I tried to be quicker with this update. I went a little dark again, I'm sorry truly. After this, I think will be the upswing. I hope you enjoy!

Chapter Twenty (Lothiriel)

My family, or most of them, left a few days later. Once more, Amrothos was staying behind, to watch over me and report back to my father and brothers. I was not sure how diligently he would do that job as he was to once more be spending time with Dernhild and her son.

The whole court had seemingly heard about what had happened between my family and Eomer. Every time I entered a room there was still the lingering whispers behind hands and furtive glances in our direction when we went anywhere together.

Eowyn and Faramir had stayed behind as well. I felt at peace when in the company of my cousin, but Eowyn, I feared, would always put me on edge even though she had sat with me for a long while the night that the whole debacle took place. Interestingly enough, she appeared to be as broken hearted as I was.

Early one morning, there was a knock at our bedroom door. Eomer was long since gone and I had been hoping to sleep in. I had ceased to perform many of my duties. I could focus on nothing. I rolled over when I heard Adela's footsteps heading for the door.

"Lothiriel," she whispered a moment later. "It is the Lady Eowyn."

"What?" I sat up quickly and reached for my robe that was hanging on the back of a nearby chair. I tied it around my waist and went to the door.

"Lady Eowyn," I said with a small smile.

"Oh you were sleeping," she said, uncertainly. "I can come back later."

"Of course not. The sun has long been up. Come in." I stood back so she could enter. "Would you like anything? A cup of tea?"

She waved my offer away. "No. I was just wondering if you'd like to accompany me on a walk through the gardens."

I looked at her, a bit taken aback by her invitation.

"It is just that everyone seems to be in some sort of meeting or another."

"No, of course. I would love to." That was an overstatement, but I was so flustered by her very presence that I could not communicate effectively. "Just let me dress."

I pulled out a functional navy blue dress from my wardrobe and stepped behind the screen in the corner of the room. I slipped the shift and then the dress over my head, smoothing where it caught and wrinkled around my hips.

"I hope this is not too strange, Lothiriel," Eowyn said as I emerged. She was looking out the window instead of at me.

I paused before answering. "I will admit that it is a bit unexpected." I picked up the brush at my vanity and ran it through the tangled mass that came from sleeping too hard.

"I know," she sighed. "I am trying to make amends for how we started."

I glanced at her in the mirror. "Why now?"

"I do not know." She tugged at the sleeve of her dress. "I imagine we could both use a friend right now. I think we have both been betrayed."

I turned to look at her. I had not spoken to anyone of what had happened since my family had left. "I am trying to move on, Eowyn. I would rather not speak of betrayal."

"How are you not angry?" She laughed bitterly. "You Gondoran women and your poise."

I straightened, feeling the slight. "Someone once told me that hanging onto anger for too long truly does little good for anyone involved."

"I suppose you are right, but I am angry with him. I will be angry at him for you if you will not."

"That is unnecessary," I responded. "Come, let us enjoy the sunshine before it gets too cold to do so." As I closed the door, I wrapped a shawl around my shoulders.

We walked in silence for a little while. "I looked up to him," she finally said quietly. "I thought he was exactly what a man should be. He took care of me for practically my entire life. I love Faramir because I find him and Eomer so similar. I thought they were both honorable men."

"They are," I responded.

"How can you say that?" Eowyn demanded. "Where is the honor in what was done to you? There is no honor in disrespect and humiliation."

I struggled to find an answer to that. "I am not sure to be honest."

"There is a start."

"However, many other factors go into deciding the honor of a man."

"Yes well be that as it may, I find it difficult to reconcile all of the redeeming qualities Eomer has with his treatment of you, especially after everything else." Her voice trailed off to a whisper.

I said nothing after that. I had been working day and night to bury the anger and outrage and helplessness I felt. The sleeping had helped. The less I was awake the less I had to deal with it.

"I have to be making this all worse," Eowyn sighed. "Perhaps this was not a good idea."

I took her hand in mine impulsively. "No. I am glad you asked me out here."

"You cannot suppress your feelings forever," Eowyn said. "They will eat away at you. Trust me."

I nodded. "Perhaps you are right." I took a deep breath, thinking I might talk to her.

