Author's Notes – Thank you again for your kind words for my last chapter. I can tell you I was hesitant to post it due to the subject matter, but you guys have been awesome.
This chapter is a tag for Hollander's Woods and was actually the first chapter I had mapped out when I started on this journey. But I soon realised I needed a few stepping stones before getting here.
Finally I would like to dedicate this chapter to TORONTOSUN who's been here since the start and has encouraged me with their kind words on each chapter I've posted.
Many of you would have seen the photo of the little boy reading to a big ginger cat on Facebook, I love the concept of this program and where I got part of the inspiration for this chapter, apart from the fact that I have five rescue cats living on my farm we've collected over the years. You can read about ARL's Book Buddies Program here /programs/book-buddies/
Chapter Six – Your Stuff Will Still be Here
'Babe it's not a problem I'll see you when you get home,' Kate smiled as she listened to the exuberant voice of her husband. When her cell rang at ten fifteen that evening, she'd sworn loudly at the empty loft fearing she'd been called out. Thankfully it was just Rick calling to tell her he would be a little later than he originally planned.
Kate didn't mind the peace and quiet with both Martha and Alexis out for the evening, and was currently tucked up in bed reading the latest novel from James Patterson. She had to admit she wasn't sure she was going to enjoy his latest work, considering she was a homicide cop reading about a women's murder club, but was finding it refreshingly good. Lindsay Boxer could give Nikki Heat a run for her money.
'You know,' Kate jumped as Alexis walked through the bedroom door. 'Some would consider that cheating,' she'd been so engrossed in her book, Kate didn't even hear her daughter come home.
'I won't tell your dad if you don't,' Kate threw back.
'Hmm fine by me, but only because I'll have the blackmail edge,' Alexis giggled. 'Isn't it kinda creepy having dad's big heads in here?' Alexis asked, flopping down on her father's side of the bed and looked at the giant photo boards resting against the wall. 'That is so creepy…' she whispered.
'Comfy there?' Kate laughed as she smoothed Alexis's hair away from her face, as the young woman looked back towards her mom. 'And I've already told him to move them out of here….' Kate said with a sigh. She already knows she's going to have to move them herself in the morning.
'They look so much bigger in here than they did on stage' Alexis tilted her head this way and that…nope still creepy. 'Where is dad anyway, I thought he'd be home from his poker game by now,' she said with a yawn.
'Well, apparently he's on a winning streak and kicking Michael Connelly's butt, so he's not sure when he'll be home,' Kate giggled.
'Oh to be a fly on the wall in that room at the moment,' Alexis laughed and re-arranged herself so she was lying on her side facing her mother, her head resting in her hand.
'So how was your night out with Paige…you're home early?' Kate queried looking at the clock on the night stand. Paige was home on a short break before her final exams, and the two girls had spent every waking minute together catching up on everything they'd missed over the past year.
'Yeah, her mom's not well so she wanted to go home,' Alexis sighed.
'Everything OK with Gillian?' Kate asked with worry in her voice.
'Oh yeah she's fine, she's just at the tail end of a nasty cold that's knocked her around a bit, and Paige just wanted to stay at home with her,' Alexis sighed as she let her head flop onto her dad's pillow. 'Kate?'
'Yeah sweetie,' Kate replied, placing her book mark in the book. She figured she wasn't going to get anymore reading done tonight.
'Have you decided what you're going to do now you've passed your Captain's exam?' Alexis asked, as she picked at imaginary link on the bedspread.
'Not yet…..I know I have to make a decision soon which way I want to go…whether I stay in the NYPD, or look at going into politics,' Kate replied, stilling her daughter's hand. 'There are a lot of things your dad and I need to take into consideration, and what impact it will have on the future of our family,' Kate finished as she tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
'Like me finally getting a brother or sister…preferably one of each,' Alexis asked with a smile.
'That's one of the things we're discussing, your dad and I will definitely be adding to the family,' Kate laughed as Alexis let out an 'ewwww' while scrunching up her face. 'But' Kate continued as she swatted Alexis's shoulder. 'We also need to take into account the impact on you, and Martha, and anyone else who comes along if I do go into politics…..'
