I've been trying super hard to get updates to be more often. I'm trying to get some prewritten also because I'm going on a week and a half long vacation pretty soon…within 2-3 weeks. *wincing in fear* Please don't hurt me too bad if I don't get to update while I'm gone on vacation…please? Thanks? I hope….but I have been working my butt off every night. 7/8 of this chapter was typed on Fanfiction itself. So please understand that I'm trying as hard as I can to meet your guys' pleads. THANK YOU FOR YOUR REVIEWS AND HELP! SHOUT OUTS WILL BE DOWN AT THE BOTTOM AN!:) Thanks for everyone who gave me your ideas! They really helped. I wasn't able to use all of them in this particular chapter, but I did like all of them so you'll be seeing some of them in future chapters!:) Also...this is super long so don't read it unless you can read extremely fast, or have a lot of free time on your hands. Now you can't say I didn't warn you!;)
Disclaimer: Do I look like I am 26 years old? Ya…I didn't think so. I hope I don't look like I am 26! :/ Only 26 year old I know is Veronica Roth and she owns everything I'm writing about. All I own is the plot. Sadly.:(
Chapter 18 (Have I really come this far already?)
Tris' POV
I wake up from my sleep. I counted my nightmares. I had over 10 of them. So I had a great night's sleep. I look over at the time. 5:30am. I lay back down in gbed and feel tears in my eyes forming. I wish I could be happy. I'm 17 now. But it doesn't make me feel any better. It makes me feel worse. I start sobbing. I turn into my pillow and clutch it to my chest while sobbing. I immediately wish that Four was here. I really could use some of his comfort right now.
I finally get the first round of sobbing over with and take deep breaths. I sit up and look around the room. But it makes me think of them. Everything in here reminds me of them. The pictures. The piano. The books. The clock. Everything somehow ties into a memory. The pictures of happier moments, the piano duets with Mom, the book-lover that I called my brother, the clock reminding me of the time of the crash. It was around 5:30pm when last saw them all eager and happy. The last time I saw them walk through the front door after work and school. And that's when Round 2 of sobbing starts.
After I'm done with that round, I realize that I need to do something that distracts me from everything. I'm afraid I will have a meltdown if I stay here all day. I look over at the time again. 6:04 am. I get up and walk down the stairs as quietly as I can, trying not to wake Tori up. But once I get downstairs, I see a figure sitting down on the couch very still. I walk over to it and see Tori sitting there, with tears silently streaming down her face. She looks at me and immediately I feel a tear drop from my face. I feel Tori's arms go around me. I wrap mine around her a second later and we both hold each other while we cry.
Once we are both done for crying at the moment I know that I can't be here. I can't do this all day. I get up without a word and walk into the kitchen where I know a clock is. It's only 6:15. Only 6:15. I walk back to the living room and sit down next to Tori. She turns to me with a tiny smile. "Happy Birthday," she whispers. I feel the familiar sensation of tears burning in my eyes. "What time was it when you checked Bea?" "6:15. It's probably 6:20 now though," I whisper back. She nods and says," I don't want to do this to you, but they couldn't find another substitute for me today. I have to go to the school. Will you be okay here alone?" I know I wouldn't be okay here with Tori. But now that she is going to be gone, I have no clue what I will do. I was going to ask if we could get out of the house, but that is not an option now. I guess I only have one more thing that I can think to do. "I'm going to school too."
greatHer eyes shoot the widest I think I've ever seen them. "I don't know if that's a good idea Tris…" she trails off. I start to cry again. I know it's not a good idea. But I can't stay here. "Why do you want to go to school today?" I hear her ask me. I start sobbing. In between sobs I manage to get out the reason. "I can't do this anymore Tori! I can't stay here! Everything reminds me of them. Everything!" She embraces me and I repeatedly keep whispering, "I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I can't do it."
After a while I stop sobbing and I sit back up straight. Tori nods and says, "You can go if you feel that you absolutely need to. But I'm not going to say that it is a good idea. It's up to you." "I want to go Tori." "Ok. Then get upstairs and start getting ready."
I get up off the couch and start getting ready as if it was a normal day. I get dressed in black jeans and a black burn through long sleeve shirt. I put my hair in a ponytail and go back downstairs. I go and sit back down on the couch because Tori isn't down here yet. I walk into the kitchen and see that it is 7:13. Maybe I can convince Tori to go early. She usually has to be there early anyways, so maybe I can just hang out in the art room while I wait.
