Okay, I tried to get something out quicker to you guys. Not only did I manage that, but I also made this one really long for some reason. Enjoy!
Chapter Twenty-Two (Lothiriel)
"How can you sit there and say that to me?" I demanded, angry tears pricking my eyes.
Eomer sat there dumbfounded as I fumbled, slipping a hand into the bodice of my dress to pull the A pendant and its long chain out.
"I have a child."
My husband shook his head. "No, Lothiriel. That is not at all what I meant." He reached out and took my hand in his, looking at the necklace. "I am not forgetting Artanis. I could never."
I looked down at my small hand in his. "I have felt as though I am the only one caring for her memory," I said. "You were…too distracted."
Eomer did not respond immediately and instead took a deep breath. "You are not wrong."
I looked up, but he was not looking at me. His brown eyes were fixed on the sea that was calm at low tide.
"You were stronger than me," he practically whispered. "You took on all of the grief even though it nearly destroyed you in the process." He his hand closed around mine so the corners of the A pendant dug into my palm. "I was not brave enough to face our loss. I was not strong enough to stand by your side, to take some of the burden from your shoulders. It was easier for me to bury the pain and that was inexcusable."
Eomer finally met my eyes and his own were shrouded by tears. "So if you want to end our marriage, I understand," his voice broke. "I have not done even half of what I vowed to do for you on our wedding day. I let the happiness we built, against all odds, slip away."
More tears came to my eyes and slipped down my cheeks.
"Lothiriel, I do not deserve you and I cannot watch you suffer at my hands any longer." A tear slid into his beard. "But if you let me I will fight for you every day for the rest of my life. I would treat you like the Queen you are."
Something in his face changed and there was a fierceness there that I could not recall seeing before. Perhaps it was the line between his eyebrows that became obvious as he spoke. He seemed so focused on me.
Something changed in me as well and I softened toward him against my will. He had been fighting his own battles while I had been fighting mine and we had not fought together as we should have.
"I might have reached out to you," I finally said. "I could have asked for help, but I was drowning."
"Lothiriel, none of this is your fault. It is mine and if you cannot come back to Edoras with me then I will live with that regret and heartbreak until I take my dying breath."
He gave my hand another squeeze before he let it go.
I could not speak; my mind was racing in a hundred different directions. Before me sat the man that I had found so much unexpected happiness with, who I had a created a beautiful daughter with.
"When I came back here it no longer felt like home, Eomer. While it has certainly been relaxing and comforting to be somewhere so familiar, there has been a longing, an ache, for another place."
A look of hope came over his face. He also seemed disbelieving.
"I want to return to Rohan."
"What?"
"I want to go back. I want to be your Queen again."
"Are you absolutely certain?"
I nodded.
Without warning, Eomer lunged towards me and wrapped me tightly in his strong arms.
His rough hands were in my hair and I could feel warm tears hit my scalp.
"Lothiriel," he breathed my name.
It had been a very long time since I had been so physically close to him, but nothing had changed. He smelled the same and he felt the same.
His giant hands framed my face and tilted it up so I was looking into his wet, brown eyes.
"I do not deserve this," he whispered.
I placed a finger over his lips. "Shh. I want to speak of it no more. I want this to be completely behind us."
Eomer nodded and pulled me into him so that my head was resting on his chest. Nothing else was said for a while and I sat, content, listening to the waves crash on the beach.
"I need to leave no later than a week from now," Eomer finally said. "If you do not wish to leave so soon you can join me when you are ready."
I shook my head. "No. I want to go with you. The people need to see and understand that we are united once more."
"I think that is a very good idea," Eomer agreed.
I could sense that there was something he was not being forthright about. I removed my head from his shoulder and looked up at him, though he continued to stare at the dark sea.
"There will be some people less than thrilled when you return," Eomer finally said lowly.
I considered his words. "That is of little importance to me. Many were less than thrilled when I arrived the first time and I survived," I said with a shrug.
Eomer chuckled. "So you did. And if we are being honest, I could give a damn less what anyone else thinks. I will be more than glad to have you back in Edoras." He pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead.
The wind had picked up and I could tell he did not enjoy the sand blowing around.
I stood and began gathering the remnants of our picnic as Eomer folded the blanket.
"I must be truthful, I will be happy to see the plains again," he said as he stumbled through the sand, boots in hand.