"There you are," a woman's voice called through the gardens followed by hurried footsteps. I imagined it was an old friend of Eowyn's, but when I turned I saw the shieldmaiden that had been with Eomer at the harvest celebration.

"You should address her as your Queen," Eowyn said sharply, before I could even think to respond.

"If she were worthy of such a title," the woman spat back.

"I could have your tongue cut out!" Eowyn exclaimed.

"The King would not allow that."

I was in a fog, standing between the two women listening to them go back and forth.

"And why should he? His wife cannot even speak for herself. If she cannot defend herself why should he or you for that matter?" she laughed scornfully.

"Quite the contrary," I finally managed to get out. I do not know how it was possible, but my voice was not wavering as I thought it might. "To dignify you with an argument would be sinking very low indeed." My voice was steady and it did not rise in volume. "You are truly making a spectacle of yourself by attacking me here."

"A spectacle." She laughed again. "I am the spectacle when everyone in this entire court knows you cannot please the King or even give him a child that lives."

I felt as though I had been hit in the stomach. All of the air left my body, but I was cognizant enough to snatch Eowyn by the arm when she lunged at the woman.

"She is not worth it," I said as I yanked her back to my side. "Poise remember?"

Eowyn actually gave a light laugh. "You are right." She gave the woman a disgusted look. "I truly do not know how you call yourself a shieldmaiden. You have no honor or dignity. You have lost him. It is truly pathetic that you even remain in Edoras."

"Because everyone else told him he must be rid of me. Because the fragile, delicate little Gondoran princess could not bear such a thing," she said mockingly.

"However it happened, he is through with you, I assure you," Eowyn said, before turning and turning me with her to leave.

We headed back inside. "Are you alright, Lothiriel? You are shaking."

I nodded. "I am as alright as could be expected, I think."

"Are you hungry?"

"I could not eat a bite if my life depended on it," I replied weakly.

"Thirsty then," she said as she guided me back into the sitting room that was attached to Eomer and I's bedroom. She sent Adela after something and when she returned she had a flagon of wine in her hand.

"Eowyn!" I exclaimed. "It is hardly midday."

"And it has been a stressful morning, has it not?" She raised an eyebrow and filled the goblets that Adela had brought. "If I am not mistaken this is the wine that Legolas gave as a gift at your wedding. It should do the trick quite nicely."

I remembered that wine. I had drank too much of it after Artanis had passed, trying to forget. "It should indeed."

I sat at the table and put the goblet to my lips, relishing in the sweetness of the aged red.

"That was awful," Eowyn said quietly. "I cannot believe she had the nerve."

I had to laugh. "You cannot? You shieldmaidens and your nerve."

Eowyn broke into a small smile then. "I suppose that is true. You should know though, that most of us are more honorable than that."

I put a hand over hers. "Clearly. Or you would not be here with me now."

"Lothiriel," Eowyn began. "I am terribly sorry for what has passed between us. If I had known what would happen I would have warned you against him. It would have been completely different."

I shook my head. "You could not have changed any of this. This is your brother and I's problem. Our rocky start had nothing to do with it, I assure you."

"I just cannot even fathom how you must feel," she took a long swallow from her goblet.

"I hope you never have to." It was the first time I acknowledged that I was hurt to her.

"But you will stay here with him?" Eowyn asked.

"If I was going to leave I would have done it already. To you that probably makes me seem weak or dependent, but he is my husband." I shrugged. "The only thing we can do is move forward. If we were to linger on this it would do no one any good. I could have left, I suppose, but we will always be married, there is no way around that. I would have had to come back eventually and continue on."

Eowyn looked at me for a moment before nodding. "I understand that. Despite being Gondoran, you have nerve in your own way." She laughed.

"Like you said, we have both been hurt. But eventually we all must grow. You should not lose the relationship you had with Eomer completely."

"I will never understand your empathy."

"Nor will I. But this is what feels right in my heart."

We continued to talk and drink and even laugh throughout the afternoon. We were both quite inebriated by the time the sun was setting through our bedroom window.

"And so I found him, asleep in his study, head tilted back snoring so loud," Eowyn was laughing so hard she could barely relay her story of my cousin. "He woke himself up! From the snoring and then he looked at me and began talking as though nothing had been amiss."