I hear footsteps coming down the stairs. I look up and see Tori ready to go. She still has to eat breakfast first, but other than that she is all good. She walks into the kitchen and gets a bowl and some cereal out. "Sorry. I don't feel like making a meal today." "That's ok. I already ate some apple." I wince as soon as I say it. That was a lie. She turns to me, looking suspicious, but she must just let it go. "Ok. Do you need a ride today?" "Ya. Actually, I was wondering if I could go with you early today and just sit in the art room until everyone else starts showing up." She looks at me and takes a deep breath through her nose. She pours her cereal out and I think she is going to ignore me until she says, "Sure. That's fine."
I breathe a sigh of relief and go out and sit on the couch. I pull my phone from my pocket and start trying to get different settings set that I didn't like before. Although I am not really paying attention to it, I still manage to get to the settings and change some of them. I'm not sure which ones I changed, but I guess I'll figure it out sooner or later. I get up and put my phone back into my pocket. I go back upstairs just to burn some time.
I walk into my room and go to the bathroom. I look into the mirror. I know it's selfish, but I need to see if my dye is still in. I never redid it this morning. Instead I find a girl that I barely recognize. I find a pale girl with deep purple bags under her eyes. With fake black hair that falls down next to her face that makes the bags look an even deeper purple. An ugly, disgusting 16-no-17 year old girl. I look away. My dye is in. That's all that I care about.
I walk out of the bathroom and my room, down the stairs, and to the front door. I slip on my shoes and grab my book bag. I open up the door and sit down on the porch. I take a breath of fresh air and close my eyes. I will not let myself think about today. Just keep pushing through until it's over. I hear the door open and know it is Tori. I stand up and brush myself off and hear Tori ask me, "Are you ready?" I nod my head and go over to her car. I get in and glance over at Four's house. I don't see him, probably because he is inside getting ready. I hear Tori get in and I look forward.
We drive in a silence. Neither an awkward or peaceful one. More like a grieving silence that they have at funerals. I have been to one funeral. My family's. All I gathered from it was that I do not EVER want to go to another one.
We we reach the school and I get out right away. I walk over to the art building outside and wait for Tori to unlock it before going in. Once she does, I walk over to a stool and plop myself down on it. I get out homework that I never got to do last night and start working on it. Once I finish, I put it away. Not a minute later does the bell go off, signaling that it's time to start the day. I put my book bag on and wave bye to Tori before heading out to my locker.
Not too many thoughts are in my head. I'm not letting myself think. If I do, it could only lead to a potential break down. So I keep my head down until I reach my locker. I open it then put my book bag in. I reach to the top part of my locker to grab one of my books for next hour. As I am reaching I feel a pair of hands wrap around my waist. But they aren't Four's hands. They are rougher, more possessive-. And that's where my thoughts start swarming my head again. There can only be one pair of hands that feel like this. "Hey Bea. I told you I'd find you. Why'd you try to runaway from me?" Eric.
My breath catches in my throat and I turn around. There he is. With the same pierced face and the same smirk. Nothing has changed...well, except for his eyes. They are colder and harsher before. I didn't even know it was possible for his eyes to become any harder than they already were.
I start to hyperventilate, looking around for anyone to help me. "What are you looking for b****? You should be looking at me. Me and only me. You got that?" I don't turn my head to look at him, still searching for help. But it seems that most people have already headed to their classes. It is only me and him. Me and Eric. The boy who beat me, raped me, and cut me.
I feel his hands come off my waist and a sigh of relief barely comes before the slap does. I'm used to this still, even after 2 years, so I don't feel anything. Finally I can form a coherent question. "Why are you here?" I whisper. Goosebumps run around my whole body when I hear him chuckle. "Didn't I already tell you? I'm starting here. At whatever school this is. I was willing to leave behind my life in Ohio so I could come find you." He speaks in a threatening, possessive, angry tone. It's never good when those three things mix together. Especially with Eric.
But he's not done. He keeps on talking, obviously trying to push me to my breaking point. "You know, I realized that you weren't awake for most of our little fun, a couple of years ago. I think we should do it again. Don't you think?" My face immediately pales at his statement. I start hyperventilating even more now and desperately try to get away from him, pushing his arms back with what little strength I can muster up right at the moment. Then I see him. Four. I don't know what he's in the hallway for, but I don't really care right now.
