A/N: Happy New Year, everyone! 2016 is dead and it's time for a fresh start. Are y'all excited for NDRv3 in a few days? Can you tell I'm nervous about this chapter? Y'all seem to have high expectations for it; I hope it delivers.

FireHero: Hajime's not going to show up until the end, which is approximately 10-ish chapters away. So no, not any time soon, sorry *sweatdrops* Like I said, this is canon-compliant, so until SDR2's done in-universe, Hajime's not coming back.

TheRoseShadow and ElfCollaborator: Mushi and his gang were actually slated to die in the original draft. But on rewatches of DR3 I noticed that Izuru never pursues someone once he's incapacitated them (his sole kill was indirect, someone falling on their own weapon), and I couldn't write a satisfying reaction for Chiaki besides, so I changed it.

It wasn't a complete recollection, mostly just large, disconnected chunks. But it was enough.

The mob outside the gates was so loud. She'd hurried as fast as possible to class, but it was impossible not to flinch at the sight of the parading Reserve Course students, their voices thick with hate, and the way their yells grew louder and angrier when they saw her. She couldn't help thinking, what if Hinata-kun's among them? The thought of him being among that jeering crowd, violent and furious and in danger from security, frightened her, and she worried at her lip.

She snapped open her umbrella and followed Komaeda-kun outside. While she was glad he was back, fear for Tsumiki-san wormed in her stomach. This was such a terrible time for Tsumiki-san to get lost; what if some of the parading students assaulted her? The nurse's self-esteem was so fragile she probably wouldn't fight back at all. She hoped that Komaeda-kun's luck would ensure they found her before anything too bad happened.

Her skin was distinctly crawling, like when she was playing a horror game late at night. How had Mitarai-kun gotten down here ahead of them? Why was he so thin, why were his face gray and body shaking? Who was this woman with him? Her eyes, her bearing, everything about her gave off the vibe of an antagonist. These questions battled for dominance in her mind, and she fought the urge to run away. Mitarai-kun looked like he was in trouble, and it was her duty as class rep, as his friend, to help him.

"Killing is wrong, no matter what!" she protested. She barely understood what Komaeda-kun was talking about, this huge speech on "hope" and "despair", but she did know that one law was universal. Whatever this girl had done, she surely didn't deserve to die for it. How had Komaeda-kun even snuck a gun past all the security, anyway? Was she really about to witness an attempted murder? This was supposed to be a normal day! Things had escalated so fast—

His eyes suddenly widened, and he wheeled, pointing the gun at something over her shoulder. She turned to see why, catching sight of a young man with very long, dark hair. Something about him seemed familiar, but before she could study him more closely he disappeared. There was a gunshot, and she saw Komaeda-kun fall. She almost screamed, rushing to catch him—she patted him down, looking for blood—oh thank god, there'd been a handbook in his breast pocket, he wasn't dead—and when she looked up—when she looked up—

Time stood still. Everything fell away. The room, Enoshima-san, Mitarai-kun, even Komaeda-kun's injured body. None of it mattered in that moment, as she stared up and up into red eyes that should have been green. It was dark and his hair was hiding most of his face, but she knew, she knew. Spellbound, she peered into those eyes, searching for Hinata-kun, because it was definitely him—but she had to ask, had to make sure—

Her heart was a jumbled knot of emotions; happiness at finally finding Hinata-kun, curiosity as to why he looked so different, anxiety about the blank look in his eyes, and then pain at his cruelly indifferent "who are you?" And then there was worry about Komaeda-kun, worry about Yukizome-sensei, and a thick, heavy fear overlying it all. Her feet pushed her and Komaeda-kun to the Academy building ahead, but her thoughts were with those behind.

She smiled as her classmates rallied their assent, a wave of relief washing over her. It had taken more self-control than she thought she owned to not let her friends be privy to the fearful thoughts in her head. Because Yukizome-sensei had tripped a mentor death flag, staying behind as she had, and she couldn't let her die. Not after everything she'd done for them. Alone, she was powerless. She was just that bullied gamer. But with her friends…with her friends, with all their talents in tandem, she could surely succeed.

