Hey guys! Sorry its been a while. It's getting close to the end of the year...so you know what that means. Tests, tests, and more tests. So I've been typing on Fanfiction instead of Word so I can type more often. So sorry if it's more crappy than normal.:( But hopefully the chapter is good! AND THANK YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH FOR THE 116 REVIEWS! I'M SO HAPPY! I CRIED!:) Thank you so much for sticking with me! I feel so accomplished and my spirits raise every time I get reviews! So thank you again! Here is Chapter 15 for you!

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Divergent. But, I don't. That's probably good...VR did good. As much as I hate to admit it.;)

Chapter 15

Tris' POV

(3 weeks later...1 week before the anniversary of her family's death.)

3 weeks have gone by. It's about the same routine every day now. Get up. Eat however much breakfast Tori tells me too. Get a ride to school, either with Four or Tori. Go to my classes. Eat lunch with everyone.

Now there's where the problem is. Not forcing myself to take a bite of my food whenever someone looks at me, but it's just sitting with them period. I hate to admit it…they have really grown on me. Especially Christina. And Four, of course. I should be happy that I've made some friends after what happened with Hailey and Taylor. But I just feel like I don't deserve people as great as them. Plus, I just am scared that one day I might open up to them all and they'll laugh at me or tell my secrets to the whole school. I mean, with Hailey and Taylor it wasn't as bad then because we hadn't really been talking all that much before the accident happened. I mean, don't get me wrong, it still hurt…a LOT…but I think it would hurt worse if that happened now. I really like these guys, but I'm afraid to show it.

I've engaged in their conversations a little…and by engaging I mean a little smile every now and then and nods. I can tell that they have all been friends for quite a while. At least 3 years, give or take a few of them. But I admire them for it. You always hear about how high school rips friends apart and new groups form. That happened for me. It's nice to see a group that can stick by each other through it all. Now…back to the schedule.

Get through afternoon classes. Get a ride home from Tori or Four…once again. Do whatever homework I have and do dishes for Tori from the night before. Go up to my room and maybe talk with Four a little. By notepads and mouthing. Go downstairs for supper with Tori and eat as much as she makes me. Answer any questions she may have about school. Go back upstairs to my room and shower. Cut a few times. Then get dressed into a t-shirt and shorts or a sweatshirt with sweatpants. Wait until Tori goes to sleep then go downstairs through the secret hallway passage.

Now that is the only part of the day when I have no clue what will happen. Four could be there, he could not be there. Most days he is, but I never can predict when he'll be there.

Most days he's there. I'll give him credit. He can make me smile within the first minute or so of seeing him. Even if I had had the worst day known to mankind, coming back home and knowing that I would be able to see him would make the day all worthwhile. I don't like to admit it…but I really like Four. His personality is amazing and the way he can make anyone smile is anything but a sight for sore eyes.

It scares me. Me liking him. It's like my brain does the opposite of anything I tell it to do when I'm around him. Don't smile. Smile. Walk away. Take a few steps forward. Don't go downstairs tonight. Five minutes later I'm downstairs laying on top of a beanbag chair. I know that it shouldn't scare me. But it doesn't stop my insecurities from popping up.

Also, lately I've been tempted to actually use my voice to communicate. Not head nods or shakes. I don't know exactly why I've even thought about talking, but I have a feeling it's because I actually have a reason to now. I stopped talking because my family died and no one liked my anymore. I mean, at one point I thought that there was nothing left for me to live for. And that's where the overdose takes place. But I'd rather not think about that. But now I have friends. I realize that I do have someone that loves me. Tori. The only enemies I have are the 3 kids that were in a group when I punched that guy. Peter. But he's a jerk anyways. So I've really been considering my options. I certainly wouldn't lose anything. I've kind of been forgetting what my voice sounds like. I haven't had a reason to care about it until now.

You're probably wondering where I am now. Ok, so right now I'm home. In my bedroom. Waiting for Tori to fall asleep. Ya, ya. I'm going downstairs here pretty soon. She should be asleep within the next ten minutes. I know it's useless to try to tell myself to stay here tonight, so I just wait like this every night. Staring at the ceiling and thinking.

But I've been doing anything but thinking the past few nights. Pacing, fidgeting, making sure my dye is absolutely perfect, etc. It's only a week until September 28. I'll be turning 17. But my family's death anniversary will be turning one year older too. It should be one of the happiest days of the year for me, and yet I know that I will spend the day moping around, maybe not even moving. Just staring at the ceiling and praying for the day to be over. But I'm going to try to stop thinking about it now.

I guess another thing I forget to mention is that Tori got me a phone. It's not incredibly fancy, but then again, I don't want it to be. Plain and simple. Just the way I like to keep things in my life. I text everyone periodically. I don't text Four that often because we live right next door to each other. We really only text if I need a ride home after school or something like that. Which I guess is pretty often, but he'll usually ask me if I need a ride after school for the next day anyways, which means that we already have the plan figured out for the day ahead of us without having to text. It's nice in a way. I like that I don't have to depend on my phone for all communication.

