here two years but I'm still treated like I got here two weeks ago. Not even you can change that." I direct towards Maria, who seems a little shocked by my words. I have never spoken up about my situation here before, accepting the fact that its the way it will always be. It's gotten marginally better since both women have taken an interest in me but don't have the power to completely change that.

"I can change that." Maria says, voice a little softer then it was before.

"No, you can't." I say through gritted teeth, balling my left hand in fist to calm myself a little. "The only person that can is Director Fury and I don't see him doing that unless I agree to whatever he wants from me. We all know I'm not going to and since I have no use, its off to a detainment centre for me." I say, calming a little when I feel my nails dig into my palm. Need to clip them. I think, looking at the crescent shaped marks in my palm.

"We won't let that happen. I'll find a place for you. Natasha and Clint will continue working with you so your skills can improve." Maria says with conviction, hands fisted at her side. "We'll show him you can be an asset to S.H..I.E.L.D. You have potential in you to do good things with us. We are not letting you rot in a detainment facility for the rest of your life." Crossing her arms over her chest in finality.

"Be safer if I did." I mutter under my breath, running my hand through my already messy hair.

"What was that?" Natasha questions with a raised eyebrow.

"I said, be safer if I did." I say louder this time and a hard stare at both women.

"You don't mean that." Natasha states with a little shake of her head.

"I do." I say staring into her shocked eyes. "While I'm in control now and have been in control longer then any other subject that the Facility has had, it doesn't mean I can't still lose it. I'm a ticking time bomb and one day, maybe one soon, I'll be just like Yuri. The sooner you all realize that, the better. If you don't and someday I do and we continue with the way things are going, will any of you be able to put a bullet in me?" I ask, looking between the two women who I've become close too in a short time.

"It wouldn't come to that." Maria says quietly.

"It could." I say forcefully, moving to the end of the chair. "I'm pretty sure neither of you were suppose to get this invested in me." I say, scratching at the area near the bandage still on my neck. "Can I go now or do want to scold me some more?" I ask, wanting to really be alone in the room they keep me in here.

"There was actually something we wanted to talk about with you." Maria says as she turns to head over to her desk.

"Can it wait?" I ask with a sigh, getting up from the chair and picking up my bag. "I just want to alone for a little while." I say, slinging the strap of the bag onto my shoulder. Maria turns around half way to her desk with a little frown on her face.

"Yeah, I guess it can wait." She says, sharing a look of concern with Natasha.

"Come on, shchenok. I'll walk you over." Natasha says as she walks over to me standing by the door. I nod my head and turn the handle to open it.

"I'll see you later, Alex." Maria calls out before we exit the office. I look over my shoulder at her with a small smile.

Natasha and I head to the room I'm kept in slowly and in silence, like we did to Maria's office. The conversation probably didn't turn out the way Maria and Natasha thought it would, if the concerned look they shared before leaving is anything to by. I shouldn't have let it get to me but where the conversation went brought up things I struggle with on a daily basis. None of them should have gotten this invested in me because it will make it all the more harder to do what needs to be done if one day I do lose control of what ever I am.

Before I know it, we standing in front of the door to the room and Natasha is entering the access code to open the door. I don't remember much of the walk here as I was lost in thought. The familiar whoosh of the door opening sounds seconds after the code is entered and I walk in with Natasha following.

"Do you need anything before I go?" Natasha asks from just inside the door way.

"No, I'm good." I say, tossing my bag by the hamper in the corner by the tiny bathroom that's attached to the room.

"I'll come by to bring you to the cafe for lunch." She says as I flop onto the single bed in the room. I hum in the back of my throat as a response, staring at the tile on the ceiling like I have done hundreds of time before. "I'll see you later, shchenok." Natasha says quietly and I bite the inside of my cheek at the tiny hint of sadness in her voice. She leaves the room without a reply from me.

I stare at the ceiling for a little longer before getting up and walk over to the door to the panel that is off to the side. With a hard press of my finger some of the lights in the room turn off and I'm shrouded in near darkness, just what I like when I want to me alone with my thoughts. I flop back on the bed, kicking my shoes off the side of the bed. Somedays I can get my thoughts and feelings back in order before the next time someone comes and gets me to go get something to eat. Others, I can't and I'll stay in the room with most of the lights off for the rest of the day or more depending on what was talked about. I'd rather be alone then be around people, not making for great company either. I found out once, earlier on in my time here, that if I didn't take a 'time out' of sorts, that I lash out unnecessarily.

The past few days have been more then overwhelming for me. With voicing some of my darker times at the Facility, what happened with Ward yesterday, facing Yuri again and most importantly Skye and Jemma. I shake my head from following that train of thought. It's not worth the pain. I think, rolling onto my right side and hugging the extra pillow to my chest. They'll be leaving soon, anyway. I think, my wolf whimpering as I stare at the wall a few feet in front of me. I'll be here awhile. I think, sigh heavily and hugging the pillow tighter to my chest as I try to put stray thoughts and feeling back into a box.