For the rest of the day, Jason is rather quiet. Not from sorrow or anger – it's obvious to everyone that he's deep in thought. Playing over his options in his mind, weighing the benefits and consequences of what living in either Gotham or Blüdhaven would bring him. He spends a good hour or so walking around the Manor grounds that late afternoon, and ends up in the greenhouse once again before Dick brings him back inside for dinner.
Later that night, Jason and Dick are sprawled across the furniture in the living room. Both are occupied by separate reading materials, and the only sound that fills the space is the distant ticking of the grandfather clock in the hallway. Eventually though, Jason finally breaks the silence.
"You'd have to move to a new apartment."
Dick looks up from the tablet he had been reading the news on. "Huh?"
Jason rolls his eyes, setting his book on his lap. "I'm not going to sleep on your couch for months, so you'd have to move to a two-bedroom apartment."
The grin that spreads across Dick's face is almost blinding. "Obviously," Dick says.
"And it has to have a decent sized kitchen. The one you have now is pathetic, and if I'm going to cook (which I will because you shouldn't be allowed near a stove), I need something that at least somewhat resembles one."
"I'm already making a mental list of meals I want you to make. Maybe Barbara will actually stay for dinner now."
"Why she even bothered to come over before is beyond me," says Jason, smirking.
"Oh shut up," laughs Dick. He sets the tablet on the end table next to the couch he's lounging on. "So you're serious then? You'll move to Blüdhaven?"
"Yeah, sure," shrugs Jason. "It could be fun…I guess."
If Dick wasn't so thrilled, he might be annoyed at the apathetic display Jason is putting on, when it's so obvious that Jason has put a lot of thought into this decision. "Come on, you're just as excited as I am about it," teases Dick, throwing a decorative pillow at Jason.
Jason grins, blocking the pillow. "Whatever." He straightens in the armchair he had been sitting in, looking about him. "Is Tim still in his room?"
"Yeah, I think he's still working on his paper. Said he couldn't concentrate when we were watching TV earlier."
Jason presses his lips together with unease. "I probably should go tell him."
Dick glances in the direction of the hallway. "Probably." He turns back to Jason. "He'll be fine. I talked to him while you were walking all over the Manor grounds earlier, so he's aware of the whole situation."
"Is nothing in this family private?" Jason mutters, pushing himself to his feet.
"Right," Dick says sarcastically. "Like Tim wouldn't have figured out what was going on without me telling him."
Jason throws Dick a glare. "I'll be back." He tosses his book to Dick, who catches it and sets it down beside him.
"I'll look for some kitchenware in the meantime," Dick says cheerfully, pulling up a new internet tab on his tablet. "Maybe a 'Home Sweet Home' oven mitt set or something."
"Dick, I swear, I will punch you in the face."
Dick snorts. "You can try."
Shaking his head, Jason goes into the hallway, heading for the elevator that takes him to the floor his and Tim's bedrooms are on. The apprehension pooling within him as he goes to Tim's room is hard to push down, though he manages to keep his face neutral of any emotion as he knocks on the already cracked door.
"Yeah, come in."
Pushing the door open, Jason smirks in amusement at the familiar sight of Tim being surrounded by mounds of books and papers on his bed.
"How's it going?" he asks, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe.
Tim shrugs, squinting at something on his laptop screen. "Fine. Though it'd go faster if I didn't have this stupid cast over my wrist. It's hell to type with." He lifts his gaze. "What's up?"
Trying to appear nonchalant, Jason makes his way into the room. He pulls Tim's computer chair over to the side of the bed and sits in it.
"Well, it's about…" Jason pauses, trying to figure out the right words. "You see…I…Dick and I…" Embarrassed at his fumbling, he lets out a half-laugh, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. "I –"
"You're moving in with Dick," Tim finishes. His voice is almost deadpan in its delivery of the statement, though Jason is able to detect the layer of dejection hidden there.
A grimace slips onto Jason's face. "Yeah," he says softly.
