Deep breath, Regina. You can do this. Act like it's a business call!
"Yes, hello," she managed after a moment and a deep breath. "I-I am ashamed to admit I didn't feel like I could go through with the call for a moment."
She heard Emma laugh softly. "Yeah, I figured," she said. "It's been a week since I handed you my number, and then one ring? Figured if it was you, I'd help you along. I'm kinda surprised, though…did I hear you say law office? You're a lawyer? That's-"
"How are you, Miss Swan?"
She heard Emma falter, and immediately regretted the formality in which she'd just spoken. "Uh…Miss Swan. That's…Um, I'm great. Look, Regina, I'm not going to lie. I had this whole plan, you know? Of what to say to you if I ever saw you again. And…I don't know. This is just awkward…Do you want to go out for coffee, or maybe dinner sometime? Just, we have a lot between us and it needs to be addressed in person. Don't you agree?"
She did, in fact. "I do," she confirmed. "My schedule doesn't allow for much free time, I'm afraid. This week…" she took a glance down at her calendar. Doing great. Business meeting, that's all this is. "I'm only available to meet on Sunday evening."
"I can make that happen."
Regina marked "Meet with Emma" on her calendar, but once the words were there in front of her face in permanent marker, she suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe.
Meet with Emma.
"Regina? Are you okay?"
Regina tore her eyes away from the words she'd written and slumped down in her seat, closing her eyes and struggling to keep her breaths even. "I'm just fine. Actually," Regina couldn't stop it. She was going to explode if she didn't get some of this out. "I'm not. I'm not sure that whatever either of us needs to talk about is dinner conversation. I have important things to say to you, and I'm sure you have some choice words for me-"
"Choice words? Regina, I wouldn't have gone through the trouble I did to name my freakin' bar after you if I was still harboring any kind of anger for you. That's why I want to meet with you. You deserve your questions to be answered."
At the mention of anger, that very thing began to creep into Regina's mind, suddenly and strongly. "Why did it take you eight years? Huh, Emma? Why eight years and a bar named for me when you know you could have easily contacted me. I'm not exactly hard to find!"
"You have every right to ask me these questions. And I promise I'll answer them all. I just…let's meet at my bar on Sunday evening. It'll be closed then, we'll have the whole place to ourselves. And conveniently accessible liquor at our disposal," she added with a chuckle, which Regina couldn't help but to dryly return. "That is a brilliant plan. Six o'clock sound good?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I can do six. See you then?"
"See you then."
When Regina hung up the phone, she heard an emphatic "Was that so hard, Mills?" from just outside the room.
"Retrieve your nose from my door and stick it back in your own business, Jones," Regina tried to snap, but it lacked the bite she intended and elicited a barking laugh from her partner.
Her breath caught in her throat as she wrote Queenie's Bar 6:00 p.m.under Meet with Emma on her calendar, and she spent the rest of the work day staring at the words in disbelief, trepidation, excitement, and full-blown fear.
"I have no idea what I'm doing!" Regina cried on Sunday evening, staring down at the pile of rejected outfits on her bed. There was only one spot on the bed that wasn't occupied with clothing, and it was where her mother was currently perched on the edge of it.
Cora watched silently for a moment as Regina put on another dress and then ripped it off herself just as fast, leaving it to pile on the floor.
Finally, she spoke. "I haven't seen you like this since you were a teenager, Regina. Really, what is all the fuss about? It's just Emma."
"You don't understand!" Regina insisted. "It's not 'just Emma', it's Emma Swan. The first girl I…she hated me, Mother, she did, and I don't know what this meet-up is about or what's going to be said. And she's beautiful, Mother. More beautiful than she ever was. I can't-"
She sighed, bringing her hands up to cover her face for a moment. "I haven't felt this out of control since the moment I knew I lost her."
"Well, you've found her now. The search has ended, she is ready and willing to talk to you. It doesn't matter what you wear, Regina. Please collect yourself and remember that you are a Mills, and you can handle anything."
Regina let Cora's words soak in for a moment, before taking a deep breath and nodding, picking up a gray dress from the bed and shimmying into it. Cora zipped up the back for her and when she stepped into her heels, her mother nodded in approval. "Classy, professional, but not too formal. You look wonderful, dear. Now go talk to Emma. You've waited long enough."
By the time Regina pulled up to Queenie's Bar, she felt like her heart was legitimately trying to escape from her chest. She had a moment to wonder if that was something she needed to see a doctor about since it had been happening very frequently as of late, before she saw Emma's Beetle pull into the empty space next to her.
She still had the Beetle. The bright yellow eyesore was still functioning and the sight of it brought sudden tears to Regina's eyes. No. Now's not the time.