I catch his eye and he just looks at me kind of confused. Eric must know I've found someone because he turns around. What I see next makes me want to pass out. Eric is smiling. "Hey Four. Long time no see." "Hey man. How you doin?" They give each other a slap on the back. My eyes widen.
"So I take it you've met Tris already?" Four asks. Eric turns and looks at me. "Ya I have. Such a good girl. I think she and I are going to be great friends." I gag. "You see Tris, Four and I know each other from way back when. Met at a summer camp. Instant buddies. Ever since we were 9." No. I can't believe what I'm hearing! This can't be trueI step back so my back is shoved against my locker and I can't move back anymore. Four steps towards me. "Tris, are you okay?" "Ju-just st-stay away f-from me."
I grab my book bag and I run. Out of the hallway, out of the front doors, out of the school grounds. I run and run until I get home. I open the door and run to my room. I throw myself on my bed and start sobbing. This can't be happening to me. Why must everything in my life seem good for a little bit until it all comes crashing down on me. It must be Karma's idea of a birthday party. "And now for the party guests. Well, let's invite the man who took her virginity illegally, beat her, cut her, and caused her to try and overdose! Great idea! Oh, here comes Tris! SURPRISE!"
I sob and sob until I eventually cry myself to sleep.
I wake up with a start. No. No, no, no. Please let that have been a dream. Please. Please. I start sobbing. Of course it wasn't a dream. Was it? It probably wasn't. Of course it wasn't. It was just me and my crappy life. Has Karma had enough of her fun yet? Hasn't she done enough to me? Apparently not. I guess I deserve it. After everything I've done...come to think of it, I really do deserve all of this and more. I don't want this to be true. Not at all. But I've never had a nightmare so real before. Has it really come to the point where I'm not able to tell between the fine lines of reality and dreams? Apparently so.
I get up and go to the bathroom. I shut the door and lock it, for good measures. I sit in a ball on the floor, trying as hard as I can to tell whether or not that was a dream. I feel tears stream down my face. It must be real. I can't think of anything that says otherwise. I start sobbing again. But this time, it only lasts a couple of minutes before I collect myself enough to eye the razor sitting in the shower. It is so tempting, so I don't try to fight it. I have no fight left.
I stand up and shakily grab the razor. I walk over to the sink and raise my wrist above it. I bring the razor down and cut it 4 times. One for Eric. One for Eric already having his mind set on quite possibly raping me. Again. One for Four and Eric being friends. And one more for thinking that my life could ever be okay. I bring my other wrist up. One for being responsible for my family's deaths. One for my selfishness. One for ugliness. And one more for the pain I deserve.
I look down at my wrists. They are dripping blood that is slowly running down the sink drain. I watch it for a little bit before I turn the water on and rinse the blood completely down. I rinse my wrists off and hold them under the freezing water until they stop bleeding. Once they do, I turn the water off and dry my hands on the towel. I check the bathroom for any blood droplets that may have leaked elsewhere, then leave the bathroom to my room.
I crawl back into bed and hear a ding coming from my phone. "No. Not tonight," I think to myself. But I grab it anyways. My curiosity getting the better of me. Of course. It's from Four.
Hey are you ok? I heard you scream.
He heard me scream? In my sleep? Well Ya. Probably. Out of everything that has happened to me today, I wouldn't be surprised if I screamed. I plan to ignore him, but somehow when I mean to shut the screen off, I accidentally type a letter. I backspace it quickly, hoping he didn't see that I started typing. I really don't want to talk to him. Not after what happened. But pretty soon, I hear the next expected ding, and read the text.
Ok. Now I know you are just ignoring me. What happened?
A little bit of anger rushes through me. Of course I'm ignoring him! Didn't I tell him to stay away!? Didn't he hear me!?
Didn't I tell you to just stay away from me?
Well, if he doesn't get it at this point, I may as well just ignore him completely, like what my original plan was to do.
Wait. What? When did you tell me that?
I roll my eyes. Is he really doing this?
Don't play dumb. You know what I'm talking about.
No, actually. I don't. I am very confused.
You shouldn't be. You should know exactly why I tried to ignore you.
Well I am. I have no clue why you tried to ignore me. Did I do something wrong?
Did he do something wrong? Now he is seriously pissing me off.
Of course you did something wrong! Does the name Eric ring any bells?
