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Chapter 17: Understanding

Castle in the Forest

A dark shadow had fallen over the castle smothering all those within. Even the sun had once again hid its face from them. Joining the suffocating sorrow. Jacqueline didn't understand what had happened to cause the change, but it was all around her.

No one spoke, none laughed, and even the heavy drapes remained drawn casting them all into darkness.

They didn't even seem able to look her in the eye and she found herself confused as to why this deep depression had befallen her friends.

Worst of all was the Prince. His health had deteriorated drastically, physicians had come and gone with no words of assurance to offer. She had neither seen nor heard of him for many days now. Regardless every afternoon, faithful as a hound she waited for him in the study, just in case he might come…he never did.

The lovely ivory chess set remained unused and the once fascinating castle became dreary and frigid.

She would lie awake at night worrying. What had happened? What was wrong? Would he ever return? Would she be denied the chance to say goodbye once again?

Huddled beneath the blankets in that grand room she felt so lonely and sad, one night she wondered if perhaps he felt the same way.

The thought had never occurred to her before…Could the prince, with all his devoted servants and his stately castle, actually be lonely?

The thought plagued her for many days as she wandered the halls aimlessly by herself.

One evening, quite by accident, she happened upon Monsieur Chip sitting in one of the many drawing rooms. She hadn't meant to intrude but as she tried to exit the room without being noticed she heard the faint sound of him crying.

Moved with compassion and for one of the first times in her life drawn from thinking of herself she approached him.

"Monsieur Chip, what is wrong."

He turned away, unable to look at her. Hurt and confusion filled her once again. She only wanted to help, why did he seem to dislike her all of the sudden.

"Please Monsieur, I don't know what I have done to offend everyone so, but if I can fix what I have wronged, please tell me how and I promise to do anything."

He looked at her this time and the pleading in her eyes filled him with regret. How selfish they had all been to have ignored her for so long. They had been so filled with their own sadness that they had forgotten the girl who so desperately needed their time and affection.

"My dear you have done nothing wrong."

He could tell by her expression that she did not believe him.

"Then why will no one talk to me? What has happened?"

"Mademoiselle it has nothing to do with you…then again it has everything to do with you, but not for the reason you think."

She waited patiently for him to continue.

"Many many, years ago, a woman lived here in the castle. She was very beautiful and resembled you a great deal. In those days the Master was a very different….man. And her kindness changed him. He fell in love with her and only her. However after a time she left the castle, we were all sure that was the end of it and that she hadn't cared for him after all. But lo and behold it turned out that she loved him as well. So the Master rode to get her and bring her back to the castle so they could be together…..But when he returned he was alone. Naturally we questioned him as to where the lady was, but he refused to answer and forbade any of us to mention her name. He has been alone with his grief ever since. As time passed he once again allowed the memory of her to flourish here, but nothing could change the fact that she was lost to him forever…..You see Jacqueline that is why no matter how many doctors visit, no matter how many physicians see him the Master continues to grow worse….He is dying Jacqueline, dying of a broken heart."

As she left the drawing room Jacqueline thought about what Monsieur Chip had told her. Once again the thought that perhaps he was just as lonely as she was presented itself.

She just wished she could help him somehow. He had been so kind to her, she may not have understood the complexities of the heart but Jacqueline knew what a life without kindness felt like. And she wished more than anything to repay the one who had given some of it back to her.

She stopped walking as an idea formed in her mind.

It wouldn't be much, but maybe, maybe it would make him happy…if only for a little while.

It was now dark outside though she couldn't tell because of the closed drapes but she braved the outdoors anyway.

Going to the magnificent conservatory of glass she opened the heavy door and walked inside. Ignoring the memories that surfaced at the sight of the rows of exquisite red roses she began her task.

This isn't about me, it is about helping him.

Perhaps it was a foolish task but it was borne of the desire to show love and kindness to another, and can those motivations ever truly be a waste?

As she worked breaking the long stems her hands began to bleed from the thorns that protected the lovely flowers with a vengeance. Ignoring her pains she continued on fearlessly until she held a large bouquet unmatched in its brilliance.

Taking her bounty she hurried back to the castle. Searching every nook and cranny she finally found a vase big enough. Unfortunately it already held a large bouquet of some odd looking flower that Jacqueline couldn't identify. Deciding they were ugly anyway she unceremoniously dumped the contents out the window and carefully arranged the roses in their stead.

Taking the vase she now began her quest to find someone to deliver them. But try as she might she just couldn't seem to locate a servant anywhere. She was becoming discouraged and began to wonder if her idea was foolishness, perhaps she should just leave the vase on a table somewhere and go to bed which seemed to be where everyone else had gone.

But something inside her felt like she had to make sure he got these flowers, no matter what.

Mustering her courage she lit a candle and began the long walk to the west wing.

She had purposefully never come here, feeling it would be an intrusion so she wasn't entirely sure what the door looked like but hoped she would know it when she saw it. She wandered for what must have been an hour or more checking various rooms, to no avail.

The candle only managed to light her way a few inches before her so she almost rammed the magnificent door head first.

But there it was, it was taller than a house and made of dark wood the gleamed in the candlelight. Taking a deep breath she pushed the door open. It glided open without as much as a squeak. But inside was completely dark.

Moving slowly she felt her way with the little light as her guide. In the middle of the great room stood a bed that towered above her with a dark canopy that looked like the menacing entrance to a cave in the faint light. Edging closer she saw a small table beside the bed and moved to place her gift there.

As she sat down the vase she heard a groan come from the dark cave of drapery. Moving closer she held the candle aloft and saw lying motionless in the bed the haggard form of the prince.

He lay so still that for a moment she feared he might be dead. But she felt a wave of relief when his sad blue eyes opened and looked at her.

The Prince

There she stood before him, bathed in a soft light. His Belle.

The light moved and he caught a glimpse of violet in her eyes and the pain in his chest became almost more than he could bear.

No it wasn't Belle, it was her daughter…..because Belle, his Belle…was dead.

Silent tears rolled down his cheeks as he looked away from her.

Oh Belle…my love, you just can't be gone…

In his mind Belle had remained young, beautiful, and full of love and laughter. She had never grown old, never been tired, had never known a moment of sadness. She had been loved and happy, safe from reality.

But now that wonderful illusion could no longer be, for Belle was dead. He wished nothing more than to join her.

She sat down the candle but he didn't hear the sound of her feet as she left. Turning his head with great difficulty he looked back and saw her much clearer this time standing beside him.

Not Belle, but her daughter, Jacqueline.

She looked afraid, like a dam of emotions was inside her that she was trying desperately to keep at bay.

To his surprise she pulled a chair up and sat down next to him. For a moment he thought she was going to hold his hand but at the last moment she drew her hand back like he might bite her. He felt very disappointed at her reaction.

Is she so afraid of me?

All of a sudden it was Jacqueline who couldn't look at him, her eyes studied the canopy or the candle, until she drug her gaze to something on the table. He followed her gaze and saw an oddly shaped vase stuffed to the brim with roses. Once again tears welled in his eyes as he looked at them. He was so consumed with the sight that he almost didn't hear the small voice that spoke to him.

"I thought you might like to see them, since you can't go look for yourself."

That was very kind of you

He thought, but forgot to say out loud. She was a sweet girl.

After another long pause she spoke again, but this time there was more vulnerable quality to her voice, a small hesitation that hadn't been there before.

"You loved her quite a lot didn't you."

It wasn't a question but he answered her all the same.

"I still do."

Jacqueline nodded her head and looked at her hands.

"I wish I had known her."

Oh but you do…

He was about to tell her but was stopped by the sight of tears rolling down her cheeks. She was so unapt to crying that he doubted she even knew she was crying as she continued to stare at the roses.

"My father didn't want a girl….I was the first you see so that made it all the more disappointing….He got boys eventually, but he never forgave me for being born….I used to want him to notice me more than anything in the world, when he would smile at my brother or pat him on the back I used to pretend it was me…..My mother loved me though. Then she died and...the boys used to joke about selling me off….I would hit them or make some clever remark so they wouldn't know how much it hurt….it hurt to know I wasn't wanted….What I am trying to say is, I understand what it feels like to be surrounded by people but still feel alone. I understand.

Jacqueline stood after that, and turned to go. But a weak low voice called out to her.

"I never wanted boys."

She dropped her hand from the nob and turned to look at him. There was a tired smile on his face and kindness in his sad eyes.

"I always wanted a daughter."