"As will I," I agreed with a small smile, thinking of the lush, rolling hills that had become more than merely my husband's home.
As we walked into the marble palace the wind ceased and my hair fell around my shoulders.
"I should speak to my family, I suppose," I said, though it was not an enticing prospect.
Eomer simply nodded. "I will come with you."
I looked up at him. "Are you certain you want to do that?" If there were people in Rohan who disliked me, they were nothing compared to what my brothers felt for Eomer.
"We are united once more and we should be no matter the adversary, do you not think?"
"They will not be happy to hear that I will be returning to Rohan with you."
"No, I would imagine not, but that is my fault and so, in this case especially, I should stand by your side," he said, offering his arm.
"Brave man."
"I have been a coward for far too long. It ends today."
"It ended when you came after me," I responded as we entered my childhood rooms.
"Your Grace, can I get you anything?" A lady of mine asked as I headed to the mirror to straighten my hair out.
"Could you please have my brothers and father sent for? I must speak with them."
"Of course, my lady." The girl bowed and hurried out of the room.
I looked at Eomer in the mirror. "The sooner the better."
"We may be on the road sooner than we imagined," Eomer said as lightly as he could manage, but I knew he understood just how grueling the coming conversation would be.
Just as I managed to get my hair in a smooth plait, I heard the door to the sitting room open. I stood next to Eomer as my family, Klymena included, filed in.
"Quite the face of solidarity, you two," Erchirion said scathingly.
I was a bit taken aback. Erchirion was often lost amongst the fiery temperaments of my oldest and youngest brothers. He rarely spoke in anything but a neutral, measured manner.
"Erchirion, please," I said quietly. "Can we not?"
"Of course, Loth. We shall do whatever you want," he replied.
Eomer rested his hand on my lower back reassuringly, but my brothers were not going to go easy on us.
"Back in her good graces, Eomer-King?" Elphir asked.
I had acted as though everything was normal and fine between Eomer and me, that the affair was behind us, when I had arrived in Dol Amroth alone, but my brothers quickly saw through that façade. Each had spoken to me, encouraged me to annul my marriage and remain in Dol Amroth after Dernhild and Amrothos' wedding.
"Let your sister speak," my father said firmly and it reminded me of how he used to speak to my brothers when they would pick on me when we were children. "I am interested to hear what she has to say."
His tone was foreboding, but I could not falter.
"We should all take a seat," Eomer said pulling me down onto a love seat next to him.
"You will not shock us as much as you think you will, Eomer. Going back to an unfaithful husband despite all advice to do the contrary is quite unoriginal," Amrothos said, sarcasm dripping from his words.
I had thought that he had spent some time in Edoras with Eomer and I that he might be the kindest of the three, but apparently close proximity to the situation had only colored his judgement toward the negative.
"If this is how you wish me to remember you when I leave then so be it. None of you care about what I have to say and that is quite obvious. We were planning to leave in a week, but I can see that that extra time will be unnecessary."
"You are going to guilt your family of all people in this room?" Erchirion asked.
"I should not have to!" I exclaimed. "I am no longer a child. Let me speak." I looked at them all beseechingly, but it did no good.
"But you are acting like a child running back to Rohan to be the pretty, elegant Queen without any thought as to what a lifetime spent as a doormat to a faithless husband will look like," Elphir said harshly looking not at me, but at Eomer.
I felt him stiffen next me and knew he felt as though he should not speak.
"Elphir, listen to Lothiriel. You are not being fair to her," Klymena said gently, though she gave hard looks to all of my brothers. I imagined she was in charge of them most of the time.
With the heat of my brother's glares upon me it was difficult to formulate what I wanted to say.
"What you all must understand is that Eomer and I's situation is not as black and white as you think and you must stop treating it as such." I took a deep breath. "Eomer and I have experienced sorrow that I would not wish on anyone." I gave my husband's hand a squeeze. "But before that, unbelievably enough, we had found an unexpected happiness." I looked first at Eomer and then evenly at each of my brothers and father.
"We have both agreed to work to get back to that place of happiness. Not because we have no other option, because we know we do. We have both been presented with the option to annul our marriage. However, we both," I emphasized 'both,' "find that unappealing. Therefore, I will be traveling back to Rohan with my husband where I will resume my duties as Queen and we will be working on our marriage."