"No, that's…that's good," says Tim, glancing back down at his laptop. "We all have to get out of this dreary Manor sometime, right?"
"Tim…"
Too caught up in his rambling, Tim doesn't acknowledge Jason. "Besides, I get to have Alfred all to myself now, so that's like…double the desserts. I'll have to teach him how to play all the good video games though, because two-player is always more fun, and…"
"Tim."
Tim falls quiet, and his good hand hovers over the laptop's keyboard, fingers rubbing together in a way Jason has seen Tim often do when in thought, or conflicted. Jason's eyebrows draw together in concern, and he edges the chair closer.
"Tim, Blüdhaven is super close – not even an hour away. I'll still see you a lot, even if my classes do end up taking up a lot of time."
"Classes?"
Jason rubs a hands over his arm. "Yeah. Nothing is for sure yet, but I'm…considering doing online school. Then I don't have to deal with idiots in classrooms while I get that GED Alfred and Bruce won't stop pestering me about."
A genuine smile crosses Tim's face. "They'll be a breeze, trust me. Intelligence-wise, you're way past the requirements needed for a GED anyway."
"I know," Jason says smugly.
Tim rolls his eyes. "So…" The discomfort creeps back into his expression. "When are you leaving?"
"I don't know yet. Not for a week at least, I'm assuming."
"Oh." Tim nods. Then he shifts, trying to look less awkward. "No, this is great, Jay."
Jason cocks an eyebrow.
"I'm serious," insists Tim. "Trust me, I probably would've pissed at you if you didn't go. This is something I really think you should do." He frowns. "I just wish I wasn't tied down to Gotham."
"Gotham's gotta have at least one sane vigilante keeping them safe," Jason says. "If you left, Batman would probably go off the deep end. He's a sensitive soul, that one."
Tim snorts. "Sensitive. I'll be sure to keep that description in mind next time he's pummeling the snot out of a drug dealer."
A laugh bursts from Jason's lips; Tim tries to smile too, but doesn't quite manage it. Sobering, Jason leans forward. "Tim, I know this sucks, and I wish you could come too. But I promise, we'll still see a lot of each other. Honestly, you'll probably be sick of me by the end of the month."
"I already am sick of you," Tim says, a small grin pricking at the edges of his mouth.
Jason chucks a crumpled up ball of paper at Tim. "Shut up, dork."
There's a sudden knock at the door, and Tim and Jason turn to see Dick poke his head into the room.
"You guys done with your little 'talk' yet?" Dick asks. "Cause I've got an idea that I think you'll both want to hear."
"This'll be good," mutters Jason.
Dick glares at Jason, but he quickly turns to all smiles as he leans against Tim's desk. "How about a road trip?"
"Huh?" Jason says.
"A road trip," Dick repeats. "All three of us."
Jason and Tim glance at each other.
"I can't go on patrol for two weeks," continues Dick. "And Tim can't for six. So what else are we supposed to do? Besides, why bother going straight to my place when we can bum around the coast for a week or two instead? We'll drop Tim off when Jason and I head to Blüdhaven at the end of it."
"I have school…" Tim begins tentatively, his interest in the idea obvious despite his hesitation.
Dick snorts. "First off, it's for summer classes that you only wanted to take so you could graduate sooner; not exactly the end of the world if you miss them. And second, I'm sure you can make up all of the work in three days or less."
"True, but…"
"We'll head south – hit all the historical sites I know you two have been dying to see," Dick says.
That does make a spark of interest light up in both Jason and Tim's eyes.
"I mean…" The uncertain curve of Jason's mouth quickly turns into a grin. "Sure. Yeah, let's do it." He glances at Tim. "You're coming. Sorry, you don't have a choice in the matter."
Tim raises an eyebrow at Jason, but he looks excited nonetheless.
"Perfect," Dick says. "We can leave Friday, so you've got a few days to pack your stuff, Jay."
