Title: Worth Fighting For
Author: an-alternate-world
Rating: M
Characters/Pairing: Sebastian Smythe/Blaine Anderson
Word Count: 4,267
Summary: Sebastian knows something is wrong with the way Blaine is glowering at him over the rim of his mug of eggnog. Once he discovers the reason why, he makes resolutions to plan something special with the help of some old friends. **Close to Nothing sequel**
Warnings/Spoilers: As a 'Close to Nothing' sequel, THIS CHAPTER WILL SPOIL MAJOR PLOT POINTS FOR THAT FIC IF YOU HAVEN'T READ IT so you should really go and do that now because it'll just add more weight to the universe that this is set in. Also, you may (eventually) still need tissues for later chapters because if you've read CtN then you know what Sebastian's like.
Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with Glee, FOX, Ryan Murphy, or anything else related to the FOX universe.

In the ensuing days, Blaine's perky enough with his family but around Sebastian he lulls into a sullen silence, proving Sebastian has done something wrong even though he's hopelessly unsure about what that is. Blaine takes his mother's car to Lima the day after Christmas to see his former teammates – ever the socialite, was Blaine Anderson – and Sebastian uses the opportunity to catch up on emails, refusing to liken himself to his father who is notorious for working through the holidays.

In the past, he'd gone with Blaine to see the McKinley kids who had returned to Lima for the festive period, even though none of them were kids anymore. This year though, with Blaine's surliness and Sebastian's discomfort, he thought it might have been better for Blaine to go alone. He could only imagine how the rumour mill would thrive on the tension between them and be read as an imminent breakup which would surely be celebrated behind his back, because even though it was nearly two decades since the fateful slushie incident, he knew they still viewed him with distrust and doubted the depth of his feelings for Blaine.

It didn't seem to matter that he'd accompanied Blaine to an array of functions and events involving his former rivals over the years. He'd been with Blaine at Hummel's wedding, smiling politely when he congratulated Hummel and his new beau even though he was only really there to hold Blaine's hand throughout the whole thing and stop him from getting totally plastered afterwards (and even then he was pretty sure he hadn't had feeling in his fingers for a good three days and Blaine had required a large quantity of Advil the following morning). He'd been to Rachel's various Broadway productions more times than he could count and was almost, maybe, friends with Jesse after the amount of times they'd had to socialise together when Rachel stole Blaine to take him backstage of various theatres and introduce him to celebrities that always left Blaine's eyes as wide and star-struck as the moon. He'd been at the airport when Sam and Mercedes had departed for Los Angeles and he'd supported Blaine through his misery for the ensuing week because his high school best friend was on the other side of the country. He'd been at the christening of Quinn and Puck's son. He'd seen the ecstatic highs and devastating lows of Brittany and Santana's attempts to conceive a child before Brittany had finally fallen pregnant with twins. And on and on and on it went.

All of them had embarked on their own lives and, through Blaine, Sebastian had witnessed a great deal of changes and growth in every single one of them. And yet, somehow, they remained dubious of his feelings for Blaine, like he isn't capable of the same change and growth, like Blaine isn't capable of making his own choices and decisions. It's like they thought he'd put a spell on Blaine and somehow kept him in a relationship for six years against his will. As if Blaine's will was so easily broken.

Except Blaine's attitude since Christmas Day has left Sebastian incredibly wary and nervous about their relationship extending to a seventh year.

On the 28th, they return to New York. It's reached the point that Blaine isn't speaking to him anymore except for monosyllabic answers about whether he wants coffee or whether they should take the subway back to their apartment. Blaine definitely isn't making eye contact with him and Sebastian still feels the aching burn in his lungs from when he'd reached for Blaine's hand at the airport and Blaine had changed direction and moved away. He'd tried to conceal how painful that had been, his hand left to grasp empty air while his heart prepared to launch from his throat and his stomach splattered on the linoleum floor at his feet, but he thinks even a blind man would've seen how much it hurt.

Half a dozen times an hour during their return to New York, Sebastian had opened his mouth to say something, to ask, to observe, to challenge, to do anything that would get them talking again.

Except then he became too worried about Blaine exploding in a public place and clamped his mouth shut again.