My family was quiet for only a few moments after my speech.
"You must be quite pleased with yourself, Eomer," Erchirion said, turning his scorn to my husband.
"Not with myself. I have spoken to you all before, but now is not the time to talk of what I plan to do and how I plan to treat your sister. Now is the time to convince you of my feelings for your her with actions." His tone allowed no room for more of my brother's opinions or arguments. I wished I had been able to convey such authority with my own voice.
"We will be leaving the day after tomorrow," I said abruptly.
I could feel Eomer look down at me, but I continued to look at each family member seated around me.
With a sigh my father stood. "Well that is that then." He headed for the door without another word and my brothers and Klymena followed him out.
I slumped against Eomer's side as I released the breath I had inadvertently been holding the entire time.
"I do not know if that went better or worse than I expected," I murmured.
"Well, I think it went better than it could have." He pulled me close to his side and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. I was glad he had come and said what he had been able to.
"Are you sure you want to leave so soon?" He asked. "It truly is not necessary."
"It is not necessary to stay among this negativity any longer. I am through with it."
"Alright," Eomer conceded. He stood slowly. "I have a few things to see to in preparation for our departure."
I nodded and remained seated as he left. After a few moments I was drawn out onto the balcony by the sound of the sea. The early evening air was cool and I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of the salty water. It was the scent I was most familiar with, but perhaps no the one I longed to smell the most.
In the years we had been married, Rohan had seeped into my very veins. The scent of the harvests had put physicality to the rebuilding I had proudly contributed to while the fragrant breeze that blew through the garden and into our bedroom had become as quintessentially a part of me as the salty air of my home.
ooooOoooo
The next morning, there was a knock at our bedroom door. I was sitting at a small table composing a letter to Eowyn. After she had left Edoras we had taken up a regular correspondence and I enjoyed hearing from her. I was uncertain, but I believed she had quit writing to Eomer.
"Come in," I called out.
Before I had even set my quill down to see who was there, Alphros had come crashing through the door, followed by Klymena.
"Lothi, come to the beach with us!" He demanded.
Though we had hardly spent any time together like we had when he was much younger after my move to Rohan when I returned with Amrothos and Dernhild for their wedding, Alphros and I had quickly reignited our bond.
"If you insist," I said playfully.
I joined Klymena and we were just able to keep Alphros' running form in sight while maintaining some of our own dignity.
"So I imagine you have been sent as an envoy from my brothers," I said as we stepped onto the beach.
"Only in to you knees!" My sister-in-law shouted at her son as he went crashing recklessly into the water. "Of course I have been. Did you think they would do it themselves?" She asked, not taking her eyes off of Alphros.
"No."
"They are worried about you. They will always worry about you. You cannot fault them for that."
"I cannot. But they must understand that after listening to their counsel and taking my own, my mind is made up and they can either support me or not. Those are the only two options available to them." I crossed my arms over my chest and watched Alphros dig in the wet sand with his small hands.
"I understand. Give them time. They are still struggling with the fact that they saw themselves as your protectors and someone got past them and hurt you."
"Then I must show them that I can be happy again."
The three of us stayed on the beach until Alphros could not stave off his hunger for lunch anymore. We headed for the stairs that led directly into the dining hall, but as I went to put a foot on the first step, Klymena grabbed my arm.
"There is something else I must tell you," she said quietly. The look on her face concerned me. "I have been putting it off since you arrived, but now that you are leaving…I feel I must tell you in person."
"Klymena, you are rambling and I must say it is making me very nervous."
My sister-in-law sighed. "I am with child."
I could not speak for a moment but I finally managed. "Well what was all that fuss about? That is wonderful news," I smiled and hugged her for perhaps a minute too long. I was afraid that if I let go of her my heart would break.
"Is it?" She asked gently.
"Of course. Do not be silly. I am thrilled for you."
It was not a lie. Elphir and Klymena were wonderful parents and they deserved to fill their palace with brothers and sisters for Alphros if they so desired, but it was difficult to see other's good fortune in regards to children and not think of my own misfortune.
Klymena nodded. I believe she knew exactly what I was thinking, but she did not pester me to open up about it.
"Thank you," she said instead. She went to enter the palace, but I remained on the beach. "Are you coming? She asked when she realized I was not following her.
