Welcome to the next instalment of my little universe, while I've used XX & XY as inspiration for this chapter, it's definitely encapsulated within my Unconventional Mom universe.
Apparently I still don't own Castle, and while we're still all recovering from the bombshell of XY, I have faith and trust in the writers and look forward to the journey they want to take us on; even if we do shed a few tears and naughty words along the way.
I want to send massive thank you to 41319always413419 for offering to be my sounding board and beta when I was in a pickle on what to post. You're mine for ever now xoxox
And finally, thank you to everyone who's reviewed and followed my story so far and stuck with me. No this is not a 'this is the end post' far from it. This is going to be one of those stories that will just meander along at its own pace. I've found that inspiration will strike me at the weirdest times, hence why there's generally downtime between chapters.
Chapter Nine – Even on the Worst Days
The familiar sense of foreboding was slowly overtaking the young woman as she lay huddled on her bed; even with her earbuds in and AC/DC blaring from her iPhone, Alexis could still faintly hear her parents yelling downstairs. The memories of Meredith abandoning their family were at the forefront of her mind as she willed herself to succumb to Bon Scott's invitation to drive down the high way to hell. Anywhere she could escape from listening to her family fall apart would be a welcome blessing.
At nearly twenty two years of age, Alexis still struggled with the emotional and psychological damage caused by her mother leaving and the abandonment issues she continued to fight with years later. Even now as an adult, Alexis was terrified of the people she loved walking out or disappearing on her. It was why she'd defended Kate so vehemently when her dad doubted her mom's motives while Kate was on the run. Because Alexis knew her mom would never just up and leave them without good reason. Not anymore; that Kate Beckett was gone, why couldn't her dad see that.
Kate had sat with Alexis earlier in the afternoon and explained as much as she could to her; had assured her daughter she was ok. 'I remember the last time you were shot!' Alexis had yelled, barely containing her anger. Kate had calmly lifted her t-shirt and showed Alexis where she was wounded, trying desperately to comfort her daughter. Kate had finally convinced Alexis to go upstairs for a nap as the young woman started to succumb to sleep wrapped in Kate's arms as she surrendered to her exhaustion.
But Alexis was reluctant to leave the safety of her mom's embrace because that would mean leaving Kate and her dad alone together; the young woman could've cut the tension with a knife. And now she was desperately trying to distract herself from the fighting.
The slamming of a door brought the young woman out of her thoughts along with the dreaded feeling of an impending anxiety attack. Removing her earbuds, she tried to listen for any sounds from downstairs indicating who'd left and who was still here as she struggled to recall one her exercises from Doctor Burke.
'Five things you can see'.
Alexis looked around her room at the paraphernalia she'd collected throughout her life, her desk scattered with paperwork and the adoption form from the cat shelter she's yet to speak to her parents about. The red leather jacket hanging on the hook on the back of her door; the moment Alexis had laid eyes on it she had to have it because it was so much like Kate's. Her black stilettos, they killed her feet but gave her an extra four inches in height; again so much like her mom. And finally the recent photo taken at the Tower of London; in that single moment she'd had her perfect family.
'Four things you can touch'.
Grabbing Monkey Bunkey, Alexis clutched her raggedy threadbare childhood friend to her chest; a gift from her dad when she was a little girl and one she still loved and cherished as an adult. Caressing the locket on the chain around her neck; a belated twenty first birthday present from her father; she remembered the sad smile on her dad's face as he presented her with the gift. Another milestone missed. As far as the young woman was concerned however, getting her father back for her twenty first birthday was the best present Alexis could've received. She didn't need the party or the key or the presents.
She touched the gold bracelet on her wrist; a gift from Kate. Her mom had placed it on her wrist as the two women stood on the beach in the Hamptons after her parents' impromptu wedding. A promise for always; even before the loving relationship they'd since built.
Alexis re-arranged the throw rug over her legs and smiled at the memory of her Grams proudly presenting her with it when she was thirteen. It was the one and only time Martha Rodgers had ever picked up a crochet hook.
'Three things you can hear'
Looking down at her iPhone, Alexis pressed pause just as Meatloaf was riding like a bat out of hell. 'Wonder if he'll catch up with Bon' Alexis thought to herself.