The distance Blaine has erected around them doesn't change after they return to their apartment and Sebastian feels increasingly conflicted when he's surrounded by familiar items and an alien boyfriend. It leaves him more and more antsy, more and more nervous, more and more uncertain because he doesn't know how to fix whatever it is that he's so clearly broken.

When they climb into bed that night and Blaine makes it clear he doesn't want to be held, Sebastian curls away with a pillow clutched to his chest. He hopes Blaine doesn't feel the bed shuddering or hear the faint breathy sniffles as he cries himself to sleep because the pillow is a poor substitute for the man he loves who may as well be on the other side of the country.

The sun has barely peeked above the horizon when the elevator doors clunk shut. Sebastian stops his feet and scrunches his fingers as it descends, urging the blood to start circulating before he steps into the wintry freeze for his morning run.

Running had been something Blaine had suggested because after Andy's death, Sebastian had stopped taking care of himself which included working out. His days of racing around playing lacrosse or soccer or even just choreographing a dance routine had seemed to belong to a different lifetime, and Blaine had encouraged him to resume some level of exercise because it might help stabilise his moods and reduce his restless energy.

And it worked, because otherwise Blaine wouldn't have suggested it. It helped unspool the tension from his muscles after sleeping and it helped him focus later on in the day when he was dealing with a client and it increased his wakefulness when he had quiet and lazy weekends with Blaine that could quite easily end up with them asleep on the couch. So this morning, he finds the rhythmic thud of his feet, the frantic pound of his heartbeat, the icy burn of the air in his lungs familiar and refreshing and he always enjoys seeing New York still emerging from a night of wintry slumber. The quiet beauty of the city is his favourite, like he's seeing a side to the city that most sleep through.

This morning, none of it, nothing he sees or does, and no matter how far or hard he runs, makes him feel any better about the situation with Blaine. His shoulders remain rigid with tension, his stomach churns with anxiety, his heart skips a beat every time he thinks about needing to return home and face more silence, more awkwardness, more unease.

The city has come alive by the time he returns to his apartment: yellow cabs have blossomed on the city streets; early, confident drivers dart across intersections once commuters have crossed; subway grates belch foul steam and smoke. Sebastian's lungs burn with a significant number of inhaled snowflakes, and his muscles ache with fatigue, and the chilled sweat that makes his clothes stick to him leaves him shivering and wishing for a second hoodie. There's a heavy quantity of trepidation weighing down his steps as he enters the elevator and zooms towards his apartment.

And inside, it's cold.

It's silent.

It's abandoned.

He's pretty sure he tramples on his own heart as he crosses the threshold and looks left and right, tuning his hearing towards any noise that shows Blaine's in the apartment, but it's deathly still which only makes the roaring panic filling his ears sound louder.

"Blaine?" he calls, sucking his lower lip between his teeth as he heads left to check the kitchen and living room – warm and festive despite the cold fear surrounding Sebastian's heart – and then rushes to check the bedroom, the spare room, the bathroom. He can feel tears burning his eyes, a wet trail slick on his cheek, and his hands tremble as he picks up one of Blaine's hoodies from the clothes hamper. He rubs the fabric between his fingers and holds it to his nose, inhaling the cologne he knows so well and the scent of coffee that was ever-present on every piece of clothing Blaine owned. "I guess you're not here then," he mumbles into the fabric.

He doesn't receive an answer but he's pretty sure if he were holding a talking piece of clothing, he'd keel over in a dead faint.

He tugs the hoodie over his head but it doesn't really reduce his shivering as he returns to the bedroom and approaches the closet. He doesn't realise he's been holding his breath until he opens the door and it whooshes out of him unsteadily when he sees Blaine's brightly coloured clothes are still hanging up. He tries to feel comforted that Blaine hasn't packed up and left but-

"What are you doing?"

Sebastian whips around, his heart stuttering at Blaine's accusatory stare much like it had when he was jogging through Central Park an hour ago and his thoughts kept drifting back to Blaine and what he was meant to do.

"I-"

He looks at the clothes, looks down at his left hand twisted into the fabric of Blaine's hoodie, and back to Blaine. Maybe honesty was the best policy. Maybe if he just tore his heart open and released the can of worms that felt so insidiously toxic, then Blaine would start talking too and they could sort this whole mess out.