"I am not hungry," I replied. "I think I shall walk a while longer."
Klymena hesitated.
"Go," I bid her. "Do not fret over me."
Finally, she turned and entered the palace.
I immediately began walking down the beach, digging in the bodice of my dress for my A pendant. I did not cry but put one foot in front of the other while rubbing the pendant between my thumb and forefinger.
I lost all track of time as I thought about the daughter I had lost.
Her life played through my life in reverse order. When I was through remembering what it had felt like to hold her for the first time, how Eomer had come crashing into the room, and how he had joined us on the bed to hold his daughter, the sun was beginning to set.
I turned around and had to squint to bring the palace back into view. It would be nightfall by the time I managed to get back.
I had probably walked an hour or so heading home, pendant still in my hand, when I heard the thundering of hooves on the sand. Thank goodness the sun was still giving off some light or Firefoot might have trampled me.
"Lothiriel!" Eomer exclaimed as he leapt from his stallion. "Are you alright?" He took my arms and held me at arm's length looking for any physical damage. "I was so worried about you."
I did not say anything, merely looked at him. He glanced at the pendant between my fingers and then met my gaze once more.
"Is everything alright?" He asked quietly.
I swallowed the lump in my throat that had been there since I had heard Klymena's news and nodded.
"Lothiriel, you could tell me if you were not alright." He continued to hold me at arm's length.
After everything that had happened between us, none of it mattered in that instance because I still felt as if I could unburden myself to him. The tears fell without any warning and I was pulled into Eomer's chest immediately.
"Klymena is having another baby," I sobbed, soaking his tunic, body shaking underneath his hands.
"Lothiriel," he whispered into my hair, for the most part the only person who ever used my full name. "Oh my love." He stroked my hair and rubbed my back, keeping my body tight against his.
When I was finally down to just sniffling, I pulled away. Eomer did not try to comfort me, did not tell me that everything would be alright, which I actually appreciated. Who could know if everything would turn out alright?
"We should get back," Eomer said, gently guiding me toward Firefoot. As my husband placed his hands on my hips and hoisted me up behind the saddle I realized I had never ridden the stallion before. I imagined that Eomer had a closer bond to the horse beneath me than he did to most humans.
Eomer mounted and turned Firefoot back towards the palace. I wrapped my arms around his middle as we galloped back down the beach. Even over the pounding of Firefoot's hooves I could hear my husband's heartbeat, I could feel it against my cheek as I rested my head on his back. I had forgotten, while we were apart, how strong and vital he was. I felt some heat come to my cheeks which had not happened in at least a year.
Eomer helped me down from Firefoot once we were in the stables. He tucked me under his arm as we walked through the palace and I imagined it was to shield me from seeing or hearing anything else that would upset my very fragile disposition.
We entered my rooms and I was surprised to see a table laid with beautiful silverware and several large serving platters of dinner foods. There were huge fillets of my favorite fish smothered in rich, creamy sauces. There were bowls of bright vegetables, not to mention at least three fruit pies.
I turned o Eomer, a question on my lips, but before I could speak he gave sheepish shrug and said, "I had this prepared for your last night here. I imagine it is cold by now."
"I am so sorry," I said, looking at the beautiful table. I thought of Eomer overseeing the whole process and then waiting hours for me to appear to enjoy it, eventually panicking when I did not show up. "What a lovely surprise."
Eomer rested his hands on my shoulders. "At least you saw that I had the thought," he chuckled good-naturedly. "Perhaps there is still food in the dining hall."
"We could see if it could be warmed. I am not opposed to a late dinner and I would hate to see this all go to waste." I conversed with a servant and the food was quickly taken away.
I took a seat on the end of the bed, thinking of what I had felt sitting behind Eomer as we rode back to the palace. I was glad the feeling had returned as I Had been afraid that it might now.
"I could also use a bath. I am quite sticky from being on the beach all day."
"I imagine you will have plenty of time. There is quite a bit of food to be heated up," Eomer said from seat at the small table near the window.
I felt bolder than I had since I was pregnant and my body's needs had dictated my actions. "I was thinking you might join me." I pushed my dress off of my shoulders so it pooled at my feet, leaving me standing in a short, low cut, practically sheer slip.
Eomer drank my body in and it made my heart beat hard in my chest to know that he still found me attractive.