All I know about Eric is that you said he brought back bad memories and I said I wouldn't ask you about it again. You said you might tell me about him someday, but it's hard to open up. That's all I know. Should I know more?
Ok, now I'm confused. He is either playing dumb really well...or he is telling the truth and has no idea what I'm talking about. Let me think. The conversation he mentioned was yesterday morning. Or...was it? I decide to drop another hint.
Yes, probably. Unless you don't consider Eric your best buddy anymore.
Please tell me what is going on here Tris. I am confused. Even more than before. What do you mean 'best buddy'? And 'anymore'? I don't even know any Eric's. I don't know who told you what, but that's the truth.
So he is telling the truth? But that doesn't make any sense... Now I am confused with Four. I sit there for about 2 minutes, thinking about how to respond to that. But pretty soon I hear another ding and look.
Do you feel like talking about this? I mean, actually talking. Why was he asking me that? Does he want to talk about this? I guess I want to also, but there really isn't a way to talk about it. Unless...oh. I see.
I'll meet you down there.
I get out of bed and start to shiver. I never realized how cold it was until now. I probably should change into something warmer, but for now a thin long sleeved t-shirt and a pair of shorts are good for me. Before I walk out I check the time. 12:34 am. Only 12:34 am. This is going to be a long night.
I walk out of my room and go downstairs to the main hallway. I open up the door and walk in, sliding it closed behind me. It's become almost as automatic as the reach for the razor. It just changes from the razor reach, to the panel reach. I walk down the stairs and open up the door. Four isn't here yet. I walk over and plop down on the bean bag that is the closest to my door. In case I need to make an escape fast.
Within another minute or two I hear Four coming down the stairs. I stand up and make sure my wrists are completely covered. I never thought about that. What would he do if he found out about my cuts? Would he give me a lecture? Would he think I was weak? He once told me that I wasn't weak. That I was the strongest person he knew. But would that thought change if he knew that's how I released my pain?
He opens the door. He walks out but he keeps his distance from me; probably a good idea at this point. We stare at each other for a little bit, but then I break the state by looking to the ground. I bite my lip and grab my right elbow with my hand. I draw random circles with one of my toes. I could see the confusion in his eyes. What really happened today?
"Tris...I am very confused." I sigh. "Me too," I whisper. I look up at him out of the tops of my eyes. I see him staring right back at me. "So...how do we figure this out?" I hear Four ask me. And I honestly don't know. I need to figure out what really happened. I guess I'll start by asking him about Eric. "Do you know Eric?" I raise my head up. His eyebrows pinch together. "Eric...as in that guy from your past?" I nod my head. "No. Of course I don't Tris. What made you think I did?" I'm taken aback by his answer. It must show because he looks confused. He repeats the last question again. "What made you think I knew Eric?"
I trust Four. I trust him more than I probably should. If what he is saying is true, which I am 99% sure it is, I must have had a dream. A nightmare. Should I tell him the real reason I thought he knew him? I'm not sure. "No reason..." I wince as soon as I hear myself say it. Anyone could tell that was a lie. I sigh and sit down on a bean bag.
Pretty soon I hear Four walking towards me. Then he stops. He is standing right to the side of me. I glance up at him. He is staring back down at me. I see a confused and concerned expression on his face. "Please tell me Tris. The truth." I take a deep breath and bite my lip. I turn my head away and see a piece of hair fall in front of my face. Eager for a distraction I start wrapping and unwrapping it around my finger. Take a breath. Wrap. Release a breath. Unwrap. It goes on for a couple of minutes before I hear Four sigh and squat down next to me. "Something is bothering you Tris. Why did you think I knew Eric?"
I don't reply. I don't know how to explain it. I mean, I guess I know how to explain why I thought he knew Eric, but what I can't explain is how I couldn't tell it was a nightmare. Because even if I dug through every thought I've had since I woke up, I still wouldn't know why. So I shrug.
"Tris. Look at me." I don't. I know he will force me to sometime soon, but I will let him decide when. But for now, breathe, wrap, exhale, unwrap. In that order. He stands up and walks away. Within seconds he is back with another bean bag chair and lays it next to mine, plopping himself down on it. Looks like we might be here for awhile. He reaches over and takes the piece of hair from my fingers, tucking it behind my ear. Now not having a distraction I look down at my hands and start to twiddle my fingers. Then I see Four's hand on top of them.