"I thought… I thought maybe you'd…l-left," he says, his eyes lowering towards the floor while his heart almost certainly fractures in his chest with how hard it feels to breathe. "You've been so…so distant and quiet for days and then I got back and you were gone and I- I had to check you hadn't packed your bags too and-"

"Seriously, Seb?" Blaine laughs, quietly enough that it's not meant to be mocking but it still pokes at Sebastian's frayed and blistered nerves. He peers up to see Blaine shaking his head, a small and fond smile gracing his face and it's the first time Blaine has been warm to him in days. He realises the hoodie hadn't really reduced his shivering but seeing Blaine's smile certainly had. "I went to get groceries. We needed fresh milk and bread after being away for a week."

Oh.

"Oh."

He watches as Blaine crosses the small distance between them but there's an obvious hesitation when he goes to reach for Sebastian's hand. His heart cracks a bit again. He's not sure Blaine's hesitated around him in years, not since those early months when they'd been trying to figure out the adult versions of themselves, and Sebastian had been so guarded and afraid, and Blaine had been so gentle and respectful. But that was seven years ago and even then Blaine had been quietly confident and assured, like he instinctively knew what Sebastian needed and was able to soothe him without words when he sank to his lowest depths in the company of another. But now…

"Sebastian, I…" Blaine scrunches his eyes shut like the pain on Sebastian's face is too awful to see and sighs. "I'm sorry you freaked out. It never occurred to me that I should've left a note saying I'd gone out to get groceries. I didn't realise you were so…so anxious right now."

Sebastian nods, accepting the apology because Blaine's nothing if not earnest to a fault, and he bites the bullet – and his bottom lip – by loosely curling his fingers around Blaine's wrist. Blaine's eyes snap open at the contact and he gazes at the distant expression in the honey-hazel eyes which have entranced him for so long. It's the first time they've touched in days and he's still so uneasy and afraid that it feels like a hole has been eaten through his heart and into his stomach. He feels so empty and hollow and raw and fragile.

"I feel like I'm losing you, losing us," he confesses, searching Blaine's eyes like he's trying to find the thoughts that will reassure him they'll be okay. Blaine's still so much better at reading him because Blaine's job requires neutral expressions and controlled emotions and Sebastian still has days where he splinters apart and can't hold it together and he just needs Blaine's assurances that they'll be okay. "I don't know what I did and I don't know what I'd do without you but I- I'm scared that it's destroying us, whatever it is, and I just want to fix it, B."

Somewhere during his little speech, the rim around Blaine's starts to grow pink and his fingers twist to hook around Sebastian's. A sob gets stuck in Sebastian's throat because they aren't usually like this, they haven't been timid around each other for years and years and years, and he just wants to rewind the past week and start again so then he can watch everything he says and does and everything Blaine says and does to pinpoint the moment where everything changed.

"You're not losing me," Blaine whispers, leaning towards him for the first time in days and placing the first stitch into his broken heart to heal it again. "We're not getting lost."

"Then what-"

"You were meant to propose!" Blaine yells and then he's gone, tearing his hand away from Sebastian, tearing their bodies apart. The suddenness of his movement isn't nearly as painful as the fresh, jagged scar seared into Sebastian's heart as he processes Blaine's words and actions.

"I- What?"

"You heard me!" Blaine says, folding his arms over his chest and Sebastian wonders if it's because Blaine's heart is hurting as much as Sebastian's. "We've been together for six years! I'm in my mid-thirties and you were there when Kurt got married but you still haven't proposed and I don't understand why you haven't already. What are you waiting for?"

Sebastian can only gape in disbelief and surprise. Blaine's expectation that he was going to propose is so wildly far away from any of his anxious thoughts that he can almost hear the gears in his brain grinding in confusion at the sudden change of direction. How on Earth is he meant to get out of this one? Had Blaine found the ring he'd hidden at Rachel's place seven months ago because he had a feeling Blaine knew where every belonging and every speck of dust was in their apartment, so he decided it was unwise to leave it in one of their drawers? Had Rachel been dropping hints that made Blaine think he was going to propose when they went to Lima for Christmas? Had Jesse texted Blaine asking for a picture of the ring? No one else knew he'd bought a ring. No one. So how had Blaine gotten the idea that he was going to propose?