"Are you sure?" He asked standing, stepping closer, and raising a hand as though he would touch me.
"Do not ask questions," I whispered taking his hand and guiding it to my chest.
I let out a sigh and my head fell back. Eomer drew me into him and his lips crashed against mine while his hand continued to knead my breast. He broke apart for only a brief moment.
"Draw the Queen a bath!" He shouted in the direction of the sitting room.
My hands went under his tunic and my fingers bumped over the thick muscle and scars on his stomach and chest. He tore the tunic over his head.
I paused for a moment before reaching for the hem of my slip. I had not let Eomer see me completely naked since I had carried Artanis. I pulled it over my head felt his eyes watching my every move. We stood apart for a moment as I showed him what having, and losing, a child had done to my body.
Even though I had lost so much weight during my grieving my skin was riddled with deep purple marks. My stomach, hips, and thighs were the worst. I had not had enough skin to spare to come out of a pregnancy unscathed.
"You are incredible," he whispered, closing the distance between us once more.
Without breaking our kiss, he pushed me backwards towards the bed. The mattress hit behind my knees and I fell backwards, pulling Eomer with me.
"Do you remember our wedding night?" I asked breathlessly.
"Of course I do."
"Make love to me like that."
Eomer stood and kicked his boots off and removed his breeches before kneeling by the edge of the bed. My stomach fluttered in anticipation.
His lips grazed my thighs and my head fell back on the mattress as his beard scratched and tickled my sensitive skin, moving closer and closer to my core. When his mouth enveloped me, I thought I would scream from the pleasure of the sensuously intimate act.
It barely took a full moment before I felt the long forgotten feeling of the warm wave building in my fingertips and toes. It surged through my limbs until my head felt as light as a feather and my stomach was full of a delicious heat.
And then Eomer was moving within me, his hands gripping my hips so hard I knew they would be bruised in the morning, but I did not care.
The wave broke over my entire body and my back arched so hard I thought it might break. Sound was muffled when my body stopped its spasms and relaxed. I was in a state of complete bliss aware only of the lack of tension in my body. I did not even realize that Eomer had finished and removed himself from me.
"Lothiriel, what is the matter?" His voice asked through the haze I was in. "Did I hurt you?"
I blinked my eyes open and felt a tear slide down the side of my face. I had not even been aware that I was crying.
"I am fine." I actually laughed.
Eomer looked bewildered. "Then why are you crying?"
"I am not sure, but I feel wonderful."
My husband gave a nervous laugh as he scooped me up like a child and carried me into the other room.
"Well enjoy your bath and I will see to the food." He slipped me into the warm water and left me there.
I rested my head on the rim of the tub and let out a blissful sigh as I ran my own hands all over my electrified body.
I knew that intimacy would never be able to mend our marriage, but I had forgotten what it felt like to be so close to Eomer. There would be more struggles to face when we arrived in Rohan, but in that instant I felt positive about our marriage for the first time in a long time.
When I emerged from my bath in a clean, linen night shift with my hair piled on top of my head I was met with the inviting aroma of the food that had been warmed.
Eomer was already sitting at the table and I took a seat beside him and put all of my favorite foods on my plate. The savory dinner was almost too much for me after the lovemaking and hot bath.
"That was exactly what I needed," I said after taking the last bite of a decadent, fruit tart.
"I am glad," Eomer said, reaching over the table to cover my hand with his.
ooooOoooo
We were in the stables before the sun was up the next day. The only people who had come down to see us off were Klymena and Dernhild. None of my brothers or even my father were present and it stung, but I had to stand my ground if they were ever going to take me seriously.
Klymena stepped forward to hug me and I gave her a tight squeeze.
"Take care of your children. And hopefully we will be back for the saltwater ceremony for the new prince or princess."
She nodded and wiped at her eyes before stepping back.
Dernhild came forward next after speaking to Eomer, the only one who would look at him.
"Now you know what it means to fight for something as a shieldmaiden. Go back to Edoras and let them know that you will be fighting." She gave a fierce hug and I was truly thankful for the first friend I had made in Edoras.
I gave a final resolute nod and mounted Roheryn. I followed Eomer out of the stables without a backward glance.
There you go! I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you thought! I love to hear from you guys!
Happy reading,
Avonmora