'You know I'll support you no matter what you decide don't you?' Alexis said as she looked up her mom.
'Thank you sweetie,' Kate said softly. 'But it's a little more complicated than just support,' Kate replied. 'So, what's really going on in that pretty head of yours,' Kate asked. Alexis had the good grace to blush at being caught out.
'How did you know?' Alexis questioned, as she rolled over onto her back and stared at the ceiling.
'Because, I've known you long enough to know all your tells,' Kate replied, squeezing her daughters hand.
'Paige asked me to travel through Europe with her over summer break, just for a month or so…' Alexis said hesitantly.
'I think that's a brilliant idea sweetie; it's what you should be doing at your age,' Kate replied. 'Yet, why I get the feeling there's a but in here somewhere.' Kate asked. Alexis shrugged her shoulders and looked down at their joined hands, where she was toying with her mom's engagement ring. 'You don't want to go?' she questioned.
'Yeah I do….'
'What, you think you'll come home after a month abroad to find your room packed up and all your stuff in storage…..oh my God, you totally think that!' Kate laughed when she saw the look on her daughters face.
'No…yeah…maybe,' Alexis huffed guiltily. It still surprised her how well Kate knew her.
'Jeez kid, after what this family's been through over the past year, and you're scared to go on vacation because you're worried we'll kick you out while you're gone?' Kate sassed as she pulled her daughter in for a hug.
'Stop laughing at me,' Alexis groused into Kate's shoulder. But Kate could tell from her tone that Alexis was only having fun with her.
'Honey, rest assured you're room and all your stuff will still be where you left it when you come home ok?' Kate assured.
'Ok,' Alexis sighed as she flopped down on her back again.
'So, that's the first thing out of the way, what's next,' Kate said. Since her sessions with Doctor Burke and her recent experience with cyberbullying, Alexis had been much more open with Kate, and their late night discussions had become a regular occurrence.
'Iwannatakeagapyear', Alexis mumbled.
'What honey, I didn't understand a word you just said then,' Kate laughed.
Alexis rolled over on her side again and looked up her mom. 'I want to take a year off from college,' she said.
'Oh….Ok….let me just get my head around this one, because I get the feeling I'm the sounding board before you speak with your father,' Kate said , her mirth turning to seriousness so fast it made Alexis's head spin.
'No….I'm just strategically asking one parent before another,' spoken like a true lawyer Kate thought. 'I've already spoken with dad…about having no idea what I want to do with my life, not wanting to take a year off school….and I'd rather be out experiencing real life, with the possibility of finding the passion and drive that you and dad have, than being stuck in school with no idea what I want to do,' Alexis explained.
'So this isn't just some kneejerk reaction to what's been going on around here lately….you have a plan for what you want to do?'
'Promise me you won't laugh,' Alexis asked.
'Honey, I would never laugh at something that's so important to you….except may Firefly,' Kate sassed. Alexis giggled and felt the tension leave her body as she rolled back to stare at the ceiling again. Maybe this wouldn't be as hard as she thought, as she felt her mom gently card her hand through her hair.
'I've spoken to Lanie, she said there's a part time internship at the morgue,' Alexis started. 'I'd have to go through the normal interview and selection process, but she said it would just a formality….this way I can not only earn money, but also earn credits towards re-enrolling in college next year….and I know I have partial access to my trust fund now…but I want to work and earn money and contribute…'she said. Kate squeezed her daughter's hand tightly; even now she could still be stunned by what an amazing young woman Alexis had grown into.
'That sounds great honey, I know Lanie loves you, and loves working with you….I've even overheard Perlmutter mention you could be the Chief Medical Examiner one day if you put your mind to it,' Kate said with pride. 'So, apart from working with Lanie, what else did you want to do?' Kate asked.
'This is the part where you have to promise not to laugh,' Alexis whispered shyly and rolling over to dace her mom again. But Kate noticed this time her daughter had brought her knees up to her chest in a protective position,
'Alexis..' Kate rarely used what Alexis had come to refer to as her 'mom' voice. The young woman was certain Kate's 'mom' and Detective Beckett voice were one and same; and Alexis knew not to mess around, Detective Beckett was scary.