She blinked back the tears and opened her door, stepping out of her car to greet Emma. "Good evening," she said evenly, trying to tamper down her emotions as Emma got out of the Beetle. Emma was breathtaking in skin-tight dark jeans and a soft blue blouse, her golden curls falling down her back almost sensually as she shook them away from her face and smiled at Regina. "Hey, you," she greeted in return, grabbing her building keys from her back pocket. Silently, they strode to the door of the bar, and Emma unlocked the doors and then held one open for Regina. "Ladies first," she quipped. Regina lifted one brow at her but walked through the door first, taking in the posh interior once more. "It really is quite beautiful," Regina complimented quietly. Emma grinned at her as she tucked her keys back into her pocket and made her way to the bar in the center of the room. "What's your poison?" she asked.
"If you can make a dry martini as well as your mother, I'll have that," Regina quipped, perching herself on a barstool, feeling strangely relieved that there was a countertop between her and Emma right now. Her hands itched and ached suddenly, and she formed them into fists in her lap to quell the feeling.
Emma, meanwhile, began mixing up Regina's drink. "Ingrid taught me everything she knows, don't worry. And she is more my mother than anyone else has been," she explained. "Well, except your mother. She took me in after…well, she was the next person that took me in. And she kept me, and we've been through a lot together."
"Understandable," Regina replied. When Emma handed her drink to her, she accepted with a quiet "Thank you" and then continued, "I'm glad you found someone to care and be there for you, since you wouldn't let me."
And just like that, the cards were on the table. Regina almost winced at her near-hatefulness, but thankfully managed to keep her blank mask firmly in place. Emma, however, blanched.
"All right," she sighed, pouring herself a shot of straight whiskey, knocking it back quickly, and refilling. "You're tired of small talk. I get it; I am too. So, let's talk. You first, or me?"
"By all means," Regina said, taking a sip of her drink and gesturing to Emma. "Begin."
Emma refilled her shot glass but didn't drink from it. She paced back and forth a couple of times, and finally, she spoke.
"I'm going to start with how I feel now, so that nothing I say about my feelings then will be at the forefront. You saved me, when you sent the cops to my house that day. Had you not done what you did, I would probably be dead. He didn't….he didn't stop until the sirens were outside."
Regina's breath caught in her throat and she quickly gulped from her glass before asking, "What were your injuries, if I may ask? The hospital never told me."
Emma sighed and ran her hands through her hair uncomfortably. "Uh, I've never really…talked about that time with anyone, so…um. Sorry. Broken collar bone, arm, tail bone, five cracked ribs, internal bleeding, concussion, and a few gashes from where I landed on sharp corners or his rings split me open. Took a very long time to heal."
"Emma, I'm so sorry. It was all my fault-"
"No." She said it with so much force that Regina leaned back a bit, taken aback by the harshness. "We messed up. It wasn't you. It was both of us. We should have better controlled ourselves; we knew paparazzi scumbags were everywhere. So don't blame yourself."
Regina nodded tightly, then handed her glass back to Emma, signaling that she was done with the alcohol. "My caseworker came to the hospital, informed me that she'd put me in for a transfer to protect me. Asked me if I wanted to see anyone before I left. I told her no."
Emma looked ashamed at the admission, and Regina felt the hurt slam into her upon hearing it. "You chose not to let anyone know how you were or where you were going," she said darkly, squeezing her fists together hard, feeling the stinging bite of her nails into her palms.
"You have to understand, Regina," Emma said earnestly, "I was not okay. My senior year, ruined. My friends, everything I'd established, gone. I knew Ja-he - was an ass, and I thought I knew what he was capable of, but I never thought…I almost died, Regina. And without your intuition that night, I don't think he would have stopped until I had. It took me a few years to understand that, but once I did…I owed you a huge debt of gratitude, Regina. So, Queenie's was born."
With the last statement, she gestured at the grandeur around her. "My life was extremely rough for the next three years. I…really went downhill. I lost my chances for a full-ride scholarship, I lost my chances of going to culinary school. I spiraled out, did some stupid things…but Ingrid stayed with me, she helped ground me and push me to do great things, and here we are."
They sat in silence for a moment, enjoying the comfortable calm the alcohol had gifted them, before Emma asked, "What about you? A lawyer? How did that happen?"
Regina huffed. "It was…an easy choice. I had a high GPA, all of the resources and recommendations, and Harvard accepted me immediately. I've only been a real lawyer for about six months, though. Waited a bit to go to law school." She did not divulge the reason she waited, but Emma seemed to know what was unspoken.
"I heard about your father, and I guess now I can finally say how sorry I am for your loss," Emma said softly, filling two glasses with water and then walking around the bar, taking a seat beside Regina and handing one to her.
"I imagine everyone did. Thank you."
Henry Mills had died one year after Regina had graduated high school. Heart failure, they'd been told. He had died peacefully in his bed, but the Mills family had never been the same. Between losing Emma and then her father, Regina had begun to close herself off and build up walls, walls that she could feel starting to crumble the longer she was in Emma's presence.
Because Emma was running her hands through her hair again, and as she did so, Regina caught a whiff of her scent in the air: vanilla and cinnamon, and something uniquely Emma. She still smelled exactly the same, and Regina's entire body quaked and her head spun from it.