Even more terrifyingly, he doesn't know how to soothe Blaine's disappointment without causing an epic fight or a break-up or a separation where Blaine flees to Rachel's couch – and possibly searches through her apartment to find the ring he thought he'd been smart to conceal at a different apartment.

"Uh…" He frowns and rubs a hand over his face, trying to close the hinge of his jaw and give himself a frantic few extra seconds to come up with a suitable excuse that will neutralise any potential argument. "I, um… I guess I just… I wasn't sure that…you even wanted to get engaged again, you know?" He can tell by the way Blaine's face falls that it's the wrong thing to say but he thinks that if he sets this up like he's blaming himself, like he's still got issues, then it will make Blaine sympathetic rather than enraged. "Blaine, I- I saw how you were when Hummel got married and…you know how I was after Andy. I couldn't, I can't, go through losing another husband and I- I'm scared that maybe I'll make you as sad as Hummel did, or something will happen to one of us, or maybe you don't want to marry me anyway because I still don't think your McKinley friends like me enough to truly congratulate us, and marriage is just so-"

Blaine presses a trembling index finger to Sebastian's lips, silencing his rambling, and he realises his cheeks are cool. He raises a hand to swipe at his face, feeling dazed that he's crying again, and Blaine catches his hand and grips it tight enough to crush the little bones of his fingers.

So maybe he overdid the self-blame thing a little bit…

…but he realises that none of what he'd said is a lie and he hates that he's in his thirties and still so insecure.

Isn't he meant to grow out of that phase at some point?

"Sebastian…"

Blaine exhales his name almost like a plea and a promise, and by the little furrow between his brows Sebastian knows Blaine's at a loss for words. Sebastian manages a weak smile, glad that he's managed to reduce the likelihood of an explosive fight, and holds open his arms. It's not often he leaves Blaine speechless. Usually it's Blaine who espouses pretty things that leave Sebastian unable to do anything except blink away tears and nod his agreement because Blaine is truly gifted at being able to calm his emotions.

Blaine sniffles and folds into his chest, tan fingers hooking into the hoodie Sebastian's wearing and clinging like his life depends on it. "I had no idea you felt that way," Blaine whispers and Sebastian lowers his head to press a soft kiss to the top of Blaine's curls.

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Blaine Anderson," Sebastian jokes and Blaine jabs him in the chest.

"Don't ruin the sentimental moment," Blaine says, a teasing rebuke that quells Sebastian's instinctive urge to cover up his feelings with sarcasm. He doubts he'll ever erase how he reacts to moments infused with too many emotions. "Firstly, you know you're nothing like Kurt, right? In my eyes or in any of the New Directions'?"

Sebastian wrinkles his nose and tries to hide his facial expression when Blaine pulls away to look at him when the silence stretches too long.

"You're ridiculous," Blaine says with an eye roll, pushing Sebastian gently until he's sitting on the side of the bed with Blaine in his lap. "They…worry, I guess. All of them know you've changed because they can all recognise they've changed. They trust my judgement of you and we spend enough time with Rachel and Jesse that her opinion has definitely changed. I'm pretty sure Rachel's defended you at least twice in the group chat."

Sebastian's eyebrows rise towards his hairline. The New Directions kids have a group chat still going after almost twenty years? He has some fleeting contact with former Warblers from time to time, but usually that's because Blaine drags him somewhere to see Nick, Jeff or Trent. Blaine's much better at keeping in touch with people because he's the social butterfly, revelling in sharing stories and helping his friends, to Sebastian's social moth. He never understands how Blaine has the energy and emotional capacity to keep up with everyone.

"But we all worry about each other, y'know? Like I worry about Rachel wearing herself out and not being able to take care of the kids, or I worry that Kurt's next show will bomb in London and he'll start doubting himself again, or I worry that Puck will freak out and end up in another state if Quinn falls pregnant again, or I worry that Sugar will end up in prison rather than rehab next time she sees something pink and fluffy that she wants but can't afford after her dad lost everything."

