Author's Notes: Thank you once again for your support and kind words. Many of your reviews have actually reduced me to tears and I can't thank you enough.

I guess I now move into AU territory as nobody really knows what's going to happen in Season Eight, so this is really just my interpretation of where I'd love our beloved Castle to go.

Chapter Seven: You're Not Alone Anymore

Can't breathe….ringing…..muffled voice…..can't breathe….home early….ringing….at Black Pawn….muffled voice…breathe…..lunch…..cheese….can't breathe…..can't…..…can't breathe…packing….airport…can't breathe…..dump…Kate…..mom…..help.

'You're home early, I thought you were on day shift,' Alexis asked her mom as she entered kitchen.

'I assume by the absence of noise and mess dad's still at Black Pawn,' she continued as she screwed up her nose after smelling the ham she'd just pulled from the fridge.

'Have you had lunch yet? I was going to make ham and cheese toasties but now it's just cheese toasties,' throwing the ham in the trash.

'You'll also be happy to know I've finished packing and I've organised the car service to drop me at the airport tomorrow, thanks for the offer to dump and run but knowing my luck you'll get a call out and you'll literally dump me on the side on the road somewhere…..'

'Kate…' Alexis turned to her mom realising she hadn't had a response to any of her questions. 'Kate…' she tried again as she moved to where Kate was sitting at the kitchen counter turned towards the living room. 'Mom….can you hear me?' she said hoping to get Kate's attention, but as Alexis came to stand in front of her mom, she realised there was something very very wrong. Alexis immediately noticed Kate's laboured breathing and vacant stare as she clutched at her chest.

'Kate can you hear me….it's Alexis?' Alexis stooped so she was eye level with her mom while desperately controlling the urge to touch her. 'Kate….can you show me you can hear me?' Kate's hand relaxed slightly from where it gripped her shirt.

'That's good Kate….I need to you concentrate on my voice ok…..you're sitting in the kitchen in the loft…you were at the precinct this morning…I'm standing here with you…..dad's still at Black Pawn…..gram's is at her matinee….your dad called me this morning to remind us that we still owe him lunch,' Alexis took her cell from her pocket and texted her dad to get home now.

Looking back up from pocketing her phone Alexis saw that her mom had let go of the death grip on her shirt and now staring at her hands. Alexis again fought the urge to touch Kate's hands that were shaking uncontrollably.

'Kate...please I need you to show me you can hear me,' Alexis tried to keep the fear out of her voice as she continued to coach her mom back. While she was no stranger to having panic attacks, Alexis had never had to talk someone out of one let alone someone as strong as her mom. Kate was the strong one in their family not her, all she had to go on was how people helped her.

'Is it ok if I touch you…..please show me it's ok…please show me mom,' struggling to see through her tears, Alexis saw the slight nod from Kate. Ever so slowly, as if she were approaching a terrified animal, Alexis gently touched Kate's left hand, restraining herself from just wrapping herself around her mom.

'That's good…you're doing really good…..just concentrate on your breathing…..breathe with me one two three four five and hold…..and five four three two one….and again,' Alexis stepped closer again as she instructed her mom.

Feeling the vibration in her pocket, Alexis pulled out her cell whilst still holding her mom's hand. 'Dad….I don't know, I just found Kate in the kitchen…I'm pretty sure it's a panic attack…please dad you need to come home now,' Alexis swallowed the sob so as not to startle her mom. 'Ok see you soon….love you too….bye'

Pocketing her cell again Alexis looked back towards Kate who was now staring at their joined hands. 'Dad's on his way home now,' Kate nodded and looked up her daughter.

'Hey…there you are,' Alexis soothed softly as she lifted a hand to smooth Kate's hair behind her ear. She felt her mom squeeze their joined hands in response before Kate dropped her gaze to her lap again.

'Ok you know the drill….can you tell me where you are,' regaining her composure, Alexis once again took control of the situation.

'Home….in the loft,'

'How did you get home?'

'I guess I drove….I can't remember,' Kate said taking a desperate breath as she lost control of her tears.

'That's ok….it's ok…you're doing really good….you're safe, dad's on his way home,' Alexis soothed. 'God I just want wrap you up and hug you,' Alexis blurted out, simply because she had no idea what to say or what to do next.

Kate sobbed as she fell into her daughter's arms, Alexis managing to catch her mom as she fell towards her, Kate's arms like a vice around her waist where she clung to her daughter and buried her head in her neck. Alexis was finding it difficult to breathe and keep them both upright, particularly as Kate was now shaking uncontrollably, and the young redhead could feel the familiar foreboding of terror start to overtake her.

Swallowing her own anxiety, Alexis desperately tried to think of what to do next. 'Kate….we're going to move over to the couch….think you can do that for me?' she felt the muffled 'yeah' and helped her mom to her feet.