The low hum of the air-conditioning keeping the final vestiges of warm weather at bay before the cooler temperatures of fall set in.
Alexis thought of all the changes that had occurred since last fall and how life had almost come full circle. Only this time she was trying to keep her father grounded and rational while her mom was missing.
The young woman was brought out of her thoughts by a tentative knock on her door followed by her dad's hesitant voice. 'Sweetheart….can I come in?'
'Sure dad,' Alexis sighed as she sat up and swung her legs over the side of her bed; well that solved the mystery of who left, Alexis thought sadly.
Alexis watched as her father sheepishly entered her room, nervously rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand. 'Why'd Kate leave?' she asked; her tone almost accusatory.
Rick looked at his daughter for the first time since he entered her room, but instead of seeing the confident young woman who'd helped him find his wife, helped keep him sane while being the voice of reason over the past few days, he saw his scared little girl waiting to be told another person had abandoned her.
'Kate didn't leave baby, she's down stairs in the kitchen,' Rick said as he sat next to his daughter. 'She wants to know if you want spaghetti or tacos for dinner,' he asked.
Alexis gave her dad a confused look. 'But I heard a door slam…..Oh…OH…..ewwww,' Alexis blushed as she watched her dad turn five different shades of red.
'What, the best part of fighting is…..'
'Dad don't you dare finish that sentence!' Alexis exclaimed as she buried her face in her hands. 'At this rate I'll be in therapy for the rest of my life,' she moaned.
'I was going to say making up. It's not my fault your mind goes straight to the gutter young lady,' her dad challenged. 'You're as bad as Kate,' Rick complained.
'Yeah well I'll take that as a compliment then,' Alexis sassed.
'But seriously sweetheart…I know it's been a rough couple of days and I just wanted to make sure you're ok,' Rick's tone was gentle and deep and soothing and safe, everything her dad had always been. The way he'd dived on top of her at the precinct and held her close as bullets flew around them. Her dad would rather sacrifice himself than see her get hurt.
The epiphany caused Alexis to gasp as she tried to keep the tears at bay; her dad would rather die than allow any harm come to her. And to think she was jealous of Kate all these years he risked his safety for hers. 'Hey, you ok pumpkin?' Alexis allowed herself to burrow into her dad's arms at the concern in his voice.
'Just fighting the what-if's,' she whispered. 'I nearly lost both of you again….,'
'But you didn't….'
'But I could have,' Alexis argued back. 'When you found Kate's bracelet at the crime scene and I saw all that blood….the thought that she was hurt and alone and scared and there was nothing I could do…and then you were gone,' Alexis gripped her dad tighter as she thought of what could've happened.
'Hey hey….sweetheart it's ok,' Rick soothed as he sat back and tucked a stray lock of hair behind his daughter's ear. 'If it hadn't been for you doing the exact opposite of what I told you not to do, we'd never have gotten the break we needed,'
'Now you know what mo...Kate's put up with for the past eight years,' Rick didn't miss Alexis's slip as he gave his daughter an incredulous look and squeezed her hand.
'Hey….I resemble that remark,' Rick grumbled, but Alexis could see the humour in his eyes at his 'dad joke'. 'But seriously, I'm so very proud of you….and I want to thank you for keeping me focused, particularly when I was doubting Kate,' Rick looked down at their joined hands. 'There's still a lot of hurt and anger I have to work through with her,' he looked back to Alexis when he felt her tense beside him, as much as she was trying to hide it, Rick could see the fear behind his daughter's eyes. 'But no-one's going anywhere,' he assured. 'Kate and I promised each other always, and that includes you as well. But I know if it hadn't been for your constant voice of reason, I'd have fallen back into old habits….well I'm still struggling with old habits if truth be told' Rick admitted.