'I meant what I said at dad's award dinner….that I want to help you with your campaign, if you decide to go into politics,' Kate sat quietly as she let Alexis gather her thoughts. 'The difference that you could make….I don't even know where to start, but I do know that I want to be part of the journey, and I'm so proud of you,' Alexis was sure she heard her mom sniffle.
'And what if I chose to continue to pursue my career within the NYPD, what would you want to do then,' Kate asked, worried that her daughter was thinking about putting her future on hold for her.
Alexis pulled out her iPhone and brought up a website. 'Someone posted this photo on Facebook a little while ago, and there was just something about it….it just has such a quiet gentleness and beauty…,' Alexis said.
Kate looked at the site Alexis had brought up, and couldn't help but smile and the beautiful photo she was looking at. A young boy with his arm wrapped around a big ginger cat, who was snuggled into the boy as he read a book to the cat.
'Ok, I'm listening,' Kate said quietly, while still transfixed by the photo she was looking at.
'Mr Moore….he's the campus councillor who helped me out last month…his wife helps run a cat rescue shelter on the Upper East Side,' Alexis started. 'She's been looking at ways to raise awareness and funds, as well as start and education program. When I saw this post on Facebook…it just…I can't explain it…but it really struck a chord with me,' Alexis said quietly. Her mom squeezed her knee to encourage her to continue.
'I spoke to the Animal Rescue League in Pennsylvania, to ask them how they went about setting up their Book Buddy program, and then spoke to Mrs. Moore about introducing a similar program here,' she explained. 'And I know it's not as simple as putting a kid with a book in a room with a cat…but you know the results from studies into animal therapy are amazing, particularly in the areas of childhood trauma and autism, and the benefits of a program like this here in New York are so far reaching….' Kate could hear the excitement and passion in her daughter.
'It sounds amazing, but why this…I mean it's a beautiful photo but what made you pursue it further?' Kate asked. 'I didn't even know you liked cats.'
'You know education has always been so important to me, and I see this as a way to help so many kids who are either struggling to learn to read, or have difficulty socialising for whatever reason, or need help recovering from trauma….and it helps the cats…helps socialise and comfort the cats in the shelter. So many of them have come from abuse or neglect…and animals are non-judgmental….they love you no matter who you are, or if you've had a crappy day, whether you have one dollar or a billion dollars…so I want to help Mrs Moore set up a Book Buddies program here in New York, and spend time helping with teaching kids to read…. again it would also go towards re-enrolment credits.' Alexis finished with a yawn.
'Wow….wow….that's amazing….like seriously amazing,' Kate said. It was rare that she was rendered speechless, but her daughter had managed it. 'You've really thought about this haven't you?' Kate was impressed by the amount of thought and planning Alexis had put into justifying taking a year off college.
'Hmmm' Alexis nodded as she struggled to stay awake. 'Or maybe I just want to become a crazy cat lady, and this is my way justifying it' Alexis giggled. 'But either way, I have options I'd like to explore,'
'Honey, so long as you're happy, I have no problem with you becoming a crazy cat lady,' Kate said trying to stifle a laugh and failing. 'And I would be honoured to have you as part of my team if I do decide to run,' Kate placed gentle kiss on her daughter's forehead. An expression of affection she didn't think twice about anymore. 'So what's next,' she asked.
'Nothing,' Alexis yawned.
'What about guys….I know you go to school with some hot young men,' Kate said.
'Kaaaate….' Alexis whined, as she rolled onto her stomach and buried her head in the pillow. Kate still couldn't get over her daughter's uncanny ability to sound like a whining two year old.
'What?' Kate giggled. 'I'm just asking….Is there someone you're interested in? What about the guy we caught you wiping the floor with at laser tag?' Kate asked
'David? No he's not interested in me,' Alexis said as she looked up with an incredulous look on her face.
'Why wouldn't he be interested in you? You're a stunning young intelligent woman,' Kate said clearly flabbergasted.
'Emphasis on the woman,' Alexis giggled.
Kate frowned briefly before the light went off 'Oh' she said with a slight blush.