Kate kept a death grip on her daughter's hand as Alexis led them over to the couch. The young redhead snagged the throw rug from the back of the couch before helping Kate sit down. Alexis wrapped the rug around her mom before quietly sitting beside her, allowing her mom to control the situation.

'I'm so sorry…' Kate sobbed as she clung to Alexis's hand.

'Hey you don't get to be sorry,' Alexis started. 'At least you have the luxury of breaking down in private,' she continued, trying to lighten the mood in the room and knowing she'd succeeded when she saw the slight lift of her mom's lips.

Kate looked up at the young woman sitting beside her, barely in her twenties and this extraordinary young woman was taking care of her, keeping her safe. And all of a sudden, in the depths of her despair and sadness, she realised she was so very proud to have become this young woman's mom.

'I got called into a meeting at 1PP this morning,' Kate started. 'My review is due; I've just been waiting for the confirmation so I didn't think anything of it,' she said as she felt Alexis shift closer. 'Captain Gates has been promoted to head of Internal Affairs so will be transferring in the fall,'

'I don't understand….why would they call you down town to tell you that…unless it was to offer you the Twelfth?' Alexis asked as Kate shook her head. 'And as much as I like and respect Captain Gates, isn't this a good thing for both of you?'

Kate swiped at her cheek, wiping away the tears she could no longer control. 'Kate please talk to me…what else did they say? Is it dad, has he done something to piss someone off again…..'

'Bracken's lodging an appeal against his conviction,' Kate looked up at her daughter's startled gasp.

Both women sat in silence. Alexis stunned by her mother's revelation, Kate because she was still trying to come terms with it. She'd fought for justice for her mom and won. It was supposed to be over, the man who killed her mother was in jail where he belonged, but now the case that had controlled much of her adult life was back; just when her life was exactly where she wanted it to be.

'Why's there been nothing on the news?'

'They wanted to let me know before it hit the news networks this afternoon,'

'But I thought the case against Bracken was airtight?'

'It is…but you know that doesn't take away his right to appeal his conviction,'

'I still don't understand why Captain Gates couldn't have told you…unless….they were trying to maximise potential damage control,' Alexis finished.

Kate smiled sadly at her daughter. 'I keep forgetting how smart you are,' she said as she pulled Alexis in for a hug.

'I'm sorry,' Alexis whispered.

'Thank you baby girl,' Alexis squeezed her mom before sitting back again.

'I get the feeling this is more than just about him lodging an appeal,' Alexis said and Kate just looked at her daughter with pride and fear.

'Apart from Captain Montgomery and Mike Royce my original training officer….your dad's the only other person who's seen me totally consumed by mother's murder...so much of the heartache I caused your father and in turn you, was because of my obsession in finding my mom's killer…..and I'm terrified of being pulled down that rabbit hole again because I know I won't make it back this time….and I have so much to lose now because it's not just me anymore,' Kate wept.

'But that's just it Kate…you're not alone anymore, you have so many people who love you and will support you through this,' Alexis soothed as she rubbed her hand up and down her mom's back. 'And regardless of how this plays out, we will be here to support you….always,'

'God how did I get so lucky….I don't deserve you or your dad or your grams….and I'm terrified of losing you,' Alexis pulled a sobbing Kate into her arms and clung to her. She placed a gentle kiss on her mom's forehead before resting her head on top.

'You're not going to lose us….after everything we've been through to get here do you honestly think any one of us would just walk away from you?' Alexis soothed. 'I look at the love and support you've given me, particularly in the past couple of months…..something my own mother has rarely given me…..and I love you so much and there is no way I could ever just walk away from you now, neither could Grams or dad,' she said softly as she carded her fingers through Kate's hair.

'You sound so sure,'

'I am…you know why?'

'Why?' Kate asked as she sat back.

'Because we're talking, because you're sharing your fears with me,' Alexis started. 'There were so many times before you and dad got together, where he would come home so frustrated and angry because you refused to talk to him, refused to open up to him,' she continued. 'And I would just get angrier with you because you refused to see what dad was offering you….but in all fairness while I knew the basics of your mom's murder and the effect it had on you….I didn't know the extent until recently,'

'Your dad was just trying to protect you.' Kate justified.

'Yeah I know but I don't need protecting anymore,' Alexis complained.

Both Kate and Alexis startle when they heard the front door open then close quickly again. 'It doesn't matter how old your children get,' Rick said as quickly walked to the couch and sat beside his wife pulling her into an hug. 'You will always want to protect them,' giving his daughter a pointed look, Rick shut down the long running argument between father and daughter. 'Ryan rang me to find out if you were ok…..Kate why didn't you call me,' Rick asked as he pulled back from his wife.

'To be honest Rick…until I found myself talking to Alexis I didn't even realise I was home,' Rick looked at his daughter with such love and pride she had to look away.

'Hey sweetheart, how're you doing?' Rick asked his daughter.

'I'm good dad, you can stop worrying about me as well,' she grumbled as her dad gave her an incredulous look.