I look over at the clock and see that it has been 15 minutes. I walk over to my door and crack it open, looking for Tori. I don't see her. I look over at her bedroom door and see that it's closed. I sneak down the stairs and go into the hallway, feeling for the latch. I feel it and grab it, sliding the door quickly but quietly open. I go inside and make sure to close it before I start walking down the stairs.

Once I get to the bottom, I open the door to see that Four is already there. "Hey," he says. I give him a little smile in return. I walk over to the beanbag beside him and flop down on it. I close my eyes for a second and sigh in contentment, then open them again. I look over at him and see him smiling a little at me. I give him an expression that says, "What?" He just chuckles a little and straightens his head out again. "Nothing. You just look like this is the only part of the day today that is relaxing for you. That's all. It looked kind of cute," he says. It looked kind of cute? What is that supposed to mean? Instead of asking him about it, I smile and close my eyes again.I keep my eyes shut for about another minute or so. Then I open them again. I see him looking relaxed as well, leaning into the other beanbag chair. "Can I ask you a question Tris?" His voice rings through the air. I start to get a little bit worried about what he might ask me. About my past? I sure hope not. I'm sure not ready to face those memories in something other than my nightmares. But then all my fears fade into the back of my mind as I see his deep blue eyes staring right into mine. I nod a little, giving confirmation. "Promise you won't be offended?" I nod again, knowing that if it does offend me, it won't be because he meant it to. He gives a small little nod and takes in a breath before he asks.

"Why do you decide not to talk," he finally asks. I wasn't expecting that. Ok, maybe I was, but I certainly wasn't expecting him to ask that now. I sigh and break our eye contact, laying my head back down, staring at the ceiling. I didn't do it because I was annoyed or upset that he asked that. I did it because I honestly don't know the real reason I stopped. I mean, I know I did it after my family died, but I don't know what possessed me to do it. I hear his voice again, breaking through my thoughts. "Hey, you ok?" I feel him place one of his hands over mine.

I instantly feel guilt run through my veins. I want to give him an answer. I really do. But I don't know how to. I want to talk to him, I want to tell him the truth. The problem is, I don't know what the truth is. I really, really, want to talk to him right now. But I don't know how. What would I say? I hear him again. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business anyways." He starts to move his hand away, but before I can feel even guiltier, I grab his hand to stop him and smile. He looks a little confused but doesn't pull away. I squeeze his hand lightly and look down. I drop it and hold up a finger. "Wait a minute," is what I'm trying to tell him.

He must get the message because he leans back into his chair again and places his hand back over mine. The gesture means a lot to me and I just hope that I can be able to think. Why don't I talk? I haven't really thought about that topic much. When I decided not to talk, it was more of a spur of the moment thing that would affect me for years to come. Or at least, I thought so at the time. So let me think about this.

I first stopped talking after Tori and the doctor took turns trying to tell me that it hadn't been a horrible nightmare. That my family really did die. That I was the only survivor of that wreck. Something took over my brain at that moment. I'm pretty sure it was shock. But that wasn't when I decided to stop talking.

I was in shock and depression for the next few weeks. I went to school, planning to talk to Hailey and Taylor. Until they told me what they really thought of me for all those years. My brain stopped processing things then. That was when I officially fell into depression and so badly tried to get rid of Beatrice. And then it hits me.

I didn't ever decide to stop talking. I stopped talking because there wasn't a reason for me to.

My eyes snap open. Ok. So now that I have the answer it's time to contemplate whether or not to speak for the first time in almost 2 years. 53 weeks to be exact. Do I want to? Of course I do. Is it worth it? Of course it is. What will he think? I don't know, but it's worth the risk. Am I sure about this? Of course. My brain answered me before I could logically think it over. I'm going to do it. I'm going to talk to him. And the thing is, I don't mind. I feel his hand on top of mine still and look to that for my motivation.

I take a deep breath. He looks over at me, probably not expecting me to talk, or expecting an answer. I have his attention. It's now or never. I meet his eyes and say calmly the phrase in my head I thought of before. "I didn't ever decide to stop talking. I stopped talking because there wasn't a reason for me to."

His jaw drops. I hold eye contact for a few more seconds before I start to think that this was a stupid idea. I mean, c'mon Tris! Why would you talk!? You didn't know what he'd think! You are so stupid!Since when was this a good idea!? Apparently since a couple of minutes ago. But I'm not so sure anymore. I know Zeke is his best friend. Will he tell anyone? Will he do anything about…this?

Oh, no. What about Tori? Does he assume that I already talked to her and ends up mentioning it to her? I mean, don't get me wrong, but I didn't plan on talking to Tori yet. Actually, I didn't plan on talking at all. Do I tell her?

