A/N: Hey guys! So this chapter is taking a jump in time to right before the wedding. It's early October. I know, it's a big jump but I didn't have anything to write about and this part has been in my head for months now and I just wanted to finally get it out on paper! With that being said, some of you will be very unhappy with me after this chapter but keep in mind this is a NALEY story and they will get a fairytale ending They just need some bumps in the road like every other couple so bear with me please! As always, don't forget to review and thanks for being awesome! Xoxo Samantha
Chapter 22: Second Thoughts
Haley was frantic. The wedding was only a couple weeks away and she felt like she was still not caught up with everything that had to be done and of course Nathan was no help with any of it whatsoever. He had showed promise at the beginning when they picked out the venue and the color scheme, but ever since basketball pre-season and school started, Nathan was pretty useless always claiming that he was too tired to do anything. Haley was frustrated. Planning a wedding was hard work as it was, but doing it by yourself was even worse. She continued to question if Nathan still even wanted to get married but reminded her that he loved her more than anything and she knew that. She just wanted to see a little more effort on his part. Brooke wasn't any help either. The baby was due any day now so Brooke really didn't want to do much besides be at home. And when Haley did see her, she was too busy complaining about how fat she was and going through horrible mood swings. Haley questioned how Lucas had been dealing with it and said a prayer for him every night.
She missed Nathan. He still came home every day and they still made love, but he seemed so distracted and so distant, like he had something on his mind he was refusing to talk about. He didn't talk to her much as it was. It was killing Haley's wedding vibe too, which didn't help since she was planning everything and it was so close. Her only worry about the wedding was that Brooke would go into labor during it; that would be such a disaster.
She missed Tree Hill too. She felt so lonely here. She had become pretty close with Alex and she met some people in her social work classes the first month of school but she missed her friends and family back home. She also still hadn't found any evidence to convict Dan of killing Chris and that was stressing her out too. She knew it wasn't her problem to begin with, but she just wanted the Kellers to feel that sense of peace again, if they ever could.
She was running around the house trying to find her wedding binder when Nathan walked in the door, dropping his bag down by the porch and not saying a word to Haley. This is how it had been lately when Nathan would come home. He would drop his bag, and go sit on the couch to relax while Haley cooked them dinner.
"Hey, you're home early." Haley muttered as she went over to kiss him on the cheek, still searching for that damn binder.
"Yeah, coach let us out early." He responded, not really looking at her and remaining focused on the television.
"So, I have one last thing that we should go over before the wedding is all set." He nodded, not really responding verbally to what she was saying. "We just have to pick up the bridesmaid dresses and the groomsmen tuxes and we will be all set. Our friends will get them right before the wedding so they won't have to worry about transporting them or ruining them." She finally spotted the binder and picked it up, looking over at Nathan who continued to sit there. "Are you even listening to me?"
"Yeah, you said we needed to get the dresses and tuxes. Shouldn't be that hard."
"Right, but I need you to get them tomorrow. I have class all day, then work, then a study group so I don't have any time."
"Sure. I'll get them after practice."
"Nathan, the place will be closed by the time you get out. Can't you go during your break between class and practice?"
"I guess but I was planning on using that time to work on my shots with the guys in the gym."
"Well, this is more important don't you think Nathan? It's one thing I need you to do. I've done pretty much everything else."
"I said I would do it Haley. Can you relax now?" Haley dropped the wedding binder on the counter in frustration as she continued to stare back at Nathan.
"Why are you so damn cranky today anyways?"
"Rough practice and all I want to do is relax but you're nagging me about wedding stuff."
"Yeah because our wedding is in TWO WEEKS Nathan! I have every right to be frantic right now. I planned all of this by myself with not an ounce of help from you besides picking out the theme so I don't want to hear it." Haley went over to the fridge searching for something to cook. The fridge was empty. They both had been so busy that they hadn't had time to go out and grocery shop. They also were saving for their honeymoon over winter break, so money was limited.
"I did more than just pick out the colors. I got you the ring too."
"Shut up, that doesn't count. You CHOSE to get me the ring. Every time I asked you for help or told you about an appointment, you "forgot" and didn't show. I'm surprised you even remember the theme since the rest of the wedding will be one big surprise to you since you didn't pick out anything with me like we discussed. Damn it! We have no food!" Haley felt her insides fuming. She had been an emotional mess lately and she had no idea why. She knew that it was pre-wedding jitters but she didn't feel right half of the time either. She pushed it to the back of her mind reminding herself to go see a doctor once all this madness was over, if she still felt like a complete wreck. She was tired of hearing that damn tv too so she walked over and shut it off, Nathan protesting almost immediately. "What do you want for dinner?"