Tsumiki-san…Yukizome-sensei…why? There was pain in her arm from where she'd landed on it wrong, but it seemed inconsequential compared to the pain in her heart. Her throat was too clogged by betrayal to speak; all she could do was stare up at the rapidly-shrinking image of her teacher as the elevator carted her off into darkness. Memories of Tsumiki-san's apologetic face, the crazed look in Yukizome-sensei's eyes, floated before her. She didn't understand why they'd done this, and she could only ask their phantoms, uncomprehending, why?

Her heartbeat was echoing loudly in her ears, and she almost couldn't stand, her legs weakened by terror. A cold, stone hallway spread out before her. Monitors glowed brightly in the shadows, on them a face with ice blue eyes and a smile with too many teeth. Her eyes took all this in with disbelief, because this just couldn't be happening, as Enoshima-san's cheerful voice proclaimed, "As the curtain-raiser for our wonderful despair…it's Punishment Time!"

She couldn't figure out the puzzle to this awful maze, the secret route that would get her out safely. Her heart drummed like a jackhammer as she tried to navigate her way out. A mindless litany of thoughts ran through her head, over and over: so dark everything's gone wrong I'm so scared what's wrong with Hinata-kun what's wrong with Tsumiki-san what's wrong with Yukizome-sensei I'm so scared where are my friends they won't leave me where are they danger dodge pain god it hurts I'm so scared—

Euphoric relief crashed into her as her blurry vision saw the door, the golden GOAL printed on it. Everything hurt, it all hurt so much, but she was so close. So close. She pushed through the pain, a bloody hand grasping the doorknob. The door creaked open slowly, and she envisioned her smiling friends and teacher on the other side. All she could think was, I made it. I'm safe. I'm safe. I'm sa—

And then everything cut off. But it wasn't hard to figure out what had happened. Of course the door would be trapped; what better way to push people into despair than offer it on the heels of hope? A shaking hand touched her chest, right over one of those weird circular scars. Whatever trap had been on that door must be responsible. They were the only scars she didn't remember getting, and the one on her chest was so close to her heart, so obviously intended to be fatal, it was a miracle Kamukura-kun had been able to save her at all.

The entire ordeal was an awful thing to remember, and she trembled. After all, no one wanted to recall being forced into a game of cat-and-mouse, where they were harassed and harried and slowly tortured to death. But amidst those puzzle pieces, one memory, one line, stood out as more terrible than everything else.

"When you die, this video will throw all your classmates into despair!"

It was my idea, Chiaki thought, almost choking on guilt and horror now, it was my idea to go there. It was my idea to try and fight Enoshima ourselves instead of getting help. And she predicted it! And she used it to brainwash them!

She screamed. There weren't any words in it. It was purely animal, a howl of pain and despair.

It was my idea! It was my idea that put my friends in her claws! It was my idea that doomed them! It was MY IDEA!

She'd run her party into the final dungeon thinking they were ready to beat the boss, only to find they'd been horribly underleveled.

You stupid, stupid girl! Her inner voice berated. Did you really think you could play the hero? Save the mentor, save the love interest, save the day and everyone goes home, jolly as can be? Someone like you could never have succeeded! You should have left it to the experts! But you didn't, and now look what came of it!

She couldn't breathe. Her chest was heaving, trying to suck in air, but her lungs just weren't working. The scars on her body suddenly seemed as burning brands. She wasn't vain, she'd never been bothered by them much, but she had viewed them with a certain pride, as testimony to her survival. Now they were just reminders of every single mistake she'd made that day, hot and shameful against her skin.

A voice was calling her name. A familiar voice. But it was distant. Her room was dark and her vision was blurred by tears, but she could vaguely see a solid black form with two red pinpricks of light leaning over her. A small part of her brain recognized it, but the overwhelming hysteria and despair drowned that part out. To her, it seemed some kind of shadowy monster, come to finish the job Enoshima started. She screamed again and lashed out.