I tense up a little, remembering the dream and for a second thinking that he is like Eric. Then I realize how ridiculous the idea is, relax, and still my fingers. Then I feel his other hand cupping the side of my face. He brings it to look at his and says, "Tris. You can trust me. I promise." "I know. And I do trust you. I just don't know how to explain how I didn't know it wasn't real." If he looked confused before, then it was nowhere as confused as he is now. "What do you mean you didn't know it wasn't real? Didn't know what wasn't real?"
I sigh and try to look down. For some reason, this time Four doesn't try to stop me. His hand is still cupping the side of my face, but I am looking down at the ground. It will be easier to say it to him without making eye contact. Maybe that's why he let me look down. Because he knew that it might be the only way for me to say something. To open up to him. Whatever he was thinking, it worked because the next thing I knew I was telling him everything. Well, mostly everything.
"I had a dream. I went to school like normal only to figure out that Eric was enrolling there. Then he started threatening me and you walked in. You and Eric turned out to be 'best friends' and I just ran. Then when I woke up..." I sigh. Four finishes the sentence for me. "You couldn't tell if it was real or not." "Exactly. I am so sorry Four. I should've thought harder about it. I'm sure there were clues all around that said the dream wasn't real. I'm sorry I took it out on you. It was wrong of me. I was being stupid and self-" He tilts me head back up and kisses me. It takes me a second, but I kiss him back. "Tris it's fine. Don't worry about it. We've got it figured out now. Right?" I nod. "Right," I whisper.
I raise my hand to the hand that is still cradling the side of my face and squeeze it gently. He turns his hand and links our fingers together. I lay my head down on the bean bag and close my eyes for a moment. I know it will be the only peace I have for the rest of today. He squeezes my hand once more then lets go. I feel his arm slip under my head and bring me to his chest. I move my head so it lays on the inside of his elbow and place one of my hands on his chest. I feel him bring his other arm up to my hair and start running his fingers through it.
The whole thing makes me drowsy, but I don't let myself fall asleep. I want to cherish this moment and remember it. So I allow myself to relax completely. When I do, I feel my entire body release it's tension and my legs, arms, and shoulders droop closer to the ground. I move my head from Four's arm and place it on his chest, right over where his heart should be. I still feel him running his fingers through my hair but also feel his other free arm wrap around my waist. I open my eyes and wrap my arms loosely around his neck. I move my head to look up at him. He looks back at me and leans down to kiss my forehead. I close my eyes and smile a small smile. Once he moves his lips off my forehead, I give him a short and gentle kiss on his lips. After that, I move my head back down to his chest and listen to his heartbeat. Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
We sit there like that for at least 10 minutes, then I feel Four stop moving his fingers. I hear him say, "Trust me when I say I want to stay like this for forever. But it is probably really late." Without opening my eyes or moving I say, "Ya. You're probably right." His chest rumbles as I hear him chuckle. Probably at me. His fingers start moving through my hair again and I'm afraid that I really will fall asleep if we stay like this for too much longer. So I open my eyes just in case I would. I don't want to face another nightmare right now. Not in front of him.
We sit here for about another five minutes before Four starts to release me. I move back and sit up. He does the same, but unlike me he stands up. He reaches his hand down and I grab it. He pulls me up to my feet quickly, but softly. He smiles at me and says, "So...we're okay then...right?" I laugh softly at him. "Of course we are. I'm sorry I ever doubted you." He smiles again and leans down to kiss me. And just like the other couple kisses we have had, it is soft and gentle. We kiss until we both need to pull back for air. "Well that's good, because I would've missed being able to kiss you," he says with a small wink. I laugh and say, "You're still an idiot. But if it makes you feel any better, I would've missed it too."
It's true. What I said. Only Four can make my emotions go on an upside-down roller coaster that constantly runs off its tracks. Only he can make me admit to things that I've only ever thought of in my head. Only he can make my stomach's butterflies go crazy whenever I see him. Only he can make me feel warm and bubbly and loved while he's kissing me. Only Four can make me miss kissing him. Not Eric. Just Four. And I'm okay. I'm happy like that. I'm happy with him. I don't know if he knows it or not, but he can bring out the best in me. He helps me through anything and everything and I've only known him for a month. Whether it be an injury, a nightmare, an anger rampage, a panic attack, or even just a shoulder to cry on, he has always been there for me. And I don't think I can ever thank him enough for that.