'David's one of my closest friends...but he already has a boyfriend,' Alexis giggled. 'And no there's nobody I'm really interested in….and honestly, I'm not really looking at the moment,'
'I hope you're not letting what happened with Pi put you off wanting to pursue a relationship,' her mom said.
'No…..not really… .. and I'm not going to sleep around just because I can, that's not me,' Alexis heard her mom sigh with relief. 'Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude… I'm just not looking for a boyfriend at the moment…that doesn't mean to say that if say Henry Cavill suddenly appeared in front of me, I wouldn't hesitate in riding him until his eyeballs popped out,' Kate laughed out loud at her daughters response. 'Besides, you and dad have set the bar pretty high for what I want out of a relationship,' Alexis said quietly.
'And you also saw all the heartbreak and sorrow we went through along the way,' the seriousness in her mom's voice caught Alexis off guard.
'Yeah…and there were times I begged him not to take you back….not to keep giving you another chance' Alexis whispered. 'And every time I had to pick up the pieces from where you'd broken his heart again, I hated you just a little bit more.' Alexis admitted as she looked up at her mom, when she heard Kate's sharp intake of breath. 'But,' Alexis continued. 'I also saw the hard work you put in….you both put in to get where you are now….and I'm so thankful dad never listened to me…..that you never gave up on him…or me,' she finished with a whisper. Kate swiped at the tear that had rolled down her cheek looking away momentarily.
'You have no idea how much that means to me to hear you say that, and that you never gave up on me either,' Kate said as she gently smoothed a stray lock of hair off her daughters face. 'I know I've not been the easiest person to get to know, definitely not the easiest person to love….but your dad…and you and your Gram's have given me something I haven't had since my mom died….you've given me a family…and I know I have my dad, but for so long the relationship between he and I was…well you know the history….and I love my dad don't get me wrong….but we'll never have the relationship again we had when I was younger,' Kate's voice was tinged with sadness thinking about her mom and how it impacted her life, her dad and her relationship with her father.
Alexis rose up on her knees and pulled her mom in for a hug. 'I didn't mean to make you sad,' Alexis whispered, as Kate rested her head on the young girls shoulder and wrapped her arms around her daughter.
'Oh honey, you didn't make me sad,' Kate said pulling back. 'I have so many wonderful memories of my mom….memories similar to this,' she continued as she gently cupped her daughter's face, and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before pulling back and laying back against the bedhead again.
'But so often I'm reminded of how much I miss her….how much we've both missed out on…..my career, you, your dad, what she and my dad could have achieved in their life together ,' Kate said with a sad smile. 'It's also why I encourage you to keep in touch with Meredith…because one day she won't there, and I don't want you to regret not having a relationship with your mom,' Kate said.
'I know,' Alexis said as she swallowed heavily. 'And I do love her, please don't think that I don't….I just haven't looked at her as my mom for a long time now….I think dad summed it up perfectly, in describing her as a crazy aunt with a credit card…all she needs is the cats,' Alexis sighed as she lay back down, while Kate let out an un-lady like snort. 'And I know it's just who she is, I realised a long time ago, I can't change her into what I want her to be,'
'I know, but do you want to?' Kate asked curiously.
'What do you mean,' Alexis asked in confusion.
'Just because she's not someone you look to for maternal comfort and support, would you want to change her?' Kate asked honestly. 'Yes she's highly strung, and free spirited, and you and your father have had to live with the heartbreak and burden of those personality traits, but on the other hand,' Kate took Alexis hand, and quickly continued before her daughter could interrupt. 'Look at the joy she brings the world…just like your Gram's does when she's on the stage…for a few short minutes or hours Meredith and Martha give us a refuge from everyday life, where we can turn the world off and escape to a better place for just a little while… and she gave your dad, the world and me…she gave us you,' Kate said, her throat closing over with tears.
Alexis lay quietly because she'd never thought of her mother in those terms before. It didn't make it any easier to live with, but it did make her look at Meredith in a different light.