Hands caught hers and easily pinned them to the bed. She struggled, trying to get away, but the grip was iron. The hold shifted, her wrists were moved to a single hand; then something metallic and cold stabbed her arm, and Chiaki felt her limbs grow heavy. Everything seemed to be fading away…

Consciousness returned slowly. Whatever she'd been injected with must still be running through her veins—her body felt light and floaty, and an unnatural calmness seeped through her. Even remembering everything she'd…well, remembered, didn't break the veneer of tranquility.

She opened her eyes to the familiar ceiling of her room. Chiaki instinctively glanced to her right, and yep, there was Kamukura-kun. Sitting in his chair, one foot on the frame, arm across the knee, eyes on her. It was almost like she'd gone back in time to the moment she woke from her coma. Except this time she knew the full story.

"You helped her." There was no need to elaborate on who 'her' was. Chiaki wished she could have filed her words into an accusatory edge, but she was just so tired. They came out sad instead.

His response was immediate and unapologetic. "Yes."

"Why?"

He was silent for so long that she started to think he wasn't going to respond. Eventually, though, he spoke, voice low. "She offered a way to escape my boredom."

Chiaki squeezed her eyes shut. She wasn't sure how to feel about that. She knew Kamukura-kun was perpetually bored and hated it more than anything, in a way she would never really be able to understand. She knew his apathy caused him to be detached to most everything, exempting her. She knew these things probably had a hand in his decision to do nothing as society crumbled. She'd accepted all of this. And while she wasn't angry, it was still…difficult to hear.

An awful thought occurred to her, and even through the sedative she felt like she'd been punched in the gut. She opened her eyes, but couldn't bring herself to look at him. The pattern of the wallpaper was very interesting, after all. "Then, was saving me… something she wanted? Was all this some kind of plan of hers? To keep me alive so she can, I don't know, laugh at—"

"No." His voice was unusually sharp, the single word coming out louder and almost angrier. Except that was silly, because Kamukura-kun didn't ever get angry. A heartbeat passed before he spoke again, monotone back, and Chiaki almost thought she'd imagined the vague surge of inflection. "Enoshima very much wanted you dead. She had no hand in this."

The tight feeling in her chest loosened. "Okay," she said quietly, shakily, "Okay." He'd never directly lied to her before. Omitted things, but not lied. It was a relief to hear her half-formed suspicion had been wrong. After the two betrayals from Yukizome-sensei and Tsumiki-san…she didn't know if she could have handled a third. Especially not from him. Thinking their names dragged the associated memories back, and she swallowed. "So, then… do you know why Tsumiki-san and Yukizome-sensei…?"

"They had already been brainwashed by Enoshima at the time they betrayed you."

That's right, Enoshima had mentioned something like that, at least for her teacher. She remembered that now. A hollow pit opened up in her stomach. Yukizome-sensei must have been captured and brainwashed when she came to save Chiaki and Komaeda-kun. She didn't know when Enoshima had gotten Tsumiki-san, and that was arguably worse. The nurse might have been brainwashed for days, weeks, months, and she hadn't noticed. And you call yourself class rep.

Trying to stave those thoughts off, she reached for another question, any other question. "What changed? What made you want to help me? The only time I spoke to you, you asked who I was."

"I did. But although I did not know you, I was still drawn to you. I felt the urge to seek you out as you were dying. We spoke."

"I don't remember that," she stated in some surprise, sitting up.

"That is natural. Your brain was struggling for oxygen, it would not have had the energy to retain the memories of your near-death. What you said and did…" Here he paused, as if searching for the right words. How odd; hesitance was something she'd never seen on him before. "…caused me to question Enoshima's ideals, and the entire ordeal lowered my opinion of her. I still find despair intriguing, but I am no longer associated with her."

Chiaki got the feeling she should be proud of that. You sometimes got an achievement for swaying a major character away from the antagonist's side. But the sedative was working its way out of her system, and the calm was fading. Her regained memories were waving at her; pain, guilt, regret, self-loathing, and sorrow were reasserting themselves, jabbing into her heart like a thousand needles.

"When you die, this video will throw all your classmates into despair!"