"Why did you do that Haley?! I was watching the game!"
"Because, you've been sitting there aimlessly watching the game ignoring everything I have been saying about the wedding, which is something you have been doing since the minute that we got engaged. What is going on with you?"
"You're stressing me out Haley, I have a lot on my plate okay?"
"Yeah, cause marrying me is so stressful Nathan when you haven't had to do anything but get sized for your damn tuxedo." She threw the remote onto the couch, huffing into the kitchen, looking through the pantry for anything to cook. At this point it didn't matter if it was just a box of rice, she needed something.
"Can you chill for five seconds Haley?"
"NO! Answer me this Nathan: do you even want to get married still? Because it sure as hell seems like you don't and Clay seems to know how you really feel since you won't talk to me anymore!"
"GOD HALEY! Of course I want to marry you. I got you a fucking ring didn't I?! Isn't that enough? Doesn't that say, "Yes, I want to marry you?"".
"You got me this ring MONTHS ago Nathan and a lot can change from them. Now stop avoiding my question and answer me!"
"I don't know Haley, okay?! Is that what you want to hear?! OF COURSE I still want to marry you – you're the love of my life. Now why do you have to keep pestering me about this?!"
"BECAUSE NATHAN! Because it seems like you could care less about this whole wedding and getting married! You're the one who proposed to me! You're the one who sat there and thought that now was the PERFECT time to get married! But to me it seems like all you give a damn about is basketball! If you wanted to get married you would have tried harder when I asked for your help!" She threw the pantry door shut, grabbing the wedding binder and slamming it on the ground.
"Haley stop that! I'm sorry I sucked at helping you plan the wedding but this is YOUR big day and I didn't want to get in the way of that!"
"It's too late to apologize Nathan! I can't do this. I'm tired of being the only one to put forth any effort into this. AND DAMN IT WHY IS THERE NO FOOD?!"
"Hales, what do you mean? You don't mean that. I put in effort too. I'm sorry that basketball has been overwhelming me right now, but once the wedding is over I'll be more present with you okay?"
"No Nathan, it's not okay. I needed you now. I needed you before we even picked the venue and you weren't there." She began to slide off her engagement ring, catching herself by surprise at what she was doing. Nathan looked at her finger, his eyes growing wide.
"Haley, what are you doing with your ring? Why are you taking it off?"
"The wedding's off Nathan. It's obvious that we rushed into this whole marriage thing and I can't keep battling you. Keep the ring. Keep the ring until we are actually ready to get married, whenever that may be."
"Hales, you don't mean that. Are you breaking up with me right now?"
"No, of course not. I still love you with all my heart Nathan but I really don't think we should get married yet. It's obvious that we aren't ready and maybe we should focus on adjusting to school and basketball and everything first. I've felt this way for a long time but Alex told me it was nothing to be worried about but I can't keep playing this game." She walked over to him, handing him the ring as he stood there looking at her dumbfoundly.
"Hales, please don't do this. I'm sorry I screwed up but I want to be your husband."
"I know you do Nathan, but not right now. I'm going to call everyone tomorrow and the venue and let them know it's postponed for right now. I'm going to stay with Alex for a few days as well. You should focus on the game. We are still together, just not engaged or living together. It's almost like high school again. I love you and I'm sorry but it's for the best." She kissed him on the lips and went into their room, throwing a bunch of shit into her bag and heading out the door. She looked over at Nathan who continued to stand there holding onto the ring, crying a little bit. He didn't realize how much he had fucked up and now his fiancée, well girlfriend, was walking out the door.
"Haley please don't go. I need you here."
"I'll come by tomorrow. Goodnight." She closed the door not looking back as she began to walk down the steps. She walked over to her car and unlocked it, locking herself in as she let the tears fall down onto the steering wheel. This was for the best. They were dumb to have rushed into an engagement and living together so early, she should have seen that from the start. She backed out and drove away, fighting back the tears as she headed over to Alex's place to crash.
Meanwhile, Nathan sat on the couch crying as he held the ring tightly in his hand, wondering if he was on the verge of losing her forever if he didn't get his shit together fast.
- Friends First then Love -
It had been a week since Haley broke off the engagement and she hadn't returned to see him yet. She kept making up excuses that she was too busy, and she was planning on visiting Tree Hill. She wanted to see him, God she missed him so much. But she needed the space to really think about things. She loved Nathan to pieces but she didn't know what to say to him when she saw him. It was like they were 10 years old again acting all awkward because of their mutual crushes, avoiding each other in the halls. She ached to just wrap her arms around his big, warm body and have him hold her close but she needed to be on her own for a while.