'Yeah that's never gonna happen either,' he stated as he felt Kate snuggle further into his embrace. 'So it's all over the news that Bracken's lodging an appeal,' Rick felt his wife grip him tighter. 'Ryan said you'd been called down town this morning, I take it this is why?' Kate nodded against his shoulder but remained silent.

'So what happens now?' Alexis asked.

Kate turned in her husband's arms so she was facing her daughter. 'Nothing…..tomorrow you get on a plane and go to Europe for the summer…'

'Yeah but…'

'No buts' her mom said shutting down her daughter's argument. 'You go to Europe and spend a wonderful month with your best friend and then you come home to start the journey to becoming the next Federal Coroner,'

'I thought it was Chief Medical Examiner?' Alexis bantered back.

'Yeah well I promoted you, either way Lanie can't wait to have you back again,'

'Kate's right pumpkin…you also need to keep fighting city hall to get your book buddies program up and running,'

'It would be a lot easier if my mother was say…a State Senator,' Alexis grumbled.

'Sorry sweetie but it would actually be a lot harder if I was a State Senator,' Kate explained. 'Some sectors would liken it to favouritism,'

'It's a cat shelter mom,'

'Cat shelter one day…bribing government officials the next,' Kate justified.

'Seriously? that's a leap even for you,'

'How do you think Bracken started out…as the DA he had such good intentions on how to clean up crime in the city,' Kate started. 'And no I have never and would never abuse my power…but not everyone sees it that way…you know first hand that there's people out there whose sole purpose in life is to dig up or make up dirt on people,' Alexis nodded her head as she lowered her gaze.

'Hey come here,' Kate murmured as she opened her arms as Alexis allowed herself to be pulled in for a hug. Relaxing against her mom she also felt her dad's arms wrap around her. 'I love you and I know you're here to support me….but I also want you to live your life on your own terms,' she whispered to her daughter.

'Love you too.' Alexis murmured.

'You know I vaguely remember hearing something about cheese toasties earlier,' Kate said as Alexis giggled and sat back up again.

Alexis rose from the couch and walked towards to the kitchen. 'Yeah I was gonna make some lunch…..I'll go start them,'

Kate turned back to her husband and pulled him in for a sensuous kiss, a promise for later. 'Go help our baby while I freshen up,' she said as she too rose from the couch pulling Rick up with her. Rick pulled his wife in for a quick hug before heading to kitchen.

Rick found Alexis standing at the sink lost in thought. 'Hey sweetheart, what do you need done,'

'Is Kate ok?' she asked as she turned to her dad as she tried to wipe away her tears.

'Oh baby come here,'

'I was so scared,' she sobbed as she clung to her father.

'I know sweetheart, but you were so brave and you knew exactly what to do,' Rick hugged his daughter tightly in reassurance. 'I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you,'

Alexis leaned back in her dad's arms and looked up at him. 'It's not your fault dad, you couldn't have known….I didn't even know until I realised Kate wasn't answering me,'

'But you're both here for me now and that's what counts,' Kate said as she entered the kitchen. 'And I'm so sorry I scared you,' Kate smoothed her daughter's hair away from her face.

'Again not your fault,' Alexis reassured as she stepped into her mom's arms.

'Hey where's the ham?' Rick asked as he closed the fridge door.

'In the bin…judging by the smell it could've walked there itself,' Alexis grumbled from where her face was buried in her mom's neck.

'How about we order pizza instead,' he suggested.

'Yeah but I want cheese toasties,' Kate complained.

'Me too,'

Rick held his hands up in surrender. 'Ok cheese toasties it is,'

'So how did you're meeting go this morning,' Kate asked as moved to sit at the kitchen counter.

'Good, I've been asked back to ComicCon this year…they're offering me a panel and everything,' Rick's childlike enthusiasm making Kate smile.

'Wow that is so cool dad…..judging on how good San Diego's been this past week, New York looks like it will be awesome,'

'I know right!' Rich responded with excitement. 'Star Wars, X-Files, Man of Steel,' Alexis blushed as Kate laughed. 'What?' he asked.

'Nothing,' both women said at the same time as they giggled.

'Anyway I'm really excited in catching up with Nathan Fillion and Alan Tudyk after following their Con Man escapades over the past couple of months,'

'And of course it's the tenth anniversary of Firefly,' Alexis interjected.

'And yes daughter dear there is that,'

Kate sat silently listening to her husband and daughter. Are you all packed….yes dad…where's your passport…...in my carry on….do you have enough money….why are you offering me more….are we still meeting up with you in Paris…..only if you want to, you don't have too.

'We'll be there sweetie,' Kate interjected before sitting back and silently absorbing the conversation again. She grabbed hold of the peace she felt at this moment in time, because she knew at some point in the not too distant future she would need to ground herself in this memory just as she would need to ground herself in her family.

But unlike the previous times she'd come up against her mother's killer, this time she wasn't alone and that will make the fight this time survivable.