'Dad….you know how much I love Kate, I've made it no secret that she's my other mom,' Alexis looked down shyly. 'Maybe it's because she and I have worked so hard towards the relationship we have now, that I could never accept she would just up and leave us without a good reason. And I know you're angry, you have every right to be….just as my first reaction has always been waiting for her to walk away from us,' Alexis confessed. 'But what I've learned about Kate is there's always a reason for what she does…we may not agree with it or understand her reasoning, but she loves us dad and she's terrified of losing us. So please I know you're mad, but I also know how you get, and your first reaction is to shut Kate out so she can't hurt you,'
Alexis sat quietly as her dad took in what she'd said, she could tell she'd hit close to home as he sighed and bowed his head. 'Maybe you should think about changing your major to psychology,'
'Don't deflect dad, I know you're preparing to shut down despite your…makeup session,' Alexis shuddered. 'Just keep an open mind, but more importantly,' Alexis implored. 'Keep an open heart, don't close her out, because Kate loves you so much….love us….she was willing to sacrifice herself, was willing to risk us walking away from her, losing her family just to keep us safe, just like you did at the precinct,' Rick looked up sharply at his daughter. 'You think I don't know you'd have taken a bullet if it meant keeping me safe?' Rick smiled sadly at his daughter as he wiped a stray tear off her cheek with his thumb.
'It's what dads do,' he shrugged before pulling her in for a hug. He had and would do anything to keep his baby girl safe, he always would.
A tentative knock at the door brought father and daughter out of their respective thoughts as they looked towards Kate as she entered the room. Alexis had always looked at her mom as a strong, intelligent woman; but the woman who was standing in the doorway was a mere shell of the woman who'd left their home three days ago for her first day as Captain.
'Hey…did you guys decide if you wanted spaghetti or tacos?' Kate asked tentatively. She stood just inside Alexis' room, not wanting to intrude on the conversation between her husband and daughter.
'I'm thinking tacos, what about you pumpkin?'
'Tacos sound great dad….but I think we're out of lettuce and tomatoes,' Alexis said as she looked between her parents; this definitely called for a trip to the corner store...the long way...she thought to herself. Maybe another round of door banging make up sex would do the trick….oh God did I just think that? Alexis shuddered.
'Oh well I can do spaghetti instead,' Kate suggested hesitantly.
Rick rose from the bed and straightened his shirt and trousers. 'I'll go and grab some groceries….'
'No I'll go,' Alexis interjected quickly. 'I need some fresh air,' she said as she too rose from her bed and moved towards her bathroom. As Alexis stood in front of the vanity she discreetly looked towards her parents in the reflection of her mirror.
'I'll go check to see if we need anything else,' her dad said as he moved towards the doorway.
Alexis held her breath as her dad stopped in front of her mom. 'Just hug, just hug, just hug,' Alexis chanted to herself.
The young woman watched as her dad pulled her mom in for a hug, she watched as Kate sighed with relief as she wrapped her arms around her dad's waist and clung to him; her dad buried his head in Kate's neck and hung on for dear life. Alexis blushed and looked away when her dad pulled back and her parents looked at each other with such adoration tinged by sadness.
When she looked at her own reflection in the mirror, Alexis could see the tears she'd felt stinging her eyes. 'Hey,' Alexis startled as she looked over her reflection's shoulder to see Kate in the mirror.
'Hey,' she whispered back; it had been a long time since mother and daughter had felt so uncomfortable with each other.
'I um didn't mean to eavesdrop….but I caught the last part of the conversation with your dad,'
Alexis turned to face her mom as she leaned back against the vanity. 'He'll come around, he always does,' Alexis shrugged. 'Just promise me you won't let him shut himself off from you,' she pleaded.
'If I could've done things differently I would have, there were protocols I had to follow, but more importantly I had to keep you and your dad safe…..even if it meant losing both of you,' Kate was quickly losing the battle with her emotions as she looked towards the tiled floor; she was just so tired both physically and emotionally and wanted everything to go back to how it was.
'I know mom,' Kate's head snapped up at Alexis's whispered reply. 'Just keep reminding dad of that….I know you haven't told me everything and I know you can't, I respect that….but please don't keep anything from dad, not now,' the young woman pleaded. 'You know you can trust him with anything you tell him,'
'I know and I promise,' her mom assured.
The two women stood looking at each other in an awkward silence until Kate raised her arms and Alexis surged forward to Kate's hug. 'I thought I'd lost you,' the young woman sobbed and Kate held her tightly. 'One of the biggest fears I had when I went back to work at the morgue; was turning up to a crime scene where I knew the victim,' Alexis had to stop to swallow her tears back before she could continue. 'Dad found your bracelet and I saw all the blood…'
Kate caressed her daughter's back with a soothing hand. 'I'm so sorry baby girl…I'm so sorry you had to see that,' Kate felt her daughter shake her head against her neck. 'How the hell did you track me down afterwards anyway?'