She decided going back to Tree Hill was her best bet. She figured some time with Lucas and Brooke would make her feel better. Her mother was there too, and she was equally as devastated as Haley was about the wedding being postponed. Lydia liked Nathan and thought that he was perfect for her little, stubborn, girl but she understood that Haley needed time to figure things out.
She pulled into the driveway of Lucas and Brooke's apartment, which was right down the road from Karen's house so if they needed anything, she was close by. She knocked on the door, Lucas answering in a heart beat as he pulled her into a hug and welcomed her inside. Brooke was napping in their bedroom, she had been having a hard time sleeping lately so it was common for her to take random naps throughout the day. Lucas led Haley outside to their mini balcony so they could talk.
"How are you doing Hales?" Lucas asked, as he took Haley's hand into his to show her that he was there for her.
"Horrible. I keep asking myself if I made a mistake but we just weren't in the right place. Nathan's been so distant and I just feel so much pressure to have the perfect wedding that it was too much to take."
"You don't have to explain yourself Haley – I understand. Have you talked to him at all?"
"Briefly, he just sounds depressed. I haven't seen him since either. He asks me to stay over every night and I desperately want to, but I can't get myself to face him."
"It's hard Hales, but you can't avoid him forever. He is still your boyfriend at the end of the day and you love him and he loves you."
"I know. But it's so hard. I know I crushed him when I called off the wedding but what else was I suppose to do? I was alone in all of this for so long, I just cracked. My emotions have been all over the place and I haven't had an appetite in weeks." Haley sighed. She didn't want to cry again but talking about it with her best friend was bringing up all those hurt feelings and she didn't want to have to deal with them right now.
"It's okay to cry Hales, I see you fighting back those tears. I know you're frustrated because you had to do this on your own for so long, but Nathan has never done this before and he probably got scared. He probably didn't want to do something to fuck it up. His whole life has been a series of traumatic events and for him, every time something good happens something bad follows right behind. I'm not defending him because I agree that he's been nothing but a jackass to you, but remember who Nathan grew up with."
"Yeah, Dan. Dan's probably jumping for joy at the fact that our wedding is postponed. He's been trying to stop it since we got engaged at graduation. That man is relentless Luke, I am so sorry that you're related to him."
"I consider him dead so I don't see myself related to him. But that's beside the point. You gotta eat something Hales. You don't look so good."
"That's because I've been crying for days. Besides, every time I eat something I feel sick."
"Have you seen a doctor?"
"No, I was waiting til after the wedding but I guess that doesn't matter anymore since there isn't one." Haley mindlessly went to twirl her engagement ring only for it to not be there. She began to cry a little as Lucas wiped her tears.
"Brooke has to go to the doctor tomorrow for our last appointment. Why don't you have her check you out and see if something is wrong? She's a OBGYN but I'm sure she can do something for you."
"Sure. Do you mind if I crash here for a couple days? Columbus day weekend is coming and we don't have school and I just needed some time away from Duke before I go back and face Nathan. Alex's couch isn't so comfortable anymore. I miss my bed."
"And you miss Nathan."
"That too."
"It'll all work out Hales. Trust me. Nathan loves you more than anything in this world. He won't let you get away." Lucas smiled at Haley as she half smiled back, looking down at the table.
"Have you talked to him?"
"Yeah, he called me a couple days after it happened. He was a wreck so I calmed him down."
"Well, at least he has you to talk to. Clay seems to be the biggest idiot out there. I don't know if I would trust his judgment." Haley laughed to herself, thinking about Clay. He was so awkward and sarcastic it was often hard to take him seriously. He was a good guy, just a goofy one.
Haley and Lucas went back inside, just in time for Brooke to wake up and need help getting out of bed. Haley went to help her, surprising her with her presence as the girls went into the living room and painted each other's toes. Brooke was self-conscious about her toes, since she couldn't see them anymore, and wanted them to be painted for when she went into labor. Haley thought it was the stupidest thing because the doctors surely wouldn't be paying attention to her toes, but that's how Brooke was so she didn't feel the need to argue. If Brooke wanted her toenails painted baby blue when she gave birth then so be it.