'Even on the worst days there is a Possibility for joy' Alexis whispered. 'I'm guessing dad borrowed that advice from you as well?' Kate nodded in response as she waited for Alexis to finish. 'I've never thought of her like that before, still doesn't make it any easier to accept that she just walked away from us' Alexis whispered honestly as she wiped a stray tear from her cheek.
'Oh baby, I know. But Meredith loves you, and is so very proud of you, every time she sweeps into town and whisks you off somewhere, or sends you a trinket from someplace she's visited, just shows you're never far from her thoughts,' Kate said, and pushed on despite the sceptical look Alexis was giving her. 'Your mom and I talk from time to time, you mean so much to her even though she doesn't have a very good way of showing you,' Kate finished.
'Yeah I know' the young redhead said unconvincingly.
'Honey, what's the real issue here,' Kate asked.
'Promise me you'll tell me straight away if you find out you're pregnant while I'm away,' Alexis blurted out. She wouldn't let on, but she was still upset at the way she found out about her parent's engagement.
'Oh sweetie,' Kate sighed. 'I promise….and I know you're dad and I have apologised…'
'I know,' Alexis interrupted. 'But it's one thing to find out by accident that dad had asked you to marry him….,' Alexis let the sentence hang.
'I promise that as soon as I've pee'd on the stick, probably with your father watching me, and found out I'm pregnant I'll call you ok?'
'You coulda just said yes,'
'Yes' the sound of their combined laughter broke the tension in the room.
'Kate?'
'Mmm?'
'Thank you,'
'For what?'
'For everything you've done for me since you met dad,' Alexis was struggling to stay awake. She was slowly being lulled to sleep by the quiet conversation, and the feeling of love and safety.
'You're welcome baby girl,' Kate looked down at her daughter when she failed to get a reply, only to find Alexis sound asleep. Grabbing her book off the night stand, Kate decided to read until Rick came home, before waking Alexis and sending her to bed.
'You know,' Kate jumped a short time later as Rick walked through the bedroom door. 'Some would consider that cheating,' he finished as he walked around to her side of the bed and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.
'And they claim human cloning hasn't been perfected yet,' Kate groused as Rick gave her a confused look. 'Like father like daughter,' was all she said.
'Speaking of daughters, any reason why ours has taken over my side of the bed?' Rick asked as he walked to the opposite side of the bed to rouse Alexis.
'She fell asleep a little while ago, figured I'd just leave her until you came home,' Kate replied without lifting her eyes from the page she was reading.
'Hey sleepy head,' Rick said as he gently roused his daughter.
'Daddy?' Alexis questioned her voice thick with sleep. 'Sorry, I must have fallen asleep,'
'Why don't you head on up to bed,' Rick placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, as Alexis sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
'K,'
It was times like this that Rick struggled to comprehend that the tiny baby girl placed in his arms twenty one years ago, was now a beautiful young woman. Where had the years gone?
'Night sweetie,' Kate pulled her daughter in for a hug before Alexis had the change to leave the bed.
'Night mom, love you,' she murmured as she returned her mom's hug, before turning and getting off the bed. Alexis stopped to allow her dad to give her hug before closing the door as she exited her parent's bedroom.
To Kate's credit, she hadn't even flinched at the moniker her daughter had bestowed upon her, but she could tell from the look in her husband's eyes she was about to get very very lucky.
'Let's make a baby' Alexis heard her mom say as she reached the doorway to her dad's office.
Now fully awake, Alexis wasn't sure if that was a moan or sob from her father, and she didn't want to find out, as she bolted for the stairs, making it to her room in a record time that would have made her younger self proud.
While Alexis didn't want to think about how her brother or sister would eventually get here, she did hope her sibling arrived before she moved out. She felt a pang of anxiety at the thought of finally leaving her home and refuge for most of her life.
After changing and settling into bed, Alexis sent Paige a quick text confirming lunch tomorrow, before snuggling under the covers. While her sessions with Doctor Burke had reduced in frequency, Alexis knew that with the major changes on their way not only in her life, but also her family's life in the in the next year she would need help in navigating those changes.
But as she drifted off to sleep, she knew she also had the support and guidance of loving parents and friends, and while scary, she was also very excited for what the future held.