I look at Four again and see his jaw moving back into its place. It seems like his original shock is over. Now I have time to worry. Should I ever talk again? If I do, will he be as shocked again and have his jaw fall open...again? I'm scared. Not of him, but of what this could essentially mean for me. Will it turn into my old school? My past? Can my past really become my future because of one little thing I did? Now I'm nervous and scared. A great combination. Note the sarcasm.

Finally Four gets himself together. "You-you didn't have to do that Tris. I-I understand that," he says. I take a deep breath. "I know. But I needed to." I made that decision to reply faster than any other decision I've made. I don't have time to dwell on whether or not it's still a good idea because he is replying. "Why? Why did you need to do it?" I say, "I don't know. I just felt like you deserved it. You've done so much for me over the past couple of days." He sighs and slightly shakes his head. "You didn't have to do it because you thought I deserved it. You know that right?" I nod my head. "I know. Is this okay though? Me talking? Or does this just freak you out?" He smiles. "I can't believe you think this freaked me out. This is…this is…great. I feel great. Thanks for talking to me. I really feel honored," he says and winks at me. I smile and lean over. I grab his waist and pull him to me.

It barely takes him a second to hug me back. Honestly, I am really glad I talked to him now. I don't regret it. I am just thankful that he knows now and didn't dwell on questions for too long. He understands me. All the nervousness and fear fades away and I just focus on his arms around me. "Have you talked to Tori yet?" Of course. How could I forget about Tori within a minute of my thoughts? "No," I reply. "But I will." "Ok," he says. We sit there for a little bit longer before he releases me.

"Hey…can you do me a favor and not tell anyone about this yet?" I ask. "Sure. I wouldn't have anyways without your permission. Just so you know," he replies. It feels really great talking again. It's something I've been holding back for a couple of years and talking to Four again doesn't bother me. I actually happy for once. Happy with a decision I made while taking a risk. It's the best risk I've taken in a long time. It turned out good. "Thanks," I say. "That's nice to know." I feel him smile a little bit.

"While we are in the question and answer mood, would you mind me asking you another question?" Four asks me. "Sure," I say. "I know this kind of sounds like a funny question, but what color is your natural hair?" Oh. Ya. How did he guess that I didn't have black hair? Was it the highlights? I sigh. "How did you know?" "I don't know. I know it's either black or blonde though," he says. "The day you were down at the Chasm; I saw a little bit of blonde sticking out. But I didn't know if that was your natural color for sure."

Of course. The Chasm. The water probably got on my hair a little bit and rubbed some of the dye off. "Do you have a sink or something down here?" I ask. He looks kind of confused but answers anyways. "Umm…ya." He gets up and walks to the other side of the room. He kneels down and pulls a handle that I didn't know was there until now. It's like a trap door. It is a trap door.

I look down there and see a small bathroom down there. A toilet, small corner shower, and a sink. "I'll be right back," I tell him, then jump down. It is only a small 2 or 3 foot drop. He closes the trap door behind me. I turn the light on. I run the water in the sink. I make sure it's warm before sticking my head under it. I see black, blue, and gray dye running down the drain.

I keep my head under there until I see no more color. Just clear water. I turn the water off and take the towel I see and towel dry my hair. I brush through it with my fingers to get some of the tangles out and then look in the small round mirror on the wall. I see a blonde haired girl. One that looks kind of like Beatrice. But I'm Tris now. I let Beatrice go a long time ago.

I take a deep breath climb up on a stool right under the door and push up on it. I climb out and walk over to Four. "Does this answer your question?" He smiles. "You look good with blonde hair." I smile now too. "Thanks." "What time is it, by the way?" I ask. "I think it's about 11:00 or so." I sigh. "I guess we'd better start heading back," he says. I nod.

"Thanks for not telling anyone about this," I say. "No problem. I have to admit, it's a lot easier to speak with you now," he says and winks. I smile again and walk over to him. He pulls me into his arms one more time and holds me for another couple of minutes. I rest my head on his chest and wrap my arms around him. I close my eyes. "Goodnight Tris," he tells me. "Goodnight Four." He releases me and I walk over to my door. I open it and start to walk up the stairs. Before I close the door behind me, I look back and smile at Four. "See you tomorrow," he says. "See you tomorrow Four." I close the door and walk up to the second door.

Once I get to my room I open and close the door very quietly. I crawl into bed and set the alarm on my phone instead of the alarm clock. I feel relieved that I finally told someone a couple of things about me. Especially Four. I really like him. I'm sure about that now. But it doesn't scare me as much as it normally would. I trust him and I don't think that will ever change. And I'm glad. With that thought in mind, I drift off to sleep.

Hey…so…ya. I have no idea what to say. I'm sorry I guess? I had final exams this week. But hopefully since it's Spring Break I will be able to write at least most of another chapter. Thank you so much for your support! It means a lot. I have to go now…but until next time. Aloha! (Aloha also means goodbye and love in Hawaiian. Trust me.)