Tim snickers. "Good luck getting all those books moved to Blüdhaven. You're gonna have to pick and choose the ones you want the most over there, Jay."
"Shit, you're right," Jason muses, resting his chin in his hand. "Dammit."
"Well, start tomorrow," says Dick. "It's pretty late; we should all go to bed."
Jason waves at Dick in exasperation. "Yeah, yeah."
Dick rolls his eyes. "Night," he says, heading towards the door.
"Night."
/
The next morning, Dick offers to drive Tim to a friend's house to work on a school project while Alfred runs some errands. Jason denies the offer to come along, and instead takes a different car downtown to Gotham General Hospital.
The hall of the hospital's children's wing is fairly crowded as Jason moves down it. He keeps off to the side as much as possible, trying not to draw attention to himself as he maneuvers through the throng of nurses, patients, and visitors cluttering the space.
There. Jason heads for the door on his right, labeled 22A, and pushes it open gently, trying to look more confident than he feels as he enters.
There are six beds in the room. Five of them are currently occupied, all by kids looking no older than ten years old. A few are sleeping, but the ones who are awake turn their heads towards the doorway upon hearing Jason's entrance, their faces lighting up in curiosity at the newcomer's presence.
But there's only one face in particular that Jason is paying attention to. A relieved smile spreads across Jason's mouth as he walks over to the first bed on the left side of the room, in which is lying a small girl with golden brown hair.
"Hi Emily," Jason says, carefully sitting on the edge of her bed.
Emily's eyes widen in surprise, and the edges of her lips tilt upwards in a rather shy manner as she looks up at Jason. "Hi."
Jason's gaze travels over the bandages enwrapping Emily's right arm, where they disappear beneath the hospital gown he's sure is hiding more bandages. He winces as memories of the children's home fire flash through his mind. "How are you doing? Are you feeling okay?"
Biting her lip, Emily shrugs. "Yeah," she mutters. "The band aides they put on my arm itch a little though."
Jason gives a soft laugh. "Yeah, I know. Trust me, I've had my fair share of bandages. Don't worry, the itching will go away."
Emily nods, absentmindedly giving her bandages a light scratch.
Jason runs a hand through his hair in an almost nervous gesture, then twists around to grab a gift bag he had set on the floor. "I got something for you," he says, placing the bag in her lap. "I know it can get a little boring sitting in a hospital, so I thought…" The words trail off as Jason watches Emily hesitantly reach into the bag, ruffling through the tissue paper.
Frowning in concentration as she digs around, Emily's expression soon turns into one of surprised delight as she pulls out a stuffed rabbit.
"Wow…" she whispers, trailing her hand over the soft fur.
Jason can't help but grin as he nods at the bag. "There's more."
Holding the rabbit tightly against her chest, Emily thrusts her hand back into the paper, and a gasp of excitement bursts from her lips as she pulls out a pristine copy of The Velveteen Rabbit.
"Thank you," she says, flipping open the cover with the utmost care. Jason has never heard a more sincere thank you before, and it makes him beam all the more as he watches Emily lovingly trace her fingers over the beautiful illustrations of the book.
"Could you…" Emily pauses, looking up at Jason. "Could you read it to me?"
"I'd love to." Shifting so that they're sitting side by side on the bed, Jason takes the book from Emily's hands and holds it up so that not only she can see the pictures, but so can the other curious children watching them from the various corners of the room.
"There once was a velveteen rabbit, and in the beginning he was really splendid…"
As Jason reads, Emily gradually scoots closer to him, and by the end of it she's fully pressed up against his side, half-asleep with a drowsy look of contentment on her face. Setting the book on the bed's side table, Jason carefully lays Emily against the pillows behind her and moves towards the edge of the mattress.
"Are you leaving?" Emily mumbles.
Jason stands. "Yeah," he says softly. Bending over, he brushes back a lock of the girl's hair. "I'm gonna let you sleep. But I promise, I'll come back and visit you later this week."
"What about after that?"