'It was something dad said about the condition of the guy you were with at the drycleaners,' Alexis replied as she pulled back to look at her mom. 'I was asked what you would've done…so I thought like you and got creative,' Alexis moved back to lean against the vanity once again as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.
'Sounds like we have a future detective in the making?' Kate smiled sadly.
'Maybe…who knows,' Alexis shrugged before looking hesitantly at her mom. 'Have you and dad thought about getting away for a couple of days…maybe up to the Hamptons?'
'We haven't gotten that far yet, but it was something I wanted to suggest to him…you'd be OK here on your own?' Alexis just gave her mom an incredulous look accompanied by a raised brow. 'Of course you would,' Kate was taken aback by Alexis's expression; it was a carbon copy of her own when she was indulging Rick. 'Just promise no more trying to solve things on your own while we're gone ok?'
'I'm making no promises,' Alexis smirked. 'Even though I was trying to find you, I get why you and dad love doing your jobs, why you love investigating,' the young woman shrugged.
Kate looked at her daughter with such pride, Alexis had somehow held their family together again while she was missing; and it reminded her once again what a strong and intelligent young woman her daughter had become. 'You know you can talk to me at any time if you're serious about the police academy,' Kate could tell Alexis was contemplating her offer, but could also see the hesitancy on her daughter's face. 'You know I won't keep anything from your dad, but if you want to have a serious discussion about the police force before you approached him, you know I'll keep it between us,' Kate assured.
Alexis nodded and looked towards her bedroom just to ensure her dad hadn't been sneaking around. Taking a gap year and starting back at the morgue had been a hard enough conversation with her dad. Alexis had no idea how to approach him with her interest in joining the police force. 'I'll think about it,'
Kate nodded and moved to stand in front of Alexis and gently tucked her daughter's hair behind her ear. 'God I love what you've done with your hair, you were beautiful before, but now…..you're a beautiful young woman,'
Alexis blushed and looked down in embarrassment before she looked back up to her mom. 'Thank you,' she whispered before resting her forehead against Kate's shoulder, there were many times Alexis hated the curse of the redhead.
'You're welcome,' Kate smiled as she carded her hands through Alexis' hair. 'I think we better go check on your dad before he sends out a search party for us,' Kate instantly regretted her choice of words when she felt Alexis tense against her. 'Sorry, bad choice of words,' she apologised.
'It's ok,' Alexis assured as she straightened back up again. 'But you're right, I wouldn't be surprised if he's loitering out in the hallway,'
'No I'm not,' Rick appeared in the bathroom doorway just in time to see the two most important women in his life roll their eyes at him. 'Now that's creepy,'
Kate smiled as she moved towards her husband and wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her head in his neck. 'Did you finish the list?' she mumbled.
'Yeah we only need a couple of things,' he confirmed as he wrapped his arms around his wife and placed a loving kiss on the mass of curls under his chin. 'You sure you don't want me to go sweetheart?' Rick asked his daughter.
Alexis smiled lovingly at her parents. 'No I'm sure, I could do with the fresh air and exercise…just promise to give me a five minute head start to get out of the building before your next round of makeup sex,' Alexis sassed as she turned back to the mirror to check her hair. She also caught the bright red blush on her dad's face in the reflection of the mirror and couldn't help but giggle.
'You look fine pumpkin,' her dad smiled and Alexis felt the curse of the redhead once again as she felt the blush move up her neck.
'Thanks dad,' she mumbled as she turned and moved past her parents and back into her room. Grabbing her boots, Alexis sat on the bed and began the process of lacing them up before pulling her jeans down over them. 'OK I'm good to go,' she said as she rose from the bed and moved towards the hallway. 'Are you guys coming or what?' she asked when she realised her parents weren't following her.
'Not yet,' she heard her mom giggle followed by her dad's deep laugh.
'Seriously guys, that is so not cool,' Alexis grumbled as she walked down the stairs and into the living room.
Alexis heard her parents descend the stairs and looked up in time to see them reach the landing. The young woman discreetly watched on as her parents looked at each with such love and adoration.