"What's going on in that mind of yours?" I suddenly seem to snap awake, blinking a few times to pull myself out of my thoughts. His question still rings in my head. But instead of telling him exactly what I was thinking, I lean up and give him a peck on the lips. Then I gently put my arms around his neck and lean my head on his shoulder. His arms wrap around me without question and I smile a little bit. "Thank you," I whisper. "You've already said it Tris. You don't need to say it again." "You're wrong. I will never be able to say it enough. So...thank you." He chuckles and tightens his hold on me. By now I am standing on my tippy toes. I am so much shorter than him. It gets kind of annoying sometimes, but then again, I guess it's not too much of a height difference. Only 3-4 inches.
We only stand here for a minute or two before I (reluctantly) say, "I guess we should probably be going back upstairs now, shouldn't we." He laughs and I smile realizing that the last time we said something like that was about 10-20 minutes ago. "Ya. We probably should be." I step back and unwrap my arms from his neck. He does the same with my back and takes a step back as well. I walk over to my door silently while he does the same. It's not until we both reach the doors that we turn around to face each other. "Night Tris." "Night Four." I turn back again and make my way up the stairs.
Once I am upstairs in my room again I crawl back under the covers. I lay there for a little while, the grief of knowing what day it is making my spirits deflate little by little. I try to cheer myself up by thinking about what just happened, but it doesn't work. So before the grief can hit me completely, I close my eyes. I want to go to sleep as early as possible so maybe the nightmares won't be as bad. The time I spent with Four down there was great, but I can only hope it's enough to chase some of the more terrifying nightmares away. That's my last thought before I feel myself drifting away.
I'm in the car. "Only about 20 more minutes!" I hear dad say to no one in particular. No. Not again. I can't keep going through this every night. Instead of looking for the reckless car that changed my life, I yell at dad to pull over. But he doesn't listen. In fact, it's like he can't hear me at all. This has never happened before. "Dad! Please stop!" But there is still no reaction.
I look around. My heart starts to beat faster and faster until it feels like it will just fly right out of my chest. I'm not in the same seat. I'm squished in the middle seat between Caleb and…me. The real me on the 28th. I am like a ghost. No one can see or hear me. I'm going to have to watch the whole thing. I reach for Caleb's hand, but it falls right through his. I'm literally living in a memory.
Then I see it. I see the car. I try to squeeze my eyes shut, but they're glued open. Then as the car gets closer, it seems like everything happens in slow motion. As it is only feet away from hitting us, I see the driver. And I swear, everything stops. It can't be. It can't be him. Please God, don't let it be him. Don't let it be Eric. At least, don't let it be him for real. Please.
Then everything speeds up again. I hear the crushing of metal, the loud 'pop' noise of the air bags being ejected, and my mother's screams. I start crying. I've never seen what really happened. And now I have a first class seat. Pretty soon, after minutes of silence, I see myself wake up. I see me crawl slowly to Caleb, dad, and finally start sobbing. "Caleb! Dad! Wake up!" I start sobbing myself as I see myself crying and finally spot my mom. The real me crawls out to mom and I crawl out too, but keep a safe distance so I don't have to hear the conversation again. I see the necklace being given and see the light leave mom's eyes again. I fall to my knees, unable to hold all the grief.
Soon I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up quickly to find mom standing there bloody and undead. But how is she here? I just watched her die. "There's my Beatrice." I get up and throw my arms around her. I don't care if she isn't real. All I need is to hug her one last time. Even if it's all fake. I feel the comfort of her arms around me for the first time in years and I start to cry again. But all too soon she pulls back. She starts walking away and I get confused. I follow her, but stop when I see her changing from behind. When she turns around, she is no longer my mom. But instead has morphed into Eric.
I stumble back a few steps. But other than that movement, I am frozen to the spot. I can't move. "You do know this is your fault right? All of this," he says, motioning towards the crashed cars. He takes a few steps toward me. I try to step back, but it's not working. "You should be ashamed." He takes one more step forward then slaps me. Hard. But I still can't move. "You know, I actually liked your family. They were good people. Selfless, brave, strong, popular. Everything you weren't." He sticks his arms out and shoves me down on the ground. I'm not frozen anymore. Just scared. Very scared.
