Lisbon was the first to let go of him.

„You okay?" she asked.

„Yeah, I am fine."

She could see that he was not.

They took the wine and pizza to the couch and started eating and drinking. Lisbon was sipping wine a little and after a while she started feeling little tipsy. If Jane was tipsy she couldn´t say. There was a lot on her mind. She was gaining up the courage to talk to him again. About something that she was not sure would be a good idea.

She looked at him.

And asked.

„Jane, can I tell you something?"

„Sure, Lisbon, what´s up?"

„You can miss them, that´s normal, but you got to stop blaming yourself. If you ever going to be fine, you need to stop."

His curious look turned to angry one.

„They are dead because of me. No other reason."

„They are dead because a serial killer killed them." It was hard saying those words but she wanted to say them for so long. It was the truth. He can´t be blamed for other´s man actions.

He gave her an angry look which she was not used to see.

„And you know why he killed them? Or did you forget? He killed them because of me. Do you know how long was Angela trying to persuade me to stop doing what I was doing? And you know what? I didn´t. I didn´t! I was hyped when the police came asking for my help! I was thinking how all that publicity is going to help me gain more clients...and then I went on the TV show and everything went to hell!"

He was yelling now. Lisbon never seen him this angry. Not once. He was pacing in the room, nervously and she didn´t know what to do.

„But you didn´t know what is going to happen, If you knew, would you continue?"

He stopped pacing around and looked at her, that crazy look in his face.

„What kind of question is that? Of course I would stop! I would! No matter what, screw everything, screw the carrier, all I ever wanted was for my family to be safe, happy, loved! How can you ask me that? "

„You had no idea Patrick, no idea what´s going to happen. How can it be you fault? You were just trying to do your best."

„I am sorry, Teresa, but you are talking about something you know nothing about. I was a bastard. I selfish bastard leeching on anybody who let me. You know what? Maybe this was not a good idea after all. I should leave, I - „

„Don´t go, she said as panic raised in her. Can we just talk -"

He cut her off.

„No, no more, I am grateful for your help and all, but I need to go. I´ll...give you a call or something, okay? I have to go... Bye."

Before she could reach him he stormed out of the door. She was thinking about running after him, but it was no point. What would she do? Handcuff him to the bed?

She tried to calm herself down with no luck. She looked at the half eaten pizza, those glasses of wine they shared and everything went numb. She sat on the couch, which was still warm, turned off the TV and without thinking started sobbing.

Jane stormed outside feeling like shit. He needed to leave, to leave the room, the town, the state. To be only on his own, with his own mind and his own guilt. How could she said those words and believe in them? It was his fault. Only his.

He needed time to think. He realized after a moment that he left his keys in Lisbon´s house. Nevermind that, he could always pick the lock on his motel room. It was a long walk there but he did not mind. The adrenaline was high in his system and he would gladly burn it down with walking. It was night again. He nearly swear out loud. He was so fed up of the nightmares, those sleepless nights. Of everything.

Lisbon calmed down eventually, and went to bathroom. She took a long hot shower, standing in the streams of water, not daring to think what to do next.

What if he leaves?

Without a word, without trace?

Was this really the last time she saw him? If so, then it is going to take a lot longer then two weeks to take it in. She started crying. She tried and failed again. Another person whom she admired and respected is probably going to leave her. And then what?

Only two days spent with him and she was already missing it. She hoped, believed even, that there is a chance for them. Just a little chance but still.

Maybe he was too broken...but so was she in a way.

She didn´t mind. She would gladly help him get over it, but right now she wasn´t sure if that´s possible. She just wanted for him to get better, to be happy, finally. The hot water running down her body soothed her, but she felt numb...empty. She stopped the water and stepped out. She dried herself and put on one of her jerseys. Not knowing what else to do she went downstairs and poured her a glass of wine they shared just minutes ago...why does it seemed to be years ago? She gulped it down and poured another glass.

Jane was walking, thinking, feeling the anger descend. No matter what Lisbon said, he was the one to blame. He killed the man that did the deed but it was his actions that lead to it. Lisbon never had to open the door, and see what´s in them. Never. Everybody around him were so sure they understand...but nobody did. How could they? They couldn´t.

He himself couldn´t.

He walked for long time, not caring where really, just thinking. The night was hot and he felt thirsty. The wine he shared with Lisbon made him a little tipsy.

Lisbon. He thought about her, again. The things she said made him so angry. So angry he needed to leave. Yet, he promised that he won´t.

And she was just trying to help him.

For more then seven years. Put up with his crap, the only one who actually gave a damn about his well-being and he left her.

He turned around and went back hoping it wont be too late.

After all it was nor fault at all that he is messed up.

The wine was gone. So was the tequila. Lisbon felt horrible. At first it seemed as a good idea to get smashed and sleep it off, hoping that tomorrow would reveal that this all had been just a bad dream. She was lying in her bathroom trying not to throw up again.

Jane left. That´s all she could think about. She tried to talk to him and he left. What a stupid idea. As if she didn´t know who she was talking to. Jane doesn´t do talking. He does sulking and brooding, but talking? Noooo.

She groaned and tried to change her position. Which seemed impossible because the world was turning too fast for her. So she remained lying as she was wishing she hadn´t drink that much.

After a while her eyes closed but the world was still turning round and round. Soon enough she will have to get up, but not right now.

It took him nearly hour and a half to go back to Lisbon´ home. He could see from the distance that the lights were still up. He shrudered and continued walking. It was not easy for him but they need to talk. He need to apologize. That is the least he could do. He was few steps from her doors. He half hoped that they would be locked. He tried them. Unlocked. That´s not like Lisbon at all. He walked in. First thing he saw were the bottles. A bottle of wine, empty, another bottle of tequila also empty. And no Lisbon around. He looked around. Everything was at the same place just like before he stormed out. The TV was off and the pizza was left cold on the coffee table. The only thing out of place were the bottles. And Lisbon. He sighed and headed upstairs. If she drink that much she might as well be asleep by now. He took the stairs, one by one, trying to calm down. At the top he saw the door. The light shone through them just like in his nightmares. He grabbed the doorknob and opened them. This bed was empty and the light was shinning through the bathroom door.

He knocked on them. Nothing.

„Lisbon?"

„Teresa...?"

Nothing.

He opened them.

She was lying on the floor, and he could smell the alcohol all around. He kneeled down to her, trying her pulse and it seemed to be normal.

„Teresa?" he tried again?

„Teresa, wake up, it´s me, Patrick."

She mumbled something he could not understand. He picked her up slowly, because she was not cooperating at all. She mumbled again and this time he understood.

„Patrick left - ."

„Shh, let´s get you to bed."

„I´m cold."

She was. He could feel how cold she was from lying on the ground. He tucked her in and hesitated for a moment, thinking what to do now.

Then he made a decision and sat on the bed, caressing her hair. It was almost romantic until she started making retching sounds.

This is going to be a very interesting night, Jane thought.

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A little angsty I know, but it will get better, for both of them :) Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoy.