Hush-a-By Sammy: Chapter 2
Chapter 2: Rock-a-by BabySam stretches in bed and feels really good. Maybe Dean was right. Maybe he just needed a nap to relieve the stress of today and all week (finals). But then he feels the plastic rubber thing in his mouth and he sits up fast, spitting out the pacifier into his hand.
He feels his face grow hot with the realization that Dean found what he's been keeping hidden from Jess and everyone else (including Dean). Which means Dean knew since he walked in here.
Sam's heart beats a little faster. It doesn't matter, he tells himself.
It's like he told Dean, he does not really need it. He broke that habit two years ago. Well, maybe not completely. Just on occasions when he's had a really shitty day or felt like the projects and term papers and keeping a 4.0 in college was getting to him; and the overwhelming nature of the big world trying to swallow him. He discovered one night this took the edge off.
It's not like he smokes, takes drugs or drinks like other students or worse cuts himself to relive stress. He just sucks on a simple - not a big deal - pacifier. Sam groans. It sounds like a lame excuse to him. But still, he really does not use it that often.
Today had been a stupid day. His history professor had asked him to wait after class and had told him he made a mistake on his term paper regarding the information with the Aztec and Mayan civilizations…
He looked at his professor like he's grown another head and did not mean to sound obnoxious about it when he replied, "You must be mistaken, sir. I don't make errors."
Professor Dimarco looked at him through his glasses. "I understand, Samuel, that you are one of the best and brightest I've had in this class in a long time. But remember, to err is to be human and as a famous Song quote "even the best of us fall down." The teacher was trying to lighten the situation with a joke as he can see that Sam Winchester was frowning and his face had turned red.
"Yes, I get that, but I don't," Sam replied thru gritted teeth. Sam told himself to mentally breathe. It's not the teacher's fault that he is always thorough with research.
"The data you've collected is excellent work, Mister Winchester. But you applied it in the wrong circa of the civilization demographics," Professor Dimarco finally explained.
"WHAT!?" Sam grabbed his paper from the teacher's hand and saw that he did. "But that's impossible. How could I have not caught that?" Sam is really perplexed and starts to bite his lower lip.
The professor is beginning to feel bad for his student as he's never seen Sam react this way. "This information you gathered and wrote is all phenomenal and accurate. It is just in the wrong demographics of the culture. It will just take one rewritten page to correct it. It won't even be marked as late if you finish it this evening and email it to me."
"Huh?" Sam looked confused for a second then reacted. "Oh. Yeah. Got it. Tonight."
"Everything all right, Mister Winchester?"
"Uh, yeah, I'm fine." Sam's face was still conflicted but he managed a tight smile before walking off…
Yeah, that was awful, but then it happened in calculus. Then his poli sci class. He cannot understand how he made those kind of simple mistakes. He runs his hand through his hair as he sits on his bed and with a look over at the clock, he sees it is 5:30pm.
Crap. He's supposed to start his shift at the student store at 6:00pm until closing today. Double crap. He just remembers promising his professor he would re-write the one page and send it before midnight.
Okay, deep breath. He can do this. It's a weekday, so the store closes at 11pm and then he can get home by 11:30pm. It's only a rewrite; he can meet the deadline. Then move on to the formulas in calculus. He can do those in his sleep; its only another thirty minutes and re-submit before 7am. That just leaves the whole poli sci paper. That one he will need another hour or two to actually rewrite the whole argumentative point of view in the legislative work for… for… wait, what was the case I took on?
Crap, he can't think right now. He'll just look at his notes later after work on his way back.
He ran to the bathroom, only to stop when he realizes he is still holding on to that stupid pacifier. He stops at his drawer and opens it up, moving some of his shirts over and pushes at the bottom of the drawer. A secret compartment opens and he drops the pacifier within. He would never run the risk of Jessica finding it. Which makes him sigh, how did Dean even know where to look?
No time to worry about that. He needs to get ready fast. He splashes water on his face and towel dries fast; pulls on a clean flannel shirt and his favorite red hoodie. Slips on his comfortable shoes. He grabs his bag off the floor and walks out into the living room and grabs his house keys from the table top.
He stops when he sees a certain leather jacket folded over the couch. He looks over to the kitchen area and sees the light on and hears noises in there. Wait, that can't be right, Jess and he get home at the same time?
He looks back at the leather jacket and swallows. Ok, Dean might still be here, he thinks, so it's better if I just walk out now before …
"Going somewhere, Sammy?" Dean says by the kitchen entrance, arms folded.
Sam closes his eyes briefly, then opens them and turns around. "Yeah. Work."
"Plop your butt on the couch, Sammy."
"Dean, I have fifteen minutes to get there. Can it wait until I get back?"
"Samuel, sit down now."
"No, Dean. I am not going to lose my only job because you need to be big brother now." Sam spins back to the front door and grabs the doorknob.
"I called you in sick and they understood."
Sam's hand drops from the doorknob and he turns to look at Dean. "You did what?!"
"Called in sick for you."
"You can't do that, Dean!"
"Apparently I can," Dean tells Sam calmly.
"No, Dean, you can't! I am not a child where you can call in sick for me! I am going in and hopefully I can explain to them that there was some mistake …" Before Sam can even open the door, he feels himself being lifted over Dean's shoulder as though he weighs nothing.
"DEAN! No! What are you doing?" Sam is kicking and failing in Dean's fireman hold on him. "Put me down!"
And Dean does. But in a frigging highchair! Strapping Sam in and clicking in the tray.
Sam looks up and stares at Dean. "What is this?"
"Dinner time," Dean replies and moves back to the stove to serve Sammy his dinner.
He places the dinner plate on Sam's tray. Sam looks down and sees it is Mac and Cheese but homemade with some steam veggies and breaded chicken.
Sam looks up at Dean confused. "Why are you doing this, Dean?"
Dean leans back against the kitchen island counter, crosses his arms and looks at Sam with a straight face and sighs. "Do you recall our agreement for you going to Stanford?"
Sam scrounges his face, trying to think, but finds his mind drifting here and there. He finally puts his head down in embarrassment. "No" he answers quietly.
"No?" Dean questions. "Well there's clue number one for you, Sammy."
Sam starts to play with his fingers, twisting them here and there trying really hard to remember almost four years ago. What happened when he got his letter from Stanford? He can feel the anxiety rising in his chest just as it did that day as Dean stood in Bobby's den with John as he read the letter; Bobby sitting at his desk and Sam sitting in his chair quietly waiting anxiously for Dean to finish … the small lightbulb goes off in Sam's head right there and he looks up at Dean.
"Uh… you said I could go," Sam says weakly.
Dean nods. "If?" he prods. Sam plays with his shirt buttons. "Sammy," Dean's tone leaves him no room to evade this.
Wet hazel eyes meet Dean's. "I was good. Wasn't naughty, De," Sam's lips tremble.
Dean sighs and squats down at eye level to Sammy in his highchair. "No, baby, you have not been naughty. But you have been neglectful of what we agreed upon," Dean raises his eyebrows knowingly.
"No, no, no, you promised I could go to Stanford and-and take care of myself, you wouldn't interfere," Sam angrily blurts out as tears begin to fall down his ruddy cheeks.
"You're right, I promised, Sammy, and I kept my promise. But if you recall, sweetheart," Dean reaches and wipes away some of Sam tears, "I would step in if I saw you start to slide on any of the rules and schedules I set for you. To make sure you get plenty of sleep and eat well to keep your health up, physically and mentally," Dean finishes.
"But that's when I was 18! I didn't think that'd apply once I turned twenty-one! A legal adult. I am twenty-two, Dean. I can do whatever I want now," Sam folds his arms across his chest and pouts.
"Oh really now. Is that what you believe?"
"Yes I'm all gr'wn up," Sam continues pouting missing the tone of voice he is using and his baby lisp that just came out.
"Little boy, you know that was never the agreement. Nor is it the truth. You know I hate when you try to lie."
"Not lying."
"So you don't recall saying you wouldn't throw a fit if I showed up and step in the minute I saw your well-being decline because you've been neglecting sleep and eating? And this after I amended some of the rules two years ago." Dean stands up and firmly looks at Sam.
"I… I…" Sam's lips tremble. He hates how Dean makes him feel so damn vulnerable and so childlike when he's around him.
But part - a very small part – that Sam has pushed away since he turned twenty feels comforted and relieved Dean is here. He has been so tired these past two years. Here it is October - his least favorite month of the year - and he's started feeling even worse, cranky, headachy, and just so damn tired all the time.
He's tried to remember his nap and bedtime hour. But Brady, Jess and the other student body are up at all hours of the night; especially during mid-terms and finals week. Jess had told him this is normal. All college kids pull all-nighters; especially when needing to turn in all types of ten to thirty page essays or projects with PowerPoint and other stuff and studying…
FLASHBACK:
But she did tell Sam he didn't have to, because she noticed the first time, anything the professors gave to him he'd actually get it done right away - same day or the next day. He at least organized and prioritized which paper to turn in first and which to turn in last, but still in less than three days. When assignments were usually due in two weeks or projects had a whole month to be turned in.
But that's always how it's been. Dean taught him first homework then play time - and Sam actually agrees with that because why wait to the last minute - it doesn't make sense when you can get it out of the way right away?
Normal… Sam had bitten his lips when he heard that word again from Jess. She had immediately noticed the frowning worried look on Sam's face, so quickly also told him it's also normal to be a very well organized and responsible young adult.
But Brady had added his two cents in with their friend Andrew sitting at their table. "Yeah of course it is, if you want to be seen as a kiss-up, teacher's pet or anal retentive."
"What?" Sam looked startled.
"Hey, don't listen to him, Sam. It's actually nice to see someone being responsible at a young age, when a lot of older people think we are not," Jess defended.
"But it's fun if you have study groups with pizza parties to go with," Andrew quipped. "And you know it's true Miss-I-can-eat-a-whole-large-pizza-to-herself."
Jessica punched Andrew, as he tries to stop her punches laughing too. Sam watched the interactions with his two friends and smiled.
Brady leaned over. "So what do you say, Winchester, study group tonight my place?"
Sam looked down at his watch and saw it was 8:15pm. He needed to get back to his dorm soon. He needed to be in bed no later than 9:30pm and he also needed to call Dean as soon as he gets in, and ready for bed.
"I'd like to go, but I've done all my work for all my classes. There wouldn't be much for me to study," Sam gave Bradly an apologetic look.
Brady gave Sam a weird look. "You're kidding, right? You were paying attention about pizza and party?"
Sam gave Brady a confused look. "Then why are you calling it a study group?"
"Oh my God, Winchester, you're killing me here. It's the only way an RA from the dorms allows us to have a group of friends over. Especially when it's more than three people."
"So you're not going to study?"
"Well yeah later. Maybe another night when its getting closer to the due date. So you in?"
"Uh… what time?
"About nine. You know Jessica will be there too," Brady added.
Sam bit his lip but then smiled. "Yeah, ok. I just need to drop off some stuff and I'll be there."
"Great! See you later."
Sam got up to walk and then was stopped by Jess. "Hey, you sure about coming over? You know you don't have to prove anything right?"
"No, really, I'm fine. Since we are not really studying it'll be fun to relax."
Jess smiled up at him. "It'll be nice to see you there, since you never hang out with us after 9pm. Maybe we can talk some more and hang out?"
Sam smile down at her and felt something stirring in his stomach. "Yeah that'd be nice."
He really liked Jessica since Brady introduced them and have been hanging out as a group of friends these past six months after his twentieth birthday. Maybe this is what Dean told him about once, "You know she is the right girl, when you feel something in your gut and you get warm and happy every time you are around her".
"Yeah," he smiled goofily back down at her. They start moving closer and closer and then as he felt this pull down to her face …
"HEY, WINCHESTER! GET A ROOM YOU TWO," Andrew called out laughing silly with Brady…
Sam's face got red. Jess just smiled up at him as they pulled back. She quickly tiptoed on her feet and kissed his cheek.
"See you later, Sam." She walked away towards the guys and gave one glance back to him.
Sam felt like he was walking on clouds, he doesn't remember getting to his dorm. Just feeling like the wind was knocked out of him as he flopped on his bed. Jess was amazing since day one he met her. He touched his cheek and actually sighed and he was going to spend more time with her tonight… wait ugh! Tonight! Sam smacked his head and sat up fast he saw the time quickly; it was 9pm. He was supposed to call Dean ten minutes to 9pm to make sure Sam was in for the night.
He pulled out his cellphone and looked at it for a minute. Maybe he can pretend he fell asleep and forgot to call Dean. The phone began to ring loudly and Sam almost dropped it. He didn't have to look down to know it was Dean. He didn't want to answer for the first time since he's been here. He's biting his lips, thinking he could still play 'I was asleep', but he felt sick when he tries to lie to his brother. He flips the phone open.
"Hel …"
"SAMMY! Oh my god, what happened? Are you okay?"
Sam cringed at the over worried voice of Dean. "Yeah, sorry for taking long to answer. I was, uh, in the bathroom," he finished weakly.
There was a silent pause on the other side of the phone. Sam swallows and waits for Dean to say something.
"Sammy, is there a reason why you didn't want to pick up your phone?"
Sam cringed. "I already said why."
"That's nice. Now why don't you try again without lying this time," Dean's voice has an edge to it.
Sam feels himself tear up a bit. It's not fair. Why does his big brother make him feel as though he did something terribly wrong? Just cause he didn't pick up the phone by a certain time or call. Most normal people left voice messages and waited to get a call back from family members. But no. He had to have a brother who insisted on a call time and if he was late by one measly minute than all hell breaks loose.
"Sammy, I'm waiting."
Sam huff into the phone, face scrunching up as he responds. "Dean, do you realize I am twenty years old and in college?" was his answer to Dean's question. "And not once have I ever given you problems to worry since I've been here."
"Sam, that's not what I am asking you. I know you've never given me a reason to worry, but I've never given you a reason to lie to me before, you know how I hate that. Especially when you are clearly hiding something."
"Dean, look I'm sorry. I'm not hiding anything. It's just that, well, I was going to call you but then you call and interrupted my train of thought, before I could call you and-and-and …" Sam paused (why was this so hard, it's really no big deal)
"And?" Dean continued for him.
Sam took a deep breath and let it out. "And I was on my way out. That's what I was going to call you and tell you …"
"On your way out? Sam its 9:05pm," Dean interrupted Sam before he finished.
"Yeah, I'm aware of the time and that's why I was going to give a courtesy call to tell you not to worry. I am going to be hanging out at Brady's place with some friends," Sam finishes a little bit lamely, actually his voice quavered a bit in the end there.
There is of course silence on the other side of the phone after Sam is finished speaking. Sam started to actually squirm on his bed as he can picture Dean staring at him waiting for something from Sam. He started fiddling with his zipper on his hoodie…
It was still silent…Sam took a deep breath. "So if you're okay, I am going to say goodnight Dean and I'll call you tomorrow?"
"Are you asking me or telling me, Sammy?"
Oh, oh that tone. He knows he's got five seconds to answer correctly or what…? Dean's far away it's not like he's going to come through the phone and ground him. But he still stumbled. "Uh, I was informing you, Dean, about my whereabouts and I'll check-in when I get there and when I leave and uh when I get back in?" He quickly amended.
"Sammy, you know the rules before you left to Stanford. I don't mind you wanting to hang out with friends but you need to let me know ahead of time, not the last minute."
"I'm sorry, Dean. It was just sprung up at me." Sam's hope flared as he heard Dean's voice tone down a little bit and sounding tired instead of angry. "I promise as soon as I know next time I'll tell you ahead of time?"
"That's good. I'm sorry that you'll need to rain check this for next time, but I'm sure your friends will understand."
Sam froze on the phone; he swallows before responding. "Why would I need to rain check today? I mean you know where I'll be right now."
"Sammy, I don't begrudge you wanting to hang out with friends. But this will afford you not to forget the next time. So the answer is no, Sammy. You are not going out today. You can call your friends and tell them next time. And then tell me when next time is so I can meet your friends beforehand."
"But…but I already said I would go!"
"And now you will call back and say you can't. You can blame it on me and make me out to be the bad guy."
"Dean, that's stupid! Do you know how that will sound?! Like, 'sorry can't make it because my big brother said no'. Even though I'm fucking twenty years old and live on my own!"
"Little Boy, you will do as you're told and I don't want to hear you use that swear word again, do you understand?"
Sam's breathe hitches and he feels the tears coming of frustration and also overwhelming unfairness. It's a tantrum getting ready to explode, but Sam takes a deep breath and exhales. He's been here two years. He's a twenty year old male with a GPA of 4.00. He can speak to his brother rationally and diplomatically.
'No, DEAN, I want to go today! You can't tell me what to do anymore, I'm an adult!" Sam kicks his foot at his bed.
"Excuse me?!
"I'm going, Dean, and you can't stop me …" and then Sam stops as he hears the jingling of keys in the background.
"Pretty sure I didn't hear that correctly because you know I'm about three hours out and will get there within one and a half hours."
Sam, out of habit, immediately covered his butt with his left hand. "No Dean! I mean I'm sorry," he quickly amended. "I just, just please, please Dean. I want to see Jess. I promised Jess I'd be there," he voice quavers with emotion.
Dean lets out a long sigh. "Jess? Is this a girl, Sammy?"
Sam nods his head as he scuffed his sneakers as though Dean could see him
"Sammy?"
"Uh yeah" he finally whispers "She's nice, Dean, and pretty," he softly says.
Dean pinches the bridge of his nose as he swallows this new development in his little brother's life. Well it was bound to happen. He takes a deep breath looks down at his watch; its already 9:20pm. They have been talking now for twenty minutes.
"Okay, Sam. If she's nice she will understand …"
"But, Dean!"
"Let me finish, Sam. She will understand you can't stay out late this long this time, but next time you will."
"You mean I can go?!" Sam holds up hope again.
"I am making the exception this one time, Sammy. But only one hour and thirty minutes. You call me when you are leaving the place, got it?"
"Yes, Dean," Sam replied happily. "Thank you, Dean, you're the best!"
"Yeah, yeah," Dean waves off. "Oh, Sammy, we are talking about this tomorrow."
"Oh? Okay, Dean. What time did you want me to call?"
"No, Buddy boy, I'll be there in-person after your second class. We'll grab lunch and then we'll talk."
Present:
Dean is standing over Sam and holds out two fingers. "Two years, Sam. I left you alone for two years, didn't bother you, because after that talk you convinced me to trust you to do this. All you had to do was call once a week on a Friday."
Sam puts his head down and sniffs. He knows where this is headed. "I tried, Dean, I really, really tried."
"I know, Sammy, and that's all I asked you that time. But you sleep four to maybe five hours a night. Eat snacks and supplements instead of full meals. Because of this you have shadows under your eyes and you've fallen asleep in some of your classes."
Sam is about to protest but Dean cuts him off.
"No, Sam. I've spoken to your professors before coming today. Mr. Dimarco in history is most worried about you. You've made a couple of mistakes on some of your assignments, but not enough to hurt your GPA. Because you've been a great student he has let those slide and worked with you to turn it in at other times.
"Also according to your Physician - which dad and I set up so you can keep your annual checkups - your last checkup was after your twentieth birthday and that's because I took you. You have not been back since except to go to the student health center a few times because Jess noticed you were feeling dizzy with headaches. They sent the report to your physician. Care to tell me what I found out?"
Sam squirmed in his highchair, wishing he was anywhere but here. He knew what was coming next, but he was just too stubborn to admit that he needs help or that there really is anything wrong. When he knows - not just subconsciously but consciously too - that he has been feeling tired, so much more these days (for the past year) and hungry and mentally off, and so god damn cranky, that if he does not take a moment to breathe, he knows he so wants to fall down and just throw the biggest tantrum.
The small melt down he let out when Dean tried to put him down for a nap earlier today was actually a relief.
"Baby, I asked you a question."
Sam awoke from his thoughts. He sees Dean is now standing right next to him, concern in his eyes as he realizes Sammy had space out.
Sammy bit his lips, he knows Dean already… "They said I needed to eat more food?" Sam looks at Dean through his bangs timidly.
Dean narrows his eyes. "They're exact words were you 'are underweight due to malnourishment, to please follow up with your primary doctor to make sure you get a nutritionist and continue health guidance for your continuity of health'."
"Oh."
"'Oh' is right, little man. You do know Nancy called me when you didn't show up to the schedule appointment the student health center set up for you."
Sam looked up quickly, realization dawning on him. Nancy, stupid Dr. Cooper's assistant, called Dean. That's why Dean is here! Sam thinks scowling face on, which Dean can read immediately- what's probably passing through his baby brother's head
"Oh no, Sammy, you can stop that train of thought and think this is Nancy's fault. It would not matter if she did not call me, I was planning to come down here this week.
"Don't think that I haven't been keeping tabs on you for two years, did you really think I wouldn't know? The staying out late, almost every night, long nights studying into the early hour mornings, the mini anxiety attacks you call Jim on to help you this year with? Who do you think drove him down those two times? After the second one, I'd already decided to drive down and Nancy's call was just the cherry on the cake."
"Pastor Jim told you what happened when I called him?!" Sam face got red.
Dean reaches down to Sam and gently ruffles his hair. "Of course he did. And there's not need to be embarrassed. Accidents happen. Why didn't you call me, Sammy?"
Sam's eyes glaze over as he looks up to his big brother. He tries to keep his composure but it is hard. "Because Dean it's not normal and not at my age," his voice quavers. "I-I-I have a perfect GPA and a part time job, a real nice part-time job and did you know I scored a one-seventy-four on my LSAT Dean. But one, just one nightmare and I lose control of, of… of…" Sam sighs as one tear escapes; he can't voice what happened out loud. "Just thank god Jess was out visiting her aunt that weekend in San Francisco," he finishes with a watery huff.
Sam looks up quickly as he feels the tray being removed. He sees his big brother reach down for him and Sam goes willingly into his arms. There is such a joy in Sam's heart as he feels the embrace Dean gives him as he rubs his back, he settles his head contently on Dean's shoulder. He feels himself tear up; god he's missed this sooo much these past two years. Why, why did he push his brother away? Dean never judges him. Dean never made fun of him or made him feel like a freak. Dean's always there to offer comfort and protection and love freely.
They sit together on the living room couch of Sam's and Jess apartment.
Dean holds Sam on his lap as he comforts him and thinks on the next step he needs to let Sam know. He looks over at the clock and sees it's already fifteen pass 6pm and knows they need to leave soon. He gets himself ready for a another possible fight from Sam, but maybe not, as he's already observed Sam knows he's been slipping, sliding and floundering emotionally and mentally.
So he might be amendable for a break away from school and Jess if Dean informs him it's just to get him re-stabled with the boundaries he needs and grew up with, which he's feel better with?
Of course, there have been new developments that have been happening since Sam left for Stanford. Kid is not aware but more reports of demon activity have popped up. Dean and his dad, not to mention friends Jim, Caleb and Bobby have been busy with sightings and possessions. Not to mention strange activities getting closer to Stanford.
Sam is not aware that it is not just Dean visiting Stanford. As of last year John upped his visitation from once a month to three times a month. Just three months ago he finally sat Dean down and told him everything he knows and patterns about what he has been researching in regards to the yellow eye demon.
Dean had been stunned, then the anger rose in him when he realized what John was saying and had been keeping all this away from him.
John knows Dean wants this son of bitch since he could talk again, revenge for his mother's death. But now hearing it is possibly after Sam, no way in hell is he going to sit by and let it take his kid away. But when Dean started questioning what more his dad knew, he felt as though his dad was still keeping something to himself.
Flashback:
"Why's it after Sam?!"
"I don't know, Dean."
"You don't know?! What do you mean, you don't know!"
"Exactly what I meant. I don't know!" John stood up and walked away. "Look, all I know so far is that it was in Sammy's room, for a reason and your mom …" John almost choked on that part "… just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe she walked in on it doing something, maybe she interrupted him which would be a good thing."
Dean looked in horror at his Dad. "Doing something. What do you mean doing something? And how was Mom dying a good thing! How did you come up with this new theory?!
"Just know that I do, Dean. That's all you need to know."
"That's bullshit, Dad! You tell me what is going on!" Dean pushes.
John breaks. "Because there's been others!"
Dean takes a step back stunned. "What?"
"There's been others, Dean." John sounds tired, he sighs. "In '82,'81, in '80, and so forth … same thing happened."
"Dad, what do you mean same thing happened?" Dean has a pleading look of desperation.
"Nursey went up in flames and with their parent burnt on the ceiling," John looks sadly over to Dean.
"What?" Dean voice falters. "What are you saying?"
"We aren't the only ones who suffered this tragedy, Dean. There have been other families. Somehow this thing has done this for reasons, I'm not sure what yet, but I am worried for Sam."
"Why? What aren't you telling me?"
"I tracked them, Dean," John gives Dean such a sad defeated look. "And the babies that were in the crib and survived, like your brother, they were different."
"Different? How?"
John sighs again and looks at his oldest and knows this was not going to be easy to hear and Bobby was right about this one. Dean and maybe Sam needed to hear what he learned the last two years possibly earlier but those were suspicions, not ground solid fact as he told Singer so he didn't want to cause worry if it wasn't merited especially to their youngest.
Sammy is so young and innocent and Dean's done his best to protect that, and he'd be damn if he was going to let some yellow eye demon steal that from them, they've lost so much because of that bastard. So of course he kept quiet. But he figured out that there was a difference between Sammy and those others kids; Sammy knows about the things that go bump in the night and all the horrors of monsters, demons, loss and pain. But through it all John was so damn happy, as was Dean, that Sammy somehow maintained that sweet innocence.
Which is why he allowed Dean to treat Sam the way he has, it was there only light at the end of the day/hunt. He and Dean were never going to let it be extinguished by any monster or humans. And John realizes this now even more; maybe the answer in saving Sam and keeping him safe, is Sammy's innocent childlike behavior.
He looks again at Dean as he ponders this, Dean waiting for him to say something.
"Dean, sit down, we need to talk and it will probably be a long night." John reached in his duffel and pull out a file filled with clippings and research papers.
It's time John thinks.
One week later after this discussion, John would disappear.
Present:
Dean holds Sam closer to his chest, his little brother just sighs into him. Then Sam's tummy grumbles, reminding Dean he needs to get something in the kid before they leave. He gently sits his brother upright. Sam blinks at him confused, wanting to go back against his big brother's chest.
"Okay, Sammy, we need to get some nourishment in you before you shower and change." He places Sam on the couch as he got up to walk over to the counter where he left Sammy's dinner plate. He felt the bottom of the food plate - still warm - he walks back to Sam who still looks a bit upset and confused.
Dean places the dinner plate on the coffee table in front of Sam. Sam looks down at the plate and gives a sad look to his brother.
"Not hungry, De" and pushes the plate away, and pouts as he turns away from Dean.
"Sammy, you need to eat a little at least."
"No." sounding all of two (whiny and sullen) then it hits Dean, of course, Sam has been slipping and declining, this is no different, how could he forget. Dean walks up to the coffee table picks up Sam's plate and sits down in front of Sam.
Dean lifts up the plastic fork with a little bit of Mac and Cheese on it. "Okay, Sammy, open up."
Sam looks over his shoulder and sees Dean holding out the fork towards him, part of him lights up and feels warm at the familiar sight of Dean feeding him. The other part is still stubborn. "No" he says more sullenly and twists away from Dean.
"Sammy, come on baby, it has crushed goldfish cracker baked in."
Sam looks over again curiously this time and untwists himself and sits facing Dean.
"Fish craker's?" Sam voice again slips to baby talk.
Dean smiles inwardly. "Yup, come on."
Sam opens up hesitantly and Dean slips in the spoon and you see the change immediately, Sam smiles big up at Dean, "S'good," and opens up for more.
Dean starts spoon feeding him the rest as Sam happily devours spoonful after spoonful as he squeezes the small throw pillow that was on the couch next to him and pick up and is bouncing slightly too with each feed. He finishes all the Mac and Cheese and Dean picks up one of the chicken strips next and Sam makes a face.
"No, De, full, don't wan'it," Sam slips some more and then yawns. "Tired, De."
Dean looks at his watch and sees it 6:45pm getting close to bath time and Sammy's old bedtime 8pm. He needs to get Sammy packed and ready to leave soon before Jessica gets home at 10pm.
"Okay, sweetheart, do you want some juice?" Dean gets up with the plate as he makes to walk to the kitchen.
Sam perks up a bit. "Juice! Yes, p'ease" Sam bounces up and down on the couch.
Dean places the plate in the sink and reaches off the side of the cabinet and grabs the sippy cup he filled earlier with organic apple juice. He walks over to Sam and hands him his juice cup. Sam automatically starts sucking on the soft rubber spout of the sippy cup without causing a fuss.
Dean thinks, perfect .Sam is completely immersed right now. Just goes to show Sam is not as grown up as he thinks he is when it comes to his emotional well-being. Sam sits back and leans on the couch and starts to relax. Not wanting to break the contentment spell Sammy is under, he thinks maybe he should just pack Sammy's duffle bag for him and then talk to him after. Or just let him fall asleep as he can see that is where Sam is headed right now as he sees Sammy's eyelids start to droop as he keeps trying to drink his juice. Then just carry him to the car.