Jason gives a small laugh. "Well, I'm going on a trip with my brothers next week, but I will definitely come back as soon as I'm able."
"K."
After tucking the sheets closely around the small girl, Jason turns and heads back to the room's doorway, where he sees a woman dressed in medical scrubs watching him.
"Hi," Jason says, a little more awkwardly than he would have liked.
"Hello," replies the woman. She gestures behind her. "Could I talk to you out in the hallway?"
"Uh…" Jason glances back at Emily bed, where the girl has curled up beneath her blanket, holding the rabbit snugly against her chest. "Sure. Yeah."
The two go outside, and the woman pulls the door shut behind her before holding her hand out to Jason. "I'm Dr. Linda Page, Emily Weinstein's doctor."
"Jason Todd," Jason replies, shaking her hand.
"You're one of Bruce Wayne's boys."
"Yes," says Jason.
Dr. Page nods. "I was surprised to see Emily get a visitor; she hasn't had one the entire time she's been here. Not that that is unusual for children from foster homes, unfortunately."
"I haven't known her for very long," admits Jason. "I was with her the day of the fire and…well, she's just a really good kid, and I wanted to make sure she was alright."
A warm understanding seeps into Dr. Page's eyes.
"Is she going to be okay?" Jason asks.
"She might have some scarring," answers Dr. Page sadly. "But yes, she'll recover."
"Where's she gonna go, though? The foster home…it's going to take some time to rebuild."
"The children are being sent to different foster homes across Gotham until the Thomas and Martha Wayne Home can be rebuilt," answers Dr. Page. "Some might even go to Blüdhaven if there isn't enough room for them."
"And Emily?" presses Jason.
An odd look flickers across Dr. Page's face. "At the moment, she's being set up to be sent to one of the Gotham foster homes."
Jason can't help the disappointment that encompasses his expression.
Dr. Page studies Jason for a moment. "Well, I'm not sure I should be telling you this, but I've been spending quite a bit of time with Emily, and I…" Her breath comes out in a sort of shaky laugh. "I've been looking into what it might take to adopt her."
Exhilaration surges up in Jason. "Seriously?"
"Nothing is for sure yet," Dr. Page says, holding out her hand. "And I haven't even spoken to Emily about it. But, I am seriously considering it." A reddish tinge creeps into Dr. Page's cheeks, and she tugs a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "I shouldn't have said anything, but…you seem to really care about her, and I didn't want you to worry about her. No matter what, she'll be taken care of – I promise."
"I'm glad to hear it," Jason says in relieved sincerity. "Oh –" He twists around slightly, snatching up a paper box he had left on the chair just outside of the children's room. "Here," he says, holding it out. "It's some cookies for the kids – all of them, not just Emily. If…that's okay."
Dr. Page smiles, taking the box. "That's very sweet of you."
Jason shrugs. "I just know what it's like to be in their place." He backs up a step, then begins heading down the hall. "I'll be back later this week."
"We'll look forward to it," Dr. Page says.
A small grin pricks at the edges of Jason's mouth as he lifts his hand in a sort of half-wave. Then he turns, and heads out of the children's wing.
As Jason drives back to Wayne Manor, his happiness from visiting Emily gradually drains away into a deep solemnness. Saying that he's going on a trip to someone other than Dick or Tim seemed to finalize his decision in a way that hadn't been all that concrete before. What had felt more like a simple idea before now seems like a permanent course he's taken. He doesn't regret it exactly, but currently thinking about it in the fresh alertness of the bright morning…it certainly seems to carry a lot more weight than when he had joked about it with Dick and Tim last night.
He's really doing it. He's going to move out of Wayne Manor.
He's not sure why he's so struck by the apparent finality of the fact. After all, he is eighteen, and this is the normal age for many kids to go off on their own. However, something about this seems different than a teenager simply going off to college. He just can't quite place what it is.