Her hands clenched her bedsheets. If I'd been stronger, smarter…if I hadn't been so stupid…my friends wouldn't have been brainwashed. That was just the truth of it, plain and simple. They'd trusted her judgment, and she'd danced them into Enoshima's hungry jaws.

She wasn't the protagonist who would save the day. She was a side character, delusional enough to think she was the hero when in reality, she was the one who made messes for them to clean up.

Kamukura-kun seemed to be awaiting a response, but she couldn't bring herself to say anything. A pause stretched out, past pregnant and into overdue. It was uncomfortable, nothing like the cozy quiet that sometimes hung over their meals together.

Finally, when it became apparent she wasn't going to say anything else, he rose. She suddenly realized his suit was wrinkled, as if he'd been sitting at her bedside for hours. "Now that you have regained your memories, you will begin attending additional therapy sessions," he said. "For the good of your mental and emotional health."

"Okay," she agreed quietly, even though she didn't really care about her health. It wasn't worth a fight. That nasty little voice from before whispered that maybe she didn't even deserve to be well, and in that moment, when everything seemed so bleak, it was hard to find reasons to disagree with it.

A hint of softness touched Kamukura-kun's face. "Stay in bed until you feel well enough to leave. I will bring you something to eat."

She was a little hungry, but Chiaki didn't feel like she could eat a single bite. Relieved to no longer be scrutinized, she made a slight noise of assent, and he left. But being alone with her thoughts wasn't much better than the earlier awkward atmosphere. It just meant she had less to distract her from every mean, whispered mental jab at how foolish she'd been.

Seeking a distraction, Chiaki's gaze drifted blankly around the room to the window. The curtains were open, showing the red sky—a sight she'd already disliked. Now, with shame fresh in her veins, it was unbearable. She looked away, casting her eyes about until they fell upon her Game Girl Advance, sitting innocuously at her bedside table.

She stared at the device for a long moment. The pink-haired girl slowly picked it up and flicked it on; the happy, bright colors and cheerful jingle of Gala Omega greeted her. Chiaki gazed at the screen with a slight frown, reminiscent. This was the one game she'd never played with her classmates, something she'd kept just for herself and Hinata-kun. They'd played other games too, of course, but this one was…special. It was how they met. And it felt nice, having something she shared only with him.

Her eyes started to burn. Because of course, once she thought about her time with Hinata-kun, she inadvertently thought about her time with her friends as well. The parties, the school activities, the field trips; especially the field trips. Sonia-san was always so eager to learn more about Japan, and Soda-kun would trip over himself volunteering to show her around, and Tanaka-kun would somehow blow him away with effortless theatrics…

Now those same friends were criminals without a future. Because of her actions.

You weren't just a terrible friend to Hinata-kun. You were a terrible friend to your entire class. Someone like you was never fit to be class rep. You should have just stayed in your little bubble where you belonged.

Tears tried to escape the corners of her eyes, but she pressed her knuckles into the sockets, forcing them back. What right did she have to cry? She'd tried her best, and her best just wasn't good enough. Worse, her best had doomed everyone she loved. Her best had twisted Nidai-kun's loud speeches and Koizumi-san's beautiful photos and even Komaeda-kun's hope—

With a frustrated cry, she threw the Game Girl Advance across the room. The music came to an abrupt halt as the console broke against the wall, falling in pieces to the floor. Shaking under the force of the emotions and memories that just wouldn't stop assaulting her, Chiaki pulled the covers over her head, curled into a tiny ball, and desperately bit her lip to keep from screaming again.

A/N: This was originally longer, but I liked where it ends here more. So now the original ending of this chapter is the first part of next chapter. On the plus side, that means part of it's already written! Which is good since I head back to college Monday.

Medical and scientific studies show that people who have near-death experiences almost never remember the moment of "dying". They can recall the events leading up to it, but not the actual impact. This is generally because of shock and lack of oxygen in their brains, making it unable to scribe the memories to the cerebral cortex. So Chiaki wouldn't remember getting impaled (fortunately for her), nor anything after it, including her talk with Izuru. It's less a mental block (like with her other ones) and more the memories just not being there, so she's never going to remember them, either.