Lucas watched the girls chat and catch up as he headed back into the study and closed the door behind him. On the back of the door was a map of all the places Dan Scott had been lately. Since Haley had confronted Lucas about the murder of Chris, he couldn't stop thinking about it and wanting to help her. He didn't want her to know but he had been beginning to do his own research about the actual crime of Chris's death and trying to piece together what Dan had been doing at the time. It didn't match up and he began to see how Dan could have killed Chris the way he had been acting since the death. He had hid this from Brooke too, she never really went into the study ever knowing that Lucas went in there to write. Him and Nathan had been talking about it secretly for a while now, and both desperately wanted to catch Dan so that Haley could finally feel at ease. Lucas dialed Nathan's number and was relieved when he picked up instantly.
"Hey man, is Haley there?" Nathan got the words out before Lucas could even say hello.
"Yeah little brother. She's here."
"How is she?"
"Broken. Just like you. I think the plan that you have for the weekend is perfect, especially since we can stop by Dan's while you're here as well."
"Thanks. She doesn't suspect anything?"
"Nothing at all."
"Alright man, see you in a little bit. Thanks for this by the way."
"Anytime little brother, anytime."
- Friends First then Love -
"So tutor wife, tell me what's been going on. How are you feeling?" Brooke asked her best friend, as Haley continued to apply the fresh coat onto Brooke's toes.
"Broken. I feel like I made a mistake sometimes. And I've been sick to my stomach for weeks now so that doesn't help." Haley shrugged, not wanting to talk about this now but knowing that Brooke wasn't going to let up.
"Well Nathan apologized didn't he?"
"Yeah, at least a hundred times. Why?"
"Then I don't see the issue tutorgirl. If he apologized, then why aren't you home with your man right now?"
"Brooke, have you been asleep this entire time? Yeah he apologized but he isn't himself anymore and he hasn't helped with anything wedding related. I have every right to still be upset."
"Yes you do Haley but he loves you and you love him. I've learned that guys make stupid mistakes, all the time. That's just how they are. And most of the time they hate anything wedding related because they're scared shitless. They're also totally thinking about the honeymoon." Haley chuckled at Brooke's last remark, remembering all the conversations she had had with Nathan that involved the wedding being her dream and the honeymoon his.
"So you're telling me that Nathan's been acting this way because he's scared? That makes no sense. Nathan never gets scared and what is there to be afraid of when we love each other?"
"Getting married is a huge step Hales and you're the first girl pretty boy Nathan Scott has ever been serious with. Girls envy you for that. He probably hasn't been himself because the wedding is coming and he doesn't want to mess up. But instead of talking it out, he was pushing you away, which is something Nathan has always been known for. He constantly thinks he's a screw up."
"He's not a screw up. I just felt that we rushed into things too quickly."
"I think that's your cover up excuse to hide the fact that you're just as scared as he is. You were awfully thrilled when he proposed and I remember you telling me Nathan was the one for you long before you two even shacked up." Brooke smiled, knowing that Haley was avoiding making eye contact because she knew Brooke had a point.
"I guess you're right, but I don't know Brooke. I haven't even seen him, I'm so scared to see him, afraid that he hates me for postponing the wedding."
"Haley James listen to me, that boy could never hate you. He loves you more than he loves anything else in this world. You are his everything and he's just scared. I think that after this weekend you need to go to him and tell him you love him. I know you don't want to hear all of this and you hate when you're wrong but don't let something as perfect as you and Nathan end because he sucked at planning the wedding. Sure, wait a few more months to get married, whatever. But go home to him and be with him because he needs you just as much as you need him. Besides, I may or may not have pretended to be you and called the venue and rescheduled your wedding for December. I mean, going to Hawaii on your honeymoon is great during the winter season here." Haley gasped.
"Brooke you did not!"
"Oh I so did Tutor girl. You're welcome."
"You're so lucky you're pregnant because I would totally tackle you right now." Haley joked, thankful that she had Brooke in her life to keep her grounded.
"Oh please, we all know that I am the queen at any sort of bitch fighting so try again." Brooke laughed, as Haley helped her up. "Now, about you not feeling well.."
"I'm going to talk to the doctor tomorrow when you're at your appointment. Lucas already gave me the lecture."
"Good. I have trained him well then." Brooke smiled, linking her arm with her best friend's arm and walking towards the kitchen. "I'm feeling some serious hot cocoa right now. What about you?"
"You don't even have to ask me twice." Haley laughed as they headed into the kitchen. She felt a lot better after talking to Brooke and Lucas. They were right. Her and Nathan had just been scared, and that was normal because they were so young. She made a plan to make sure she saw him immediately on Sunday when she got home, not knowing that Nathan Scott already had a plan of his own.