Blaine sighs, shaking his head a little, and Sebastian fights how endearing he finds it because he recognises Blaine's attempt to focus his thoughts. Blaine takes his hands, threading their fingers together, and he feels his breathing stutter a little in his throat because he always finds it so reassuring when they're holding hands.

"I'm not going to lie," Blaine continues, smoothing his thumbs over Sebastian's knuckles. "I know they don't really understand us the way they understood Kurt and me, mostly because they don't know you that well, but I realised a long time ago that they don't have to understand us. As long as I understand us and as long as I understand you, then it's okay. If they never know about Andy, then they never need to and I'm okay with that and I'm okay with you and with us. I adore you, and that's enough."

Sebastian finds it difficult to swallow around the lump in his throat as Blaine kisses his forehead and erases some of his worry lines by gently nuzzling his hair.

"If we get married and it doesn't work out, then hey, at least we tried, right?" Blaine murmurs, and it's comforting and not really comforting at the same time how flippant Blaine is towards a marriage – but he supposes Blaine went through his own version of heartbreak when the engagement to Hummel ended. "I know how much you miss Andy and I know how hurt you were, and continue to be, but I know, and you know, that before the grief, there were plenty of great moments and great memories you made with him. You never thought about the worst happening when you proposed or got married to him, so I'd rather you didn't think about the worst happening to us. Life is just…life, right? It runs its course but all we have is the here and now, and right now you have me but if we don't work out then I can always revert to being miserable again and someone else can come along who-"

Sebastian can't help the possessive growl slipping past his lips as he kisses Blaine, refusing to consider that he'd ever lose Blaine although distantly he knows it's always a very real possibility that they could grow apart. Blaine giggles against him before gradually taking control of the kiss, taming Sebastian's desperate monster into a settled pet within his chest. He knows Blaine's right. In his wildest dreams, he never envisaged what would happen to his relationship with Andy when they got together and then rapidly progressed through relationship milestones but losing Andy had darkened every day, week, month for years until his fears and anxieties consumed and choked him at every turn.

And then Blaine had answered his call for help and refused to let Sebastian suffer alone anymore.

"I love you," Blaine whispers against his lips, his eyes huge in Sebastian's vision as their noses graze and he inhales slowly and calmly for the first time since Christmas Day in the Andersons' lounge room.

"I love you too," he replies, folding Blaine into a hug.

They cuddle in silence for a while and slowly the anxious butterflies that had swarmed within Sebastian's torso lessen with every steadying beat of his heart.

And then Blaine interrupts the serenity he'd been savouring.

"So are you going to propose now or?"

He snorts and shakes his head, amused but also determined that he'd make a proposal special rather than a spur-of-the-moment response to Blaine's request. "My clothes stink of sweat. I haven't showered today. This is wholly unromantic and totally not the time and you know that unless I do something perfect, you'll tell everyone the story of how I proposed in my stinky gym clothes because I felt guilty and you said yes because you'd pressured me into it and-"

Blaine pouts, but the small smile on his lips shows he's not going to start crying or yelling again. "You're always finding excuses."

"Trust me, when I propose it'll be worth the wait," he says with a wink and a kiss to Blaine's cheek as he shifts the shorter male onto the bed and collects a change of clothes from his drawer.

"It had better be!" Blaine calls after him when he closes the bathroom door.

He laughs but deep inside he feels a restless sort of churning, one that's existed for seven months since he'd bought the ring. Rachel's known the whole time, she was there when he picked out the ring, and he keeps expecting that she'll just dig it out when they have a potluck party and throw it at his head in a very unsubtle hint to get a move on and drop to a single knee.

As the warm water swirls away his sweaty skin, he knows it's stupid to keep waiting. He can't pretend he's not anxious about something going wrong and losing Blaine – he'd always have those – but using Andy's name and memory is… It's not exactly an excuse but he knows that all it does is allow him to procrastinate a bit longer. He took his wedding ring off years ago and stowed it in the box with Andy's things that he keeps in the closet of the spare room.

He's grateful the sound of the rushing water hitting the tiles hides his quiet sobs as he leans against the walls, overwhelmed by the reality that he loves Blaine, he truly does, but he's so terrified of ruining the relationship they have now that he's paralysed at the thought of changing it.

~TBC~