Yeah option B sounds better.
Dean picks up his leather jacket from the couch's back where he left it folded. He covers Sammy with it. Sam instantly grips the jacket and starts to settle completely. Dean stands up and walks over to Sam and Jess's bedroom. He goes to the closet and looks above the closet's shelves and sees Sammy's duffle, he pulls it down and opens it up.
He starts packing Sammy's bag with basic stuff, toothpaste and brush, plus his other toiletries stuff. He opens drawers and pulls out a couple of shirts and grabs some of Sam's favorite plaid shirts. He pulls some socks and then stops and holds some boxers briefs and seems to thinks about it before he grabs just three and leaves the rest in the drawers.
He continues to pack and then finally walks out of the bedroom to Sammy.
He sees the frown on Sammy's face and frustrating sound every time Sam tries to hold the sippy cup in his mouth only for it to start slipping out again. Sammy eyes are closed, Dean walks over to him and eases the cup away, and Sam begins to silently start to sniffle and whimper. Dean reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a blue and pink pacifier and with balloon designs on it. He reaches over and places it in Sam's mouth who immediate takes it and finally settles.
Dean waits for a few more minutes watching the rise of Sam's chest and then walks over to the living room door with Sam's bag. He makes sure to lock the door behind him and he walks outside the apartment building to the Impala outside. He opens the trunk of the car and places Sam's bag inside. Reaches in and grabs a blue blanket from the corner and closes the trunk and walks back inside the building.
He unlocks the door to Sam's apartment and walks in to see Sam snuggled up in the leather jacket and sleeping. He quickly leaves a note for Jessica in Sammy's chicken scratch writing; informing her he left with Dean to spend a 3 day weekend with him and will call her as soon as he checks into a hotel. He places it on the kitchen counter with a daisy flower.
He walks to Sam and smiles down at him. "OK, sasquatch, time to hit the road." He leans down and eases Sam up a bit. Sam just snuffles a bit but still holds on to the jacket.
Then with practiced ease, Dean lifts Sam up and walks out the door with his baby brother. Even though the kid has grown three inches taller than Dean he is still light weight since he's not been eating right. He smiles and Sam seems to know he is in Dean's arms because he just cuddles closer to his chest, and sucking more on his pacifier.
They make it outside to the Impala. Dean easily leans his right side frame with Sammy in arm and unlocks the passenger door and leans in with Sammy and places him inside leaning to the left so he can close the door quickly but quietly. He rounds the front of the car and gets in his side, at the same time from possibly body memory and instinct recognition Sammy starts to slide towards Dean and lays his head on Dean's thigh and proceed to use him as a pillow.
Dean chuckles low and fondly at his baby brother. He reaches over and grabs the blue blanket and places it over Sam. He starts the car and pulls out on to the road. Okay, he thinks as he pulls on to the highway, next town is another couple of hours we'll pull into a nice hotel so Sam can sleep in a proper bed for more than five hours of sleep.
Then he needs to fill Sam in on the disappearance of their father, but also about his new rules for Sam and hopefully a nice surprise for Sam when he wakes up and Dean takes him to it. Dean agrees with John about keeping Sammy safe and the house that their Dad managed to somehow purchase and keep it a secret, was a perfect stable place for Sammy to feel free to be himself and for Dean to start pulling him back to that baby innocence and hopefully thwart the yellow eyes demon plans.
But he'll have to wait and see. Especially since Sam has two great things going for him; a Law interview in four days and he knows he was planning on proposing to Jess after he nailed the interview. Dean likes the girl Jess, she seems really in-love with his little brother and seems to honestly care and would never do anything to harm him. Which if his gut instinct tells him he is right Sam should have been honest with her - okay maybe not the whole truth about Dean and John being hunters of the supernatural.
But at least about his little quirks and personality traits. Dean thinks she might have been understanding, another reason why he is taking Sam away for four days, to acclimate him back in this position and to talk to him about Jess and get him to see his girl will understand he shouldn't be scared.
Sam meanwhile starts to squirm and make baby noises while he sleeps. Dean reaches down with one hand and starts to rub Sam's head to get him to relax. He needs Sam to stay asleep for a little while longer and he has no doubt that he will, since "Baby" always could put Sammy to sleep and keep him asleep until she was turned off, then Sam would wake up.