He takes a couple of steps toward me. I scramble to my feet and start running. It's not long before I hear Eric come after me. I keep running, but Eric is much faster than me and catches me before I can even run for a full 15 seconds. He grabs me by the waist and kicks my legs out from underneath me. I fall to the ground and the breath is knocked out of me. He gets on top of me and suddenly feel his hands clenched around my neck. I can't breathe.
I claw at his hands but it doesn't make a difference. If anything, his hands clench tighter. I start to see black spots and try to get out of his firm grip. He snarls and says, "Stop fighting it Bea. It would be better for everybody if you were dead." His words hit me like a bomb. I stop moving all at once. As my vision is being covered in black, I hear him laughing. I close my eyes, giving into the blackness.
I wake up gasping and immediately my hands fly to my neck. There aren't any large, groping, rough hands there. Only mine. No one else's. Just mine.
I take deep breaths, trying to calm down. It wasn't real. Eric wasn't in that car. I know he wasn't. He'd be dead if he was. I remember that the police told me who was in the car. It wasn't Eric. Who was it again? I think it was something like Aaron Echolls. (If you get this reference I officially LoVe you! (If you also got the LoVe thing...you're even better!)) But I can't be sure. My mind wasn't working quite right at the time.
Pretty soon I am calmed down and lay back down. But I'm not going to sleep. At least, not for a while. I look at the clock. Its 4 am. Only a couple of hours to go. Unless I just get up. I can go downstairs and watch TV on the couch if I wanted to. But I am honestly scared. If I get up and Tori is in the couch like she was in my dream...what would it mean for me? I try to erase the thought from my mind. It wasn't real. Nothing in it was real.
I crawl out of bed, bringing one of the throw blankets with me. I open the door of my room and quietly go downstairs. I walk over to the living room slowly, almost dreading it. I know it's silly, but can you really blame me?
Once I see that no one is on the couch, I breathe a sigh of relief. I sit down on the couch and wrap the blanket around me. I bring my knees up to my chest and just sit there in the dark for a few minutes. I'm really tired, but I won't let myself fall asleep.
After a while, I realize that I brought my phone down with me unknowingly. I must have grabbed it subconsciously right before I headed down here. I turn it on and am debating what to do with it. I heard the blue light makes you avoid sleep more. If that's true, it might help me get through the night. It's 4:15 now. I think of Four and then it hits me.
He is the only one to comfort me the way he does. Even when I am texting him, it brings comfort. It calms me. I click on the messaging app and go to Four and I's messages. I scroll to the top and start to read.
This lasts for another 10 minutes or so and by the time I'm done I have a smile on my face. Not a very big smile, but a smile that turns up the corners of my lips slightly. I turn the screen off and realize that I'm not as tired anymore. The blue light thing really is true then. I'll have to remember that.
I sit in the dark for a few more minutes. The couch is getting a little uncomfortable so I stand up and stretch for a little bit. After I'm done with that I start to feel sleepy again. Instead of fighting it, I wrap my blanket more securely around myself and head upstairs to my room. Once I get there, I open the door and crawl back into bed. The bed is warm and comfy and feels amazing right now. I pull the blankets over me and just stare at the ceiling. I feel the familiar sting of tears and feel one roll down my cheek before I can even try to stop it. I'm not sure why exactly I'm crying, but I'm guessing it had to do with my nightmare and the date. My birthday. My family's death day. Another year to celebrate that. Hooray.
I wipe the tears away that have slipped out with the back of my hand. I know more will cover my cheeks again in a few moments, but I can at least clear what I can. I turn on my side and close my eyes. I feel only a few tears slip out from my eyes. But I also feel myself slipping into sleep. I barely am able to wipe them off my cheeks again before I completely give into the sleep.
Hey...so I told you it was long! It could've gone longer of course, but I don't think it would be too convenient for you guys to have to read all that. The next chapter will still be Tris' birthday. I have some good stuff planned. Trust me.;) So hopefully I can find enough time to update before I leave for vacation! Keep your fingers crossed! I can't make any promises though...it's partly why this chapter was so long. It might keep you guys from getting impatient for a longer period of time!;) But anyways...I hope you guys enjoyed it! Tell me what you thought of it? Were you fooled by her nightmare at the beginning? I hope you weren't completely fooled...at least I hope you were questioning how Four and Eric would even know each other!;) But until next time...THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR REVIEWS, FAVORITES, AND FOLLOWERS. IT MEANS A LOT! Bye!:):):)