"Are you okay?" Emma asked, and Regina realized she'd clenched her eyes shut and exhaled sharply in order to keep herself under control. "Yes, I'm fine," she covered quickly. "This whole thing is just a bit overwhelming."
"I hear you," Emma chuckled. "I keep thinking of more things I want to tell you, but they keep getting caught in my throat. I don't know how to make things up to you. And you're beautiful. I mean, really beautiful, Regina. So naturally I'm all over the place."
Regina's pulse quickened at Emma's bold compliment and admission, but she tried to ignore it. "How did you feel about me for the first few years?" she asked quietly. "I need to know."
Emma hung her head. "I tried not to think about you," she whispered. "I did anything and everything to keep you off of my mind, and when I did think of you I told myself I hated you, because you'd done this, made me the way I was then. Which was a line I fed myself, mind you," she clarified quickly. "Like I said, I was messed up."
"I had all of these apologies for you," Regina said, sipping her water and shifting in her seat, completely missing the way Emma's eyes followed her legs as they crossed in front of her. "But now you're thanking me for the very things I was going to apologize for. I don't know what more to say except…I missed you. And….thank you. For reaching out to me."
"And for naming a bar after you?" Emma joked, bringing a smile to Regina's face. "Indeed. A bit over the top, though, wouldn't you say?"
"Nah, if anything I'd say I still owe you."
Their eyes locked for a moment, something electric and intense and silent passing between them, and Emma opened her mouth to say something else…
And her phone rang, causing her to start in her seat. She jumped up, taking a few steps away from Regina and answered the call quickly. Regina heard a man's voice, and the loud cries of a child, before hearing Emma say "I'll be right home. Tell him I'm coming."
When she hung up the phone, Emma turned guiltily to Regina. "I'm sorry to have to cut this short," she said sadly. "I have something I have to do at home. Are you good to drive or do I need to call you a taxi?"
"I'm fine," Regina said. The drink had warmed her, but not inebriated her, and the water was already working on hydrating her and clearing her mind.
"Okay, me too," Emma said distractedly, grabbing the glasses and washing them real quick while Regina watched, thoroughly confused. "Did I hear a child crying during that phone call, Emma?" she asked hesitantly.
Emma froze for a second, dish towel in hand and eyes unfocused, before her face cleared and she smiled at Regina. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, you did. That's…my son. He came down with a fever suddenly, that's why I need to go."
It was like the whole world had dropped out from underneath Regina's feet. Emma had a son. Somewhere in the space of the last eight years, Emma had conceived and birthed a child. The voice on the phone had been a man's. Was he the father? Was Emma married?
"What did-how is-when-?" Regina couldn't even get the question out. She suddenly wanted about ten more martinis just to deal with this new information.
"Look, Regina, I'd love to tell you," Emma said, replacing the glasses and turning out the main lights before steering them both to the door, "but I really have to go. The next story I have to share is a tough one, and a long one, and one for another time. Can we meet up again?"
A furious jealously flared up inside Regina as thoughts of Emma with a husband and child swirled in her mind. "If you could find the time with your busy schedule," she snapped as she wrenched open her car door. "I'm sure your family keeps you just as busy as your new bar."
"Well, yeah," Emma said hesitantly and confirming Regina's suspicions as she watched Regina duck into her car. "But I would really like to see you again so we can finish our conversation."
"Well, you have my number," Regina dismissed curtly before closing the door and starting her engine, effectively ending the conversation. She couldn't even feel guilty at the rude dismissal, as she felt as though she would do or say something stupid if she had to talk to Emma Swan for another second. She didn't put the car into gear, though. She stared at her white-knuckled hands on the steering wheel, using her peripheral vision to watch as Emma walked to her own car, got in, and drove off. Only when Emma was gone did Regina finally let herself breathe, and once she was breathing, she was crying.
Really, what did she expect? Emma didn't blame her for what had happened anymore, but of course she hadn't waited for Regina for eight years. Of course she pushed forward, lived her life, found happiness. All this was, was Emma's apology for not contacting Regina sooner. All that was happening was the closure they both needed and deserved, and then they would part ways once more. Emma wanted to talk more, but Regina wasn't sure she could handle it. She'd gotten her closure, so it'd be best to never speak again. Being friends again, seeing Emma with someone else, a family of her own, and being sidelined…Regina could do it.
It was true, what Milah had guessed. Deep down, Regina had hoped that she and Emma would find each other and they would continue like they'd never been separated. She'd dreamt that Emma would take her into her arms, hold her tight, kiss away the pain of the last few years and life would be perfect. She'd known it was a stupid thought, a stupid dream, but her childish heart had held onto it anyway.
Sobs wracked her body and she collapsed against her steering wheel, gasping for breath between agonizing wails.
Emma might not blame her anymore for the events of her near-death experience and their separation, but she'd blamed her long enough that there was no longer any hope for them to be together, and Regina had known it. She just hadn't fully accepted it until now.
I'm such a fool.