We were both laughing, arms wrapped around our stomachs, hunched over when the door opened.

"Well there you two are," Eomer said with a slight smile. He took in the flagon of wine and our silly grins and tears from the laughter. "Enjoying yourselves I see."

Eowyn stopped laughing immediately, but I was still chuckling.

"We were," she said shortly, standing up. She actually kissed the top of my head before moving past her brother with a grace I was sure I did not possess in my state.

Eomer sighed and sat in the seat she had vacated. He lifted the flagon, but it was practically empty. My vision was swimming and I could feel myself swaying a bit in my chair.

"I am glad to see you two together," he said. "She was cruel to you in the beginning of things."

I could not suppress a bitter laugh. "That is interesting to hear from you."

I heard what I said and was shocked. I had never expected to say such a thing out loud. I opened my mouth to backtrack, to take it back.

Eomer leaned back in the chair. "Lothiriel, I am sure there are things you want to say to me. You should say them." There were dark circles under his eyes and his hair and beard were untamed.

"You have heard it all already," I said quietly.

"Not from you."

The wine washed over me and tears came to my eyes. "I just do not understand, Eomer." I wiped at my cheeks. "I mean, I do. I do understand what went wrong. I understand that I am partly to blame, but I have never felt so hurt."

A pained look came over his face. "Lothiriel," he began, but I raised a hand.

"You have crushed me. My confidence, my faith in you, in us. I do not feel like I used to about myself. I am not the same woman I was two years ago when I came here and I do not feel like the change has been for the better." I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my dress.

"What can I do, Lothiriel?" Eomer reached his hand across the table and I let it lie there. "What do I do to repair this?"

I shook my head. "I am not sure. I have never felt this way before."

"I will try. I am trying," he said.

ooooOoooo

As I was walking through the Golden Hall to visit Amrothos, Dernhild, and Bregdan a few days later, I passed Eomer's study. He had been keeping the door open at least part of the way at all times. I heard Hama's voice drift out.

"An heir is desperately needed," Hama said. "The council is pushing for it, they are demanding it."

"I do not think that is likely any time soon," Eomer replied.

"That is not going to work, Eomer."

I walked away then. I wanted to hear no more.

I visited with Dernhild but said nothing of what I had overheard to her. I was still processing it.

That night, Eomer came to bed late, but I was awake. I had been awake the whole time. I had found another flagon of wine and drank too much of it again until I felt light inside.

When he settled into our large bed I reached a hand out to touch him, to take his hand.

"Lothiriel?" He whispered.

I tugged on his hand and rolled onto my side. I placed his hand on my hip and tried to find his mouth in the dark with mine. Finally, I succeeded and we kissed for the first time in a very long time. His hands began to wander as they used to, but I felt nothing but apathy if not outright frustration and anger.

I moved onto my back and hiked my shift above my waist as Eomer moved over me. I could feel his need and his heavy breathing on my neck.

"Are you sure?" He asked. He said nothing of the wine that could surely be smelled on my breath.

"It is necessary," I replied.

"Necessary?" He held himself higher above me. "What do you mean?"

"This is how you get a child, an heir."

He started to move away from me, but I grabbed his tunic that he was still wearing, clutching it tightly in my hand.

"Absolutely not," he said, trying to pry my fingers away from him.

"Just do it, Eomer!" I nearly shouted. "Just do it! Do I not please you any longer?"

"Lothiriel!"

I yelled over him. "Am I not like her? Am I not pretty enough? Not bold enough? I am trying to be bold. Just do it!"

And then he did and I cried out, not in pleasure, but in pain. It was nothing like the first time we had made love or any of the times after that. I turned my face away from him and tears hit the pillow. It hurt and it was over quickly. He grunted into my neck, and I felt the stickiness of him as he quickly moved off of me, off of the bed altogether.

Rolling onto my side, sobbing, the bathroom door opened and then slammed with such force that I imagined the whole of Meduseld and maybe even Edoras itself had heard it.

I hope you loved it! Let me know what you thought. I'm fairly pleased, I suppose. No hate comments or flames, please.

Happy reading,

Avonmora