By the time Jason gets back to Wayne Manor, Bruce has already left for a meeting at Wayne Enterprises. Dick, Tim, and Alfred aren't back yet, giving Jason free rein of the place. He knows he should be packing, but instead he finds himself walking throughout the Manor, suddenly overcome with a deep desire for reminiscing as the thought of his decision looms over his head.
Nostalgia creeps up in him as he moves from room to room. He spends an especially long time in the library, running his fingers along the weathered spines and taking in the comforting scent of the antique books he, Bruce, and Alfred had spent years collecting during his time as Robin. He passes through the other rooms slowly, taking in their grandeur. He supposes he may have initially been impressed by their richness when Bruce had first brought him to the Manor, but now, it seems like a silly extravagance. Though in truth, all of that pales in comparison to what this place has truly meant for him.
Opportunity. Sanctuary. Home.
What will it be for him after this week? Nothing more than a memory? A symbol of times past that he can no longer relive?
He'll never be the same boy he was before Joker took him. Joker hadn't managed to destroy him, not completely. But significant damage had been done – to Jason, and to his relationships with the people he held dearest. Sure, healing had taken place, bonds were re-strung and new ones made, but that same feeling he had had as a boy in that red and green outfit, standing beside Batman…that was something no longer reachable. At least, not the same way it might have been before all of this.
And perhaps that is for the best. He is his own person now, and he sees the world through clearer eyes – even if there are rare moments he may long for that childish innocence once again. He realizes that he and Bruce will never see eye to eye on certain matters, and though he's come to accept that, the thought still brings some sorrow to him.
As he heads back to his bedroom, he sees that Tim had left the door to his room open, again. Unlike Jason, who always keeps his door shut tight, Tim rarely remembers, or cares, to do so. Jason pauses, staring at the open doorway; usually, he doesn't go into Tim's room without permission, but right now he can't help but feel drawn to it.
He pushes the door in further, and is greeted by bright sunlight streaming in through the room's large window. The place is still a mess, littered with Tim's reading materials. Jason picks his way through the disaster carefully, tiptoeing about as he glances around the room.
A framed picture of Tim with his parents sits on the desk. Beside it is a photo of Tim with Jason and Dick on a weekend camping trip they had gone on a little over a month ago. His gaze roams over the pictures as Jason runs his hand along the edge of the desk, studying the various objects scattered across its surface. Pushed towards the back of the desk is a silver Newton's Cradle. Reaching out, Jason pulls back one of the spheres and releases it. It swings downwards, striking the other spheres with a faint clink, and setting off the continuous reaction of the balls flying out before coming back in to hit the others.
At the edge of the desk lies a familiar red notebook – the one Tim and his dad had written vocabulary words in together. Jason picks it up and flips it open, his eyes drifting over the countless definitions written onto the pages. As he reaches the blank pages at the back of the book he pauses, staring at them thoughtfully. Then he plucks a pen from Tim's pencil holder and bends down, writing carefully and neatly at the top of a new page.
Desiderium – an ardent desire or longing; a feeling of grief for something lost.
Jason lowers the pen, reading over the definition.
He knows he's welcome back to the Manor at any time. And he knows he's loved by Bruce, Tim, and Alfred. This decision to leave with Dick is for the best – he sees that now. But he cannot help that twinge of sadness lurking at the edges of his mind as he realizes this is his last week living at Wayne Manor. By moving out, he feels as though he is only cutting away more ties to who he had been before Joker had taken him.
Alfred would probably reproach Jason for thinking of this opportunity with such a grim outlook. But Jason is sure this hesitancy will lesson as Friday draws near, so he won't allow himself to dwell on it too much. Shaking his head, Jason puts the pen back and closes the book. He straightens and takes one last look around Tim's room, then heads back to his own bedroom to start packing.
/
/
/
We're nearing the end of the story, my lovely readers! Sorry about the wait time for this chapter. I'm on a road trip, so it's been hard to find time to write. The next chapter probably won't be up for a few more days. But I'll try to get it up asap!
Also: extra brownie points to those who know who Linda Page is… ;)