Chapter 24: Changes

Willow frowned as Buffy continued, "He just seems so busy lately. I know his business is crazy and I understand that but I would think Christmas was busier than now."

Anya interrupted mentioning, "Valentine's day is really popular for wine. Perhaps it's just a Valentine's Day rush."

Willow nodded in agreement, "She's right you know. He's probably just busy with sales. He's had a big change this past year and I'm sure it takes time to settle into something like that."

Buffy sighed, "I think he hates me. You think he hates me too?"

Anya and Willow both wrapped their arms tightly around Buffy as she sniffled slightly. It was Willow who tried to speak comforting words to her friend though, "Buffy, Spike could never hate you. I've seen how he looks at you. The looks he gives you are amazing. It's almost like he can see inside your soul and is one with you. Don't you feel that too when you are together with him?"

Buffy nodded as she wiped her eyes the second the girls pulled away to look at her better, "I do but we aren't together much. It was different when I could see him everyday. He was there and loving me every day and now, there's months that we go without each other. It's been six months and I feel so alone. I feel so unloved and not like a girlfriend at all. I want him home and I want us together forever not apart for months at a time wishing the other could be here. Hell I don't even know if he does that anymore. I disagree with the comment that absence makes the heart fonder…it causes heartbreaks."

Anya wrapped her arms around Buffy speaking, "Buffy it doesn't cause heartbreak. It's beautiful and passionate and results in lots of orgasms but definitely not heartbreak material. You should talk to him. I talk to Xander all the time and things are great. Try to talk to Spike and see if he will listen and talk back. Perhaps he doesn't even realize he's neglecting you. Sometimes when you get so wrapped up in your world you wound up recognizing other's faults that sometimes leads you to your own."

With her wisdom spoken, Buffy felt better. She stood up making her way back to her car as the other two girls followed behind her, "Will you be ok?"

Buffy nodded looking braver and a little better, "Yea, I'll be fine. Thanks girls."

Both girls smiled big at Buffy even as Willow spoke up, "You guys will make it. You guys are the strongest relationship I've seen. Go talk to your man before he gets too busy in his day."

Buffy climbed into the car waving as she disappeared to go back to her house to do just that, talk to her man.

Buffy got home to find Spike wasn't online. He had left her messages, "Sorry baby, I have a meeting at that time but I'll look for you later. Love you."

Then another that had tears glistening in her eyes, "I just looked at my calendar and I'm a stupid git. You can beat me up when you see me if you'd like. I didn't bloody realize it was the 20th already. I'm going to miss your bleeding birthday and I'm so sorry about that. I won't miss your prom, I promise but I don't think I can make it down there until then. I swear I'm bloody sorry and will make this up to you. Perhaps for your prom I can manage to stay longer. I just got a lot on my plate right now. Forgive me luv?"

Buffy wiped her eyes with a sigh. Of course she would forgive Spike. She couldn't stay mad at him. She opened up her email with another sigh as she started to write, "I forgive you Spike. I know you are busy as am I. I'm just sad we can't be together for my birthday but I'll be ok. Willow and Oz are away but Anya and Xander are still around and perhaps my mom and I will do something special. I think my dad is out of town again. I love you and hope to see you really soon. I miss you like crazy and it's getting harder for us to talk. My friends assure me that you love me so much and that you don't hate me. Sometimes I wonder but I know it's not your fault. It's just that life is busy. Just remember I do love you Spike and always will."

Buffy then hit shutdown on her pc and curled up in a ball as the tears started to fall. It seemed lately all she was doing was crying. She was tired of crying but usually felt better afterwards. For now she would allow herself the luxury of crying hoping it would let her feel better by morning.

Two days later, on Buffy's birthday, Buffy sat on the couch in the living room watching an old movie with her mom. It had been playing for a while and was near the ending as the song "Goodnight, My Love" filled her ears. She was longing for the night to be over and for her to wake up and see Spike there with her instead of in some important morning meeting.

Her mother interrupted her thoughts as she returned to the room holding a plate with two cupcakes on it. One had a candle on top and Buffy knew it was for her birthday since it read 18th on it. She longed for her birthday to be over so that the fact Spike hadn't shown up wouldn't bother her so much.

She heard her mother again interrupt thoughts stating, "Did I miss anything?"

Buffy hadn't been watching the film at all so figured she'd play it safe and answered with, "Um…just a bunch of singing and dancing around."

Her mom put the mug of coffee down along with the plate of the cupcakes and held out a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows in it. Buffy took the hot chocolate fighting back tears. The tiny marshmallows reminded her that Spike couldn't be there with her to celebrate her 18th birthday.

It was a big deal in Buffy's life but Spike couldn't make it despite his earlier promise. She could hardly blame him and found herself watching as Joyce looked around for the matches she had placed on the table first. She seemed apologetic as she explained, "I'm sorry I didn't have time to make you a real cake."

Buffy had a long day and didn't feel like making anyone else feel any worse so she replied quickly, "No. This is good."

She watched as her mom tucked her feet under her as she continued the conversation, "But we'll still going shopping on Saturday?"

She looked at Buffy asking curiously, "What'd you do for your birthday? Did you have fun?"

Buffy looked down not knowing what to say. How could she tell her mom that she was disappointed Spike didn't come? She decided she couldn't and looked back up simply stating, "I got older."

Her mom looked into her eyes stating softly, "You look the same to me."

She watched then as her mom leaned down to light the candle and then blew out the match. She leaned back on the couch turning to face Buffy, "Happy Birthday. I don't have to sing do I?"

She smiled as she made the last part of the comment and Buffy glanced down at her hands not wanting to smile, "No."

Her mom looked at the candle then at Buffy saying, "Well. go on, make a wish."

Buffy stared at it wishing things were back to normal and wishing she could take back everything. She realized it was a bad wish and wishing was a bad idea at this point so instead of making a wish she decided, "I'll just let it burn."

Her mom then reached up to stroke Buffy's hair as Buffy leaned over resting her head on her mom's shoulder longing for her to make it all better. Her mom's comforting stroking continued in her hair for a while until the movie ended. Then Joyce sat up leaning over to eat her cupcake whispering to Buffy, "Eat up."

Buffy picked up her cupcake carrying it with her as she said, "I'm really tired and had a really long day. I think I'll bring this to my room and go to bed."

Her mom stared at her for a moment and nodded saying, "Sweet dreams honey. Happy birthday again."

Buffy nodded and turned heading up to her room. She waited in her bed after putting the alarm on and longed for May when Spike would be here with her to hold her tight. Memories of her last year's birthday echoed in her head and how perfect it had been and this year's had stunk.

As tears finally poured from her eyes, she curled up in a ball knowing she would cry herself to sleep tonight.