'Oh Alexis, you'll find this interesting,' Alexis could clearly tell her dad was up to something as he looked towards her. 'I had a call from Paula this afternoon; she wanted me to pass a message onto you,'
'Oh really?' Alexis asked in confusion before looking towards her mom. Kate just shrugged her shoulders indicating she had no idea what her dad was talking about. Maybe it was something about the next Nikki Heat book launch, or possibly the anti-bullying campaign she and her dad were putting together for his website.
'Yes, apparently a young man by the name of Henry Rauch rang Black Pawn looking for a Clara Striker,' her dad smirked. 'Now as it happens, young Mr Rauch is a probationary EMT and would you believe Ms Striker is an auditor with Emergency Services investigating a bogus 911 call,' Rick continued as he ramped up his story. Kate just shook her head and rolled her eyes at her husband's theatrics. Alexis, however, could do nothing but stand there mortified. 'And of course once Paula had finished laughing at Mr Rauch and realised he was serious, she asked him to describe this auditor,'
'Dad…'
'And what a coincidence, would you believe Ms Clara Striker, auditor for Emergency Services, looked exactly like one Alexis Castle. Care to explain that to me pumpkin?' Rick was having way too much fun embarrassing his daughter.
By this time Alexis was all different shades of red and wishing the loft floor would open up and swallow her. 'Listen dad….'
'Of course Paula had to ask Mr Rauch why he'd rung Black Pawn. Apparently his supervisor decided to have a little fun at poor young Henry's expense…'
'Dad...'
'Rick stop it,' Kate chastised as she threw a sympathetic look towards her daughter.
'What, I'm just relaying what Paula was telling me. It would seem Mr Rauch is not a Derrick Storm fan,' Rick pouted.
'That's how I found Kate,' Alexis interjected. The silence in the room was deafening. 'Everything was happening so fast you didn't ask me how I found out where she went,' Alexis shrugged.
Rick had the good grace to look ashamed at his daughter's reply. He could feel his wife grip his arm tightly as she stifled a gasp. 'Oh sweetheart I'm sorry,'
'It's OK dad really, and I know I've probably broken a dozen laws and deserve whatever punishment is dished out to me…'
'Actually he just wanted your number,' her dad smirked. 'You made quite an impression on probationary EMT Henry Rauch,'
'Way to ruin the moment there Rick,' Kate grumbled slapping her husband's arm as she gave her daughter a sympathetic smile.
'Anyway,' Risk said dramatically. 'Of course Paula wouldn't give out your name or your number,' her dad said as he fished out at piece of paper from his right pocket. 'But he did leave his. I believe, daughter dear, you'll have some explaining to do,'
Alexis blushed as she went to retrieve the paper from her dad's hand. 'Seriously?' she demanded as Rick held it out of reach.
'You know Rick,' Kate chastised as she plucked the paper from her husband's hand and passed it to her daughter. 'One day you may grow out of this childish behaviour,'
'Ah yes love of my life, but it won't be today,' Kate just rolled her eyes as Rick waggled his eyebrows at her.
Alexis watched the interplay between her parents; and not for the first time hoped she would find someone who would love her like her dad loves her mom. 'So groceries, you were getting a list together old man?'
'Oi!' Rick exclaimed as Kate laughed. 'Just for that, Kate and I won't be giving you a five minute head start,'
'Fine by me, but you're paying the therapy bill,'
'We need new ammunition,' Rick grumbled as he moved to the kitchen bench to retrieve the shopping list he'd written. 'Here,' Alexis laughed as her dad shoved the shopping list and a fifty dollar bill at her. 'Your five minutes start now.'
'Dad the day you and Kate stop trying to embarrass me with your gross public displays of affection will be the day I start worrying,' Alexis sassed. 'I'll take the long way….should be gone about half an hour,' she giggled as she kissed her mom on the cheek and ran towards the front door of the loft. Just as she closed the front door she heard her mom laugh and then gasp followed by her dad's... 'five minutes my arse' Alexis thought as she raced towards the lift.
Cringing as she entered the lift, Alexis pulled out the piece of paper with Henry's number on it and smiled. Maybe she'd call him later tonight after dinner. Waving at Eduardo as she exited her building's lobby, Alexis turned left to take the long way around to the corner store that was just down the road. The young woman felt a feeling of contentment flow over her as she strolled down the street. Yes, today had turned into a good day.